Closer to Fine
Author's Note: This story is set shortly after "I Kissed a Girl". Just my imagination of how these two could get together. Rating will change in later chapters. Chapter 2 will be up soon!
I wish I did but I do not own these characters. No infringement intended.
Song and title credit goes to the Indigo Girls. If you have never heard this song do yourself a favor and download from iTunes and listen today.
Chapter 1
Jane was distracted. To say she was restless and agitated was an understatement. She was finding it difficult to focus on any task for more than a few minutes. It was interfering with her work, her sleep, her work out routine, and her eating. In the past, she was usually able to shake herself out of it within a few days. Not this time. She used to be able to re-group and focus on the things that became almost second nature. Following a lead or making a connection that helped to wrap up even the most difficult case became automatic like tying your shoe or driving to work each morning. Now even those things she found comforting, in part due to her confidence and instincts became more difficult.
She knew that others around her could tell that something was wrong. Since she couldn't fix it for herself she couldn't begin to hide it for anyone else. Frost and Korsak started steering clear of her at work and she just let them. Her mom tried one attempt over Sunday dinner to talk to her and it ended in a big argument with Jane leaving even more frustrated and angry than before. Her mom had assumed, incorrectly of course, that it had something to do with Lt. Grant and his abrupt move away from Boston and her daughter.
This all started following her stint undercover just a few weeks ago. It wasn't clear to Jane why she couldn't shake things this time. Maybe it was being in the club pretending to be a lesbian. The kiss on her neck…the touches from women. Maybe it was looking at her profile, and all the responses she received, on the gay dating website one last time before deleting her identity from ever existing. She had been down this road multiple times before in her life and she had always managed to compartmentalize any thoughts or feelings and instead stay focused on what mattered. Catching killers and spending time with her family and friends.
It wasn't like there wasn't work to be done. Two new murders had happened and been solved since they had determined the plot behind the Gaynor-Randle murder. She had spent some late nights working on the last case but realized that many of those hours had been spent alone after everyone else had called it a night. Frost had offered to help and Jane now realized that she had been so gruff in her response to him that he probably wouldn't offer in the future. Somehow, being at work alone was better than her apartment alone. But Jo Friday needed some attention and Jane realized she wasn't being fair to her new dog and loyal companion.
"Home it is this evening, Jo Jo." Jane continued her one sided dialogue with the sweet pup while she went about looking for something to eat after making the dog's dinner.
"Now if I can just find something to distract me from my thoughts. Something that will really work this time. Oh, who am I kidding Jo? The Sox's, a favorite movie, a good murder mystery, a six pack…nothing has worked all week so why would I think it would work now?"
Jo Friday turned to look at Jane but then went right back to her dinner. Next, it would be a nap in the middle of the couch. If only Jane could be like the dog. But then she couldn't drink wine, she thought to herself as she poured her second glass of Chateau Ste. Michelle Riesling of the evening. One of Maura's favorites and the main reason it was chilling in her fridge.
"Ugh! Stop, stop, stop!" Jane startled Jo with her self-admonishment and then the dog added her own response with a few short barks.
"Thanks for the help, Jo Jo."
Jane almost dropped the glass of wine when she was startled from her thoughts by the ringing of her doorbell. Jo too, stopped mid-bark and turned and looked from Jane to the door as if wondering if company had been expected.
Jane was indeed not expecting anyone and did not feel like company. Certain it was her mother, coming by unannounced to apologize for the outcome of dinner last week and at the same time insist that Jane go out with some new bright idea of hers, she opened the door without looking to see who was on the other side.
Yikes, Jane thought to herself. Not Angela Rizzoli but Dr. Maura Isles. Maura. She was standing there in all her fashion glory and not a hair out of place despite the high August temperatures and even higher humidity level.
"Hi, Jane."
Maura moved so quickly into the apartment passed Jane that all that registered was a light scent of her perfume…something exotic and floral…and distinctly Maura.
"Would you like to come in?" Jane responded abruptly as she turned to see Maura rubbing Jo's belly on the couch.
"Yes, and I would also like a glass of what you are having. Or have you drunk the entire bottle already?"
"No, there's more. Why are you here?" The look in Maura's eyes told Jane that her words had come out wrong. Too abrupt. Too clipped. The anger and frustration were so close to the surface that Jane was having a hard time having a civil conversation with anyone lately.
"I'm here because something is going on with you and I'm not leaving until you tell me." Maura could be just as abrupt and to the point.
"Did you draw the short straw at the precinct? Did the guys send you or was it my mother?"
Jane handed Maura her wine but could not meet her gaze. She noticed that Jo had left the room making space on the couch next to Maura. Instead, Jane moved back into the kitchen and started fumbling with the dishes in the sink.
The scent was back and this time it not only circled Jane's nose but she also managed to taste it slightly on her lips. Maura had moved to the kitchen and was standing behind Jane.
"No one sent me to talk to you. Not your mom, not your brother, not Frost or Korsak. Although they are all worried about you too."
Jane still didn't turn to face Maura partly because she needed time to plan her strategy and partly because Maura Isles' face, and the rest of her, was part of the problem.
Maura reached out and touched Jane on the arm to turn her away from the sink. The flinch was unmistakable but what she missed was the chill her touch sent coursing through Jane. Jane moved to the couch but not before grabbing the bottle of wine to take with her.
"Nothing is wrong. It has just been a couple of long days at work. Everyone needs to stop worrying so much about me and get on with their own lives. Let's see if Matsuzaka managed to pull out a win tonight."
Maura had moved to turn the TV off as soon as Jane let go of the remote. The tension in the room was palpable.
"No, Jane. I want to talk to you. No TV, no talk of work, no distractions. Something has been bothering you. You are distant…aloof. And irritated, maybe even anxious or restless. I can't quite put my finger on it."
"Oh, dusting off your Psychology 101 textbooks, I see."
Again, too abrupt, too harsh, Jane thought as she closed her eyes to hide the expression looking back at her from her friend. A look of hurt and maybe even sadness peered out from the corner of her eyes and the line of her soft lips.
"Jane, we have been good friends for a long time now. You don't have to push me away. Maybe you will feel better if you talk about what has you so agitated or upset."
"I just need to get some rest, Dr. Isles. I haven't been sleeping well lately."
"Since when exactly, Detective Rizzoli?"
The use of her professional title served to demonstrate how awkward and silly Jane's words had been moments before. She is still trying to push me away, thought Maura. She was determined to break Jane down if it took all night and another bottle of wine.
"Since that whole undercover business a few weeks ago."
Jane couldn't believe she just said that…aloud. It was either the wine or lack of sleep or both. Maybe she was just too exhausted to keep playing this game with herself anymore. It had been easier in the past. She would pretend like those thoughts and feelings didn't matter. They could be replaced by work and more work. Previously, Jane could always be distracted back to the reality she had created for herself. Not this time.
She realized that Maura hadn't said anything. She was sipping her wine and looking at Jane but hadn't responded to her comment about the case. It was almost like she knew if she asked more questions Jane would change the subject or take back what she just admitted. Maura was going to get what she wanted by her patience and repose. She exuded calm and understanding and she could also tell it was wearing Jane down.
Fight. Flee. Jane debated which avenue to take. She could start an argument with Maura much like she did when faced with her rich ex-boyfriend. Or she could move out of her gaze and insist that she needed to take Jo out for a walk. Where was that dog? It was as if Jo knew the two of them needed some time alone.
Defeated, Jane poured them both the final drops of wine from the bottle and sunk back on the couch with an audible sigh. Maura moved to slide her shoeless feet under her on the couch as if she was settling in for a long story.