To Be Royal
It's too bright.
That was all she could think about that day. It should have been raining like in Burmecia. Or misty like at the Iifa Tree. Stormy like in Cleyra or dark like in the mines that led to the Outer Continent.
The sky had not done her a favor and was blue. Too blue. She had not seen a cloud, no breeze hat given her relief.
It's too bright.
Her mind should have been full of other things. Her upcoming coronation. The things she had learned in Madain Sari. Her mother's death… but that day, her mind was blank.
Her insides were just as blank, her chest felt absolutely hollow. Where once had been her heart now seemed to gape a giant hole. It didn't hurt… it just caved her from the inside.
Had she died when they tried to take her Eidolons? Had she sunk into the Reaper's arms when the Plant Brain had gotten hold of her? Or had her light been snuffed out when she had jumped from the eastern tower of the castle?
She couldn't be alive, she felt too hollow zu be. Too numb. Too heavy, too blind. Too speechless.
She didn't listen to the priest whose words were meaningless in her ears. She didn't listen to the nobles from Treno who chatted with each other quietly. And even more, she didn't listen to the baroness that offered her condolences, being the next one in a row of too many whose faces started to merge into one.
Her attention was focused on the big, smooth block of white marble under which her mother rested. But actually, she didn't even really see it.
A sunbeam blinded her and there was this thought again.
It's too bright.
Why was the sun shining…?
Around her, the nobles' voices faded, silence occurred. Was she finally alone? The sounds were returning into her world very slowly, she heard the birds' twitter and the wind's rustle through the leaves of the trees, that were standing around the little pavilion.
She blinked. She felt as if she had just awoken from a deep slumber.
How long had she been standing here? She looked around and discovered that she really was alone.
She reached for the Silver Pendant and affirmed that it was still hanging around her neck. Then, she examined the mother's tombstone thoughtfully.
It's too bright.
It wasn't the marble that bothered her, not the white roses on the tomb or the doves that fluttered down to the tomb from a nearby tree. What really bothered her was the absence of her friends.
She hadn't had the opportunity to even exchange a word with them upon their arrival at Alexandria because Steiner and Beatrix had immediately led her to her room. She had wanted to ask when she could see the others but there had been a lump in her throat. Maybe because she hadn't talked that much alltogether since Brahne's death.
She had not been able to find words when Steiner had inquired her well-being on the transit. She had remained silent when Vivi had tried to cheer her up. She had not said anything when Zidane had told her another one of his endless adventure stories.
He had been the only one who had not handled her with kid gloves during the sea passage back to Alexandria. Maybe this was his way to deal with mourning, she didn't know. But she knew that his demeanour had been the only one that hadn't annoyed her in the last couple of days.
And now… where was he? Were he, Vivi and the others still in Alexandria? Were they waiting for her to come see them? Or had they long left the town because they did not need her anyway?
It's too bright.
She noticed that the hole in her chest hurt when she thought of her friends. Just as if the invisible wound was inflamed. Suddenly, she shivered and hugged herself.
She suddenly felt the pressing urge to hide from the light. It was too bright! Too bright… how could it be so bright, when there was so much darkness inside her?
Quietly, she sighed and closed her eyes for a moment.
Was a future queen allowed to behave that way? She was a princess… and her friends – he – were commoners. They would never have got to know each other under normal circumstances.
She wasn't Dagger. She was Garnet, hat to be her, because her mother had died.
She was the soon-to-be Queen of Alexandria… and she had to act like that. The hole in her chest would close someday, for sure. It just had to!
A last glance at the tombstone, then she turned around slowly and walked down the few steps to the jetty that led to the small garden – and now her mother's last resting place, too.
At the end of the jetty, she stopped, listened to the sounds of the waves and looked over to the castle.
She would be queen. She would reign over Alexandria and do everything she could to mend the damages Brahne had inflicted on the neighbouring realms. And she would forget him one day, for sure, if only because… a princess and someone like him had no future together.
The wind ruffled her hair and she felt the dragging pain in her chest again. But she had to deal with it…
She turned around and looked back to the tombstone.
"I promise, Mother," she whispered and finally felt the long-awaited tears on her cheeks. "I'll be a good queen."
… It's too bright.