Disclaimer: I don't have any rights to Gundam Wing (BANDAI) or this song (SAVAGE GARDEN).
Warning:
- Yaoi
- Coarse Language
- Post Death Fic
- Song Fic (I don't know you anymore by Savage Garden)
- Angst
- Oneshot
Author's Note: I am still working on Revolution. Sorry for the delay.
This fic post had to be altered to have the lyrics removed as TheRealGoodieTwoShoes pointed out. It breaks the rule about copying from previously published work. However, I am not sure if he/she is implying that this is a re-post of an older story or a copied one because it's neither. Thank you for pointing it out.
***Please listen to the song as you read. Areas that have "..." Indicate where lyrics were previously.
I Don't Know You Anymore
"Are you guys ready for the new song?" Arianna Qaterina Winner asked calmly building her audiences' anticipation. Typically she'd be screaming and pumping her fist as she pumped up her fans. But today, it would be different. Today it wasn't her song, it was her father's.
"You guys are always fantastic, so I hope you love this song even if it's a little different." The buzzing in the stadium died down and she smiled with false uncertainty in the general direction of the floor. Then she looked up towards the box seats…towards the blinding lights and the shadowed seats. Her uncertainty became very real.
"This is dedicated to an uncle of mine that I've never met and is written by my father." She looked at her hands and gingerly unfolded a piece of paper in her sweaty palms.
"This is a letter, or rather, a script from my father. For 10 years he held on to it, worked on it, studied and re-wrote it. He just never got around to saying it." Again she gently rubbed the paper with her thumb before folding it away. "Now, I'm saying it for him. So here it is, 'I Don't Know You Anymore' written by Quatre Raberba Winner and dedicated to some guy I've never seen." Arianna swallowed hard, "I hope you enjoy the show."
One more time she looked up into the darkness, quickly before she began the song. She wanted to know what was happening up in the special seats but, she trusted that her Uncle Chang would have kept his word.
...
"WuFei, this was underhanded," seethed Duo. WuFei, Heero, and Rashid stood blocking the only exit out of this little box where the words of the song seemed to be amplified. "Let us out, now."
WuFei looked Duo straight in the eye before looking at the rigid and silent man behind him. All of them had aged handsomely, no one had expected Quatre's first and last heart attack.
...
"You missed the funeral." Heero stated blandly. Duo's eyes darted to Heero and his rage burned brighter. Heero listened to the words wash over him and just looked at Duo and Trowa. He never regretted defending Quatre but he would forever regret losing Duo.
He watched with a pang of bitterness as Trowa gracefully brought Duo to heel by simply putting a hand on his shoulder. Heero understood. Trowa was saying it was okay…he would be unaffected. Quatre had been sufficiently erased out of his life. Bastard.
It took all of WuFei's tactical planning to figure out how to get Trowa and Duo here. Arianna and Quatre had never been close beyond her teenage years. After Quatre's unexpected death it was a surprise to see her mourning so sincerely at the funeral and an even greater surprise when she came to WuFei and Heero for help. He had always thought of her as a little wisp of a girl but, when she came in that day she threw down that note and asked, "Who is it?" with all the fire her father had. Heero gave her a hard look that would have made lesser people back down. Unfortunately, she was a Winner by blood and therefore, not a lesser person at all. Heero hadn't broken. It was WuFei.
"Trowa Barton." Arianna didn't look lost after hearing that name, only determined. Trowa was the one responsible for her bitter and confusing life. Her mother, Dianne, had worked hard to earn Quatre's love…but, never managed.
Quatre, however, did love his daughter. At first. Later he seemed at a loss on what to do with her. When Dianne recognized her failure she became cold and malicious. She attacked Arianna viciously by withholding love, browbeating her, and making a frightened child afraid to live. Arianna looked to Quatre for help and he couldn't…he had spent his entire life as the Winner heir with no scandal. It was all he had left. It is what made him lose Trowa, and then, Arianna. Arianna left and became a star while still fulfilling her father's and mother's wishes. She was a pleaser, like her father. He was lucky she took after him. Trowa had not been so gracious. Trowa had left and never looked back…and he took Duo with him.
...
Duo tried hard to get his brain under control. He sat down in the plush seats and stared hard at the blonde singing on the stage. Little manipulative bitch. Just like her father.
Duo tried to ignore the lyrics and retain his anger but, he was never one to blame kids for their parents' mistakes. Or, at least in this case, Heero's. Time had a way of making things seem so long ago while pride seemed to have a way of making everything seem fresh. Duo knew he was tired and wanted to reconcile the two. Hell, he was 55—ancient—of course he was fucking tired. He shoulda been too old for this bitter shit but, every time he looked at Trowa he felt young and raw and hurt again.
It had been the biggest fight of their lives and it wasn't against the enemy. It started out pretty standard—pretty expected. Then…psh—it just went outta control.
...
Duo heard Trowa's breath suck in. It was the only thing that betrayed that he was most definitely affected. And again, there was the anger but…under the wash of music…the anger stood no chance.
Somewhere in the back of Duo's mind he heard the chant: So long ago, so long, so long, so long ago. He looked up at Heero and saw Heero staring blankly down at him. Only, Duo knew that it wasn't blankly. They both had that look of misty remembrance. The fight—it was T and Q's fight—but, they had gotten involved.
The expected part had been that the company and familia had been putting pressure on Q to get hitched and have an heir. It was funny…the fight had been all about a male heir and they had a girl. Irony was a bitch and so was Quatre. He had talked the talk about fighting for Tro and in the end he said 'yes' to the supercilious bitches. Duo wasn't sure how it went down but, he had been pained to hear Trowa's silent sobs as he cried for support.
That's when it went wrong between himself and Heero.
...
While Duo had been busy trying to support Trowa, Heero had walked out to see Quatre. When he came back he said that Trowa needed to leave. Duo sorta knew what was going on at this point and asked Heero if he had his head up his ass. Quatre was going to get married to some bitch and leave Trowa high and dry. Heero told him to have more faith in Quatre and all Duo's insecurities flared up like paper doused in gasoline.
Duo lowered his head into his hands as he remembered how stupid it had been. Had he been stupid for the last thirty odd years? Duo had always been leery of Heero's bond with Quatre and when this came about it escalated. Then things just got worse. Duo spent most of his time supporting Trowa and Heero tried to support Quatre. It was a bad idea. Trowa and Duo saw Heero and Quat at a chintzy café laughing and smilin' like there wasn't anything wrong. Duo stormed in there and demanded to know what was happening. Heero had asked for trust and Duo had spat in his face.
Duo covered his eyes, now. He was trying to push the tears back. After the café fight Heero didn't speak to Duo and Duo just wanted him to come crawling back. It never happened. What was wrong with him? Duo bit on a sob. He had avoided thinking about this for thirty years…and the fight was all about trust.
...
Duo looked at Heero once more and saw him with different insecurities. Same old Heero. If Duo had trusted him would Heero have changed? Would Heero have been more open? Duo looked back at Trowa and finally wondered what happened that night. They were so old now, did it matter? He looked at the girl on the stage. Arianna. It mattered enough to her. Once more he glanced at Heero and Heero stepped closer.
It mattered to him.
...
It mattered to Duo, too.
...
Trowa kept a careful eye on Duo in an attempt to avoid listening to Quatre. Though it was Arianna singing, Trowa could hear Quatre, his uncertainty, his longing, and his regret. Quatre echoed all around him and Trowa couldn't stop the tide of memories. His face never changed expression but, inside the well had sprung a leak. He remembered how Quatre hated the cold and loved to cuddle. Trowa had always thought it was an excuse for Quatre to cuddle him.
...
Trowa did know what Quatre meant. The first year apart had been the worst. Trowa heard about the marriage and his heart iced over in the bitterness of the L3 snow. For a moment Trowa was going to slip back into the sweet memories of Quatre but, the remembrance of that cold winter brought Trowa back. He looked out onto—Arianna—and thought, 'do your worst.'
...
If anything, Trowa became more frigid. The memories left unthought came back haunting every recess of his mind. If anyone had had an agenda, it was definitely Quatre and the rest of the Winner hags. Was this his excuse, everyone has an agenda?
Trowa had watched Quatre argue with and lose against the bulk of his sisters. They were being unreasonable. Quatre said he had needed time to come up with a plan but, to appease his sisters, he ended up going to marriage interviews. Trowa's nostrils flared at the memory. The bitches had kept him so busy between work and women that soon he had no time for Trowa.
Trowa had had enough and confronted Quatre. Quatre just gave him that serene smile and said he was trying. Trowa trusted that he was until there was news of marriage.
Quatre hadn't pleaded ignorance and said it was all part of the plan. Trowa asked about this 'plan' and when Quatre refused, Trowa had decided to find out on his own.
...
Quatre was going to use Dianne as a cover. The woman had said she was a lesbian and she was desperate to cover it up. Quatre had only felt the desperation and not the lie. She was heterosexual. She was just desperate to marry Quatre. Trowa had confronted Quatre in, possibly, the messiest way.
Trowa had stormed into the Winner building and banged through the double doors of Quatre's boardroom. It hadn't mattered to him that he was undermining Quatre's authority in front of the board. He should have cared but, there was such satisfaction in seeing Quatre's serene expression colour in embarrassment. Trowa waited for Quatre to dismiss the board before starting the oncoming tirade.
Quatre had surprised him. Quatre turned back to the board, introduced Trowa, and then dismissed him to carry on with work. Quatre hadn't thought that Trowa would embarrass him. Trowa shouldn't have embarrassed him…but, he did.
The ensuing scene was ridiculous. They were in Quatre's office and they screamed at each other like children. Quatre was the first to break into tears and he begged. Quatre had begged Trowa to tell him what to do. He begged and all Trowa said was: choose me. Trowa had watched Quatre's face crumple in pain and knew that this wasn't going to work the way he wanted. Trowa looked closely at Quatre's pink lips as they whispered.
I always choose you.
Trowa, enraged, had screamed some more. We could have run away. He could have given up the Winner company. He could have given up the Winner name…the Winner family. Quatre had just looked sadly at Trowa and Trowa knew he wouldn't win. Quatre couldn't be alone. He was the prodigal son once and it had killed his father, how could Trowa ask him to do it again.
As Trowa turned away from Quatre forever, Quatre's whisper chased Trowa's shadow.
Choose me.
...
Trowa had run to the Yuy Maxwell household. Anger and disappointment made a vice around his eyes as he wept. The tears were frightening but, the pain, the loss was worse. Eventually he wanted to go back but, when he saw Quatre and Heero laughing his regret evaporated. Duo went in to confront Heero. Trowa, well, he just walked away.
Time never helped Trowa. Every time he heard Quatre's name only rage swelled. Trowa needed to escape and had packed his bags, officially adopted Cathy and the name Triton Bloom, and made away to Mars to work in the mines. Nowhere but the realm of death seemed far enough away. He toiled and sweat and grit his teeth but, always in the back of his mind and the core of his heart was Quatre.
Sometimes, on Mars, he would close his eyes and think of Quatre. Young and trusting and loving like the sun. The hurt faded slightly and maturity seemed to run its due course. Finally Trowa thought that he was ready to face Quatre. At the age of 31, seven years after the fight, he made his way back home.
...
Before Trowa could make it back to Quatre he heard the news of Dianne's pregnancy. Quatre had built a new family, and to Trowa, that was the ultimate betrayal. It had seemed that Quatre was perfectly capable of moving on with his life and only Trowa was stuck in the past.
Trowa shook himself out of the memory and realized he was crying. He had been so stupid. Trowa listened to the song and heard Quatre and could only think, 'Why didn't you call? I would have come back so fast. Why didn't we break?'
Suddenly, Trowa was filled with regret. Regret that he had kept at bay for the better part of his life. He pulled out the only picture he had of himself with Quatre and caressed the well-worn edges. A teardrop fell over Quatre's face and Trowa brushed it away.
...
Hearing Arianna—hearing the echo of Quatre—Trowa choked on a sob and stared up at WuFei. Quatre had loved Trowa. Quatre had loved and listened to him and Trowa felt Quatre's insecurities. It had all been about power and dominance and it had all gone wrong. The only things that Quatre had done wrong to Trowa were: never coming to get him and being too late to apologize.
There was no absolution to be had. Only a lonely life filled with regret. Trowa was too old and too afraid. He would never forgive Quatre. He jerked his gaze to WuFei and so the proud old man standing tall.
...
Quatre was no longer here. Trowa could forgive Quatre and he would get nothing. Quatre paid the price till he died and Trowa wondered what that price was. If he asked, Wufei would probably tell him but, no. Trowa wouldn't yield. Not today.
...
Trowa choked on another sob as he stood up with the last picture of his love in his hand. Quatre never called. Why didn't Quatre called. Everything was planned. Why? Why? Why?
Was this really all that was left. Trowa, still determined not to feel defeat made his way to Wufei.
...
The words attacked him and Trowa's breath left him. Quatre…it was never Quatre. Quatre had asked for Trowa's hand in marriage. Quatre had asked Trowa to choose him. Trowa, selfish Trowa, wanted only to be a free spirit. He didn't want the shackles of definition and had left Quatre to fend alone. And still Quatre loved him. Trowa was losing and his eyes pleaded to Wufei.
Make this stop.
...
WuFei met Trowa's eyes and felt saddened. Quatre could sometimes be a cruel man in his caring. Apparently Arianna was the same. WuFei watched Trowa struggle with himself and the truth he'd always known. The truth that WuFei had always known, too. There was no one in Trowa's heart but Quatre.
WuFei had kept his love of Trowa secret but, Quatre had known. One day WuFei had gone to tell Quatre that he was being a horse's ass. He was determined to defend Trowa and make pointedly clear that he loved Trowa and Quatre should be prepared to fight for his man. WuFei stormed into Quatre's home only to find the foolish Winner looking lost in his own halls. He stared at places where pictures of Trowa were supposed to be and only found his wife and sisters and daughter.
Arianna had been in the hall, a little girl of 7, watching her father in fear. He looked so lost and confused and when he looked at Arianna, he looked disgusted. WuFei looked at the poor girl, scuttled her away, and came back to deal with her out of touch father.
WuFei held onto Quatre and lead him to sit. WuFei realized the other truth he denied: There was only Trowa in Quatre's heart.
Quatre had exposed himself to WuFei. Trowa had rejected his hand and left Quatre with only his family. There was nothing left for Quatre and Quatre wept bitterly. All of the fight left WuFei. WuFei reached out to Quatre and began to nurture Quatre back to normalcy. Quatre was never the same but, he was close.
One random day, Quatre showed WuFei the apology note he'd been working on. It wasn't perfect he'd said. WuFei had nodded and simply supported Quatre. Quatre had called him stupid. Quatre told him to go and love Trowa and be happy but, WuFei couldn't. It wouldn't have been honourable.
...
WuFei brought himself back to the present and looked into Trowa's eyes. WuFei had avoided helping Trowa because he was afraid he would never measure up. WuFei had been a coward but, he wouldn't be anymore.
WuFei glanced at Heero and Duo and saw them whispering. WuFei smiled and looked at lost Trowa and held out his hand. Trowa needed somebody and WuFei did too.
Quatre knew.
...
Arianna looked out into her audience and up into the rafters. Her father could now be laid to rest. In the end, he wasn't a perfect man. He'd made terrible mistakes concerning his love, his daughter, and his friends. Despite what the world thought, he was just a man.
I see your face.
The End
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