Timmy's Night Before Christmas
~*~*~*~*~
Based on a time old rhyme that enchants us all. Oh, no! Timmy's been left behind with VICKY for the holidays! But Wanda's certainly not going to
take that sitting down-and, with a little help from St. Nick.....plans to give her godson something truly very merry indeed.
Hallo, everyone! Sorry I didn't update 'Love thy Godmother, Godfather, and Godson' when I said I would.....'~'....gomen nasai, gomen nasai....
Still, I do hope you accept this holiday gift from me. It's not very well balanced-I tried, sorry-and, it's really rather silly, but after having some of the
custodial battles at my home, I can't help but understand Timmy's sentiment, at the end.
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the ridiculously decorated house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
(Actually there was not a rodent to be found here, neither gray mice nor rats…)
Mainly because they'd been chased out by a buff old woman and a man obsessed with cats.
No wand was blazing, nor waving for a wish,
Two wands and a rattle were buried in the sand, next to three snoozing goldfish.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
One sock smelling a wee bit Icky.
Vicky's feet had been wet and sticky.
~*~
Oh, why is the tormenter here, on a glorious night as Christmas Eve?
This is really rather hard to believe-
Mainly because-and this is really rather sad-
Loving parents, Mom and Dad
Deciding to go on a holiday vacation deemed as "reviving."
(In other words, the dolts went scuba diving.)
Vicky was snoring, murderous weapons prepared at best,
To set on "liquefy."
So Timmy thought,
He'd better get some rest.
Timmy was lonely, and the boy was heartbroken, Which made Wanda's pink eyes open.
The child was nestled all snug in his bed,
While broken visions of sugar-plums danced in his head;
Once again, the Turners, like a little clot- Went on vacation for the holidays-and forgot to take their tot.
Wanda was angry. And Wanda was sad. And, at the thought of Vicky, the pink haired fairy was TRULY mad- And, coming from Cosmo, that's not a
sight you wanna see. It basically ensures your misery.
So Poof was woken, and Cosmo, though it was difficult, I swear-
He was snoozing in his match car bed, cuddling his stuffed bear- Yelling, "I can't take this rhyming anymore!"
And, so saying, Cosmo began to bash his head against the door-
Surprised, Timmy saw Wanda in her 'kerchief, and she saw him in his cap,
Right when he'd just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Timmy sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Vicky staggered up, confused-wondered if it was Timmy's Mom and Pops-
Decided it was not, and went to call the cops.
However, thinking that Vicky was intending to deceive, Hung the phone on her-the girl was not to believe.
Wanda was smiling-she had a plan cooked up in a trife-
To bring Timmy's Christmas back to warm life.
~*~
Away to the window Timmy flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the Vicky cooked hash-
All over the ground. Yes, Timmy vomited himself sick-
(Have you ever eaten Vicky's cooking? Trust me-it WILL do the trick)
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow gave the luster of mid-day to objects below,
While Wanda poofed away to meet a certain someone she very much wanted to see-
Someone making their way down the Turner's Chimney-
Vicky peered out of another window downstairs, her wandering glare-
Like Timmy's, soon turned to that of a wide eyed stare….
When, what to their wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature…..red SUV? And eight tiny reindeer.
(Why did Santa choose to have his reindeer pull a car and not sleigh? Don't ask me-ask the dude. It's simply his way.)
With a fat old driver, not so lively and quick-
He'd had far too many cookies and excesses of eggnog-so Vicky and Timmy knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
Though he's had quite a few reindeer over the twist-
And he had to check their names off a nearby list.
"Now…uh….Dasher! Now, Prancer! Wait, aren't you Dancer? Now, What's-your-face and Vixen!
On, Comet! On Stupid! Oops….please don't kill me…..On, Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! Wait…they don't have one….so to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
As dry leaves or Wanda's reasons that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas (Who still needed a diet) too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
Since they did this every year, this certainly was no test.
One or two Reindeer actually brought along a copy of Reader's Digest.
As Timmy drew in his head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
But please don't let his wife know of it- Once she found out, she would surely have a fit-
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
Timmy raced to the living room, heart hammering as he did so,
And Santa gave him a smile that filled the room with a soft glow.
His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
That was, until Vicky ran over, demanding a gift,
So he instructed Rudolf to give her a lift
Where the truly nasty all stand in lines
And get their reward as unjolly and unkind they are- Straight to the coal mines.
Santa's droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a candy cane he held tight in his teeth,
And the smell- it encircled his head like a wreath;
(Please don't laugh at him-for truly it was no joke-
Santa had only just months ago started ceasing to smoke.)
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And Timmy laughed when he saw him, in spite of himself;
He wasn't quite sure-he did not know why he laughed too-
Maybe it had something involved with Vicky getting deported to a coal mine in Peru.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave the boy to know he had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Dropping all the presents-dropping all the stockings; like a jerk,
But alas, he had Wanda's request, and he took Timmy's hand-Santa's was fat, while Timmy's was bred to the bone,
Still, he told Timmy that if he and his god family would like to come home-
With him and his crew-that was quite alright.
Timmy's house was the last stop for the night.
And after some Reindeer games-perhaps a moment or two of fun,
It would be time to celebrate and feast in Fairy World the hard work that they had done.
Three fairies and a human eagerly agreed, And left the house at unearthly speed-
As Santa laid his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney they rose;
They sprang to his sleigh…er…car, and Santa, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
Timmy thanked Wanda, she gave him the hug of a downy feathered dove-
And Timmy realized-Christmas wasn't giving or getting.
It was family....and about love.
After dropping coal on a bewildered Mr. and Mrs. Turner, Timmy heard Santa exclaim, ere they
drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all…uh...except them…a good-night!"