"So," the man said, leaning back in the worn armchair. "Tell me about Sirius."
Remus smiled, unable to help himself. Then he frowned, looking not at the man or out the window, but at the carpet, trying to figure out exactly the right words. Finally, he spoke. "Sirius is…like a dog."
"A dog?" the man asked.
"Yes," Remus said, looking at him. "He is cheerful, and loves to play and run. He loves goofy pranks and silly jokes. He is loyal to a fault. Once you're in his circle, that's it. He would do anything for you. He would die for you. No. He would kill for you. He's physically…affectionate."
Here, Remus paused, a blush creeping up his cheeks. The man raised an eyebrow, and inquired. "Affectionate?"
"Yes," Remus said. "He loves to give hugs, and he tackles people far more than really seems necessary. He slobbers all over you and is constantly touching everyone. But he's cold, too. He can turn on you in an instant. If you betray him. Do something to hurt someone he loves. In a second, he can go from your best friend to someone scathing, cold. Dripping with arrogance and condescension."
"What about James?"
"James…" Remus smiled again. "James is an arrogant berk if there ever was one. He is almost aggressively arrogant. But in a way that doesn't make you hate him. You know how there are people who are arrogant because they think everyone else is less than them? And then there are people who are arrogant because they're desperately covering up their low self-esteem? James is neither of those. James is simply a boy who has been told, every single day of his life, how perfect and wonderful and amazing he is. And he accepts that as truth."
"Does that bother you?"
"It can be bloody annoying, yes," Remus said with a small chuckle. "But he's mostly grown out of it these days. And more than that, James is generous. He has the generosity of someone who grew up with such an absolute abundance of every single thing he could ever need, that he can't help but give some away. He's a protector, too, like Sirius. But he would never kill for you. But he would die for you in an instant. Without a second thought. Honestly, even if he didn't like you or care about you, or know you. He would die doing the right thing every single time. James chooses right over easy no matter what."
"And Peter?"
"Pete? Petey, we call him, sometimes," Remus said. "Pete is…he's like me, in some ways. An outsider. Peter has never quite got along perfectly with people. He's always a little too something. Too eager, too excited, too…something. James and Sirius are always the coolest blokes around, no matter where they are. Not Pete. Not me, for that matter, but I think I've come to terms with that, and Peter never will. Pete always seems like he's a little put out with the world. Like the world owes him something. Like he's deserving, and the world hasn't yet paid up. He can't ever quite get it going, with girls, or school, but he always seems frustrated, like he deserves it all.
"He's funny, though. And kind, especially to his friends. He's always there to help, and back you up. If you get in a fight, Sirius and James might charge ahead, try to destroy the other person before anyone touches you. Peter would never do that. But he will always, always have your back. He might be standing a touch behind that back, but he's there."
"And you, Remus?"
"Me?"
"How would you describe yourself? And your role in the group."
"I'm…the quiet one," Remus said lamely. Now he looked out the window, where the crescent moon was already starting to rise, despite the early hour. "I love books. And reading. And school. I think I'm a little terrified to fail, to be quite honest. I always have to go above and beyond, to do the best, better than everyone. I love Hogwarts. It's the first place I can really remember being comfortable in my own skin, at least for brief moments at a time. And I've always been afraid that if I messed up, failed a test, missed some piece of homework, they might send me home.
"And, of course, I'm the outsider. You know what I am. I'm the one who doesn't quite belong. I don't fit. I couldn't make myself fit into the group."
"But they're your friends," the man said. He glanced at the notes in his lap. "You've described them before as brothers to you, family."
"Yes," Remus agreed at once. "They are that. Brothers. Family. But they had to form around me, you see? I couldn't fit in with them, so they came to me. They always do. I'm always the quiet one, the observer, the onlooker. I'm afraid I'm rather spineless, when it comes right down to it."
"What does that mean?"
"Never speaking up, even when I know something isn't right," Remus said, now looking down as his hands, which were sitting in his lap. "When Pete makes a joke that makes Lily cringe, or Sirius and James start in on Severus Snape, I don't speak up. I don't usually join in, I'm glad to say. But still…I should say something. And I don't."
"Why not?"
"I'm too scared," Remus said.
"Of?"
"Of being…left out," Remus said. He added quickly, "That sounds lame. Terrible. But I'm so scared to lose them. I can't speak up out of fear that they might not want me around anymore."
"Do you think they would really do that?"
"No," Remus admitted. "But it doesn't make the fear any less fierce."
The man nodded, then glanced at the clock. "I'm afraid we've rather run over, Remus. In fact, I'll need to write you a note for transfiguration."
Remus nodded, and stood up as the man did so. He went over to his desk, laid down the notes that had sat in his lap, and waved his wand over a quill and paper, which scribbled a quick note. The note sealed itself, and flew over to Remus's ready hand. "Thank you," Remus said, pocketing the note.
"Thank you, Remus," the man said, and he shook Remus's hand. "Until next week."
Remus stepped out into the atrium of the man's office, and took a deep breath, collecting himself. The therapy sessions had helped, but they did seem to rather take something out of him each week. Finally, he straightened his shoulders, and stepped out into the hall. His friends were waiting. James and Peter were tossing a quaffle back and forth, while Sirius was lounging against the wall, rolling his wand between his fingers. At the sight of Remus, Padfoot grinned, and pushed off the wall, smacking James on the shoulder to get the other young man's attention. James grabbed the quaffle and they all headed towards Remus, meeting him in the middle of the hallway.
"How was it?" James asked, and Remus smiled at him tiredly.
"Fine," he said simply. Pete handed Remus a chocolate frog, which he accepted with a warm smile, and the four of them headed towards class, Sirius throwing an arm around Remus's shoulders as they went.