Disclaimer: Nothing is mine and nothing will be except the plot and the OC's you don't recognize :)
A/N: So guys, here is the sequel to Oh Jules! For new readers, I recommend you read Oh Jules before this otherwise you won't understand a bit of it :) Anyways, thank you for all the support that you guys gave me for Oh Jules, I couldn't have finished it without you guys! Anyways, this story will be different and I think you guys will hit me once you've finished reading this chapter :) But stick with me, will ya :) And hopefully you will like it :) Enjoy:
Song used for this chapter Speaking A Dead Language by Joy Williams
Brick By Brick We Started Crumbling
"Jules?" The soft voice penetrated my eardrums. Slowly my awareness grew and I realized that the soft blanket wrapped around me wasn't giving me the warmth I was craving for. My mouth felt dry and my throat ached relentlessly. My head lay on the soft pillow and as I stared at the rain clad window I realized I was back in La Push. I was back home. After six years I was finally back.
The idea was strange and somehow I couldn't wrap my head around it. I wanted to move, indicate that I was no corpse, all holed up in my bed, that I was in fact alive but my limbs were numb and the sheets were wrapped around me tightly and I doubted I would be able to move, especially in my current state. I let out a shaky breath and suddenly a dark face appeared in view. Seth Clearwater. His hair was longer now and his dark eyes peered at me worriedly. "Come on Jules." A stab of pain went through me and I closed my eyes as a gasp of pain escaped my mouth.
"D-don't call me that." I brought out and I heard Seth's sigh.
"Come on, honey." He repeated again and he pulled away the blanket pulling me into a sitting position on the bed. I could hear the several footsteps and chatters of people downstairs. But the grief was present. So much in fact that it was leading it's own life. I heard Summer's voice behind me.
"I'll take care of it Seth." Summer said as she appeared in view. Her green eyes vibrant. Gone were all the childish features. In front of me stood a twenty-three year old, young woman. Her dark hair pulled in a tight bun, with the smallest amount of make up on her face. I let her pull me out of bed and steer me into the bathroom. I eyed her black funeral dress and another wave of something went through me and my knees weakened.
"Take a shower." She said softly and I steered myself to the shower. Not even the hot scalding water could get rid of the chill. I heard Summer and Seth's voice outside of the bathroom.
"How's her mother?" Summer's voice rang and I leant against the tiles. The water pounding on my head like a hammer. Every strike echoed loudly.
"Kim and Julie's grandmother are taking care of her. She even worse than Julie." I heard Seth's sigh. "At least she shows some emotions. She hasn't stopped crying ever since he passed away."
"Julie won't say anything though." Seth remarked and I quickly turned off the shower and pulled myself out of the shower. It didn't matter how high the temperature was, this chill was going to be here permanently.
"Yeah and Paul being here won't do her much good either." Summer said and I halted in my movements. The towel was wrapped around me tightly and I sat down on the edge of the tub. The steam in the bathroom was moist and it felt like I was breathing water.
"I told him to stay away but he wouldn't listen."
"It's Paul, when does he ever listen?" The conversation stopped afterwards and Summer knocked on the door.
"Yeah?" My voice was hoarse and it hurt my throat.
"You done, Jules?" I shrugged and Summer came inside. She was holding the black dress I was supposed to wear on my dad's funeral.
"Oh God." I whispered watching the dress with something that would've been described as disdain. Summer didn't say anything. Merely watched me with cautious eyes and I closed my eyes. The burns in my eyes were painful.
"Do you need help getting it on?" Summer asked and I shook my head.
"No." I responded hoarsely and Summer nodded before giving me exactly what I wanted. Some time alone.
Fifteen minutes later I was dragging my feet downstairs. I was immediately confronted with family members. Aunts and uncles. My grandparents. A few cousins. Family friends. It felt strange when they embraced me. All of them were trying to hold themselves up but I couldn't see why they would? For me? I was doing an okay job. For it wasn't his death that made me hit rock bottom. I swallowed away the shaky breaths, I didn't want them to see anything in me but solemnity.
"Julie, sweetheart." My grandmother Gracie called my name and I turned to the shorter woman. There were circles beneath her eyes and I fought the urge to hide in her embrace. Instead I gave her a tentative smile. She didn't react upon it.
"Could you get some wood out of the garage? The fire is dying out." I nodded and moved to the small door that was in the kitchen. It lead to the small garage we had which was filled with my dad's things. Maybe that's why she asked me to go. Knowing it wouldn't affect me nearly as badly as it would someone else.
I picked up a few stacks of wood and moved back up the tiny steps, right into the kitchen. There were too many people here and as I handed the wood to my uncle John I immediately moved to the front door. They didn't notice me at all.
"She's still in shock." My aunt Mary said and I couldn't agree less with her. If this state you wanted to call shock, then go ahead. I just wanted to lie down and sleep the whole world away. It was easy to do so if the only thing I could hear was a hum that was soothing. Instead I heard them. Twenty-four seven and my throat was rough with the screams.
I blindly walked outside. The rain was pouring and for some reason I couldn't move any further than the porch. I sat down against the wall and folded my knees beneath me. The cold wind evoked goose bumps on my skin and the soft pattern of the rain on the earth soon turned into a melody. I didn't want anything to do right now. Sitting here would've been perfect. For I had no idea what I was going to when this day would be over. Everything I owned was moved here from New York, my apartment was empty and my art gallery was gone. I had nothing left there. I came back here because my dad died and in exchange I gave up everything I ever worked for.
Even in death he was able to control me.
"Julie. It's time." Seth's voice startled me and I looked at the tall Quileute with nothing more but confusion.
"Let's get you up on your feet." Seth said and he hoisted me by my armpits and I as stood on my feet I let him pull me back inside the house.
Twenty minutes later we were in the car and the only thing I could do was stare at the rain. For it was much interesting than whatever my family had to say.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
His coffin was located in the middle of the stage and many flowers stood around it. People were being lead to their chairs and they eyed me with pity. I barely reacted upon it and chose to walk the red velvety carpet that lead to the stage instead. I was moving quicker than I thought because suddenly I was so close to the coffin I was able to touch the wood. I ignored my family members cry of surprise and moved closer. When suddenly a hot hand on my arm tugged me backwards. I stumbled into someone's chest and I turned around surprised.
"They're about to start." Seth said and I let him lead me to the chairs, my eyes still focused on the coffin.
Ten minutes later the service started. People spoke about Finn like he was a hero and I wanted to protest, scream but I couldn't find the words to use. Seth and Kim were sitting next to me and I heard the soft cries of my mother a few chairs away. I swallowed the fear away and listened to every single word that was said. If only they knew the real Finn. What went on behind the walls. Bet no one would be so sad now? Or would they? I sighed when another speaker came up and started this long monologue about him that didn't relate to Finn in any kind of way.
I turned my head to eye the people that occupied every single chair. There were friends, colleagues. Most of the reservation was here and to my surprise that included the pack as well. My eyes racked over the pack to see the one person that had me on the edge of my seat. I wanted to see his warm eyes, his smile. I wanted to hear his voice, feel his breath on my skin. The touch of his fingers. I wanted to feel complete again. But I hadn't been complete for the past few years. For it has been four years since Paul left me. Four years since the clock Paul gave me stopped ticking.
I found him next to Jared. He was closer to me than expected and I held in my breath as my eyes looked for any flaw that would indicate his misery. I found nothing but the hard mask that he wore on his face. I swallowed thickly when I saw a dark Quileute woman next to him. Her sharp features were stunning and there was a similarity that had me questioning who this girl exactly was. She came across as vaguely familiar. I would've asked Seth who that was had it not been the exact moment Paul's eyes met mine.
My heart stopped.
I was immediately transported back to the day where my misery began. Him surprising me in New York. Him seeing things he never was meant to see. Him misunderstanding. Him screaming. Him slamming the door. Too many words were said and four years later I was here. Spots littered my vision and a shook of my arms eased me out of my dizzying haze. I glanced at Kim next to me as I heard her whisper something I didn't get. Suddenly I realized that voices were speaking again and most of my family members were standing at the stage. The mourners were going to line up to pay their condolences to the family. I let her drag me to the front of the herd. Closest to the coffin.
My hand was numb, shaking everyone's hand. My ears were hurting for I didn't want to hear what they had to say. Their promises burning a hole in my patience. I simply nodded and reacted to everything they said with a simple thank you. At some point I tried to move away but my mother had grabbed my hand and pulled me back to the position I was before.
"You're not leaving me." She said firmly. Her eyes were bloodshot and tears kept coming. In the past few days she had ages several years and I found myself standing next to her again, doing exactly what she wanted me to do. Stand beside her and be whatever my father would've wanted me to be.
"I'm very sorry for your loss." The voice pulled me out of my stupor and I looked at the girl I had been eyeing before. I blinked at her, I was pretty sure that my look showed confusion. Suddenly she widened her eyes. "Oh, sorry. I'm Rachel. I'm Jacob's sister." I nodded again. That's why I recognized her. She looked quite a lot like her brother.
"Thanks." I murmured when Paul suddenly appeared behind her. His hand was resting on the small of her back and that small intimate gesture made my whole word turn upside down.
A spinning fear took hold of me and I found myself gasping for breath. The ocean of people were smothering me and I glanced at the girl with a terrified expression. I couldn't meet his gaze and suddenly my knees buckled from beneath me. His hand shot out to steady me but I pushed away and stumbled, knocking over some of the flowers. The vases shattered, showering the floor with glass and I found myself clutching the wall as the hole in my chest increased. I tried to move away, away from the claustrophobic people, all of them were eying me with shock. Away from the smelly odour of the flowers. Away from the intimacy that I just saw between him and that girl.
"Julie?"
"Honey what's going on?"
"Jules?" Another stab of pain went through me and my feet moved through the crowd to the empty corridor. I tried to breathe but no matter how much gulps of air I took, oxygen didn't fill my lungs.
"Give her a second." Summer's voice reverberated and I reminded myself to thank her later.
My chest, tight with shock, ached and I was running. My feet echoing in the silence when I found the door I was looking for. I slammed my fist against the door and it opened. Exposing me to the cold outside. I stepped out of the terrifying building and the rain poured down. Suddenly the tears came. For the first time ever since Finn died I cried. My lungs contracted again and stabs of pain shot through my body. My shoes were damp with the mud where I trot upon and my dress was clinging to me like a second skin. I was thoroughly soaked and nothing could stop me. I kept on walking to the woods, hoping to find some peace beneath the trees.
Moving away from people would've normally done the trick but the scene kept playing over and over again. Paul moved on. Despite our imprint he had moved on and now I was left with this broken imprint. I tried to take cleansing breaths but I felt like everything was running havoc in my body. Nothing worked the way it was supposed to work. I sobbed as I pulled at the ribbon of my dress. Loosening it for it constricted my breathing. My knees felt weak and I fell many times before finally reaching the forest.
What are you going to do now?
I suddenly put my hand against my mouth and screamed. I hadn't realized it but my only hope that was left here had just betrayed me. I fell to my knees and put my hands on the ground as the rain was slightly held back by the trees. I blinked several times to free my eyes from the tears but nothing stopped. I found myself crying again. Tremors shook my body and I pulled off the shoes I was wearing, throwing it against the nearest tree, seeking release. Release I wouldn't be able to find.
Panic blinded me and fear shook me to my core. What was I going to do? I couldn't do this, I couldn't stay here now, could I? I didn't want to see him happy. For the past four years I tried to find the courage to come back and now I was back. And he had moved on. I shook violently as I suddenly couldn't breathe. A fog washed over me and nausea churned in my stomach.
"Julie?" Seth's voice moved through the fog and I he clutched my arms as he shook me to coax a reaction out of me.
"Breathe Jules." I closed my eyes. I couldn't bear to hear him say my name like that. Please don't say my name. I tried to struggle but the grip Seth had on me was strong and suddenly other voices penetrated my eardrums. I wasn't alone.
"Shoot, what the hell happened?" That must've been Sam.
"I told you to keep him away." Seth yelled. I never heard him yell before.
"What did you want me to do Seth? Order him to stay away?"
"That would've been something." He responded.
"Not now guys." Summer's voice came across as stern. "Now move." Summer appeared in my view. "Julie honey? Breathe deeply, alright? Like this." I shook my head. More tears escaping my eyes.
"How is she?" I closed my eyes.
"What are you doing here?" Seth growled. "Leave, now!"
"Watch your mouth pup." Paul gritted out and as I felt Sam move behind me, holding me upright, I could see the tall statures of both Seth and Paul.
"This is your fault." Seth retorted and suddenly Paul grabbed Seth by his collar, slamming him against the nearest tree.
"Don't you dare tell me this is my fault." Seth responded by pushing Paul away with a mighty push.
"Both of you stop it!" Sam shouted and I shook with the amount of power behind his voice. Seth and Paul kept glaring to each other. Then Paul's eyes fell on me.
"Get out of the way Summer." Paul grunted as he crouched down in front of me.
"I don't think so Paul. Get out of here. You're not wanted." Summer hissed.
"Just do it!" Paul almost shouted and he grabbed Summer by the arm, pulling her away.
"Hey!" She cried out as Seth grabbed hold of her arm before she could fall.
"I got her." Paul murmured to Sam. His hands were holding on to me and to my surprise my body immediately responded. His hands were rubbing up and down my arms before one of his hands cupped the back of my head. Holding it in place. "Come on, Jules. Breathe." I closed my eyes and more tears oozed out of the corner of my eyes.
The spots were dominant and if it were me I would've succumbed completely. Ironically enough I was here, responding to everything Paul was saying. And somehow the ache dulled by him just standing here. I felt him whisper more words and I clutched his sleeve. The tears were lessening and my breath came out regularly again, albeit a bit shallow. At least the spinning sensation was gone now. I held on to the memories that Paul evoked to keep the pain away. And it worked.
"Julie?" His voice was rough. I took a shaky breath and rested my forehead against his chin. "You with me?" I let out an agreeing kind of sound. "Okay, I'm going to take you home now." I didn't react.
"Paul, you really shou-"
"Seth, shut the fuck up. I'm taking her home whether you like it or not." Paul was pissed and the mere volume of his voice would've given him away.
"Let him go." Sam said to Seth and I could hear Summer and Seth protest. I opened my eyes as Paul slid his arms behind my back and beneath my knees. He lifted me up and somehow a strange eerie weakness appeared.
I found myself being placed in the car like a puppet and the car door was shut gently. I leant against the seat as I turned my back to the driver's seat. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Having him here like this was going to come back and bite me in the ass. And the only one hurt was going to be me. I swallowed away the tears but somehow they had a will of their own and they rushed down my cheeks. I barely made a sound.
"She looks pretty." I whispered. Thinking about Rachel, the girl who Paul was with.
"Julie." Paul said softly, wanting to interrupt my trail of thought.
"Don't." I whispered again. My voice was slightly harsher to make my point come across and it worked. "I don't want to hear it." I swallowed and Paul started the car. As I listened to the engine I couldn't help but say it again.
"She really is pretty."
No words were said afterwards and I turned back to stare at the rain again.
A/N: *hides* Uhmm, review please? I love to hear your thoughts!