The Sun Girl
Disclaimer: I don't own HP!
A/N: This is my first M&MWP Pansy/Victoire (with Mew's universe for Pansy – Garland Boutique - which I have exclusive permission to write in)! Please enjoy and review!
Pansy can't breathe around her. It's cliché and disgustingly sweet but terribly true. She feels like an inexperienced schoolgirl around that blonde and yet, the blonde beauty was the recent graduate of Hogwarts out of the two of them. Yes, it's official, call all the wizards and witches in London: Pansy's in love with another woman and that woman's only twenty-one. Pansy feels so old and young around that girl. She has made a mess out of Pansy. However, that wasn't the worst part of it all: her blonde – Pansy's blonde - was getting married to Teddy Lupin.
After Pansy's fiasco with Draco, Pansy would have thought she knew better. She never thought she would be in this situation again - a drooling planet after the sun. The sun being a charismatic part Veela woman unlike the last time where the Slytherin King was the sun everyone else orbited. Pansy hated the sun girl so much because of that. Pansy would kill to have someone orbit around her like a moon let alone have dozens of suitors lined up in her universe.
The world was filled with those important, world revolving people and Pansy, somehow, was always stuck in one universe or another. Universes like the one she was in now, where she was the longing bystander to a bride-to-be's world. Pansy sighed deeply, like it would let all her troubles exit her body, as she watched the slim trickle of people walk down Diagon Alley from her shop counter.
Pansy can't stand the feeling of invisibility, the crowd of people walking past her – and never even glancing her way – gets to her and she goes to a far corner to busy herself with organizing the bridal dresses. It was a mindless task though and her thoughts still kept swirling in her head.
Victoire, Victoire, Victoire. Pansy loved the way her name sounded; especially the way Victoire said it with a faint – loud to Pansy – French accent that highlighted her smooth musical voice.
Pansy can't remember fawning over Victoire's mother this way. So why is Pansy head over heels for Fleur's daughter? It wasn't because she was a Veela. Otherwise, Pansy would have been smitten with Fleur. So what was it that made Victoire special? Pansy was clueless.
Before Pansy had the time to gag and snipe at her thoughts, the shop bell rang and that meant a customer which maybe meant-
Victoire.
There she was in Pansy's Garland Boutique looking through aisles of jewelry and accessories. Pansy slowly and quietly – almost tip toeing past Victoire – snuck back to her place behind the counter (that's all she was – a clerk).
"Hello Victoire," Pansy chirps like some canary and Victoire jumps – her eyes wide and her hand at her heart.
"Oh Ms. Pansy! You scared me," Victoire giggles and as she walks toward the counter her golden hair starts to shimmer and her sapphire eyes twinkle. Pansy adores the way she said her name.
"My apologies. How may I help you today?" Pansy inwardly attacks herself at how she sounds – just a clerk, just a planet, Pansy will never be anything more – and she misses what Victoire says. Blushing, Pansy politely and humbly – if only her classmates could hear her now - requests Victoire to repeat herself.
"It's fine, I was just wondering if my bridal party's accessories came in." Victoire's lips are curled in a smile but in a cynical moment Pansy wonders if that smile is a smirk – almost like Victoire knows what she does to Pansy.
Pansy grabs a book from the corner of the counter that is her little work desk and flips through the storage log. Running a manicured finger down the last page she sees one of her part time employee's handwriting next to Victoire's name. The items just came in yesterday.
"They did. Let me go get them for you." Pansy smiles politely and disappears into the storage room behind the counter, finds the box, and returns to the counter.
"Do you want to double check them?"
"Of course not, I trust you." Victoire looks shocked by this as Pansy gives her the box and Pansy can't ignore the pale blush that is certainly creeping onto her face.
"I was just checking. Dominique has been running errands lately and she tends to want to see everything in person," Pansy quickly explains and Victoire looks slightly relieved.
"I'm sorry about that. I've been busy." Her apologetic face makes Pansy almost cringe and she shakes her head.
"No, no! It's fine. It's no hassle. Many clients double check," Pansy lies but it helps to bring a smile on her face. Most of her clients are recommended to come to Garland Boutique and since this was the only bridal store in Diagon Alley most people just took her word when Pansy said everything was there. She had never broken her word before – her former classmates always seemed shocked that she never broke her word but she was a Slytherin not a liar.
"No, I meant about not fetching my own things. I've… been busy," Victoire fumbles and Pansy frowns. She hates seeing her like this. Pansy has never seen Victoire like this and Pansy's nerves are on edge. Victoire is always so sure of herself and never pauses over the right words to say. Pansy calms herself down long enough to choke out a reply.
"It's nothing to apologize for." With those words spoken the room falls into an agonizing silence and Pansy gets to the point where she just wants a Weasley – whatever annoying redheaded weasel – to come running in or someone to fill this silence. Why did her employees go on their lunch break now of all times?
"Is something wrong?" Pansy finally breaks the silence. She can't stand it. She never could and she would and still will do anything to fill the void. Silence tends to scream things that shouldn't be thought of.
"Yes," Victoire answers with complete certainty. "Have you ever felt such dread and doubts about something – so much that your stomach hurts and your chest feels like it's being weighed down by chains?"
"Yes," Pansy's voice chokes out a small breath of an answer and watches Victoire walk around the counter.
"It's a dreadful feeling and I'm scared. Am I making the right decision?" Pansy knows immediately what she is talking about. Pansy also knows that her heart is ready to beat out of her chest.
"How do I know? I'm not you." Pansy wants to scream no but she doesn't trust her vocal chords and she knows it's not right to say no or yes.
Victoire seemingly floats towards her and Pansy is suffocated in her raspberry perfume and her blue, blue eyes that Pansy can't look away from, except when Victoire licks the bottom of her pastel pink lips. Victoire uses that chance to swoop like a hawk and strike – pressing a gentle, begging kiss on her lips as if pleading with Pansy to say no – Victoire was wrong in marrying Teddy and Pansy was perfect for her.
"Victoire," Pansy has an obligation to stop this and, even though it feels so good, it's so wrong. Their age difference, their blood status, their war status (which side of the war they were on or born into) were all so different - too different. Pansy didn't deserve her.
"Please don't say anything. I just really wanted that." Victoire glides back to the other side of the counter and leans forward toward Pansy – her box that she came to get has been left on the corner of the counter long forgotten.
"No, you don't."
"I do!" Pansy shakes her head and turns to stare out the window. Hopefully, no one saw them. She can't let Victoire ruin her shot of happiness with Teddy.
"You don't realize this now, but you don't want me. I'm just a planet." Pansy insists and watches a crinkle grace Victoire's forehead as she takes in the words.
"What? No. Haven't you – Don't you feel anything? The seemingly longing glances and the heartfelt compliments I see and hear from you-" Victoire is nearly begging now and it hurts Pansy so much – her heart will be shattered if Victoire doesn't stop.
"Just figments of your imagination. You need to marry him." Why can't she get this?
"Then why do I feel this?" Victoire asked and Pansy took in a shaky breath before continuing. She needed to say it quickly with no hesitation – no time to think or break.
"You're nervous and you have cold feet and maybe you'll be happy with me for a while but you'll regret it every day. You can't be happy with me. Go." Pansy pushed her away metaphorically but Victoire took a physical step back.
"Don't you care about me?" Victoire looked desperate and broken. Pansy didn't let herself stop before she said the word. She would lose her courage otherwise.
"No," Pansy lied and watched Victoire race out of the building – grabbing her package before she left.
"Pansy, I love it! It's perfect. You're so amazing."
"You know me so well."
"Victoire, you are one amazingly eccentric woman."
"Thank you for everything you do."
"I enjoy having you in the store. You light this place up."
"You look beautiful Victoire."
"What would I do without you, Pansy?"
"I feel like I can be myself around you Pansy. No pretenses."
Pansy flips the store sign over to "Closed" since no one is there, tells the employees to leave, and sits in the middle of the store where she first saw Victoire to allow the memories to flood her mind. All eight months of knowing Victoire rush back into her mind and it's long into the night (hours after) before she finally stands up and leaves her store.
Pansy counted up the money she had received throughout the day. She had closed the store after a busy day due to the flood of end-of-summer brides getting last minute things for their weddings before London settled into sleepy autumn. Sales would be down since autumn was a slump time in the wedding business, however a few of her brides were getting married in the autumn so she would manage.
Pansy couldn't imagine losing her store. It was all she had.
And with that thought, another image floated in her head – one that involved a blonde ghost. Victoire was still in Pansy's mind – she never seemed to leave Pansy's mind. However, Pansy had done the right thing. Girls like Victoire didn't fall for women like Pansy. Besides that, Victoire was almost half her age – Victoire was twenty-one and Pansy was forty. They wouldn't have lasted. Or at least that's what Pansy kept thinking these past few weeks as Victoire's wedding day came closer. Tomorrow was Victoire's wedding and she hadn't come back or tried to woo Pansy. The day she kissed her was their last encounter. Lily Luna Potter picked up her things from then on and Victoire stayed away.
Pansy missed her appointments with Victoire. Victoire was kind, loyal, righteous, stubborn, and most importantly Victoire was someone Pansy didn't deserve. Pansy was flawed to say the least. Pansy didn't deserve her and Pansy couldn't make her happy. Victoire had messed with Pansy's mind and left Pansy wondering where was up and where was down, however there were two things Pansy was sure about; Pansy loved her, and Pansy wasn't worthy of Victoire.
Pansy struck the counter and then held her throbbing hand. Her mind was going to eat her alive. Sighing, Pansy – with much struggle – finished counting her money and walked to the changing rooms to grab any gowns that had a tendency to remain in the dressing room when her employees worked. She only had two but they left messes big enough for six people at times. The only reason she kept them was for her sanity – and because she had to leave the store to someone when she needed a spa day and though those two were trouble, they kept money rolling into the store.
Nine dresses were left in Pansy's three dressing rooms. Pansy organized the dresses and placed them in their spots before returning to the counter, with her purse and keys, to lock up for the night. Pansy locked the money and storage logs inside when the front door flew open. Pansy barely had time to look up when an angry, huffing blonde stormed to her counter. He was tall and had dark, glinting ocean eyes. He looked like Victoire.
"Excuse me, the store is closed. Leave the premises now before I hex you into oblivion boy! Your mother won't even love your face when I am done with you." Pansy threatened. She would hurt this intruder if he didn't leave. He may look like Victoire but that didn't mean he was allowed in her empty store. Pansy started to panic – was something wrong with Victoire or was something going to happen to Pansy?
"Well, aren't you lovely? Are you Pansy?" He sarcastically asks the first question but his voice changes and hardens at the second one. Pansy narrows her eyes and studies his body language. He was hostile and something had made him snap.
"What is it to you?" Pansy slipped her hand under the counter to grab her wand and hit the alarm system button. She didn't trust him and she wasn't exactly feeling safe at the moment.
"I'm Louis." He answered as if that solved everything.
"And that matters to me, why?" Pansy questioned. Her hand was almost on top of the button…
"I'm Victoire's brother."
"You are? Did she have anything here because I didn't see anything in the back." Pansy knew he wasn't here for that but she had no idea what to say and she was scared of what he would say.
"That's not why I'm here."
"Then why are you here?" Pansy gripped the edge of the counter to try to expel some of her nerves.
"I wanted to meet the woman that could talk sense to my sister. You have to tell her to marry Teddy. I won't let you stop this wedding." Pansy couldn't believe what she was hearing. Didn't she already do this? And did she still doubt Teddy? Was Victoire still holding on to Pansy?
"What are you talking about? I did!"
"You did?" Louis's face twisted in confusion. "You're lying," he asserted in disbelief.
"Don't you dare call me a liar again." Pansy pointed her finger at Louis but then dropped it. She didn't have the motivation to keep her act of outrage going. "And no, I did weeks ago. I lied and told her I didn't love her."
"Weeks ago? This doubt has been going on for weeks?" Louis flinched. His fantasy of Victoire and Teddy getting back together seemed slim now.
"What happened to make you come here?" Pansy questioned.
"She called off the wedding because 'she fell out of love with Teddy' and she refused to let Teddy marry a woman who wasn't even in love with him. Then I found out from her that it was you she loved and I came here straight away," Louis informed her.
"She really called off the wedding?" Pansy couldn't believe it. Why did she do that? Pansy didn't deserve her and Pansy wasn't even good for her.
"Yeah, she didn't seem happy though and she was bloody crying and now I know why," Louis thought aloud.
"She was crying!" Pansy exclaimed. No, no. She couldn't take the thought of Victoire crying due to her. That thought had ran through her mind for weeks but Pansy convinced herself that Pansy wasn't worth crying after and now… Victoire had probably felt so awful these past few weeks. Pansy really thought it had just been nerves.
"Merlin, I shouldn't have said anything… But yeah - she loves you. And you rejected her apparently so why wouldn't she cry?" Louis flinched at Pansy's expression – she supposed she looked something like a beaten puppy as Louis kept on speaking. Pansy felt like a beaten puppy.
"Can I see her?"
"I don't want to say yes, but I don't want my sister to be miserable. Come on, we'll go to her flat," Louis answered rather hesitantly, but Pansy was so grateful for his answer. She wanted to see Victoire desperately.
Louis and Pansy exited the store – Pansy grabbing her things and closing the store before they left – and Apparated to Victoire's flat. Pansy took in the surroundings as Louis opened the door to the flat. It was painted in neutral tones and decorated with modern furniture along with oil paintings (which Victoire probably did since she was an artist) and pictures of her enormous family. Victoire was sitting in a plush armchair with a book in her hands. At the sound of her brother in her flat she turned the armchair around – the back facing Louis and Pansy.
"Victoire, I have someone you need to talk to." The way Louis spoke almost made him sound like the eldest sibling not the youngest. Pansy would have laughed but instead she was analyzing everything she possibly could in the house and Victoire's reaction.
"Louis, I don't want to talk to anyone." Louis motioned to Pansy and he left the flat. He was leaving her alone with Victoire. Pansy could hear the sniffle in her voice. Louis was right, she had been crying. Pansy wanted to run away. She wasn't a Gryffindor. She didn't have courage and she didn't want to see the Victoire she caused.
"Then I'll leave if you want me to." Pansy barely spoke above a whisper but Victoire jumped up – as if Pansy had screamed – startled.
"Pansy! Please stay," she begged and she crossed the floor and stood within inches of Pansy.
"You called the wedding off." Pansy stated the obvious and she inwardly groaned at herself.
"I did." Victoire watched her face carefully but Pansy was so confused.
"I told you that I didn't love you." Pansy didn't know why she would give away everything for someone that didn't love her… Or maybe she did. After all, didn't she do that for Draco a long time ago?
"I know, but I do and Teddy deserves to marry someone who loves him and someone who is attracted to men. I'm not. I've always been attracted and smitten with girls but I tried to ignore it and listen to others – being gay is 'wrong.' I was content for a while to live a lie but then I met you. You taught me to embrace who I was and to speak up for myself. You let me be me and I love you for that." Victoire's speech made Pansy blush. She thought she hadn't deserved Victoire but according to Victoire, Pansy was whom she not only wanted, but also needed in her life.
"Do they know?" Pansy had to ask – despite the way Victoire made her feel so euphoric reality always crashed into Pansy. Pansy was always realistic in the end.
"Louis right now, but the others will know about my sexuality and don't worry I won't tell them about you. I know you don't want to be bothered with my relatives for wrecking my almost marriage." Victoire hadn't yet figured out Pansy's motivation for being there. She still thought Pansy didn't love her. Pansy guessed it was from all her years of honing her poker face. Though if Pansy were in her shoes she would see it the same way as well.
"Victoire, I lied," Pansy finally told her and watched a wrinkle appear on Victoire's forehead as she tried to figure out what Pansy was talking about.
"About what?" Victoire asked and Pansy couldn't help wondering if she was one hundred percent certain that she wanted to tell her. Pansy was just "Pug Faced Parkinson." Maybe Victoire could find someone who did the same things but with a less splotchy past and better qualities.
"Never mind," Pansy told her and she started to turn around.
"No! You tell me now." Victoire grabbed a hold of Pansy as if clinging to a life preserver and Pansy couldn't deny her anymore. Merlin, Pansy was tired of fighting and all she wanted to do was embrace the love that was right in front of her. So Pansy did something she wanted to do again since the first and only time they did it: she kissed Victoire. Victoire's hands traveled to tangle themselves in Pansy's hair and Pansy's hands were cupping Victoire's face. Victoire was so surprised in the beginning but it didn't take long at all for her to respond back and this wasn't like the first kiss – gentle and slightly begging – this kiss was all need and desire – pent up lust and finally giving up all resistance to the feelings between the two women. Then after what seemed too short, the kiss ended as both parties broke away to catch their breath.
"I lied about loving you," Pansy finally answered – breathless from the passion and sheer joy she felt.
"I figured. That's why I made you tell me," Victoire grinned mischievously and Pansy rolled her eyes at her playfulness, but then quickly regained her seriousness to say a few more things.
"I just wanted you to have what I thought you needed." Pansy tried to explain why she lied before. "And if I happened to think I wasn't worthy of you then that would have helped," Pansy added while looking down at the ground. She was a proud woman even if she did have a low self-esteem and she hated the way she came across in that moment.
"You are 'worthy' of me and you are what I need," Victoire assured her and Pansy smiled.
"I know that now."
"I'll go fix us some tea," Victoire told her but in a questioning way. Pansy could hear the unheard question: would Pansy please stay?
"Okay," Pansy agreed and watched Victoire practically skip to the kitchen, causing a laugh to spill out of her lips. Pansy was so happy. "Maybe I'm not just a measly planet."
"What was that?" Victoire asked from the kitchen. Pansy jumped – startled from her thoughts.
"Nothing," Pansy called out as she went to help Victoire with the tea.