Cal stared at the doctor with a dark frown. "I'm sorry, what did you just say?"
"You have a disease called oscoliosistenderflanker."
"You're joking, right?"
"No, I would never lie about this kind of thing. " The doctor - Dr. Jon - took a step towards Cal and raised his hands, trying to show the greatness of Cal's current situation.
"What does that mean?"
"It means that... you are capable of conceiving."
"Gah! No! Don't tell me that shit!"
"I'm sorry?"
"You should be! I can't give BIRTH!"
"Yes you can, sir, and you are pregnant."
"GAH! NO!"
"Please, Mr. Lightman."
"Doctor Lightman," Cal immediately corrected.
"Don't you see? This is a wonderful thing!"
"This is a HORRIBLE thing! This is creepy." He held up a finger, counting off what this was. "This is weird. This is ridiculous. This is not possible. This is STUPID! This is NOT true!"
"A man... giving birth... do you know what that means? It means that now the world can procreate two times faster!"
"I don't want to 'procreate'! I'd prefer to just be a dude." Cal leaned against the wall and shook his head. "This is jacked up. I don't believe this."
"I got you a therapist to help you through this difficult time."
"A therapist? I work with a woman that is a therapist... I think she can help me more."
"No, it's for pregnancy counceling."
"I'M NOT PREGNANT!" Cal screamed.
"Sir, please calm down. Would you like the therapist or not?"
"NOT!" Cal raged.
"SIR!" Dr. Jon hissed. "Please... stop. Right now."
"Stop what? 'Conceiving?' Sorry... it's hormones... I can't help it," Cal mocked.
"This has become inappropriate."
Cal raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Yes sir it has. Now bring out the cameras and tell me that this is all a stupid-ass joke."
"I'm sorry, sir, but this still is not a joke."
The large metal door broke from it's hinges and revealed Emily standing there, her fists up at the ready. "Daddy, are you pregnant? Me too!"
Cal shook his head and then looked at Emily. "What? You're pregnant?"
"Yeah!" she said excitedly.
"Who the hell got you pregnant?"
Her smiled disappeared and she whispered, "I was raped daddy." She narrowed her eyes and looked at him. A small wink came from her face and he frowned.
"Who raped you? Why wasn't I told? I'll kill him!"
"No, daddy, I wanted it."
"Then it's not considered rape." Cal took a deep breath and turned his head curiously studying her face.
"No, but he forced me."
"Then he raped you."
"But I wanted it."
"Then he didn't. Emily! What the bloody hell? What bloke did this to you?"
"Daddy, just don't worry. Oh look." She pointed to the paper in Dr. Jon's file on Cal. "We have the same due date."
"I'm not fuckin' pregnant."
"Yes sir you are. Come in in about a month and we can do an ultrasound."
"Emily, we are going."
"Dr. Jon?" a man asked, walking into the room.
"No, no," Dr. Jon said in a high voice. "No, you need to go."
"But I thought you needed a therapist?"
"Yes, well I thought Dr. Lightman would want one, but he doesn't so off you go."
Cal thought for a minute and shrugged. "Hell, I'll take him."
"Really?" Dr. Jon asked hopefully.
"Yeah, hand him over. What's your name, love?" Cal asked the therapist.
"Uh," he cleared his throat. "Fallon."
"Fallon? Well that's a fucked up name, but who cares. Do you cry yourself to sleep? Yeah..." Cal took Fallon's hand and dragged him from the hospital room.
"Sir, you're pregnant."
"Holy shit! I didn't even say anything about being pregnant. Don't talk to me unless I talk to you first. Emily, come on," He yipped.
Emily nodded and ran after them. "Um, daddy..."
"What?" Cal turned around and looked at her.
"Do you want to know who took advantage of me like Tom Robinson did Mayella Ewell?"
"So you tempted a black man?"
"No, it was Eli. Eli Loker. He raped me. While you were at the shop."
"The shop?"
"Yes, Wal-Mart. He came to the house and I asked him to chop up a chiffarobe and then he raped me."
Cal raised an eyebrow and said, "Alright, I'll talk to him."
"How will you tell Gillian?"
"I don't know. I still don't believe it so... wait... A woman can't get a man pregnant?"
"Well, you have that disease," Emily reminded him.
"No, it's absolutely impossible. It's the guy putting something in the girl... not the other way around."
"I hate to suggest this, sir," Fallon said, "but... maybe you slept with a man?"
Cal quickly slapped Fallon and then straightened up. "HELL NO!"
"Alright. Sorry for suggesting it, sir."
"Yes, you bloody well should be."
A/N: This is a completel joke that my friend and I came up with... I just wanted to know what you think. If you haven't read the book 'To Kill A Mockingbird' then part of this will be confusing... also if there's other confusing things, it's cause it's an inside joke between my friends and I. Thanks for reading and let me know what you think!