AN: Woah hey, long time no update. Haha, sorry for my absence guys, I've just be busy with art stuff and school. That and I'm pretty much suffering a writer's block.
But don't worry! I'm not abandoning my Abused story. In fact, I'm actually writing on chapter 13 during my long absence and I'm somewhat halfway through it so expect an update from it when I get it finished!
Decided to just whip up this songfic involving Drayden (Nightmare) and Rueben (Nightmare Fredbear) with the song Nicotine by Panic! At The Disco to sort of get back into the writing mood.
This is my first songfic so it's aa,,, not really good.
But anyway, enjoy this filler oneshot to prove that I'm not completely dead, haha. uvu
Cross my heart and hope to die
Burn my lungs and curse my eyes
"I hate you."
Rueben hated him. He hated him so much. But something about him made him... Intoxicated... Attracted even. Why? Why was he so enthralled by him? Was it because Drayden had that charm that made him so... Beguiled by him? He shouldn't feel this way. He knew he shouldn't. He hated him, but he loved him. And it was conflicting him and his emotions.
I've lost control and I don't want it back
I'm going numb
But I've been hijacked
It's a fucking drag
Rueben had himself locked up in his room, away from Drayden. He should've left. But he couldn't bring himself to do so. He felt trapped. But he just couldn't do it. Thinking back to the moments he spent with him; sitting on the couch together, sharing and eating their meal together, and many more made his chest tight. He felt guilty and regretful which he found odd. Just why? Why was he feeling all of these?
He wanted to leave. He wanted to. But he just couldn't. And the thought alone hurt him. He didn't want to see Drayden hurt and it was wrong for him to think so. He hated him so much but why was it that he just couldn't do all those things? Was it because he loved him at the same time? Was it because of the conflicting emotions he was feeling; his hatred and love for him? Maybe.
I taste you on my lips
And I can't get rid of you
So I say damn your kiss
And the awful things you do
Rueben hated Drayden because of how he acted towards him; mocking him, pissing him off, just being a major asshole to him in general. He hated him because he wouldn't leave him alone when he wanted relaxation to himself. Of course, that was when they weren't together. Ever since then, Drayden had changed. He wasn't the asshole he knew anymore. He hadn't done those things to him anymore. He was a reformed character.
So why was he still acting towards him as if he was still like that? Why was he still dwelling in the past? He should've moved on. But that side of him, that side that hated the black bear was telling him that he was just using him. That side was manipulating him into leaving Drayden because he will never change. He will always be the bear that he knew before they became official.
Yeah you're worse than nicotine, nicotine
Yeah you're worse than nicotine, nicotine
Yeah
No. He shouldn't listen to that. Drayden was different. He wasn't how he used to be. Not anymore. He wanted to push that conscience of him away. He didn't want to feel this way anymore. He wanted to be happy with Drayden. He wanted HIS partner to be happy. And he didn't want to hurt him. Ever.
But why? Why was it that side of his conscience, the one that still held the hatred towards him so strong? As if it was still clinging to him like as if he was something important? Just why?
It's better to burn than to fade away
It's better to leave than to be replaced
I'm losing to you, baby I'm no match
I'm going numb, but I've hijacked
Drayden sat in the living room and stared into nothing. He was deep in thought about what just happened. He had followed Rueben to his room and expressed his concern to him due to how he was acting quite... Differently today. But just then, the other bear had said something that made the black bear hurt.
"I hate you."
The moment those words came out from him and slammed the door in front of him, locking it afterwards. It left Drayden standing outside of his room in shock and confused. Why did he say that all of a sudden? Why had those three words came out of nowhere?
Thinking back, he remembered how he treated and behaved towards Rueben. Realizing this, Drayden now understood why. But... Ever since they became official, he had stopped doing all those. He had changed. But why? Why was Rueben still resenting the same hatred towards him?
Just one more hit and then we're through
Cause you could never love me back
Ah... Now that he had thought about it... Rueben could never truly love him. He was only doing this just to make him happy. But... If he was doing this... Did that mean the other bear didn't want to see him hurt? Was he just using him? No, he would never do such thing...
Wouldn't he...?
Cut every tie I have to you
Cause your love's a fucking drag
But I need it so bad
Just then, he heard the door open. And upon looking up, he saw Rueben standing there, an expression crossing his face. Was that... Regret? Guilt? Or was it both? Standing up, he turned around to face the other bear. He wanted to say something, he wanted to apologize, but he couldn't muster the courage to say anything.
Your love's a fucking drag
But I need it so bad
Rueben was now walking up to him, his mouth clamped shut as he too couldn't muster the courage to say anything even though he wanted to. So badly. He just couldn't leave him. He just couldn't.
It was almost like... He was an addiction. Something that he needed to depend his life on.
"Rueben I..."
Drayden had spoken, but his words were cut off. He wasn't sure what to say nor he was afraid to even say something in fear of setting the other bear off. He wanted to apologize. He wanted to. But he was afraid to even talk to him. He felt his body shaking, his eyes beginning to water as tears now streamed down his cheeks. He was crying now, which was unusual for him to show such emotion.
"Shut up... Just shut up...!"
Drayden's eyes widened at the sudden outburst from Rueben. He looked at him and saw that he too, had tears streaming down his cheeks. He wanted to say something. But... He just couldn't find any proper words to even formulate a proper sentence.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry about what happened... About what I said... I... I didn't mean to... I wasn't thinking right and I just... My thoughts and feelings were still dwelling in the past..."
Rueben looked down, not wanting to have eye contact with the black bear. But when he did so, Drayden gently tilted his chin upwards to look at him, a weak smile pursed his lips.
"You don't have to apologize... I'm sorry about the way I treated and behaved towards you in the past... I know you hate me... You always will because of how I was towards you..."
That soft, regretful voice of his made Rueben feel more guilty. Oh how he hated himself now for how he behaved towards him earlier.
Yeah you're worse than nicotine, nicotine
Yeah you're worse than nicotine, nicotine
Yeah
Despite his attitude towards him, the past was in the past. He loved Drayden, and Drayden loved him. And he shouldn't treat his partner this way. It was wrong of him to do so.
"I didn't mean to say it... You've changed. You're no longer that asshole I knew. And I'm sorry for behaving towards you like you were still your old self... I'm s-sorry..."
"Rue... Like I said, don't apologize... I should be the one who's doing it due to my past actions... But, if you want to leave... T-That's fine with me... If you want to replace me for someone else who's better than me, that's fine with me as well... But just remember... I love you and I'm trying my best to change... I don't want us to fight anymore, I want you to be happy..."
The sheer genuine tone in Drayden's voice was enough to set Rueben off as he now found himself crying against his chest with his arms wrapped tightly around him. Oh how he definitely hated himself now. Guilt and regret was all he was feeling. The nickname the black bear had called him struck him the most. Drayden never called him by his nickname. And hearing it the first time made him lose it.
He was an emotional mess now as he sobbed harder against the other bear's chest, not even noticing that the other's arms were now wrapped around him, his body against his. He kept apologizing, repeating the same phrase over and over as he continued to sob. He just couldn't get himself to stop.
Just by hearing this, Drayden began to whisper soothing words to Rueben. His paw stroking the fur on his head back. Every now and then, he would pause to hum a soothing tune to him that almost sounded like a lullaby. Not that he was luring him to sleep or anything. He wanted to calm him down.
He wanted to assure him that this was what he wanted to do to him; hold him close and comfort him, whispering sweet nothings into his ear, hum a tune to put him at ease. This was what all he wanted to do. Not mock him, tease him or anything that would make Rueben lash out to him in anger. He didn't want to do any of those. Not anymore.
"I love you..."
Drayden paused. Did he just hear that right? Had Rueben really said it? He surely did.
"I love you so much... I don't hate you... And I'm sorry..."
His eyes widened, as if it was his first time hearing the mottled golden bear say it. Oh, his poor, dear Rueben... How could he even be mad at him for that? It was his fault. If anything, he would blame himself that this happened. Not Rueben. He couldn't blame the mottled golden bear about this. It was him, and him only.
Oh how he fucked up big time. But, it doesn't matter anymore. They had forgiven each other and soon, they'll put all of this behind and move on. They wanted to be happy. They didn't want to hurt nor fight with each other anymore. All that mattered to him was that he loved Rueben, and Rueben loved him.
"I love you too, Rue... And I promise you that we will help each other with this..."
With that, he pressed a reassuring kiss to his forehead while he continued to hold him close and soothe him, humming the same tune he hummed earlier. He would never leave him. Rueben belonged to him, and him only. And he wanted what's best for him.
Nothing will ever separate them.