NAME: Kirk Baldridge
EMAIL:
TITLE: Who Will Love Me Now?
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of these characters, names, places, etc. They all belong to Kim Harrison, and I would just like to take this opportunity to thank her for creating them.
FANDOM: The Hollows
PAIRING: Rachel / Ivy
RATING: T
SUMMARY: A songfic, centering around WHO WILL LOVE ME NOW by PJ Harvey, in which Rachel may finally come to a deeper understanding of what Ivy is going through.
SPOILER: Set just prior to WHITE WITCH BLACK CURSE.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a one-off story that is not connected to any of my others.
Ivy Tamwood strode slowly through the sanctuary, her black ringed eyes taking in the dark, quiet surroundings.
The pixies were hiding.
Jenks had taken one look at her when she stumbled through the front door and ushered his kids outside. It was warm and they had some gardening to do, so they didn't mind.
"I can smell the blood on your breath." Jenks had asked. "You wanna talk about it?"
Ivy's only answer had been a snarl, albeit not a very forceful one. She just didn't have the energy.
Kisten had been dead for months now, and she was no closer to finding his killer than when she started. Rachel had stopped asking if she'd found anything. In fact, the two of them rarely spoke. They both missed him, yet Rachel seemed to think since she had dated him more recently she was somehow entitled to greater pain. Not that she realized she was doing it.
Ivy could not comfort her like she wanted either. Every time she tried it devolved into thoughts of kissing Rachel, making love to her, and she had to get away before she did something they would both regret. She was well aware the witch wasn't interested in her that way. Rachel knew how Ivy felt about her, and had made it abundantly clear she didn't share those desires.
No one did. Not anymore. Skimmer was in jail and Kisten was dead. Twice.
Ivy sat down at her piano and plinked the keys absently. It was some time later before it got through to her that she was playing a particular tune and since she was home alone, she began to sing.
In the forest, is a monster
It has done terrible things
So in the wood, it's hiding
And this is the song it sings
Who will love me now?
Who will ever love me?
Who will say to me
"You are my desire, I set you free?"
(Who will love me now?)
Before she started living with Rachel, this hadn't been a problem for Ivy.
After all, back then Kisten was still around, even if they weren't sleeping together anymore, and she had Piscary. True, his 'love' had involved more bloodshed and pain than she was comfortable with, but at least he had wanted her, in a perverse and sickening way. Which was why she was both relieved and heartbroken when Skimmer killed him.
Then along came Rachel Morgan, and Ivy found a whole new reason to live. They worked so well together at the IS. They were friends, and later roommates. Rachel was a very physical person, touching and hugging, even if it did take her an awful long time to understand how hard that was on vampire instincts. She seemed to genuinely like spending time with Ivy. Even though she knew Rachel was straight, a part of Ivy allowed herself to believe love wasn't such an impossible dream anymore.
Who will forgive and make me live again?
Who will bring me back to the world again?
Ivy wiped her eyes. She wasn't about to let herself break down into tears. It was fine to long for someone you couldn't have, but Rachel was frustratingly worse than an unrequited love. Mixed signals? The witch tended to all but throw herself at Ivy and then pull away when she realized she was getting what she insisted she didn't want.
The first time the two of them tried sharing blood, Ivy's desire for Rachel had gotten the better of her, and she might have seriously hurt the witch, or worse, if Jenks hadn't stopped her. She resisted Rachel's attempts to find a blood balance because the fear of what she might do overrode the lust. Eventually she relented, and what started out successful ended in near disaster when Rachel remembered Kisten's killer had tried to bind her, after which she refused to let anyone bite her again.
Ivy couldn't blame Rachel though. The unclaimed scars on her neck made her vulnerable to any vampire's influence, and living in such close quarters with one who wanted her so much was rough on both of them. Sometimes she thought they would be better off if she left, not that she had anywhere else to go. Kisten and Piscary were gone and Skimmer was unavailable. She would rather be dead twice than go back to living with her mother, so she stayed in the church. Twisted as it was, she knew it was better to see Rachel every day and not be able to touch her than wander through the world with no one wanting to be anywhere near her at all.
In the forest, is a monster
And it looks so very much like me
Will someone hear me singing?
Please save me, please rescue me
Ivy continued playing, but stopped singing momentarily as she thought about everything she and Rachel had been through in the last couple of years. More trouble than most Inderlanders saw their entire lives. Weres, demons, the undead, the brutal murder of a man they both loved, and one kiss that had been seared into both their minds.
Who will love me now?
Who will ever love me?
Who will say to me
"You are my desire, I set you free?"
Who will love me now?
Who will ever love me?
Who will say to me
"You are my desire, I set you free?"
(Who will love me now?)
(Who will ever love me?)
Who will love me now?
Who will ever love me?
Who will love me now?
Who will ever love me?
Who will love me now?
Who will ever love me?
Ivy dropped her forehead onto the keys and began to cry.
She was tired.
She was just so tired.
In the kitchen doorway, Rachel Morgan was crying too.
Al had dismissively sent her home after her lessons, and at first, she was pleased to hear music coming from the sanctuary. When she heard what Ivy was singing she froze, this wasn't meant for her, or anyone else.
Still, it tore at her heart to realize Ivy was in so much pain. The real problem was, there wasn't anything she could do for her. If she went to Ivy, to try and hug her, it would not end well. Besides the fact Ivy might rightfully be upset at what amounted to eavesdropping, her instincts would fire before long, forcing one or both of them to run.
"I'm sorry." Unfortunately, Rachel hadn't said that internally. She gasped as Ivy jerked her head up, eyes black. "Oh God." She stepped hesitantly into the sanctuary. "Oh Ivy. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…I'm sorry…"
Ivy lurched to her feet and raced down the hallway. A moment later, her bedroom door slammed closed.
Fresh tears welled up in Rachel's eyes. "I do love you."