Ken Hutchinson was dreaming. He knew he was and he knew he didn't want to wake up for some reason! It was a nice dream full of warm sunshine and spring colors. But of course he woke up at some time and he immediately remembered why he shouldn't have! The academy and his fellow students. And one student especially! Why, he wondered, did they give him such a hard time? What did he do to deserve their contempt? He groaned miserably and closed his eyes again. He didn't want to get up and face another day with stupid pranks and tasteless remarks. He considered staying in bed and call in sick but his pride wouldn't allow that and slowly he pushed back the covers and swung his long legs over the edge. Sitting with his head in his hands he thought back at his first week here and everything that made it so difficult for him.
When he'd arrived eight days ago, he had been so excited and looking forward to start his new life! After living in Duluth for most of his life Bay City seemed full of life and challenges. Finally he was going to do what he really wanted and nobody, he'd thought, was going to stop him! He'd stood for at least ten minutes in front of the building where he'd be taught to be a police officer and slowly felt his heart swell with pride. This was it! This was what he'd fought over with his parents and this was why he'd left without saying anything to them. This was the beginning of his life!
He sighed an almost happy sigh, took his bag and went inside. Curious, he looked around and saw a crowd of young men talking and laughing. Putting his bag down he slowly started walking their way anxious to meet his fellow students. Before he reached them he saw a pair of deep blue eyes watching him intensely and it made him feel uneasy for some reason. When he stood just in front of the guy with the blue eyes and dark, curly hair he suddenly had the feeling he met an enemy! Shrugging the feeling off he introduced himself politely but no one answered. Starting to get angry for getting the silent treatment for no reason he snapped:
"What's wrong? Nobody ever taught you manners? Or is this a private party?"
He saw the anger in the blue eyes appear in a second and suddenly he was scared! He felt alone in this room filled with hostility and had no idea why! He took a deep breath and turned around. No reason to stay here if I'm not welcome, he thought and walked away back to his bag. An angry voice shouted at him:
"Aren't you in the wrong place, sir?" The last word was said with such sarcasm that Ken felt a cold hand grabbing his heart.
So that's it, he thought, you think I don't fit in with you! Well, we'll see about that! He knew he looked different from most of them but why should wearing expensive clothes and having a perfect haircut mean you couldn't become a police officer? He turned around and faced the others. Most of them were laughing as if they just heard a good joke but the curly haired man with the deep blue eyes stared at him as if to challenge him to come up with an answer.
"No" he said, his eyes as cold as his voice "I'm not in the wrong place. What made you think that?"
A sarcastic smile came his way and a challenging voice said "Well maybe the way you look? Maybe the way you walk and talk! To me you should be on the front page of some fashion magazine or maybe you should go and try Hollywood!"
Ken took a deep breath and snapped "Since when are people judged by their appearance alone? Especially here where I'd think one should be judged by his capability!"
He knew it was the wrong answer the moment the words left his mouth but it was said and he couldn't take it back! He refused to back away from the angry stare and just stared back.
There was a hint of a smile on the curly man's lips and Ken thought he saw surprise in the expressive eyes but it was gone before he could be sure of it.
"Well" the man drawled with a New York accent "You could have a point there stranger. Maybe I should give you the benefit of the doubt. We'll see what good you are in here!"
Ken nodded and turned around no longer wanting to be in this senseless and somewhat hostile discussion. He took his bag and went to the register area to check in. He got his room number, books, a schedule and the message that all rooms were double rooms and he would have a room-mate. That took him by surprise, he never thought of that. Sharing a room with one of the other students could be so awkward after this morning's meeting but he held his head high and just said "That's fine"
The curly haired man saw the reason of his anger walk away. He didn't know why but the moment he had seen the man he'd disliked him! The sudden anger he'd felt towards the other had surprised him completely and he wondered where the feeling came from.
"Hey, Starsky" he heard a voice behind him "are we gonna teach him a lesson or two?"
Starsky looked around to see who had asked the question and saw the laughing face of John Colby right behind him. "Of course we will, John" he said "He's just begging for it, ain't he?"
Still feeling a bit weird about his own feelings he went to check himself in and received his books, a schedule for the week and his room number. Slowly he made his way to the stairs that would lead him to second floor where the rooms were.
Ken Hutchinson was just looking through his study books when the door of the room was kicked open. He looked up and to his surprise and shock he saw his nemesis enter the room. Arms full of books and a duffel bag, Starsky didn't have the opportunity to look around him and with a sigh of relief he let his burden fall on the nearest bed, just next to where Ken sat ! "What the…." He heard a voice that was vaguely familiar. He looked up and stared in the angry eyes of the big blond.
"T'riffic" he mumbled "of all the people here I have to share with Mr. Almighty himself"
"What's that?" Ken asked raising his eyebrows.
"I said" the brunet snapped angry "I have to share with Mr. Almighty himself!"
"What have I ever done to you to be treated like this?" Ken was getting angry too. He had no idea why the other was so hostile and under different circumstances he would have ignored his roommate but that was impossible now simply because of the fact that they were roommates! The times they would be not in classes or in the gym or whatever they had to do they would be studying or just read and it would be in their room.
He was surprised by his roommate's answer "I don't know yet but I'll find out sooner or later!"
Ken sighed. It would be a long, long six months if he read the signs right, he thought.
Starsky felt still puzzled by his own behavior. This is going to be a long, long six months he thought.
Hutchinson mind returned to the present and he mumbled "Well, I was right. This week was hell already"
He stood up to take a shower and get dressed. The atmosphere in the room when they were both there was worthy of the North Pole and Ken felt miserable under the hostile and angry looks the brunet threw his way. It had been the first weekend and Starsky had disappeared immediately after Friday's last class. The blond had enjoyed the freedom of being alone and dreaded the moment his roommate would enter the room again.
Starsky had gone to his aunt and uncle for the weekend. They were very happy to see their nephew and wanted to know everything about his first week in the academy. He had told them about the lessons and how hard it was for him to study from books but that he loved the physical training and especially being at the shooting range. His uncle laughed at that statement
"I'm sure you like that, Davey! I still remember how your father used to teach you about guns and how much you wanted to fire his."
"But he never let me" the brunet said "He said I had to be at least fifteen before he would let me fire it."
They were silent for a minute, both thinking the same thought that David's father had died when his son was thirteen years old.
"Well" Al said "at least you had your share in the Army, David"
"More than I'd ever wanted" was the soft reply.
His mind wandered back to the jungle where he had grown up way too fast and had seen the horrors of war. Where he had learned to kill in too many ways and where he'd met the most cruel man he'd ever encountered. Suddenly his breath caught in his throat! It couldn't be, could it? No, he thought, that's impossible. Impossible! You start seeing things, Davey boy. Don't go back there, please!
Early Monday morning he returned to the academy. He entered his room to find it empty and sighed in relieve. Maybe the blond was downstairs already he hoped, so he would have a few minutes alone before the first class started. At that moment his roommate came in, hair still wet from his shower. Starsky looked at him and narrowed his eyes. He did look like… he stopped thinking and stood up to leave the room.
"You don't have to go" he heard Ken say "It's your room as well."
"Mind your own business" he hissed "I didn't ask you anything, did I?"
"Have it your way!" he heard the other's angry voice say.
The brunet closed the door with a bang and went downstairs.
The blond shrugged and mumbled "What a jerk." He dressed and went for breakfast downstairs. Several faces turned his way when he entered the dining room and from the corner of his eye he saw some smiling his way. That surprised him because it was the first friendliness he had seen all week. He looked around the room and noticed that his roommate wasn't there. That must be it, he thought. They're afraid of him! He wondered why but knew the answer already. Starsky was strong and a good but mean fighter if he had to be. Maybe he wasn't the best student when it came to studying books but he was smart and an expert with weapons! That kind of expertise earned him a lot of respect even here, Ken realized. He smiled back, took a tray and filled it with his breakfast. He sat down at an empty table and started eating. When he drank his coffee one of the others came to sit with him. "Is it alright if I sit here with you?" he asked politely. Ken nodded "Why not. It's a free country"
Curious the other looked at him "What is it with you and Dave?"He asked "did you know each other already?"
"No, we didn't and no I don't know what's wrong or why he behaves like he does. But if you really want to know I'd say ask him! He should know why"
The other laughed softly "No, thank you very much! I don't want to be the subject of his anger. By the way, I'm Joey" Ken nodded "Ken" he said and shoved his chair from the table. He took the empty tray and left for the first class.
They were all gathered at the firing range and excited to have the first real shooting lesson today! Starsky looked at the others and smiled. This would be easy he thought, most of them never had a gun in their hands before and he knew all about weapons, inside out! The instructor told about hand guns and what they could do to a human being. He warned them to be careful and to never use the gun before they had tried anything else to stop the bad guys! "It gives you a certain power" he said "but never abuse that power and only use it when there is no other way out!"
All heads nodded, impressed by the speech and the sight of the different guns.
"Who wants to try first?"
Starsky stepped forwards. "I'll give it a try" he said with so much confidence that they all stared at him in amazement. He took the .38, stepped into the shooting area and fired!
"Hey" the instructor yelled "You can't just fire a gun without my permission!"
Calmly Starsky finished his round of shots and put the gun down. "What's that?" he asked "I didn't hear you because of the noise!"
The instructor was fuming "Are you out of your mind Starsky? No one will even touch a gun without my permission, you hear?"
The brunet shrugged "I don't think the bad guys out on the streets will wait for your permission to shoot, sir" he said with a cocky grin.
"You will hear more of this, you can count on that!" The instructor took a deep breath to calm himself and went on with his instructions without another look at Starsky.
The curly haired man took a few steps back to look at the other cadets who were desperately trying to hit the target but none of them came close to the five hits he made out of five shots!
His interest peeked when he saw Ken Hutchinson take the gun and make his way to the shooting area. He noticed the man's hand was steady and when he started shooting it looked as if he had done that before! He made three out of five and Starsky felt a flash of anger he didn't understand. Another blond head appeared in his mind and suddenly he felt sick. Without a word he turned around and hurried to the bathroom. He was just in time there to empty his stomach in the porcelain bowl and miserable he sank to his knees. He kept heaving till there was nothing left and exhausted he leaned back against the wall. What is this, he wondered with pounding heart. What's happening and why? What is that Hutchinson doing to me? He waited till he felt a bit better then he got up and washed his face. Staring in the mirror his mind worked like crazy, trying to come up with an answer for his anger and being sick so suddenly. His mind went back in time and he shivered, remembering his tour in 'Nam and the horrors he'd seen and done! You weren't there Hutchinson, he thought, not where I was anyway. But why do you trigger those terrible memories? Why do you take me back where I don't want to be ever again? Forcing himself back in the present he sighed and decided to call in sick for the rest of the day. The way he looked right now would make that easy enough!
At the firing range the other cadets saw Starsky run away and surprised they looked at each other. Ken sighed in relief now he no longer felt the hostile stare of Starsky coming his way but at the same time he wondered what was wrong with the guy! Ken Hutchinson was a friendly man by nature and hated to be at odds with anyone but this was different, this was almost war he thought. And he might be peace loving but he would never let anyone put him down like Starsky did without fighting back in some way. He knew he was a better student, he had been studying pre-medicine for some time, but he could not believe that that was the reason for all the crap Starsky put on him. He already had noticed the ease with which Starsky could use a weapon and although Ken did have some experience with guns, he knew he could never compete with the other. He turned his attention back to what he was doing and decided to let his roommate be his evening worry!
Starsky was back in the jungle fighting his way through damp, hot bushes. He was scared and alone, not knowing where to go to be safe from the always present enemy. Somehow he'd lost contact with his platoon and he couldn't find them anymore. There was no sound to be heard and he felt trapped in a nightmare! Night fell and he knew he should try to find cover but he couldn't move and crying he waited for the end to come. "I'm sorry, mamma" he whispered knowing he would never see her again. Suddenly he heard a gunshot!
Ken Hutchinson walked into his room and shut the door with a bang. He saw Starsky sleeping but he couldn't care less if he woke him or not! The jerk had had all day to sleep, he thought vindictively and it was time he'd wake up! But Starsky didn't wake up, instead he started to cry in his sleep and Ken looked at him in shocked surprise. He noticed the terror and fear on the handsome face and wondered what was going on. Tentatively he touched the shaking shoulder but withdrew his hand immediately when the man on the bed screamed with fear!
Starsky could feel the enemy touch him and tried to get away but he still couldn't move. Screaming in desperation he tried to crawl out of reach but there was nothing he could move. Knowing that there was no way he would survive this he started to pray it would be over soon and that they wouldn't take him prisoner!
Ken was getting scared now! He knew his roommate was having a nightmare but it seemed so horrible that nightmare maybe didn't cover the experience he was having right now. Night terror seemed more the word for what Starsky was going through. Again he touched the shaking shoulder, a little more determined now and held on when the man on the bed tried to roll away. " Hey Starsky!" he said but wasn't heard. He shook the man with more force now and yelled "Wake up!! You're having a nightmare!!"
Still caught in his dream world of terror Starsky heard somebody call his name. He tried to hear who it was but didn't recognize the voice. Again his name was called and he was grabbed by two hands that shook him viciously. "Wake up" he heard and he tried to open his eyes. Slowly the jungle disappeared and he saw a face he knew! "Get away from me" he growled "I won't have nothing to do with you, killer!"
Startled by those words Ken stepped backwards. "What..?" he stuttered " What d-do you m-mean?"
More alert now Starsky noticed his mistake and mumbled "Sorry, didn't mean you"
He wiped his eyes and looked at the wet spots on his hands "Shit, was a bad one!" He sat on the edge of his bed and stared at a spot on the wall behind Hutchinson. The blond was still shaken and stared at the brunet, not knowing what to do or say! His instinct told him to sit next to his roommate but the last weeks experiences kept him from doing that. He let himself fall on his own bed and looked at his hands.
Starsky knew that he needed to say something to explain at least the words he'd said to Ken but that would mean he had to tell a lot more than he wanted to. Besides, they'd almost been at war from the beginning and he knew it was all his fault! Bracing himself for whatever reaction would follow his words he started: "I'm sorry for that" but couldn't go on because of the tightness of his throat. But he knew he had to before it would be all over the academy that he was having nightmares and cried in his sleep! God, the embarrassment would kill him so he swallowed and tried again "It wasn't meant for you, what I said. It was somebody else"
Surprised Ken looked up "You have nightmares often?" He dared to ask.
Starsky nodded "Yes, but not always as bad as this one."
This time is as good as ever Ken thought and asked further "What are they about? And who's the killer?"
Starsky shrugged "The war, I was there"
He shook his head "I don't want to talk about it if you don't mind" He knew it sounded harsh but he still had this strange, hostile feeling when he looked at the blond. Maybe, he thought, I should tell him and get it over with. He doesn't seem such a bad guy and I'm not really fair to him I guess. It's not his fault he reminds me of really bad times.
Still hesitating he heard himself say "I'm sorry I can't…..it's too raw, too…dunno. Too personal, ya know ? I don't really wanna talk about it but I think I owe you some explanation" Looking at his clenched fists in his lap he went on, desperately searching for words " I can't tell you what happened there, so much stuff went on, I wouldn't even tell ma but there is one thing you should know: You remind me of somebody from the army and he was a miserable piece of shit! He was different from the rest of us, he was a sadist, killed for his own pleasure. He was my CO and made me do things I'm not sure I can live with, things no one should have to do! I know you're not him but every time I see you…." He stopped talking feeling the tears well up in his eyes. In utter misery he let himself fall back on the bed and turned his face into the pillow, not wanting to show his weakness to his roommate. "I wish I hadn't come back" he choked out.
The blond stared at the miserable man on the bed in shock! He had heard stories about the war and the guys who'd come back with all sorts of mental problems but had never been listed, his father made sure of that. Realizing the comfortable life he had lived in college during the time the dark haired man had been through hell and back he didn't know what to say. Think of something Hutchinson he berated himself, you think you're so good at sympathizing with people so why don't you say something? Why can't you find the right words now? Are you so shallow you can't forgive him for giving you hell? For God's sake, wake up and smell the coffee. He was man enough to let you in a little way. At least meet him half way!
"Hm" he started to say and stopped not knowing how to go on. Hutchinson!! His mind screamed, say something!
He closed his eyes and blurted out "I'm sorry Starsk, I had no idea. I couldn't pretend to know what you've been through, I was never there; never had to go through that. But..um……m-maybe we …um c-could ..um" the blond man stopped, his stammer coming back full force in the emotion of the moment. He meant what he said, he'd protested against the war knowing it was all wrong but now he saw what this war had done to people he knew his protests had meant nothing for the men involved. Hell, they probably didn't even know what happened at home while they were there!
"It's not your fault" came the muffled voice from the other bed.
"I'm sorry I remind you of someone so…..so downright evil" he wondered how much he looked like that guy.
"You don't really look like him" came the surprising answer "He was blond an' big but not your blond exactly and he was not that tall. I don't know why I thought of him when I saw you. I just went crazy. I'm usually a likeable kinda guy." a crooked grin flashed over his face and his eyebrows tented, asking for understanding "I'm sorry I was such a dumb ass. I should never have treated ya like that. Can ya forgive me?
"We're a sorry pair, aren't we?"Ken couldn't help smiling and to his surprise saw another small smile on his roommates face! No matter how small, it lit up the man's face like a candle in the dark.
The tiny smile disappeared immediately and the features turned angry again. "I hate it when I have to think of him!"Starsky yelled suddenly "How can I not think of that lousy son of a bitch when you're here around me all the time, huh?"
Not knowing what to do with his roommates sudden behavior change, Ken said the only thing he could come up with "Do you want me to leave?" He knew it sounded stupid but for some reason it calmed Starsky down. Regret flashed through his eyes "No, don't go! Sorry again but …..please stay, I'm really sorry……it's hard ya know, those memories keep coming back and sometimes it's just too hard and then I yell. You were here at the wrong moment I guess. Still acting as a dumb ass, huh?"
Still a bit stunned by the revelations and the outburst the blond nodded "If you're sure can have me around without blowing up every five minutes I think I'll stay!"
Starsky sat up again, knowing for this time the worst was over. "Well, now we've cleared all that out of the way I'd say let's eat! I'm starving"
He stood up and went to the door but suddenly stopped and asked "What did ya call me?"
Ken had no idea what he was talking about and tried to remember what he had said. "When?" he asked still not having a clue.
" Just a minute ago ya called me Starsk, didn't you?"
"I did?" he couldn't remember and shrugged "should I apologize for that?"
Starsky laughed "no, I like it, you can call me that if you like but what do I call you?"
"Not Ken, definitely not Ken!"
"Yes, I can understand that but I can't call you by your last name, I'd forget it halfway! Hey, what if I call you Hutch?"
"Hutch? What kind of name is that?"Ken wasn't sure if he'd heard it right.
"Well" Starsky explained with a grin "that's as far as I would get remembering your last name! So I think it's a good alternative don't ya?"
Knowing he was beaten Hutch followed his roommate to the dining room.
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