It was starting to get a little cold, but honestly neither of them noticed. The boards on the porch dug into her bare thighs and she shivered a little. She was just wearing one of Eduard's t-shirts and she was starting to realize she should have probably put on more clothes before coming out to sit with an ex boyfriend and drink way too much wine. She could see Gilbert sneaking peaks up her shirt, his eyes fastened on the see through lace that just barely covered her crotch. She sighed, taking a drink out of her wine glass.
"I can see you looking, you know." She said, her voice unemotional. It wasn't like she didn't expect him to try. He laughed and stretched out on his stomach, his face right between her legs now.
"I wasn't trying to hide it." Was all he said. His eyes flickered up to her face. The simple statement and the way his lips pressed together seemed more than a little possessive to her. She rolled her eyes and pushed his face away with her foot firmly.
"I'm married now, Gil. I know that doesn't mean much to you, but it does to me."
He laughed, sitting back up and rubbing his face where she'd pushed him.
"Yeah but to him! He's like…he's tiny! And a dork and doesn't even work out probably, he's a pussy." She frowned, her eyes narrowing.
"How's your neck, Gil?"
He frowned in embarrassment and self consciously touched the bite mark Eduard had left on his neck.
"Yeah yeah, fine. Maybe he's a little yappy dog then. Not man enough for you." He mumbled and tossed the beer bottle he was holding off the porch and onto the stone walk way. She watched it break. It sounded like the bitterness in his voice. She shook her head and took another drink, her eyes on him steadily.
"If I remember right you used to think he was cool."
"That was before he stole my woman." He reached for another bottle of beer, flicking the cap into Francis' yard.
"I haven't been yours for seventy years, Gil. Besides, you're the one that hid, it's safe to say you ended it." She tried to push him, hoping he'd at least give her a reason for disappearing on her like that, letting her think he was dead and grieve for him. She should have known she'd never get a straight answer from him. He never did like to take responsibility.
"It was more complicated than that." He looked away when he said it because they both knew it was bullshit.
"Fine." She whispered, feeling tears sting her eyes. She widened her eyes, forcing them to go away. She wasn't about to cry in front of him. "If that's what you want to tell yourself."
They fell silent then. She watched him off and on to see if he was still sneaking peaks but he was staring out into Francis' yard instead. Finally he moved toward her on his knees, stopping by her feet. He was facing her and she was very aware that if he just fell forward he'd be between her legs. Her heart started to beat quicker, glancing toward the door of Francis' house. She felt frozen when he reached out to her, stroking her cheek, all she could do was stare. She couldn't read his expression, all she could think of was the possessive tone his voice had held earlier, and it scared her.
His hand stroked down her cheek to her neck and then trailing down her chest to rest on her boob. His other hand was on her thigh now. She hadn't noticed at first and when she felt it, moving inward slowly, she jumped. He grabbed her thighs, his motions slow as if waiting to see how far he could push his luck. He pulled her toward him until she could feel his legs through her panties and leaned over her, slowly laying her onto her back. She put her hands on his chest, firmly pushing him away.
"Stop it, stop it, please. Goddammit Gilbert, don't do this, please." Her eyes widened, the fear evident in the way her voice shook. He frowned at the tone in her voice and sat up quickly.
"Tasha, I'm not…going to do…that." He shook his head, his expression shaken. "Sorry." He mumbles and scoots back a little to prove it.
She lets out a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment to regain her control. "Yeah, just don't do it again, Gil. I already fucking told you, I'm married. I'm not interested."
He shrugs, forcing a smile to try to return things to normal. "Well you know, I wasn't sure if that tiny dick was keeping you satisfied."
"At least his isn't fucking crooked." She retorted, sitting up. She narrowed her eyes at him, not liking the way he was talking about Ed. "Besides, it's not tiny. It's probably about the same size as yours."
"Ok, ok, geez." He laughs and grins at her. His grin slowly turns into a thoughtful expression and he reaches toward her, brushing his fingers through her hair. He stroked her cheek with his thumb again and trailed his fingertips along the underside of her jaw. He frowned when he found what felt like a scar and tipped her chin up with the tips of his fingers.
"What's this from?"
She shivered as he stroked his finger across it. She cleared her throat before she was able to speak and it embarrassed her how small her voice came out. Him being here, putting her in this position and touching that scar, was bringing up more than one thing she wished she could forget.
"Ivan." She answered, looking down at his hand.
He took his hand away, resting it on his thighs, enough away from her for her to relax somewhat.
"Oh."
She stretched out her legs and pointed to the scars on her knees.
"These too."
His jaw tightens as he runs his rough hand across her knees. "What the fuck did he do?"
She shrugs. "He's big, use your imagination." She didn't want to go into details with him about it.
He shook his head and she lifted her shirt up some, showing him the scar on her stomach. He reached to touch it immediately, not even thinking about her lower half being exposed.
"Was this him too?" his jaw tightens again, one of his fists clenching. She shakes her head.
"No, it was me."
He lets his hand drop to his side, unable to hide his surprised expression. "He…wasn't kidding when he said you'd been through a lot lately, was he?"
She shakes her head, her voice lowering to a steady whisper.
"No. And where were you? Were you there to help me and keep me safe and fight through everything to stay with me? No. You were holing your little pussy ass up because you were too ashamed to come out and face the world. You abandoned me. Who do you think is the real man now?"
He stiffened and pushed her away from him, standing up to pace the porch.
"Shut up! You don't know anything."
She stands up, following him and grabbing his shoulder. She forced him to look at her and slapped him across the face.
"I know that you left me to think you'd died! And I'll never forgive you for that. Ever."
He grabbed her arm, his grip tight enough to bruise her. The grip on her arm scared her and the anger on his face made it worse. She tried to pull away and he wouldn't let her. He held her in place and kissed her. She gripped his shirt in her hands and prayed he wouldn't go further. It wouldn't be the first time she'd goaded an angry man into raping her.
His kiss barely felt like a kiss, his other hand was tight at the base of her neck. She bit his lip and he shoved her away, yelping in pain.
"Goddammit, you made me bleed!" He held his hand to his mouth.
She laughed. "Good! You fucking deserved it!"
He stared at her in disbelief for a second and then started laughing. He closed the distance to wipe a tiny smear of blood on her arm.
"You haven't changed at all, It seemed like you had at first, but you really haven't."
He grabbed her in his arms and squeezed her to him tightly, rubbing her back.
"I've missed you so much."
She held onto him, pressing her face into his neck and wrapping her arms around him.
"Me too. But Gil…"
He kissed her head. "Shh I know, I know. You love him. I get it." He closed his eyes, resting his chin on her head and just letting himself pretend for a minute that she was coming home with him. He imagined apologizing for hurting her and hearing her say she forgave him. God he wished he could hear her say that.
But he settled for holding her in his arms right now, her hair tickling his chin, and pretending he'd never left.
"I get it." He said.