Hi everyone, a little story I wrote on the train this morning. It might be a little rough and ready but it came to me in light of the UK Elections that are taking place today. So here is the first part, the second will follow once we know the outcome of today. It is a slight play on the classic film Mad Max - Thunderdome. Hope you like, do please review.
Election Day
"Lister where are we going again?" asked Rimmer scanning Starbugs front view screen.
Lister pointed to a distant planet. "There." He said.
"And remind me again why there?" returned Rimmer.
"Well we got this spam message this morning and it looked a laugh." Said Lister.
"What message, why didn't you show me?" Said Rimmer angrily.
"I did man, you just brushed it off saying it was probably another offer for space weevil extermination services." Said Lister.
"Well now I want to know, what was it for." Asked Rimmer.
"OK now that I know, here you go." Said Lister handing over the message printout.
Rimmer scanned the text.
'Come one come all for today is Election Day on planet Hive. We have three candidates just itching for power, so if you're in the sector it's your duty to come and vote. Plus we have the biggest range of brothels in the sector.'
"Election huh, well why didn't you say, men of pedigree, men of power, men who will do anything for a vote. I love a good election." Said Rimmer with a far off look.
Rimmer stopped and thought for a second. "Hang on, it's hardly your sort of thing Lister, why do you want to go. Have you a sudden urge to make your mark in this universe perhaps?"
"Naaaa, take a look at the picture that comes with it. It's on the back." Said Lister pointing.
Rimmer turned the paper over and saw three men all growling at the camera and bare chested, each had an assortment of weapons in hand. "Well, I grant you, they do look rather interesting candidates." Said Rimmer.
Starbug dropped onto a landing site and Rimmer, Lister, Cat and Kryten left the craft.
"Wow, this place is busy." Said the Cat looking at the huge number of people and gelfs ahead of them.
"I wonder which way to the electron voting booths." Said Rimmer.
"I'll ask sirs." Said Kryten moving over to a Gelf. "Execuse me sir, which way to the election booths?" asked Kryten.
The toothless gelf grinned at him and pointed towards a larger gathering of people.
"Thank you." Said Kryten then turned back to the others. "I think it's over that way sirs, where that large cage dome thingy is maybe."
They made there way through the crowds until finally they stood next to a large metal cage which was empty except for a single tall man holding a large wooden stick with what looked like a sheep's head on it.
Rimmer looked at the cage. "Funny sort of polling station this." He said.
The man in the middle thumbed his stick on the ground calling for quite. When he had silence from the crowd he began to talk in a hushed tone.
"Hush now, and listen to this story. Many years ago wars a happened, man killed man, gelf killed gelf and man and gelf killed each other alike, and it was almost the death of us, but then Hive town was born and the Electron Dome was created. Now listen good for these are the rules. Three men enter, one man leaves. Each wants your vote so shout them good and today we shall have an Election." He shouted the last word and the crowd burst into rapturous cheers.
Rimmer looked at Lister. "This isn't an Election this is a cage fight."
"Yeah I know, should be a goodun too, here comes the candidates and look at the size of that one." Said Lister pointing to the large gelf dressed in Red.
Three entered the cage, each walking around the cage calling to the crowd which then cheered their chosen candidate. One was a huge gelf, dressed in Red with an eye that made you want to stare but not for too long. Another was a large man dressed in blue, almost human looking but with a smirk that said you wouldn't want him to be your best man. The last was a smaller man than the other two and was dressed in yellow, he moved quickly and seemed to be enjoying the lime light.
The man in the middle started up again talking to the three. "You know the rules, three men enter one man leave, so gentlemen, have your manifesto weapons ready and make em good and sharp, for you are now in the ELECTION DOME!"
"My moneys on the little guy, I recon he looks fast." Said the Cat.
"Naa I recon the big guy is going to cream it." Said Lister.
"Well, I rather think the chap in blue looks sensible." Said Kryten.
"Listen you yourselves this is a cage fight, a bloody fists and knifes to the end fight, it's not Thursday night election special." Said Rimmer disgusted.
"Oh come on Rimmer, get with the locals this is the way it's done out here."
The crowd let out a cheer as the klaxon horn sent out the call to start the fight. The three men circled each other, each watching for the other to make the first move. Then at last the blue one launched a flying kick at the smaller one who just about managed to dodge out of its way. The large gelf grinned at this and waited for his moment to strike. It came as the little guy turned his back on him to face the blue off. He jumped on his back and the two went flying into the dust. The crowd went wild.
Rimmer meanwhile had decided this was not for him and had left the cage side. He was making his way back to the ship, why should he cast his vote for something that was so backwards.
Lister turned away from the action and noticed Rimmer was missing. "Smeg, anyone seen Rimmer?"
"I believe he has gone back to Starbug sir." Said Kryten bashing the side of the cage.
"Dam, come on guys we better make sure he's OK?" said Lister pushing his way out from the cage side.
"What, and miss this action, this is the best TV we've seen in months." Said the Cat grinning as the yellow guy had managed to get the large red gelf in a head lock.
"I know, but we better go." Said Lister.
"Mr Lister is right; goodness knows what could happen to him on this planet."
Back inside Starbug the four sat around the table.
"He goal post head, why did you run off like that?" said the Cat.
"Because it was not an election but rather an excuse for three grown life forms to kill each other and I for one don't want any part of it."
"But if you don't vote you don't get a say Rimmer?" said Lister.
"That's rich coming from Mr crypto fascist himself." Said Rimmer.
"Hey I voted, back on earth." Said Lister jumping to his own defence.
"Let me guess, that year when they decided to give everyone a phone app that allowed you to vote by proxy." Said Rimmer.
"Yeah, it was great, I just got up, switched on the phone and pressed the button, all done." Said Lister grinning.
"But what about the fight?" said the Cat itching to get back out to it.
"I would not worry sir, according to local history these things can take all day to get to a result, and even then they have to count the number of body parts, and sometimes that's so hard to do they have to do a recount." Said Kryten.
"Look man, you can stay here but we're going back to the Dome, you coming?" said Lister getting up from his seat.
Rimmer shrugged but then looked up. "OK I'll come but only because I want to see a fair result."
To be contined when the result is known……