Porn Without Point
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Mr Kishimoto, not me.
It was a corner of blacklisted items and dark deals, yet two separate parties of opposing sides patronized it for a short vacation.
Deidara contemplated on executing his favorite way of recreation there, to scoff at the forbidden sculptures and paintings then blow them up, thus upping his level as an S ranked criminal amongst S ranked criminal. If he still had Sasori-danna beside him, he would commence with twice more excitement and without no hesitation, but now he had Tobi to consider. The bastard would be a nuisance and considerable hindrance, and for all he knew, might copy Zetsu and attempt to eat something up.
There was no choice but to opt for the less risky option, a gallery of another sort. Though the displays were not really Deidara's style and he was fairly outdated in this field, there was no harm in checking it out. Nevertheless, it was art. Hopefully he could buy some time while Tobi got confused with the poetry with subterfuge insults to the government and whatnot in the underground bookstore.
True enough, his current partner did and Deidara challenged him to fully comprehend it without asking what any single word meant.
As Tobi got busy scrutinizing the manuscript, Deidara adverted his attention back to his selected material—A pornographic novel entitled ' Come Come Paradise'. To the general public it was harmless the first time, until it was discovered that many scenes and subplots were based on real life scandals involving living and breathing nobles. Since then, said ninnies claimed it 'slander' and had it banned in their respective villages.
The volumes, uncensored and hardcore ones, were a rarity nowadays and Deidara's interest was piqued…only to be let down. By hardcore, he expected something more outrageous, for example having the male lead thrown onto the operating table and have him exploding in pain from what was being done to him, intermingled with morbid awe for the beauty behind it that he was denying. Kind of like what Sasori-danna used to do, save the living subjects and erotic atmosphere.
What he got were sexual positions nobody in the Akatsuki can wrestle their victims into, one too many mentions of five foot dicks and kunais shoved up the ass. All this, lathered with romantic passages which were meant to soothe and evoke cuddly feelings.
It was the last factor that made Deidara twitch with sheer irritation the most.
" She was on fire when his muscles rippled under her, the flame of passion and not of fear, the heat surpassing the time she was hit by a Katon no Jutsu…"
A fellow customer sidled up to him. The cheap raincoat he used to cloak himself made him look even more suspicious since it was the middle of summer and they were indoors, and the sunglasses he had on did nothing to lessen it. Deidara registered him for barely a second, judging that the man was merely a noob who had no talent in disguise.
" Getting horny?" The man abruptly enquired, just like that and broke Deidara out of his reverie.
He bristled in anger. " Why would I be fapping to this? I don't believe anyone could fap to this kind of low class art, un!"
The man raised his eyebrows and wiggled them at him. " No need to be shy, after all, art is meant to be appreciated."
Deidara had the impulse to strike the man and bite him at the same time using the mouth on his palm, but he restrained himself as no way could he back down from an art debate. " Huh, what do you know about art? Heck, you these are actually put in books. People are going to see them, for a long long time, un."
The man frowned and Deidara felt slightly triumphant that he had got his point across. But the man did not stop his argument. " Tch, if you didn't look like my type of woman, I would have kicked your ass to kingdom come."
Now that was the last straw. " This is what I think of your kind of art, un—" Deidara started, about to mould a penis model as big and long as the ones in the obscene book when he was effectively cut off.
" Oh, youngsters nowadays!" The man cried loudly, causing heads to turn in his direction. Pleased by the newly clinched attention, he struck a dramatic pose, kneeling on one knee and the back of his hand on his forehead, as if a spotlight was aimed on him. " No understanding of a true artist's woes.."
Deidara paused to roll his eyes in contempt.
" I'm an artist too, un," he stated flatly.
In response, the man instantly got up to his feet and changed his stance, arms outstretched on either side and his legs in a mid-squatting position, as if ready for battle.
" Ha, no wonder for the cocky, know-it-all tone! Let me tell you, oh ambiguously-gendered person, you still have a lot to learn, about art, about love and about cross-dressing…"
He even jumped a little while he was at it. Deidara was dumbfounded, and wondered if it was supposed to be some kind of dance. And then he thought of it.
" Nah, geezer, I take my words back, un. You do have the talent…"
The man halted and a hint of expectation flickered upon his face.
"…for a constipated strap on model, un."