A little something I made up….an AU post-ROTS. Anakin hasn't turned and the Jedi haven't fallen, and Sidious is not Emperor.
This is my first work with humor so please review!
Padme' sighed as she laid another plate on the dinner table. She couldn't believe that Anakin had invited guests to dinner without her consent.
"Anakin? What were you thinking?" She had demanded.
"I just thought this was a way to bring peace with the Sith and the Jedi."
"Yeah, that will happen when there is a flood on Tatooine."
Now she has no idea if there will be enough food. Perhaps Master Yoda won't eat very much….
Meanwhile, in the other room
Mace Windu and Darth Sidious sat next to each other on the couch, backs rigid, and not talking to each other. Yoda sat in the chair mumbling something about getting a new cane while Anakin quietly instructed his four year old twins on how to greet great Jedi and a Sith Lord.
Soon, Luke walked over to the three men and bowed.
"Welcome to our household, Master Jedi and Fis Fidious." Luke greeted.
Leia marched up behind him and whacked his head, "Sith Sidious you dope! Learn to say your S's."
"Leia," Anakin scolded, "That's not very nice. Just because Luke can't talk as well as you yet…."
"You know child," Sidious coaxed, "The dark side of the force gives you enough power to say your S's."
"Really?" Luke asked.
Anakin swept Luke up, "No, he's lying," He shot Sidious a glare, "That's enough."
If Sidious wasn't a Sith Lord, he would have said sorry. But as everybody knows that's just not the Sith way. So he just didn't respond. What was he suppose to say? He couldn't very well shock his host….then he might not get dinner!
"I can't believe you arranged this dinner Anakin," Mace hissed, "There is no way I'll make peace with that….monster."
Yoda whacked Mace with his cane, "Lead to the dark side of the Force, anger does. Shut up, you must."
Leia looked at Yoda, "Umm…" She stammered.
Yoda looked at her. Their eyes met. Minutes dragged on as they each stared; only blinking ever once in a while.
"Are you feeling ok," Leia finally asks, "You look a little green."
"Hee hee hee hee!" Yoda laughed.
"And you're kinda short….."
Yoda's laughing stopped immediately, "Judge me by size do you? When 850 years old, be this powerful you be not!"
"Ummm….wow….you're old…."
Yoda looked at Anakin, "Raised your child rudely, you did."
Anakin shrugged, "It was Padme's doing. Somebody keeps making me go on missions so I can't raise my child better."
A cough comes from the doorway. Anakin's face flushes read, and he turns to face his wife, "My Angel…."
"Anakin Skywalker. We will talk about this later." Padme' growled.
Darth Sidious stroked his chin, "Much anger is coming off of you milady…..Have you ever thought of joining the dark side? Your influence in the Senate would be a great asset."
"Would you teach me how to do that force lighting stuff, so I can use it on Anakin?"
"Sure."
"We'll talk later….when Master Yoda and Mace Window aren't around."
"I told you, it's Mace Windu!" The bald man said.
"Whatever. Dinnertime."
There was an awkward silence as everybody began eating, for the hosts kept glaring at each other across the table. Yoda picked up a piece of broccoli with his fork, and stared at it.
"Insulting me, with this green vegetable you are."
"Excuse me?" Padme' demands.
"Yoda doesn't eat anything green….it goes against his skin color." Anakin explains.
"Oh well….I'm sorry Master Yoda…but my husband didn't give me much warning. You'll have to make do."
Yoda's eyes grow wide, and suddenly he jumps up on the table, "EAT GREEN, I WILL NOT. EAT GREEN, I WILL NOT!"
"Yes…yes," Coaxed Sidious, "Let your anger control your emotions. Join the dark side."
"Sidious, I'd appreciate it if you'd stop trying to turn everybody hereto the dark side. And Master Yoda, I'll get you some damn carrots. Now get off the table."
Yoda plopped down into his seat, "Hurry with carrots, you must."
As Anakin left the room, Luke looked at Yoda, "Why do you talk backwards?"
"Matter, does it?"
"Yes."
"Why, I am wondering."
"Because Leia and I made a bet."
"Hey," Padme' interrupted, "What did I tell two you about making bets."
Luke ignores her, "Why do you?"
Yoda leaned forward and looked Luke directly in the eyes, "Annoys members of the Jedi Council, it does."
"HA! I knew it!" Leia shouts.
Padme' rolls her eyes. "That's enough children."
"I hope nobody doesn't want anymore carrots…. After this we're out." Anakin said returning to the room and threw a couple of carrots at Yoda, who gobbled him down easily.
"You know Mace," Anakin says while sitting back down, "I saw a commercial for this really cool cream that might help you grow some hair."
Mace's fist slammed onto the table, "Anakin, I've told you a thousand times. I don't want any hair."
"That's what every bald person who can't grow hair says." Anakin retorted.
"You know Mace Windu….if you join the dark side you'll be able to get hair."
"Sidious!" Anakin glared at the old man.
"Yes?"
"What did I tell you?"
"…..Fine."
The dinner continued on with no one speaking, until Mace suddenly screamed, "YOWWWWL! WHO HAS KICKED ME?"
Nobody replied. Mace stands up and ignites his lightsaber.
"Somebody had better confess up of I will take off the heads of everybody here!"
"Yes, I know you want to. Listen to your rage." Sidious encouraged.
"By Force! Sidious if you try that one more time I will throw you out into Coruscant." Anakin screams.
"I sense anger in you Skywalker…."
"SHUT UP!"
Another pause and Mace Windu's lightsaber deactivated. "Who kicked me?"
To everybody's surprise Yoda began laughing, "Tempting, it was. Funny, your temper is."
"I agree with Yoda." Padme' seconds.
"Me too." Sidious puts in.
"Me three!" The twins say together, and the glare at each other for stealing the words.
"Anakin?" Mace demands.
Anakin's face is lowered, and he is twiddling his thumbs.
"WELL?"
Suddenly Anakin begins to shake, and he looks up with an enormous grin on his face, "Well….maybe a little….."
"WHAT KIND OF HOST ARE YOU? Sidious, I would take your offer to turn to the dark side BUT you agreed with Master Yoda!"
Yoda's ears perked up, "Something to agree on, we have."
"You have a point Master Yoda."
"Peace, will this bring?"
There is a long silence until everybody starts bursting out laughing. Except for Anakin.
"I don't even know why I had this dinner. I could've been having a wonderful family dinner but instead I invited YOU idiots trying to bring peace to the galaxy! Honestly, I don't know why I even bother!"
Suddenly there is a crashing through the window, and Padme' quickly grabs her twins. The three Jedi and the Sith ignite their lightsaber, when suddenly an angry form walks in.
"Obi Wan?" Anakin gasps.
"Anakin! How could you?"
"Ummm…what?"
"Do you think I wanted to train a stupid slave like you? NO! I only did it because Qui Gon made me promise on his deathbed! The truth is I despise you, despise all the years of training I have given you! I have resisted the urge to cut you into tiny pieces each day and how do you repay me? YOU DON'T! You can't even invite me to some lousy dinner!"
"Yes…good….good. You should cut him into tiny pieces, Obi Wan. Let your anger control you." Sidious brought up the subject once again.
"SIDIOUS SHUT UP! Obi Wan, I'm sorry I didn't invite you…..I didn't know you liked gatherings. Besides, I knew Sidious wouldn't come if there would be four Jedi at the dinner! Now let's stop this arguing…. If you don't you'll end up turning to the dark side, and we'll have to have this big lightsaber fight where I cut off your legs and arms ,and then you fall into a pit of lava, barely survive, and have to spend the rest of your life in a black suit with a breathing noise that will NEVER shut up." Anakin rambled.
"Please Anakin, I seriously doubt that could ever happen to anybody. That has as much of a chance as you strangling your wife."
"I suppose you're right."
"I'm always right. Now, I am I invited to this dinner or not?"
Padme' groaned, "I hope nobody wants seconds."
"I WANT SECONDS! I WANT SECONDS! GIVE ME SECONDS!" Leia screamed.
"Yes child….the force is strong with you. Come, join the dark side….there will be plenty of seconds there."
"SIDIOUS, SHUT UP!" Everybody shouted.
Obi Wan sat down at the table and looked at it wearily.
"Is something wrong Obi Wan?" Padme' asks.
"Yes….I hate broccoli. Do you by chance have any carrots?"