A/N: This, I hasten to add, is not my fault. It is Miss Kirsty Whyte's fault, as she came up with this version of Jingle Bells and wrote it into a House, M.D. fic. So, if it is offensive, please do not murder me!

Gregory House was finally in the Christmas mood, but Cuddy was beginning to wish he wasn't. Not only had he pulled a Christmas-themed prank on just about every physician in the hospital, including the little snowman he put in her office, rigged for a small explosion, but he was singing what was probably the most disgusting song she'd ever heard. In every corridor, he yelled at the top of his voice his rendition of a "festive classic."

And here he was again, singing a loud as he could, strolling into the Clinic with a massive grin on his face. At the top of his voice, he belted out:

"Charging through the snow
In a V8 WonderSled
Crashing into trees
'Cause I'm off my fucking head
Been smoking a crack pipe
Had a dozen beers or more
I'm heading to the red light zone
To get myself a whore."

"House!" she yelled, trying to be heard past him. "Cut it out!" It was futile; he was singing too loud to even hear her shouting at him. When he glanced and saw her lips moving, he only sang louder and louder, heading into what he called the chorus of the song:

"Jingle bells
Jingle bells
Santa's smoking weed
Mrs. Claus is on the floor
She's all whacked out on speed
Blitzen's fucked, the elves are too
They're trippin' off their heads
And if Rudolph snorts another line
That cunt will end up dead!"

"Merry Christmas!" he yelled once he finished. He smirked at the look on Cuddy's face. She had tried and tried to reign him in. He usually did not concern himself with the festivities, but he seemed to be using them merely to irritate his boss, and every other living thing in the building, this year.

What she didn't expect were the indoor fireworks that he had rigged in the Clinic. Sparks flew everywhere, and she instinctively ducked for cover. It was needless though; he had had the foresight to place them where they would be relatively safe. When she stood up, she glared her most threatening glare at him. "Get out," she snarled.

House shrugged and hobbled along with his cane. It had worked. He got out of Clinic duty on Christmas Eve, and he had managed to have some fun in the process. What was even better? He saw her grinning slightly to herself as he left.

Hope no-one's too offended!

Please leave a review, if you want to!

Sarah x