First Revenge story, EVER! ^_^ This is so exciting! :D I dedicate this to my amazing family who helped make me who I am and who got me into Revenge! This is also to all the Nemily fans out there, whether you love them as a couple or simply as friends. :)
This fic was inspired by a YouTube video called "Emily and Nolan Together We're Never Gonna Fall" by Leah Thomas and, more specifically, the song "Stormy" by Hedley. I was watching that video when this idea came to me and I'm pretty sure I've watched it fifty times since then. xD So, great job, Leah! I love your video, if you happen to be reading this for whatever reason! :P Thanks for inspiring me to write my first Revenge fic! You're awesome! ^_^
What else? This is set early in Season 2 and does contain spoilers, I guess. Oh! And this isn't necessarily Nemily romance (although I originally wanted it to be, because I ship them together). It's more of a friendship story, but, if you squint, you can see some romance. ;) Enjoy! :)
It's stormy out,
So baby let me in,
I can help, I know I can,
Together we're never gonna fall.
~Hedley
Wind Blow, Rain Fall
He should have known. Of course, he wasn't going to get any sleep and, of course, the ceiling fan did absolutely nothing to entertain him after the first thirty minutes he'd spent staring up at it. Now, two - or maybe it was three - hours later, he'd finally admitted to himself that he wouldn't be falling asleep any time soon. He was so tired he found it impossible to be sleepy. Ever since he'd moved into this house, things had been this way.
All around him were memories of things he'd never been a part of. Sure, Emily had no pictures of her father up anywhere, but it was almost like the deceased man still lived there. There was no doubt that Emily thought of her father every single day, so, Nolan supposed that could have been the reason he found himself unable to sleep, always sitting awake, thoughts of David Clarke and the life the man's daughter had chosen rushing through his mind. But that didn't explain why he kept imagining things he himself didn't remember.
He envisioned a seven year old Emily Thorne - or Amanda Clarke, at the time - squealing and giggling cheerfully as she raced through the house, David chasing behind her as the tickle monster. He imagined her playing dress up and dancing around the living room with her father. He would picture them baking cookies together in the kitchen, laughing and smiling, enjoying each other's company.
Nolan felt a little insane for inventing memories, but he'd never really wondered about what Emily and David's lives had been like before the whole David Clarke thing until he'd come to live in the house. He knew it was a place haunted with memories, good and bad, especially for Emily. If his own, imaginary moments the family had shared in the past brought on a whole new level of sorrow and pain, he couldn't even begin to wonder what Emily must feel like, on a daily basis.
He worried about her sometimes. He worried about that look in her eyes and the way she was starting to keep things to herself more often. He knew it must be tiring to keep up an act for so long and he also knew she'd turned into a bitter, lonely person throughout all of this. He wished he knew how to find the sweet little girl David Clarke had always talked about. He wished he knew who Amanda Clarke was, because Emily Thorne was setting herself up for destruction, whether she knew it or not.
He'd stay by her side, though, no matter what the cost. She was his best friend, his only friend, and he needed her just as much - maybe even more - than she needed him. He figured she knew that, even if only to an extent. She would put up walls and knock him down a few times, but nothing could keep him from loving her. He wasn't sticking around because of a stupid promise. He was sticking around because there was more to this than a promise. This was a friendship. He'd finally found one person who cared enough to keep him around and he wasn't about to lose her. He'd do anything for her. And that was why he was still there.
Thunder boomed outside his window and he listened intently to the downpour of rain. The waves were crashing on the nearby shore and the wind whistled out there, just before lightning flashed across the sky, lighting up the room just before more thunder sounded. He'd always loved storms. There had always been something calming about them, especially on nights when he couldn't sleep.
Glancing at the clock, he realized it was two minutes to 2:00AM. Sighing, he rolled over onto one side, wishing he could just once find a foreign thing called sleep in this house.
It was a little odd to be staying with Emily. She kept telling him to find another place to live and, of course, she needed her own space to do revenge-y stuff, but it wasn't like he was in the way. He picked up after himself, most of the time, and, other than the fact he'd already eaten up half her kitchen, she had nothing to worry about.
Maybe she was frustrated about the few awkward moments they'd had since he'd moved in. Both of them were used to living on their own, so, it was just natural that a few embarrassing things would happen every now and then. He was willing to let go and forget about those, though, especially if she was. But she hadn't seemed to, so he thought of the moments often and laughed about them in his spare time.
Lightning brightened the room again and he was seriously considering a walk along the stormy beach when, suddenly, a chilling scream sounded from down the hallway and Nolan felt his heart drop.
Emily.
He was on his feet in seconds, trying not to trip over sheets and blankets as he got out of bed. What was going on? Was Emily all right? His heart was pounding as he raced down the hallway, wishing for the first time ever he had a gun or a baseball bat he could carry around with him. Boxing was one thing, but he wasn't sure what he'd be able to do if he found Emily in her room, injured or worse.
By now, the screaming had stopped, but he could still hear soft cries. Reaching her door in seconds, he pulled it open, unsure of what to expect. He was halfway waiting for someone to turn and point a gun at him, which, with his life, wouldn't be unusual, but that's not what happened at all. In fact, this wasn't anything like what he'd been expecting.
The blond woman in front of him didn't appear to be injured. She was laying on her bed, tears streaming down her face and soaking the pillow beneath her just as the rain did the same thing to the sand outside. Her eyes were closed and she didn't seem to notice him enter the room. He'd never seen her look so vulnerable, so broken. "Ems?" He took a few, cautious steps forward, unsure of whether or not he should risk entering the room. After all, Emily had been known to get pretty mad at him while she was awake. He couldn't even imagine what it'd be like if he disturbed her crying in the middle of the night.
He stopped at the side of her bed, leaning down a little to get a better look at her face. Other than the tears and the pain written all over it, she didn't seem to be hurt. There were no wounds anywhere and she was still breathing, so he took two seconds to sigh in relief and thank God she was all right, for the most part.
He touched her arm gently. If she was awake, she'd either punch him or scream at him to get out. Neither one of those things happened, though. Instead, more tears fell from her eyes and she took shallow, shuddering breaths. "No," she muttered softly. "No. No!"
She was dreaming, he realized, although he couldn't think of anything that could possibly scare the girl of steel in front of him. Her life was a nightmare already and she barely even flinched through any of what she went through day in and day out. Whatever she was dreaming about had to be terrible.
Sighing again, he slowly sat down next to her, trying to be as quiet as possible to avoid waking the slumbering beast. She looked so innocent while sleeping. She looked like an angel. She looked like the real Amanda Clarke, the one David had told him about, the one he'd always dreamed of meeting. She was beautiful.
The more she cried, though, the more his heart broke. This wasn't an average cry, this wasn't a small cry. This was one full of pain, one of complete sorrow and distress, one that let him know exactly how she felt, one that let him see that she, too, was not some sort of superhero who had no feelings. She was not someone who let go of how she felt in order to get what she wanted. Deep down inside, regardless of what she wanted everyone else to believe, Emily Thorne was hurt. She was still that scared, little girl she'd been the day they'd taken her father away and she was still the one who needed someone to be there for her through all of this. She needed help, no matter how many times she pretended she didn't.
"Ssh," Nolan whispered, gently moving a strand of hair away from her face. "Ssh, Ems. It's okay. I'm here. You're not alone."
The sound of his voice so close must have startled her awake, because, before he could wrap his mind around what was happening, a fist had connected with his ribs and he fell right off the side of the bed, a gun pointed at him. Bad idea, apparently. He didn't say anything at all as he stared up at her, her blond hair a mess and her eyes red from crying so much. She looked vicious, even as a few more tears fell from her dark eyes.
Thunder boomed outside and Emily jumped involuntarily, hating herself for it after she did so. She sighed frustratedly, pulling open the drawer of her nightstand and shoving the gun back inside, slamming the drawer shut afterward. She whirled back around to face Nolan, her glare colder then the weather. "Nolan, what are you-"
His ribs felt like they were on fire and he had no idea how a small-looking woman like his best friend could pack such a punch. She was terrifying. He stared up at her, a look of sincere concern crossing his face when he realized she was going back into tough-girl mode. "Emily."
She wasn't sure she realized that there was a problem until she heard Nolan's voice. It sounded so worried, so full of sorrow. Not only that, but he'd called her Emily. She couldn't remember the last time he'd called her that. Something must have been wrong. She reached up touch her face and was ashamed to find tears still falling from her eyes. Wiping them away hurriedly, she glanced at the clock before getting off the bed. "It's late. You shouldn't be in here."
He stood up as well, looking down into her clouded eyes. He knew she wanted him to leave, but he wasn't sure he could at this point. She wouldn't be all right if he did. "I'm not leaving you, Ems."
She sighed impatiently. "Nolan, I'm fine. We're not discussing this. Go to bed." The thunder rolled again and she jumped, muttering something he couldn't understand under her breath an instant later.
His eyebrows went up and he was about to say something, but she interrupted him.
Crossing the bedroom, she reached the door, pulling it open further. "I said get out. Go."
"Ems, I'm not leaving you," he told her again. His feet, although they felt glued to the floor, were itching to run as soon as she sent an icy glare his way. The last thing he needed was for her to get angry at him. He, of all people, knew her wrath was the scariest thing one could ever encounter. The question was: Was he willing to go up against it in order to stay by her side?
She narrowed her eyes at him. "Get. Out."
He took a slow, deep breath, shaking his head. "Emily . . ." He walked over to her. "You ne-"
She suddenly had him by the collar of his t-shirt, his face inches away from her own. "Nolan, I'm not joking." Her teeth were clenched, her eyes, even in the dark, were ablaze with anger and frightening fury. "Get out of my room. That's the last time I'm going to tell you."
He stared into her eyes. She was completely serious, there was no doubt about it. She meant business and he had no way of stopping her, even if he tried. No matter how much she probably hurt on a regular basis, no matter how many times she needed someone to talk to, no matter how much she held inside, she would never have anyone. No one - not Nolan, or Daniel, or even Jack - would ever be able to get close to her, because she would always, always push everyone away. She would never let anyone in.
The last person she had ever let in, the last person she'd ever had to know the real her was her father, and he had been taken away from her, just like any last bit of the happiness she'd had left. This wasn't the life he would have wanted for her. His little girl wouldn't be pushing people away.
Nolan thought carefully about his next words before he spoke again. "Ems, something's wrong. I'm not leaving you alone." He paused, a look of realization crossing his face. "Y-You . . . You were dreaming about David Clarke, weren't you?" He'd known the house was haunted with memories. He'd just never realized how she probably struggled with her past and how often she had to force herself to be strong, living in this house while trying to accomplish her devious revenge plans. He sighed. "Listen, I know you-"
She pursed her lips and, when she spoke, her voice was dripping with a bitter tone and a hint of sorrow, "Good night, Nolan." Shoving him out of the room, she slammed the door shut, leaving him alone in the dark hallway.
He leaned his head up against the door tiredly. Even if he had to stay there all night, he wouldn't leave her. He wasn't about to let her suffer alone.
She headed back across the room to her bed, wiping a few more tears from her eyes. Nolan knew more than she would like to think he did. It wasn't unusual for nightmares to torment her as she slept, but it was rare when there was anyone around to notice. The few times when she'd had a nightmare around Daniel, he'd comforted her, but it never mattered. She'd never given herself time to be truly upset. With Daniel, it was always masks and lies, she had to keep pretending. Nothing like this had ever happened before. No one had ever cut to the chase as quickly as Nolan had.
Taking several, deep, shuddering breaths, she laid down, ignoring the lightning that flashed from outside. She'd lied. She wasn't fine at all. Nothing was fine. Nothing was ever all right and it was all because of the Graysons. Her life had been turned upside down because of those people. She could've had a good life, she could have had a father. But no. Thanks to them, nothing was okay anymore.
Sometimes, on very rare occasions, she would find herself wondering what her life would have been like if her father had been around all along. She found herself imagining whether or not she would have grown up as a happy person. Would she have had actual friends, or would all of them still be fake? As a teenager, would she have gone to prom, or had a boyfriend she actually loved? Or would all of this have happened, anyway? Yes, even if the Graysons had done nothing at all to her small family, there was a chance something similar would have happened in the future, for whatever reason, and she would still be the exact same as she was now.
None of the what-if's ever comforted her, not anymore. They only reminded her what she was doing, they kept her going. But even so, she found herself afraid on nights like these. She found herself terrified and alone, with no one who could possibly understand. She felt so stupid, so weak. This wasn't how things were supposed to be. She had to keep her cool at all times, even if nightmares did try to catch her off guard at times. Nolan wasn't supposed to see her cry. No one was. She had to keep her mind on what needed to be done. She was seeking revenge for what happened to her father.
Still, though, if she was supposed to keep calm, if she was supposed to be tough, why was she having such a hard time? Why was she still crying? Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she'd never really realized how alone she truly was until tonight. Sure, Nolan had tried to help, but that didn't mean anything anymore. She had to push him away, she had to keep everyone away. She was alone, yes, but only because she had no other choice.
More tears fell from her eyes and she tried to stop the memories of her father from flooding her mind, but, as usual, she couldn't. He had been such a great dad. They had done everything together. He had always loved her, no matter what she did, no matter what she didn't do. He'd always loved her, more than anyone else in the world and he was the only one she'd ever met who'd been able to love unconditionally. Jack had, once upon a time, but she wasn't so sure he'd still love her if he knew the truth about who she really was. She'd spent so much time lying to everyone, putting up walls, putting on faces. She wouldn't be surprised if no one loved her by the time all this was over.
"Ems." Nolan, who was apparently freakishly stubborn in the middle of the night, tapped on the door. "Let me in."
She didn't respond. Maybe he would go away if she ignored him. Right now, she needed to be alone. It was what was good for her. She needed to deal with this by herself. After all, if she couldn't now, how would she ever be able to? She couldn't depend on people. She needed to be strong, otherwise her mission would never be accomplished.
Everything seemed to fall silent, except for the thunder outside and she finally managed to stop the tears from falling. Everything was okay. She could handle this on her own. Yes, her father was no longer with her, but that was the point of everything she'd done so far. She needed to keep her eyes on the goal.
She'd almost convinced herself that she would be able to go into a peaceful sleep with no nightmares making fun of her when the bedroom door opened again and none other than her best friend stepped into the room.
He didn't say anything this time. He simply crossed the room, looking like he was expecting her to jump off the bed and throw him out the window. She didn't, though. Why? Even she had no idea. By the time he reached her side, she looked nothing short of stoic as she addressed him coolly. "What do you want, Nolan?"
He shook his head, taking a seat on the bed next to her. "I want you to be okay," he whispered.
"I'm fi-"
"You're not." She opened her mouth to say something, but he wrapped both arms around her and pulled her close to him. He knew she hated it, but he also knew that now wasn't the time to decide what she'd be all right with and what she wouldn't. What she needed right now was a friend and he was going to be there for her. "Ems . . . Your father would be proud of you. You're smart, strong-"
"Stop it, Nolan." Her voice had a warning tone to it. He didn't care, though, he was used to that by now. She struggled to break free from his grasp, but had no luck. She didn't remember him being this strong.
"I won't." His blue eyes met her brown ones. "He'd be proud because you're brave and determined and you never let anything stop you. Your father would be so glad that his beautiful angel turned into such an incredible woman."
She tried to pull away from him again, but he refused to let go. She needed to hear this. She needed to know the truth. Her eyes were burning with emotion, though, and she looked like she was about ready to send him flying into the ocean. "Nolan."
"He's proud, Ems," the blond continued. "I know that, wherever he is, he's watching and he is so thankful for who you've become." Of course, maybe not for the fact she was seeking revenge on some of the most powerful people in the Hamptons, but he decided to leave that part out. "You're the girl he always hoped you'd be."
Finally, she managed to break free and shove him away with great force, tears stinging her eyes. "Shut up, Nolan," she snapped. "My father was killed and he was an innocent man. I'm seeking revenge on everyone involved and nothing else matters right now. We'll never know if he would be proud or not, because he's gone."
"You-"
"Listen-"
"No, you listen!" he shouted suddenly, catching her off guard. She'd only heard him yell a handful of times and very few of those had been at her. "Whether you want to admit it or not, you need someone! You miss your father every single day!"
"Of course I miss him!"
"Then don't tell me you're fine when it's obvious you're not!" He sighed, lowering his voice a bit. "David told me so much about you. He called you an angel, his angel, and he made me swear to protect you, no matter what."
"I don't need your protection!"
"No, but you need a friend. And I'm here, Ems." She avoided his gaze, but only because she knew she'd find sincerity and the love of her best friend in it. "It's okay to be scared. It's okay to miss your dad. You're not as alone as you think you are. I know you think of him everyday, and living in this house probably doesn't help, but I'm here and I'm not leaving you."
She didn't do anything this time when he put an arm around her and pulled her closer to him. She still looked angry, but he knew she was letting a few walls down, at least. He wondered how often she'd had nightmares as terrible as the one she'd had only minutes earlier, how often she was by herself and woke up all alone in this house, with no one to comfort her and memories to haunt her. He rubbed her arm and wondered what on earth he could say to make her feel better.
She was looking away, an angry, stubborn expression on her face. He wouldn't have been surprised if she randomly decided to knock his head off. She never did, though. Instead, she closed her eyes, trying to block out every single thought of her father.
A lot had happened in the nightmare she'd had, but she tried to force it out of her mind, for she felt tears welling up in her eyes just thinking about it.
When she finally looked up, she noticed Nolan's face inches away from hers, his concern evident, although blurry. Of course, he caught sight of the tears immediately. "Ems," he began quickly, holding her tighter, "you don't have to pretend around me. I know who you really are."
She swallowed and stared up at him, trying her best to put a scowl back onto her face. "Then why are you still here?"
"Because I love you, and I care. You're my best friend and I'm not going to sit by and watch you hurt."
She bit down on her lip so hard that she was almost sure it'd be bleeding in a second. She couldn't cry, she didn't want to. Not now. She probably looked like such an idiot. Why was she letting this happen? This wasn't keeping her feelings inside, this wasn't being strong.
Finally, a few tears escaped her eyes and she tried to wipe them away, but more came in their place. She felt as though she was drowning in emotion and she wanted nothing more than to run far, far away from Nolan and his kind words. "I'm sorry," she whispered, but whether that was to Nolan or her father, she had no idea.
"It's okay." He pulled her closer and moved the hair away from her face just as he'd done when she was sleeping. "Let it out. It's okay, Ems."
Her body shook uncontrollably as more tears fell from her eyes. She tried to stop crying, but it was pointless now. All she could think about was her father and how he'd been kind enough to send her Nolan, her best friend, the only one who would ever do this, who would ever be there for her when she needed it. She leaned her head on his chest, soaking his t-shirt with tears.
He rubbed her back gently. He'd seen many sides of Emily Thorne, but he'd never seen this one. She'd let him in instead of pushing him out, for the first time ever. She was showing her true feelings, she was letting it all out and allowing him to be there for her. He would have been happy if it didn't break his heart so much to see her crying.
"I'm here," he whispered as she wrapped her arms around him, crying harder. "I'm not going anywhere."
She tried to catch her breath, but she found it almost impossible. "I know."
He smiled, leaning his head on hers.
The next morning, the sun would be up and everything would be back to normal. The Hamptons would be bright, the skies clear, and Emily Thorne would return, telling Nolan Ross, for the umpteenth time, to find someplace else to live. He'd smirk and come up with a witty remark, maybe he would even bring up one of those famous embarrassing moments they'd shared since he moved in. She'd get mad, maybe even hit him. And he'd smile, because he loved her, as Amanda Clarke, and as Emily Thorne.
Thanks for reading! ^_^