Warnings: AU Also I feel the need to say that though there will be Edward/Bella from the beginning they will not get together for a while, you have been warned!

I miss you more than anything and I don't know what to do

I awake and remember you in the morning

Another day without you awaits

The mirror doesn't lie

I look so different

You are missing from me

People pass, always the same

The rhythm of life seems bad to me

It was so different when you were here

I know it was different when you were here

There isn't anything more difficult than living without you

Suffering in the shadow of your coming

And I don't know where you are

If you hadn't left I would be so happy

If you hadn't left I would be so happy…

-Mana

Love has no Reason or Rhyme

Chapter 1: New Beginnings

BPOV

Great. The microwave wasn't working; I contemplated the consequences of giving it a good kick and then settled against it, as I'd probably end up being the one injured. Sighing I took my hot pocket out and put it back in the box. As I closed the refrigerator Angela entered the kitchen smiling I tried smiling back.

"Microwave's broken," I said.

"Really? That's okay I'll just get an apple. Here." She picked an apple from the wooden table near her and tossed it to me then took one for herself. I smiled. Angela was always so considerate of others that had not changed even though it had been 3 and 1/2 years since I first met her in Forks. 3 and 1/2 years, it didn't seem too long a time yet it felt an eternity to me. I shook my head before I could remember why it felt that way. We were 20, I was almost 21 now and starting our junior year in college. Angela had stuck by me through it all even deciding to go to the same college, of course it helped that Ben had applied to it, so maybe I was the tag-along. It didn't matter to me what college I attended though as long as it wasn't far from forks and this happened to be the closest. Angela had been thrilled when we found out and we had done all our planning together. Well after that first year anyway, but we rarely talked about that.

During high school we had not gained the closeness enough for me to divulge the greatest of my secrets, that secret I would take to the grave. Besides I had had Jacob for that. Jacob, I smiled at my savior's name. The only reason I had made it this far, he was my rock. He had risked his life in protecting me from the dangers that seemed to gravitate towards me, chasing Victoria as far as he could. I was forever thankful he never caught up with her, but also scared to think she was still out there. No it wouldn't be good to think of that now. I was supposed to meet Jacob today. I was a bit apprehensive about that even though for the most part he always brought me joy. Jacob and I had a strange relationship to say the least. I knew that I would never be able to have a romantic relationship with anyone, but he didn't and I felt I owed it to him for all that he had done for me to try. So we tried, and tried and tried again. Our relationship was on and off again, not the healthiest, but it was always him who decided that, I just knew that I needed him in my life and he was aware of that as well. Right now we were off again getting closer to on. I wish he could understand even though he had come the closest, he still couldn't see. The familiar ache came and I shut my eyes forcing it away. Time had made things easier, but it could not erase or replace the gaping hole inside of me, where my heart should have been. Nothing could ever fill that. Nothing except…

"Bella?" Angela was waving her hand in my face. I blushed at my flakiness.

"Oh sorry about that."

"It's okay I'm used to your dazing. I just interrupted cause you're going to be late. Weren't you supposed to meet Jake today before class?" I looked at the clock on the wall and gasped. It was 7:45; damn I was going to miss my first class now. Great way to start the new school year bells. I ran taking a bite of the apple and waving to Angela who was laughing.

I stopped running when I got to the parking lot trying to catch my breath I needed to exercise more. I looked up watching my breath in the cold air. I started walking looking to see if I could spot Jake's Rabbit. He had opted to go to a community college as he said he didn't really care for school, but wanted to please Billy. I had wanted him to come here as well, but stopped myself from asking; it would have been too selfish. I sighed, trying to find his car in this massive parking lot was impossible.

I stopped suddenly as I saw the car to the side of me, taking in a gasp of air. I quickly berated myself what was wrong with me just because it was a Volvo, a silver Volvo that was identical- my mind whispered, no, stop right there. I pulled slightly at my hair, what was wrong with me today; usually I was good about not thinking of him? I took in a deep breath of air to calm myself. When I exhaled I felt more like myself. I continued walking not giving the Volvo a second look, until a hand landed on my shoulder making me jump.

"Whoa calm down there bells." Jake's infectious laugh spread to me instantly.

"Jake!" I said with more enthusiasm than usual, the air around me was instantly warmer with him here. I gave him a fierce hug and he returned it with one of his own, chuckling.

"What a warm welcome, any particular reason for it?" Damn he always knew too much. Sadly the years had not improved my lying skills when it came to Jacob, though I was somehow better able to lie to others.

"No, well not really." I looked down as I released him.

"Alright." He said rolling his eyes. I laughed nervously pushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

"Sorry about being late, I told you to meet me by your car."

"I did, but it looked like you were going to stand me up so I decided to come looking for you. You still haven't shown me your new place." He scolded.

"I told you the address it's not my fault you can't follow directions and I said I was sorry okay? No really I didn't realize it had gotten so late I promise I won't do it again."

"Sure, sure. You can make it up by buying me breakfast." He grinned from ear to ear at me and I wondered how much in debt he was planning on making me.

"Alright I guess I've earned that." We headed towards the food court and Jake filled me in on all the happenings that I had missed. We talked on the phone, but there were some things he had saved for when he came to see me. Nothing remarkable had really been happening back in La Push and he was getting bored.

Eventually it was time for my second class and I couldn't miss that so I said goodbye to him, promising to meet him at a later time. I was right; Jacob was exactly what I had needed after the small, but significant shakeup I had had today. Usually I was very good at living life as was necessary. I was even beginning to think that I had become much stronger than that simple-minded girl I had been in forks. Today was different for some reason, but I wasn't going to let it get to me now that Jacob was here I was determined not to let it be a bad visit for him. I hurried to my next class not wanting to be late. Literature was always my favorite subject and I was pleased to get into this class, as it was particularly popular. I entered the grand room and sat at the back near a window, as was the usual seat I preferred. I took out my books and began reading waiting for class to start. There was shuffling all around me as students entered and took their seats.

As I read I started hearing whispers coming from the girls in front of me seemingly gushing. I didn't really care didn't have it in me to care I vaguely wondered why they were acting like high school girls, but continued reading anyway until they became louder and I could no longer ignore them. I looked up ready to ask them to kindly shut it when I happened to notice who they were staring at.

I froze.

Suddenly I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach, my face grew pale. Shock so strong, it allowed no movement to get past. I stared at the impossible and just as fast as I had frozen my body moved back not being able to coordinate myself I held onto the desk. I began shaking my head, snap out of it Bella, snap out of this right now! You're in a class for gods' sake you can't start this again, not again. I felt like throwing up and my face heated up for no apparent reason. Had I lost my mind? After all this time, why now? There didn't seem to be any warning, was I dreaming? Snap freakin' out of it Bella, right now! I looked up and saw that he was still there, moving towards me. Still as perfect as the first day I had seen him, no more. My mind had never done him any form of justice. I traced over every part of him, my eyes greedily taking him in waiting for the moment when he would vanish, leaving his eyes for last knowing when I saw them there would be nothing else. My heart was battering my chest open in an attempt to reach him, how foolish of it after all this time it should know better. When I finally met his eyes I was surprised to find that they were harsh and cold, my heart locked itself away once more, those were the eyes that had left me. This was the person who had broken me. The only person I could ever love.

This was Edward.

The only question left was what was he doing here? He must have known that I would be here, I mean with Alice there was nothing that got past her, so why? I realized he wasn't walking towards me he had been heading for his seat how pathetic of me I silently scolded. It was on the opposite side of the isle, but still relatively close to me. Why are you here?! I wanted to shout at him. Did he think that it was okay now, that I would have gotten over him in two small, petty and insignificant years? No that could not be, he would know better than that, he would know that he wasn't someone I could ever get over no matter how much love someone else offered. I flinched away from the thought. So why? The answer was simple and even though I refused to think it, it managed to crawl its way into my head, he just didn't care.

The professor walked in and the girls stopped whispering, but none of that mattered now. I realized that the people next to me were staring, but that didn't matter either and then I noticed why they were staring. My hands, pale white from the strain, were still gripping the desk I tried to release them but I no longer had control over my body. Eventually I was able to let go and then focused my attention on being able to breathe properly. What was happening?! Why was this happening?! The same questions ran through my head. I refused to look at him again, if I was to retain any semblance of calm I could not afford to. Eventually class was dismissed and before I made any plans to do so I rushed out of the classroom before anyone else. Once out of the building I ran towards my room. I needed to be alone right now I could feel the breakdown coming already the hole was splitting me so much it hurt to run.

I shut the door behind me and sank to the floor. The tears were already flowing. I grasped at my hair, time had not made this easier only exemplified the pain. I was a fool to think I could ever escape him. I clutched at myself not able to move any longer as the waves consumed me. My only thought was of those eyes, cold and uncaring just like the day he had broken me in the forest.

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EPOV

She was beautiful. Of course she was she would always be. My eyes took her in completely, feeling like a man starved for water and after 2 years and 245 days without her it was exactly what I was. She was grown now, but still looked so fragile. Her eyes were wiser, someone who had been through a lot of pain. I frowned at the thought. I could feel myself again and I knew if I had a heart it would be beating again. It had been lost all this time. What was she looking for? I watched as she searched an apple in hand and pretended she was looking for me. I stopped myself from thinking further I could not allow myself this. Would I be able to keep this façade around her presence? I would die trying and this mission would surely kill me in the end, but that didn't matter, that never mattered only she mattered, her safety and her happiness. My life meant nothing compared to that.

Suddenly she turned to me, shock registered as I met her eyes. My feelings overwhelmed me and the yearning to reach out to her was almost too much to bear, but I was being foolish she couldn't see me where I was hidden behind the scenery. I followed her gaze and saw that she was looking at my car even this small connection was enough. I flinched, I had to be better than this, for her, I had to master my feelings. How strange I had always considered myself to be in control whenever it was necessary to be. Rosalie had been right I was too much of an arrogant fool. I would do this though, and then I would leave again with her hating me more than she already did.

I turned away from her an action my body rejected violently and walked towards the steps. Alice was waiting for me a stern look on her face.

Edward you can't do this. I smiled darkly at her, as if I had a choice. Why did she come here? Couldn't she foresee I would not listen to her warnings? Edward not only will this be cruel to Bella can't you see what it will do to you?! Her eyes flashed dangerously she was angry. I knew full well the consequences, they were the only things I ever considered but this was the only way to keep her safe if there was any other way no matter how difficult I would take it. This isn't the only way… It was my turn to glare at her. I refused to let her images flood my mind even as she threw them at me.

"Alice I think you should leave." I said so low no one would imagine I had said anything, but of course she would hear me.

Edward you're being such an idiot. Fine you don't care what will happen to you I get that, but what about her? What about what this will do to Bella? I flinched, I would break yet another promise today, there was no place in hell that I was worthy of. I would gladly take my punishment when this was all over, but I would not let Alice distract me now. I had labored over this for weeks and this was the only option that I could live with. I refused to bring Bella back into my world not when she has been free from it for so long, I was here to protect her from it that was all.

"She will have forgotten about me by now." The words were painful and I wondered if they were true. I yearned and fought against the thought that she still cared if only a small bit for me.

Please Edward do I look stupid to you? She walked towards me. Bella has gotten over you the same way that I would get over Jasper or Esme over Carlisle or Rosalie over Emmett. Her words were said with confidence that I did not feel. Bella was human would her feelings for me, could they be, as strong as those of ours? I knew that my love for her would always be greater than anything she could hold for me especially after everything I had done, and everything I would do. She hated me I was sure of it, just as she should. Seriously Edward I want to slap you so bad sometimes. I moved past her.

"I have to get to class Alice, go home."

You're going to regret this. I already knew that it didn't change anything.

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A/N: This is my first Twilight fanfiction so I hope it's alright. Please leave a review if you like it I would greatly appreciate any feedback!