On Borrowed Time

by The Crownless Queen

When Sanguini crashes into Luna's backyard, he thinks that he's about to die. Instead, he discovers something that might be the start of something beautiful. Sanguini/Luna.

Word count: 8150

On Borrowed Time

(summer)

The first time you see her, you think you're about to die. Not because you see her, in the "you'll-kill-me-one-day' way nor in the 'your-hear- is-about-to-stop-it's-perfectly-normal-it-happened -to-me-too-don't-worry-it's-part-of-your-inheritan ce' way, but rather in the 'bleeding-out-hurting-and-the-world-goes-black-and -red' way of dying.

You died several centuries ago, when your heart stopped beating for your transformation, but you didn't stay dead then. You're literally on death's doorstep now, and even though you did die all those years ago, you realize you never knew death personally. You feel regret for killing people only so you could feed, but your mind reminds you softly that it was a matter of life and death – your life and their death, and anyway, it's all about survival of the fittest, right?

You ignore it, it's exactly the kind of thoughts you don't want to have when you die, and you would like to say that if you survive you could become someone better.

Instead you wonder if dying hurt them as much as it's hurting you now. You really hope not, because you don't want to think you were so cruel to them as to leave them on the edge of death, but your heart knows you probably were at least once.

'They were Muggles,' your mind supplies, 'they were lowlifes, and you were young.' But now you've grown up, and it seems that your mind is not ready to take responsibility for everything. Or maybe you really aren't, not yet, even if you know deep down that you were wrong and that those words are just stupid and meaningless excuses.

A life is a life, and you just have so much blood on your hands that you wonder if you ever will wash it away.

Perhaps dying wouldn't be such a bad thing after all. Maybe it would be better, you think as you stumble out of a shadow. You're running away, you've run away from everything that even looks like it could be responsibility but you think you might just have to stop now.

After all, you already did so much harm in your life that perhaps dying and thus no longer harming anyone is the best thing you can do with your life.

Everything in your body hurt, and you spy water a few feet in front of you. The night is dark but you can see clearly (one of the perks of your curse). Absentmindedly, you think that you would have liked to see the moon one last time. She never judged you and she has been your almost constant companion ever since you changed.

But the clouds don't part and the water stays still and black.

And just like that she's there. Appearing out of nowhere; and yet when she talks you think that she had to be there the whole time. She seems so at ease, and her whole behavior make it seems like dying vampires stumbling out of shadows and crashing on the ground beside her are a very normal occurrence.

She's standing above you and you see that she has straight blonde hair and very light eyes, probably blue. She's wearing a summer dress, and though it's too dark even for your heightened eyes to see the color, you hazard a guess that it's yellow. She's also obviously magical.

You try to stand up, because you know now that you should leave, else you bother her (and you learned a long time ago what happens when you bother wizards when you're not at your best), but as soon as soon as you move your head spins so badly you think the world is slipping away from you and you're painfully reminded of the reason why you're actually lying on the grass.

Also, there's really nothing she could do to you that could make you feel worse.

You grit your teeth and you try not to sound too pitiful as you still try to sit up. Maybe you can't stand, but now that you have an audience there's no way you'll just die on the ground like a nobody.

There's concern and curiosity in her eyes as she plops down on the ground next to you though.

"Hello," she says.

You wait for the usual scorn and insults, telling you to leave else they kill you, and that it's really a mercy on their part that they at least warn you before they try to shout spells at you. The sad part is that you really didn't want anything to do with those wizards most of the time they tell you that and that you just were passing by. It's not like you plan to kill them. After all, you used to be one of them, even though they chose to forget that.

She's not running away either, like those who don't have much courage do as soon as they realize that you're definitely not human. Instead she just stares at you with wide eyes.

"Hello," you find yourself answering. There are so many things you could ask her, that you want to ask her, but instead you just offer her your name. "I'm Sanguini."

"My name is Luna."

You let out a bitter laugh at that. You can't help it. You just wished you could see the moon one last time, and here she is, a girl whose name means 'moon'.

She blinks and tilts her head. There's something different in her gaze and as she suddenly she smiles she seems otherworldly. Something hurts in your chest and you find yourself smiling back as the world stills around you. It's the first time since you first run that you can't feel your blood dripping out of your body like sand flowing out of a broken hourglass.

You blink and the moment is gone. Your body hurts again and you can see the end coming in the corner of your eyes. You stiffen and to breathe in more air. Maybe it will help you hang onto this life a bit longer.

"Are you dying?"

She sounds innocent, she looks innocent, and kind too, and you suddenly really wish you could spare her and lie, saying everything will be alright and that 'no you're not dying why would you be'. You wish she didn't have to see you die in the back of her garden, because even though she doesn't look young, her eyes are those of a child who knows the world is harsh but keeps hoping it'll get better anyway.

But she deserves better than a lie, even you know that. So you tell the truth.

"Yes."

"My mother died too, a long time ago. She screamed, and there was a lot of blood. Are you bleeding too?"

"Yes, yes I am." You feel cold for the first time in a long time, but you don't know if it's because you don't have enough blood in your veins to be warm – even if that blood really wasn't yours in the first place – or if it's because of what she just said.

You just know it's not a good feeling, and that Luna is probably the weirdest person you've ever met.

"Does it hurt?"

"Yes."

She doesn't speak again and just stares at you like you're some kind of a strange mystery she can't unravel. Something in her unwavering eyes makes you want to fight and live though, and you think that maybe dying isn't your only option right now. Perhaps your journey isn't supposed to end yet.

"Will you die?"

"Everyone die in the end, it's the way life is."

She frowns, and you think it doesn't suit her. She shouldn't look so serious, she's better carefree. "But…?"

You smile. "But I don't think I will today," you answer with more conviction than you thought you had.

"That's good," is all she says as she gives you a smile as blinding as you remember the sun to be. She offers you her arm and a look that just gives you her permission. You think with a pang that it's the first time you actually have the permission.

Her blood is sweet and intoxicating and pretty much what you think heaven would taste like if it was (1) a flavor and (2) something you were allowed to taste. You stop when she passes out and you try to get her as comfortable as possible on the grass, mourning not for the first time the fact that becoming a vampire didn't let you keep your wizarding magic.

You leave her with a kiss on her forehead. She may have saved you, but you're not healed yet. That requires more than just blood, but you still have a debt for her. She kept your heart beating when you thought about letting it quiet down, so you know there is just no way you'd be the one to stop hers. If anything, you'll do anything to keep it beating.

So you leave – but you will come back. There's something about her that draws you in like a moth to a flame; and as you remember her smile you think that you wouldn't mind getting burned.

She could very well be the salvation you spent years looking for but never hoped to find. And even if she turns out not to be it, she's just too precious to leave behind. You have a debt after all, and you always pay off your debts.

-oOo-

The second time you meet her, it's midnight. The moon is still hidden and she's dipping her hand in and out of the water. She's just as strange-looking as she was the day (night?) before but seeing her again just proves you that she's actually real and not a hallucination of your dying brain.

She blinks when you appear suddenly out of nowhere – you had planned to stay hidden and out of her way, watching her from afar and only approaching her if she needed protection, but you saw her sitting at the same place she had been sitting the previous night and you just couldn't not go see her/

She greets you with a smile and so you just sit silently next to her, and this time you tower over her by a good five inches. She looks smaller than the night before, but then you had been dying so that might explain it. At first you're sitting very stiffly, and you wonder why you came and what made you think it was a good idea to come back, because surely she doesn't want to see you ever again. After all, you could have killed her and drained her and she would have been unable to do anything, so why did you come back?

But then you remember that she smiled to you when you came and you see that her eyes are sincere, so you relax and thank her, your words ringing clearly in the darkness. You don't look at her but you know she heard you.

There's silence between the two of you but you can hear the water ripple and the fishes moving in the pond and the wind wrapping itself against the trees' leaves like a warm blanket and when you look up you can almost hear the stars laughing at you so to you the silence seems full of sound.

Then she asks you if you're alright and you're brought back to earth and everything is quiet again, except for your heart which for some reason is attempting to beat its way out of your chest.

You say you're better and she asks you why you came back. You tell her you don't know and she nods wordlessly. The conversation is pretty much over after that but you find that you don't really mind. You can't find the sounds you heard again but you really don't care because your ears are full of the sound from Luna's breathing and the beat of her heart and it means she's alive.

You wish it would last forever but the sky slowly lighten and she falls asleep so you have to leave. You stay for as long as you can, but when you can't anymore, you wonder absentmindedly how her father reacts when he finds his daughter sleeping outside on the grass instead of in her bed.

-oOo-

The summer goes by and each night you come back and find her sitting in front of the pond. She's like your constant companion, an unwavering anchor you never know you missed until you had it. You've never been so grateful for the fact that you don't need sleep.

On the rare occasions you arrive before her, you reflect on how much your life changed – you don't allow yourself to think about it when you're not with her, because then the change somehow lose its meaning. You think about how you had nothing to live for and how you spent each day either reading and learning new knowledge you never knew existed or drinking blood so you could live yet another day. Now you have something to look forward to and your days aren't as empty anymore.

You spend your days wishing you could be with her and your nights wishing they'd last forever so you could be with her longer.

But more often than not, she's there way before you – perks of being able to actually get out in the sun, which means she can stay outside until the sun comes down and the moon comes up, whereas you have to wait for night to come to be able to get there.

Still, you savor each minute and each second you have with her. Sometimes you talk, sometimes she talks and sometimes you are both silent.

She always smiles to greet you and being with her makes you feel young again, like everything you did wrong in your life is finally being corrected and she makes you wonder if maybe you're beginning to do things right.

There are nights you tell her about your life and the terrible mistakes that haunt you – you don't know why but it's easy to confess to her – and in return she tells you about hunting for creatures they can't ever find.

"They're always hiding you see. They're very shy, and I think we have to be judged worthy first," she says one night when you ask her why they can't.

"Why do you keep searching then?" You can't help but wonder, because you know you would have stopped searching a long time ago in her place.

"Just because we're not worthy doesn't mean we can't try to be," she states, looking up from the moon's reflection on the still water.

It makes sense, so you promise to keep an eye open, just in case you see something. It seems to make her happy and thus it makes you feel happy too. There's this strange sensation bubbling up in your chest and you realized it's been a very long time since you last felt this happy.

There are nights she takes your hand into hers and stares into your palm like it hold the secret to the universe. She will follow the lines with her finger, her hair tucked behind her ear and you will try not to shiver as she smiles like she's found the answer she was looking for.

It's rarer, even rarer than the times where you arrive before her, but sometimes she just sleeps, lying on the green grass under a starry sky, the moon shining a soft silver light that makes her hair glow an unearthly light. In some ways, those nights are you favorite. Everything is just so much calmer and just listening to her breathing makes you feel like the world is finally right. You ran your hand through her hair and take care not to wake her up and she smells like vanilla.

Everything feels different during this summer and it's not until the middle of August that you realize it's been a month since you last thought about how much you missed the sun and would like to see it just one last time. Instead, you're looking forward to seeing the moon come and you feel like the beats of your heart are a countdown until the next time you see her.

Somehow England became your favorite country and summer your favorite season – you always found the first magically backward and you don't fancy getting killed for being what you are; and you used to hate the second because there was just so much sun.

Of course, then you remember that summer will end. You wonder what will happen once it does too and you feel old and restless at the thought that things might change, and not for the best.

You suppose she will have better things to do than meet you, but you don't have anything better to do than to meet her. And you swore to protect her.

"I go to Hogwarts," she offers one day toward the end of the summer as the nights begin to grow a little fresher. Her eyes are clear and honest but you just know there's a message hidden there, something you ought to understand and that would just make everything clearer. You can't see it, and you think back on her words about being unworthy and yet still trying, and you can't help but wonder if those couldn't apply to you in this very moment, because you feel lost even though you know where you are and she's just so perfect but so young. And you don't know what to do.

Plus, you've never been good at interpreting things.

She looks into your eyes and you know she's skilled at interpretation – she's skilled at a lot of things, this Luna, even though she's always expressing herself in a very unique way – so it doesn't surprise you when she sighs and looks like you told her you had proof that the Ministry didn't possess an army of Heliopaths (as far as you know, they don't, but you've been wrong before).

For the first time, she leaves before you do.

You want to go after her, and some part of yourself tells you to do it, to follow her and catch her and to tell her something, but the truth is you don't know what you should say.

Most importantly though, you don't like it. It's the first time you find yourself alone, sitting under the stars not knowing whether she will come back or not and you wish you could turn back time and make her stay.

You feel strangely empty inside and you scoot over toward the water, watching your pale face and your reflection's unblinking dark eyes, wondering if you already looked like that when you were still human or if you appearance is a side-effect of your transformation.

You don't remember, and it bothers you more than you thought it could.

When you leave, she hasn't come back and the sun is already warming your skin uncomfortably. It doesn't matter – it should, but it doesn't – because you'll come back tonight and every other night if you have to and if it means you'll get to see her smile at you one more time. And if you don't, well you'll be happy with just seeing her smile.

-oOo-

In the end, you do see her again. Perhaps she's just as unable to stay away from you as you are to stay away from her, or perhaps it's just because this pond if her favorite place to sit by, but whatever that reason is, you're grateful for it.

Your meetings in the middle of the night are resumed as if nothing happened and she acts like that night never existed, so you do the same.

The last nights before she has to leave are spent pretending she won't and that you're both normal person who can meet each other in normal settings. Except that you can't go out when the sun is up and that you've been forbidden access to wizarding public places and that she is just so much younger than yourself.

You changed a long time ago after all, and she hasn't even reached her majority yet.

But pretending feels good and you end up both laughing as you tell her about a magical men you met when you were younger who never quite managed his spells right.

Then she leaves for her school but she hasn't said another word about it since the 'I go to Hogwarts' so you don't really know what she expects you to do. Because she expects you to do something. You saw it in her eyes when she told you that her father had a serious lead on the Crumple Horned Snorkack (which was the creature they could never find) and you really don't want to disappoint her. You don't want to ruin the only good thing you now have in your life.

Once she's gone you don't come back to the pond and instead you concentrate on finding Hogwarts. She left you an open door, that much you know, and you really care too much for her to lose her.

You hear whispers of the dark rising once again and you make yourself even more of a shadow as you try to avoid all contact with those who could try to recruit you. Luna never told you about a war, but you just know which side she's on and you don't want her to have to fight you. She will need protection anyway, and what better than the one nobody knows she has?

Perhaps you will even settle your tabs, even if you doubt that will make you stay away from her.

-oOo-

You once read a myth that said that once all humans had two heads and eight limbs and that they just completed each other. They were linked physically and in perfect harmony with their other half, which literally was a part of themselves, but one day they got separated into the being we are now. It's why some people believe they have a soul mate.

The book then went to explain that everyone was just trying to find his or hers other half (literally) because they were the one person who made you complete.

You used to think it was a nice theory, but completely useless and ridiculous.

Now you think you might have found your other half, stumbling out of a shadow in the beginning of the summer, bleeding to death in front of her until she repaired the hourglass and allowed the sand to flow right back in.

(autumn)

You can't get into Hogwarts.

Finding the school was pretty easy, but you guess that even though the nearby forest is dangerous, at least one of the Headmasters had been paranoid enough to place wards against vampires and most probably all kind of 'dark creatures' as they were named in England.

Another time, he would have admired the workmanship and the beauty of the wards, but now you just feel despair that you aren't allowed into the school.

You know she's waiting for you on the other side of the school's doors and never has such a short distance felt so big. Not for the first time you wish you never had become a vampire, but then you realize that you would never have met her that way, so instead you settle on wishing you could walk through the shadows like you're used to and get into that school.

You find yourself an owl to send her letters, and you practice your penmanship until it seems perfect to you. Of course, it already was, but you really want those letters to be as perfect as those meetings had been.

You spend your days trying to write letters and your nights trying to get to her, wondering if she's still waiting for you and if she does sit by the lake under the stars like you used to in the summer.

Dear Luna, sounds too personal and also so very unlike you that you scratch it out immediately. You realize you don't have anything else to address her by, so you decide to just start the letter immediately. You know she'll know who's writing anyway. She's special like that.

And then you wonder what you're supposed to put in the letter. Your discussions seemed so easy but now that you actually have to think about what to way, what to write, you realize that the easy part was that everything was just so natural between the both of you when you were together. Right now you're separated and so any friendship you might have requires much more work.

Are you supposed to ask her about her work, or about what she's doing? The world outside is becoming darker and darker with each passing day, the Dark Lord recruiting creatures and wizards and you wonder if she knows that the place she always seemed to find so wonderful is quickly becoming all but wonderful.

Should you talk about yourself instead? Or perhaps ask her for more information on the creatures her father is looking for?

The more you think about it, the more you realize that you may know her but that you don't really know anything about her life outside of her home. You wonder if she did that on purpose, but then you remember that you didn't really tell her everything about you either so you figure you're about even. There was really no way you could have told each other your whole lives anyway, because sometimes secrets are good and some things are just meant to stay hidden.

In the end, your study is full of half written letters and crumbled pieces of paper with which you really don't know what to do. Throwing them out seems a waste, because maybe somewhere you wrote something you could use after all, so you keep them all for now. Perhaps if you ever send a letter you'll get rid of the others.

You don't. Send a letter that is. You set the owl free and instead figure that if you can't write to her you'll just have to talk to her, and that means you'll have to find a way to get into Hogwarts.

You look through the newspaper in the hope you'll find anything that might help you – planning is something you always took pleasure in doing, but it had been a while since you did research in such a way. It comes back to you easily, and you feel better than you have since the end of the summer as you look through books on wards and newspapers.

Even if you can't do magic, you have money and if you figure out something that could help you pass through the wards, you're sure that you could pay someone to do it for you. You hope you'll find some kind of artifact, maybe a potion or a spell that could protect you, even for a short time, and let you go through the wards. You figure that once you're inside you wouldn't need it anymore, so something that only work for a short amount of time would be perfect.

You don't find anything that might help you on that front, but the newspapers are very useful. They were more like your second option, but they quickly become your first when you read that Horace Slughorn has become the new Potion's Professor at Hogwarts.

You never knew him, but you know someone who does, and that someone told you about how much the man liked to throw parties for his students so they could meet celebrities and wizards and witches who had succeeded in their lives.

Perhaps it's time for you to leave your home for something else than eating or meeting Luna. It's been a while since you last saw your old friend Elphred after all. You're sure he'd enjoy a visit.

-oOo-

You met Elphred Worge a long time ago, when he was still a young man freshly out of school. He was planning to become an historian then, and you met in a library in Tibet – you were there looking for information on a plant rumored to help stand the light and he was there researching a wizard who had apparently seen a Big Foot.

When he learned you were a vampire though – an unfortunate accident on your part – he became much more interested in you and your culture than in a possible sighting of a mythical creature and decided to study vampires instead.

You used to think that it would probably be the only good thing you'd ever do in your life, help someone figure out what to do with his life. Now though, you know that's not true, but you're still pretty hopeful Elphred could help you.

As long as you don't tell him exactly why you need his help of course. He might be a sort of friend, but he's still a wizard, and a British one, which means he will probably never fully trust a vampire, even though he knows you and are your friend. It's why you distanced yourself in the first place, that realization that no matter what you did or tried he'd never consider you as something more than a subject for his book and a dangerous creature he should keep at least an eye on.

You show up at his door and are slightly disgusted by the state of his home, which is just as badly taken care of as it was a couple of years ago when you last visited. You vaguely think you should have warned him you were coming, but you remember him leaving you with an open invitation to visit, so if he's surprised to see you it's his own fault.

You know better than to immediately mention that he should get invited to one of his old Potion professor's parties, after all you've been playing this game for several hundred years now. Instead you begin by asking him about the next book that you heard he was working on, and that if he needs help with it you're here.

Of course he accepts your help, even if you can see some suspicion in his eyes. It's nothing to worry about, Elphred has never been that bright to begin with, and in a few days he's forgotten any doubt he might have once had about your reasons to come visit him as you allow him to write your biography.

He thinks it's a real opportunity for him, but really, your life isn't that interesting, and you cut out everything that might have been useful in a book and replace it with false or modified information. Let it not be said you are stupid, because there is no way you'll hand him and the magical world your real life story.

You just know there's no way he will be unable to shut up about the perspective of writing another book, and more, one that is the biography of a real vampire. Surely, this will attract exactly the kind of attention you hope it will.

It does.

You answer questions after questions about your early life and what it felt like to become a vampire, what it was like to die and then to wake up and have to drink human blood to survive. You want to say you didn't become a vampire, you had always been one but you only changed when you reached your majority, and that obviously you didn't know what being dead felt like because your heart was still beating and that then it hadn't been exactly dying, that drinking blood just feels natural for you. Instead, you put a fake smile on your face as you weave lie after lie, feeling a little closer to your goal.

It's probably the most annoying thing you ever had to put up with in your life, but when he tells you that Slughorn has asked him how he was doing and then had taken an interest in meeting him, you think that every hour of every night of the last few month that you spent putting up with the man you're not sure you consider as a friend anymore really are worth it.

From what he told you of Slughorn, the man can't resist attributing himself the success of his old students, and Elphred is just that. You suggest to the author that it could be nice to meet his old professor in person, to talk with him face to face so he can see how much Elphred did with his life and later you add that you're very intrigued by this man who apparently did so much to help 'your friend'. He doesn't notice the irony as you say it; he's too excited by this 'excellent idea.

In the end, it's Elphred himself who suggests that you both go to the Christmas party. You act like you're not really interested by a party, because you know that he will insist you go, but inside you're overjoyed that your plan finally worked.

It's been three month since you last saw Luna, since you last heard the stars laughing above you, and Hogwarts is still out of your reach, but not for long anymore.

You get rid of the letters once and for all and you steal blood in a human blood bank (it's distasteful but it's better than killing someone) and maybe there's also a weird spring in your step as you once again spend each free minutes of your night in what they call the Forbidden Forest trying to find a way in. After all, who knows? Maybe you won't need to wait until that party. Well, you can always hope.

(winter)

It's not until you enter Hogwarts and get into the Dungeons were the party is happening that you remember that Luna might not have been invited. After all, she told you she wasn't exactly popular at her school, so you think that maybe she won't have been invited.

The thought of having to go through the whole party without having the opportunity to see her hurts, and you really don't want to see your plans becoming useless.

Still, you carefully wade through the crowds of young students and so-called celebrities (you know not even half of them will be remembered ten years from now) and you keep an eye open for the blonde girl who stole your heart.

Elphred stays close to you, and you wonder if it's because he doesn't trust you or because he really wants to introduce you as 'the friend who inspired my books'. Maybe a mix of both. You personally don't remember a single name of a single person he introduced you to, which really isn't like you, but you know it's because your mind is too busy to pretend to care.

Then you see her and you skip away under the pretense of answering a group of teenage girls' questions – Elphred eyes him worriedly, but you act like a perfect gentleman until you're sure he can't see you anymore and ditch the girls maybe a bit less politely than you usually would. Still, they're a bit enchanted by you for some reason you don't really get and it works in your favor so you don't complain. It really wouldn't do to get kicked out of Hogwarts when it was so hard to get in.

You slip beside her as she's standing in front of the buffet table. You grab her a glass of whatever it is they're serving and offer it to her with a smirk, like it's the most natural thing in the world to do, and perhaps it is to you.

She's not surprised to see you, but as she smiles to greet you like she did each time she met you and suddenly you wonder why you ever thought she would be surprised by your arrival. It's not like you ever managed to before.

And then she frowns. You think, 'this is it, she's gonna kill me, I should have tried to send her a letter no matter what', but instead she just reach and wipe some dust on your shoulder you hadn't even seen.

You blink and she grabs your hand. It fits just as well as you remember, but before you have the time to realize what exactly happened she let it go and put a full plate in it.

"Keep it for me, I'll tell Harry I'm leaving."

You don't ask who Harry is and instead you watch her leave, still feeling slightly bewildered when she comes back five minutes later with a spring in her step and her stress twirling around her.

Whoever Harry is, he apparently had no objections to her leaving the party, because barely ten seconds later you're out of there and she's guiding you on the same way you remember taking to come in. She's blabbering about Nargles and knowing you'd come back and Nargles and how they couldn't have changed your mind and how the stars aren't as nice when she's alone.

You can only smile and think that you really did miss her as you try not to let go of the plate she put in your hand or fall as she drags you behind her with a force you didn't suspect she possessed. It would be very unbecoming to fall after all.

The body of water is very different here. It's so much bigger you can't see the other side, and there's also so much more noise coming from it. That, combined with the sounds of the forest means that the night is not nearly as silent as it was in the summer, but you like it anyway.

She's there, you're there with her and the sky is surprisingly clear for the end of December. There also snow on the ground, but apparently she doesn't really mind it because she sits by the water like it isn't there at all.

There's a big rock just next to where you sit, and she uses it to put the drink you stole for her and following her lead, you set the food plate she gave you on it too. She looks at you with those eyes and there are so many emotions in them that for a second you're thrown back. You don't know what to think of this, but you know that she expects you to talk first.

Your throat feels clogged up and for the first time you can't talk to her. It's a strange feeling; because being with her is always so easy you never thought one day you'd be unable to talk to her. You breathe in deeply the cold air and you try to make sense of all the thoughts going on in your mind, even though you know it's pretty much hopeless.

And then she looks away and you just know that you disappointed her again. In one terrible moment you think that she will go away and that everything you did to make this come true will be for naught and your heart skips a beat. There's a strange pain in your chest, like a knife twisting roughly, and a burning at the back of your throat and suddenly as you watch her blue eyes darken in sadness you find the words.

"It's nice to be able to see the moon for once."

You don't know why you said that, because you could have offered her excuses on why you gave her no news and why she didn't see you; you could have given her an in depth analysis of the wards around her school and why they forbade him to enter without the Headmaster's approval, and you could even have told her about the unfinished letters that piled on your floor for months until you got rid of them when it became sure you'd come here.

You know it was the right thing to say though when you see that dreamy smile come back on her face and her eyes light up with that familiar glow that tells you she had a very logical explanation involving creatures you can't see.

Those are apparently some kind of sprites who live in the clouds and like to hide the moon and the stars – it's their favorite trick.

You don't ask how she knows that when no one can see those sprites because it really is nice to hear her voice and you think that perhaps there's something more in her story as she tells you that the only reason those sprites do this is because they're lonely and want everyone to feel like them so they don't feel as alone.

After all, the last times she told you that kind of story there was something more to them, even if it took you some time to figure it out. You do think you should have known from the beginning that what she said was more than nonsensical blabbering about imaginary creatures, because her eyes are always strangely serious and focused when she tells her stories.

The moon shines high in the dark sky, and only the sky isn't so dark, splattered as it is with twinkling stars that look suspiciously serious and for once not laughing at you. It's as if they're telling you 'look, look, here's something really special. Don't miss it.'

So you look. For the first time you truly look at her.

Under the moonlight, she looks heavenly perfect and you're only too aware that you're no angel, that you'll never be able to keep up with her and that you could only drag her down in your fall.

Still, maybe you're selfish, or maybe it's because you still have got that debt to pay off – a debt that is quickly becoming nothing more than an excuse, you realize – but you want to stay at least tonight, wishing that you could be someone else, someone who could be right for her.

"That's all I can do you know," you finally say because emotion is making you feel both miserable and lightheaded, and you just had to tell her the truth, because now that you've figured it out not saying it would be lying.

"What?" She asks, and you feel like you should explain because everything seemed clearer in your mind, because it was your epiphany, not hers, even though you suspect she might have understood what you are going through.

"This," you answer as you gesture to the world around you, "the real life. I can't give you that. I could never give you that. I can't give you the sun." And perhaps that's your biggest regret: that the only moments you have to spend with her are those secret and stolen instants in the dark of the night, when she deserves so much more.

"You give me the moon and the stars." She blinks owlishly at you as she states this, because she doesn't as much says it as she states it; impose this truth as hers and probably his too.

"It's not the same."

"It's better," she retorts and this is the end of this conversation. She reaches for her plate and you hand it over to her, trying to cast your mind of the thoughts that even though being with her feels right it just isn't mean to last and is most definitely wrong.

There's silence for a short moment as she eats and she appears to be just as lost in her mind as you are until she asks you if you really are unable to eat or drink anything else then blood. You say you are, but that somehow some potions work on you. It reminds you once again of how different you are to her, if the sound of her blood rushing through her veins and the smell of it wasn't enough to remind you that her blood actually is hers whereas the one in your body never was supposed to belong to you.

"That's sad. It must get boring, no?"

You don't think it can because each blood is different, but the night is too nice to begin a conversation about something so gore as blood so instead so ask her what she's eating and apparently finding so tasty.

It's apple pie apparently, and for some reason it brings back memories of times you had nearly forgotten, back when you hadn't changed yet. You remember your mother and your father, the tree of you sitting around a big table, her cooking and the smell of apples in the background. They hadn't changed, and it had been your uncle who took care of you when they discovered that their family inheritance had come true in you but not in them.

You open your eyes and the memory dissolves like mist in your fingers, but the smell stays with you longer than the images. You feel strangely unsettled, because you had forgotten your parents. How does one even forget his parents? You can't remember how that happened and that's perhaps the scariest part of it all.

You're back to staring at the stars and the moon seems to say 'I told you it would get better, didn't I?'. Her hand is in yours and you push back the fact that your life has once again taken a turn you had never expected.

She doesn't ask you what you did during all those months and you don't ask her, no matter how much you want to, what is happening in her school while war is brewing outside, because so much of the opposition in one place is just asking for an attack.

Still, you have to protect her, no matter what. So instead you ask her if she still comes here every night. When she says yes, you know what to do next.

"Is there any place in this castle where I could stay?" You mouth is dry and even though you know it'll probably be hard, your mind is made up.

She doesn't ask why but instead she tells you about a room that can give you anything you can think of. It sounds perfect, but it's also up high in the castle, which means you'll have to be careful if you don't want to get noticed when you're in there.

Luckily for you, you've perfected hiding in plain sight a long time ago.

"If you stay, you should beware of the Wrackspurts, because they like to make people think things they shouldn't, and they'll try to make you leave."

You have no idea what she means by that, but you do know you have to find something to say to Elphred so he doesn't suspect anything and try to find you. Which also means you'll have to leave the lake before the end of the night.

Or you could let him find out that you had left by himself. He is not your keeper after all, and there really isn't a reason why you should warn him about your every move. You're older than he is after all, so if someone was to be the keeper it should be you.

So you settle back on the cold ground, trying not to mind that the snow is slowly melting on your clothes and let the calm wash over you. She smells like vanilla and apples and later, when the sun will begin to rise, you'll let her guide you through the castle toward the amazing room that can provide oneself anything they need to have.

She'll attempt to talk your ear off with tales of her creatures and the other students never understanding that it's important to protect oneself against them, but you won't really mind because you really like listening to her voice, even if that kind of makes you sound like a younger fool than you are.

But for now you're content with just sitting there, under the stars and wonder if this will actually become a fixed part of your life for as long as she lives, or if she will leave you one day and let you gaze upon the sparkling immensity above you alone. You shiver at the thought because you know that even if she doesn't want to, the day will come where she will die and you will live on even if your heart feels like it's only beating for her, because of her.

The moon seems to shine brighter and as her hand find yours you feel in your heart that this is truly the beginning of something else, even if you thought it all began when you crashed in her backyard in early July.

It could even be something beautiful.

AN:

Yes, I'm stopping there – if I continued, it would probably never end, and I felt like this end was perfect. But it probably is the longest OS I've ever written. I'm so proud of myself! *wipes discreetly a small tear*.

So, this was written for:

-the Eggheads Competition, Round 1: Song: 'I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing' – Aerosmith, Word: Bleed, Dialogue: 'That's all I can do', Setting: Hogwart's grounds, Object: An apple pie and Quote: 'Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them' - William Shakespeare

-the If You Dare Challenge, Prompt 3: Moonstruck

-the HP Potions Competition, Draught of The Living Death

-the Legendary Gods and Goddesses Competition, Hanuman

-the Pairing Diversity Bootcamp: eerie

-the Wand Woods Competition, Elder

-the Color Competition, Black Positive

-the Gemstones Competition, Turquoise

-the Legendary Creatures Competition, Empousa

-the Quidditch Position Competition, Beater

-the Dark Side Competition, Death Eaters.

Please review to let me know what you thought of this.