Xyn Zyn: Hey everybody, this is just an idea I had so I thought I'd write it down and share.
Disclaimer: I do not own Avengers or any part of Marvel in any way whatsoever.
PRANKS-THE BARTON WAY
TONY-PART 1
It was 2 a. m. in the Avengers Tower.
Clint Barton was bored as he lay down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He had 4 dozen darts in a box beside him. Clint held two darts, one in each hand. A giant pin up of Tony hung above his bed. He aimed one dart carefully assessing the poster. He moved the dart back and forth a few times before letting it fly. He shot the other one while the first was in mid-flight.
"BANG! ONE NUT!" Clint grinned. "BOOM! BOTH NUTS!" he raised his arms in victory. "Good luck having babies now, Stark!" Clint sighed as he grabbed a handful of darts then released them. "I need more amusement..." Clint said as he got up. He swung his leg to the side of the bed, all he wore were purple boxers with clashing pink cupids on them. He then slipped his feet into purple bunny slippers.
The messy haired blonde walked over to his dresser and grabbed a purple permanent marker and his cell phone. Clint walked out of his room and over to the elevator, taking it to Tony's personal living level. He looked towards the kitchen and grinned. "Hmm, maybe a shot of whiskey for luck...or the hell of it..."
He walked towards Tony's kitchen and took a bottle of Tony's favorite whiskey, taking a shots worth straight out of the bottle. His eyes widened. "This is some quality shit! Mental note Barton, before escaping, grab the high end whiskey." he took one more shots worth and capped up the bottle. "Alright Barton, let's do this!" he hummed the Mission Impossible theme as he crept over, doing a sloppy somersault and rolling around the corner. Clint went totally quiet when he reached Tony's bedroom door. He quietly and skillfully turned the nob and slowly opened the door without a squeak or creak. Of course with Tony Stark being Iron Man he knows how to keep things from making things squeak and creak, maybe leak. Clint played with that one in his head, nodding as he stuck his lower lip out and raised his eyebrows in amusing thought. He then shook his head. 'Focus on the mission, Barton.' he silently thought to himself.
Tony was asleep on his side of the bed while Pepper was on the other side. Tony being the egocentric asshole that he is clutched a plush Iron Man in his arms. Clint glanced over at Pepper. 'Can't see, dammit...' He put one foot on the side of the bed and stepped over Tony. Clint set his foot between Tony and Pepper then bent over Pepper and studied her face. He chuckled very softly. Pepper had a pout on her face as she slept.
Tony slept shirtless which made this great for Clint. Clint ever so carefully lifted Tony's arm, coughing, eyes watering a little from a little stench. The hair was a problem. Clint quietly went to their bathroom and got one of Pepper's razors and shave cream. Clint looked at the name of the smell on the can. "Butter Pecan Burst?" He made a strange face. "Who the hell would like their arm pits smelling like Butter Pecans? Though it does give me a craving for ice cream." he spoke softly.
Clint then skillfully applied the shave cream and began to shave Tony's pits. He lifted Tony's arm up and sprayed more than enough on the first pit.
Tony stirred a little bit.
Clint crouched down.
Tony put his arm down and lathered his chest and side.
Clint's eye twitched. 'Damn you Tony.' he suddenly smirked. 'Actually this could work.'
Tony stayed still, continuing to sleep.
Clint resurfaced and took the razor to Tony's first armpit. Clint scrunched his nose up. 'Come on Tony...I can't believe Pepper can sleep with Tony's armpits smelling like a dead fish!' Clint went on to shave the armpit.
About a minute later he finished and set Tony's arm down, leaving the excess shaving cream alone for now.
To reach the second arm pit, Clint had to have one foot on the bed with his ass in the air as his body was bent to reach it's destination. Clint held the arm up, shaving the pit with the same disgusted look on his face. In the midst of shaving, Pepper's nose came to life, sniffing. 'Ughh...Tony..."
Clint's eyes widened as he prepared to jump off of the bed. Unfortunately upon bringing his foot over Tony, he knocked it into the scientist and knocked Tony to the floor, on his face. Clint landed on top of Tony, but quickly rolled off of him and underneath the bed with the razor and shave cream.
Tony woke up immediately. "Ow! What the hell!?" he shouted, his voice muffled. Tony pushed himself up with his arms. His back cracked. "Dammit Pepper!"
Clint grinned, amused by his mistake.
Pepper jolted awake. "What?! What did I do?!"
"You pushed me off of the bed!"
"What? How could I?" Pepper replied as she looked over at Tony. "I was facing away from your egocentric ass!"
Tony growled but got back into bed, grabbing his plush and hugging it to his chest.
"Oh my geez! You'd rather hug a stuffed plush of you rather than me?!" Pepper sniffed the air. "Although I'm kinda glad abou- wait a minute. Do you smell...butter pecans?"
Tony sniffed the air as well.
"Clint's probably making a smoothie or something. He's into weird shit like that..."
Clint glared, staring up at the mattress.
"You give Clint access to our personal quarters?!" Pepper huffed.
"Don't worry I have camera's everywhere. I'll see what he takes and make him pay for it later." Tony said.
'Heh, nope not happening Stark!' Clint grinned to himself.
"Have you charged him for things he took that were mine?" Pepper questioned.
"No, it's your job to watch the footage and see what he takes of yours." Tony said.
"You can't just tell me?!" Pepper fumed.
Tony stayed silent.
"Ugh...Whatever I have to get some sleep." Pepper said as she turned her back at Tony once more and closed her eyes.
"Unbelievable!" Tony said as he rolled his eyes.
Pepper gave Tony a hard kick, then fell asleep with a satisfied smile on her lips.
"Oww!" Tony said with a frustrated growl, but then hugged his plush tight, really feeling the pain in his back. "Why the hell does my back hurt so much?" he wondered out loud, but just shrugged it off and closed his eyes. "I'll call the chiropractor in the morning." he yawned then went back to sleep.
Clint waited a couple minutes just to make sure they were both back asleep. Upon hearing Tony's faint snoring, he nodded with a grin. He knew that Pepper falls asleep right away, but she usually likes the smell of freshly picked roses by her bedside. This time she had none on her night stand. Clint crawled out from underneath the bed and went back to work.
Clint assumed his earlier position and finished shaving the last bit of hair from Tony's pit. He then carefully swung his leg over Tony and got down safely. Clint went to clean the razor in toilet, not wanting to turn of the sink or shower. Oddly enough, he did consider the shower. Clint then put them back in their earlier positions and places, having memorized exactly how they were placed earlier.
Clint went back over Tony and lifted Tony's arm, in each turn drawing a bulls eye on each arm pit in a permanent purple marker. He then got out his phone, which was on silent and took a few selfies with Tony. 'Satisfactory Barton! Now...I'll just...'
Clint took the permanent purple marker and wrote something on Tony's forehead backwards so it would show up in the mirror. 'And for the finishing touch.'
Clint wiped off the excess cream and wiped it onto Tony's hand. He then tickled Tony's nose a little, took a quick selfie of him kissing Tony's cheek then got the hell out of the room like a ninja in the night. Seconds later a scream was heard. Clint grinned.
"Ahh, a job well done Barton. A job well done." he said softly. "All I have to do is get the goods and get outta here!" So Clint ran for the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of Tony's favorite whiskey along with some others that looked expensive. Now that Tony was awake he didn't want to risk the dinging of the elevator, so he swiftly yet quietly took the stairs back up to his quarters, two steps at a time and two floors above.
Once Clint got back to his room, he took one more shot of whiskey before he stocked the alcohol in the mini fridge in his room near his bed since he liked to be lazy at times. The ones that couldn't fit he put in his large drawer from his nightstand.
Soon after that, Clint hopped onto his bed and crashed with his box of darts beside him.
Xyn Zyn: Hope you enjoyed it, please review!
Next time: Tony Part 2