And Now For Something Completely Different

by Red Witch

This started out as an XMan story, but then the little voices in my head told me otherwise. You just have to read for yourselves.

The Characters are not mine. Just this little idea I had. Yes, I know you were all expecting another Brotherhood fic, but I wanted to do something else for once. (Don't worry, the boys will be back!) I just had several random thoughts in my tiny mind that I had to get out. Hope you enjoy!

And Now For Something Completely Different…Well, Maybe Not

"For the last time Mystique, stop calling me!" Rogue shouted into the phone. "Don't you make like you're crying! I ain't fallin' for it! Get lost!"

Jean saw Rogue slam the hall phone down on its receiver. "Mystique again?" she asked.

"Ah know, third time this month!" she snapped. "I wish she'd just get over it already!"

Jean followed Rogue into the living room. Evan and Kitty were watching TV.

"Evan will you like pick a channel already! You're giving me a headache with all the flipping!"

"I can't find anything good on!"

"That's because you are going so fast you can't see what's on! Give me that!" she grabbed the remote.

"Hey! That's mine! Give it back!"

Kitty laughed, taunting Evan. "Rogue! Catch!" She tossed it to her over Evan's head.

"Got it! Ha Ha!" she laughed and changed the channel.

"NO!" Evan whined. "Not the Powerpuff Girls! I hate that show! Give me that!"

"Uh Uh! Uh!" She dodged him. "Here ya go Kitty!"

"Ah ha! Got it! Take that!"

"Full House? That's even worse!" Evan cried.

"Guys will you knock it off!" Jean snapped as she watched them taunt Evan. "Will you stop running around! You guys might break something! Will you listen to me? Scott! Do something!"

"What's going on?" Scott asked watching the lunacy before him.

"Nooooo! Not The Golden Girls! Please for the love of God no!"

"Will you stop this before they make a mess?" Jean asked.

"Got it!" Evan whooped in triumph as he snagged the remote mid flight. "Take that! Ah Ha!"

"Ewwwww. South Park. Gross!" Kitty gagged.

"Let's get him!" Rogue shouted. "Charge!"

"Hey Evan! Over here! I'm open! I'm open!" Scott waved his arms wildly. Evan managed to pass it to him before being tackled. "Yes! It's mine!"

"Note to self," Jean mumbled as Scott did a victory dance. "Never ask Scott to do anything that requires an ounce of maturity again."

"Ah Ha! I command you channel! Change!" Scott laughed. Everyone looked at the screen.

"What is this?" asked Rogue. "They're just sitting around talking."

"I think it's the Capital Gang." Kitty answered. "My dad watches it all the time. It's about a bunch of people talking about politics."

"CHANGE THE CHANNEL!" Everyone shouted in unison. Before Scott could however, the remote flew out of his hand.

"Hey! Jean! No fair!" Scott pouted.

"Well since you guys can't agree, we'll pick this channel," she smiled.

"Aw man, not Nick at Nite," Evan groaned.

"Oh it's not that bad," Kitty sat back down on the couch.

"Man there's nothing on TV!" Evan complained. "Just this stupid boring old 70's doctor show! Like there's not a million of those on!"

"Oh shut up!" Rogue munched on a bag of chips. "Trust me, this is better than what they used to do where I used to live. I swear, I could not stand another night of Sock Puppet Theater."

"Sock puppets?" Kitty asked.

"Trust me, you do not want to know. It was totally disgusting."

At that moment there was a loud and familiar bamf. "I AM GOING TO KILL TOAD!" Kurt screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Like now what happened between you two?" Kitty asked, half dreading the answer.

"You wanna know what he did? You wanna know what he did? You wanna know what that filthy fly eating freak did to me?" Kurt snapped.

"Not really," Rogue grumbled, turning her attention back to the television.

"Well I do," Evan said. "TV sucks."

"Evan!" Jean admonished.

"Well it does! I mean well look at this show! It is so unreal! Oh what a surprise! The doctor found a bullet in the brain he missed before! What kind of doctor is that?"

"He-llo! I'm ranting here!" Kurt pouted.

"Alright Kurt, what happened?" Jean sighed.

"I'll tell you what happened, I went to my locker at the end of the day to get my homework and stuff and it was covered with slime! Full of it! My book report, my CDs, even my spare image inducer all covered with that gunk! Yuck!"

"Well Kurt, you did throw a water balloon on him the other day!" said Rogue.

"He needed a bath," Kurt said matter of factly. "One of these days I am going to tie that tongue of his into a knot! Around an anvil. And then I'm going to shove him into the Atlantic with it!"

"Kurt, calm down," Kitty shook her head. "They're not worth it okay? Look, I'll help you write it over."

"Thanks," Kurt sighed. "What are you watching?" He plopped down on a nearby chair.

"Nothing," Evan grumbled. "Absolutely nothing."

"Well then don't watch it then!" Rogue snapped. " I mean, you are such a couch potato. No wonder Quicksilver keeps runnin' rings around you. He spends most of his time doing stuff when he's bored instead of watchin' TV all the time."

"Like what?"

"Well he…uh…Actually he's pretty screwy. He likes playing practical jokes, runs around like a maniac and uh…sews different costumes."

"You mean more battle uniforms?" Evan asked.

"No. Not exactly. More like play costumes."

"Play costumes?" Kitty asked. "Like what?"

"You name it. Disco, cowboy, jungle hunter. And he made 'em all himself."

"Why would he make all those costumes?"

"He likes to dress up and play stupid games. Don't ask."

"Rogue what the heck went on in that house?!" Evan asked.

"Let's just say that compared to them, you guys are normal!"

Storm smiled as she listened outside of the room. It was good to hear the kids getting along. She walked down the hall to Logan's room. She heard a low moan. "Logan?' she asked before opening the door. He was lying on the bed moaning.

"Logan wake up!"

"Huh?" his eyes popped open. "Storm? What're you doin'?"

"I came to tell you that Professor Xavier want's us to watch the children this weekend while he's away at a conference."

"Another one? Why do I get the feeling that Charley 'arranges' for these conferences to happen on the weekend?"

"Are you alright?" she sat down on the bed.

"Yeah well, let's just say that that is the last time I eat twelve extra spicy beef burritos from Taco Bell," Logan groaned. " It gave me the weirdest dream."

"A nightmare?"

"No. I dunno. I was this sheriff in this town called Mayberry and for some reason the Toad was my deputy. Scott kept calling himself Opie and wanted to take me fishing. Jean was calling herself Aunt Bea and making pies all the time. Blob was the town drunk, and Quicksilver was the barber who wanted to cut my hair all the time. The Elf and Daniels took turns running the gas station. Well mostly Daniels at the end because for some reason Kurt wanted to go join the marines. Rogue and Kitty were two sisters running an illegal moonshine still. Charles was the mayor and for some reason Avalanche was running around after a goat filled with dynamite. All the time there was someone whistling this annoying tune over and over and over! It was weird."

"Where was I in this dream?"

"You were the town schoolteacher. Yeah. And we were in my squad car and…uh…Hey! What's he doing!" Logan pointed to the door.

"What? Who?" Storm looked out but saw no one. When she turned back Logan was gone. The bedroom window was open.

"I hate it when he does that!" she fumed. She stuck her head out the window. "Logan! Come back here! You are not running off and sticking me with six children to watch. Correction. Make that seven!"

Manipulating the wind around her, she flew off after him. "Logan you get your butt back here right now!"

Neither of them noticed a few shadowy figures in the bushes. Waiting to make their move. "Okay, they're gone. You know what to do!" One of them whispered.

"Right," said another one who took off towards the mansion.

Back inside the X-men were still relaxing, watching TV and joking. "Man! I love American TV!" Kurt whooped making several car crash noises.

"I can't believe we are watching a rerun of Knight Rider," Jean moaned.

"Hey, at least it's got some decent chases and stuff," Evan shrugged.

"You're the one who picked this channel!" Scott laughed.

"I didn't know they were into the eighties! I thought it was all 60s and 70s stuff!"

"All right! Charlie's Angel's is on next!" Kurt whooped.

"Okay, like, I am going to get a snack," said Kitty. "Jean wanna come?"

"Why not? Hey not like that!" she shouted as Kitty grabbed her as they phased through the floor.

Rogue rolled her eyes as the guys cheered the TV heroine on the screen. "Can't you guys control your hormones? Besides, she's probably in her 40's by now or something," She sneered.

"Who cares, she looks good to me!" Laughed Kurt.

**Scott!** A telepathic message from Jean rang through their heads. **Get down to the kitchen! We have trouble!**

"X-men! Move out!" Scott cried as they all raced to the kitchen, except for Kurt, who teleported his way there. They couldn't believe their eyes. There was the Brotherhood at the kitchen table, along with every scrap of food in the house. They were greedily wolfing food down like starving animals.

"Yo!" Todd cheerfully waved to them."Whazzup?"

"What are you guys doing here?!" Scott shouted.

"Eatin'" Todd said between mouthfuls. "What's it look like we're doin?"

"And people call me dumb," Fred gulped down an entire quart of iced tea.

"See, the Boss Lady kicked us out for the night," Lance munched on a sandwich. "Since we didn't get any dinner, we decided to eat out. Hey pass the horseradish sauce will ya!"

"If you guys wanna fight, you're gonna have to wait first," Todd said. "Man what a feast!" He used his tongue to grab a banana and swallowed it whole, peel and all. Then he chugged some chocolate syrup straight from the bottle.

"Like how did you guys get past our security system?" Kitty stood there, flabbergasted.

"Like, I used my speed to get in and like turned off the security system," Pietro mocked as he zipped around the room, devouring whatever he grabbed at super speed. "Ooohhhh! Candy stash!"

"Hey guys you gotta try this ice cream!" Fred said. "It is so rich and creamy!"

"Hey toss some over this way!" said Lance. Fred threw a pint to him. "Hey this is some of that Godiva chocolate brand! I heard about this stuff! Sweet! Oh yeah this is good stuff!"

"Hey let me have some of that!" Todd grabbed as spoon and sneaked some from Lance. "I told you guys they had the good stuff here!"

"YOU MOOCHERS GET OUTTA OUR HOUSE!" Rogue screamed. She made a fist and prepared for a fight.

"Aw c'mon Rougey be a pal," Todd smiled. "We're just hungry."

"Yeah you guys are always saying we should get along so we decided to come to dinner," Lance smirked as he finished his sandwich. "We just came to break bread with you."

Smash! Pietro accidentally shattered a few plates while whizzing around the room. "And a few other things too…" Lance snickered.

"Get out of here!" Jean snapped.

"You know, (gulp) I give this place two stars," Todd said to Fred as he ate, ignoring the X-men. "Great food, but not the friendliest atmosphere around here."

"I agree," Pietro zipped next to Evan, eating an apple at super speed. "And the help, not very accommodating. Take that will you my good man?" He placed the core in Evan's shirt pocket. "Thank you."

Evan began to produce spikes from his arms. "That's it! Let's get them!"

"Uh oh," Todd said putting a carton of milk down from his lips. "This is not good."

"Run!" Lance shouted. Immediately the Brotherhood got up and ran in several directions, taking large quantities of food with them. The X-men split up after them.

What followed was typical anarchy, with both Brotherhood and X-men running all over the mansion.

"Run! Run! Run! Fast as you can! You can't catch me! I'm the Mighty Quicksilver! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

"Come back here you lunatic!"

"Wow! Kitty! I didn't know you and Rouge shared a bedroom! Hmmm…"

"Lance! Get out of our room you pervert!"

"Ouch!"

"Wow you guys should see Jean's room! Hey! (Shlurp)!"

"TOAD! YOU ATE MY FISH!"

"What can I say? I like sushi. Whoa! Help!"

"Heh! That tickles Summers!"

"Blob! Stop eating my candy bar stash!"

"Oops. Hope that vase wasn't too valuable!"

"Hey? What's in here?"

ZAPPPPPP!

"Danger Room! Bad Idea! Run!"

BOOM! "Well there goes the wall."

"Oooohhh! Pretty! I like this color! And it's so soft!"

"Quicksilver get out of my drawers! Put that down!"

"Aww Jean, you're no fun! Hey Toad! Got something for you!"

"Oh God no! He's got slime all over my…"

BAM! "Oops. There goes another wall!"

"Ha! Ha! Can't catch me! Can't catch me!"

"Hey these guys got a Playstation 2!"

"Keep your slimy little hands off of my stuff unless you want an extra hole in your head!"

"Aw you're no fun anymore! Hey! Watch it!"

"You guys are all dead!" Scott screamed. "You hear me? Dead!"

See I told you the boys would be back! Scott storms out.

Scott: Hey! I thought this was supposed to be an X-man story! Lance and Todd come out.

Todd: It was. But the author got bored with you guys.

Lance: Can we help it if she thinks we're more interesting?

Scott: You are not more interesting than we are!

Lance: Wanna bet?

Scott: You are not!

Todd: Are too. And we're cuter too. Kurt bamfs in.

Kurt: You are not cuter! None of you guys are! Especially you Toad!

Todd: Oh really? For your information Fuzzy, there are a lot of folks out there who are big fans of mine! So nyhhhaahhhhh! Todd sticks his tongue out.

Kurt: Hello? The show is called X-men Evolution! Not Brotherhood Evolution!

Lance: Hey! So you guys got a better agent than we do! Lucky break! That reminds me, is our agent back from the Bahamas?

Todd: Nah, they still haven't extradited him yet. Kitty comes out.

Kitty: So, are we like, fighting these guys or what?

Scott: Well yes and no. You guys are not more interesting than we are!

Lance: Yes we are!

Scott and Kurt: No you're not!

Lance and Todd: Yes we are!

All the X-Men: You guys are not!

All the Brotherhood: Yes we are!

Jean: You guys are so immature!

Pietro: Imitating Jean Yes why can't you all be like me, Miss Perfect Jean Grey? I am so perfect I don't need a codename, because I am so mature and wonderful and wise.

Jean: Knock it off Pietro.

Todd: Hey that's good Quickie! You sound just like her!

Jean: He does not!

Pietro: Still pretending to be Jean I am such a goody-two shoes and a perfect lady.

Jean: Knock it off you creep or I'll smash your teeth in!

Pietro: Pretending to faint into Lance's arms. Ooohhh! Scott! Save me! Save me!

Lance: Putting on a pair of sunglasses and places his hands on his hips. Don't worry! I'll save you because I am The Preppie King!

Scott: Getting ready to remove his glasses. That's it! You are so dead!

Fred: Run! The Brotherhood scatters and the X-men start chasing them again. Todd and Lance pop in again after a minute.

Todd: Such wonderful hosts. We must do this again sometime.

Lance: You bet. Gives an evil smile as they both run off laughing.