Title: "You are my Magic, You are my Light"
Summary: "It's okay not to be motivated," he says quietly, his face still pointed at the ceiling. He seems far away, as though thinking back to a different time. "Sometimes you just have to be interested, and then slowly your motivation builds itself up."
Beta'd by: ToraTsuin and Sky Veneziano! These two are so nice, please check out their stories!
Disclaimer: I do not own Tokyo Ghoul nor do I own any of the characters. I don't own Fairy Tail, either.
Chapter: "Light Filters In"
Kaneki runs a hand through his black hair, leaning on his elbow as he stares down at the book resting on the table. He sighs through his nostrils, turning the page as he scans over the paragraphs of the setting's description. Gray eyes read word for word, a hazy picture forming in his mind (and changing with each new detail).
Kaneki reads to escape, and he clings to the words and characters like it was his lifeline. He settles with a book every day after work, forgetting how messed up the world is, forgetting his problems. He runs from all the wrong things around him, going off on an adventure with a new set of characters every day.
"Why not go on an adventure yourself?"
"I have no motivation to go on one."
By the time he's done his eyes hurt from reading for so long. Kaneki stands up, his legs protesting after being unused for so long. He feels pins and needles attack at his legs' nerves, and clenches his teeth at the uncomfortable feelings. Quietly, he pushes the chair in, putting the book back on the shelf of the library as he shrugs his backpack over his shoulders.
As he passes by the counter at the front of the building he smiles warmly at the assistant, who gives him a nod in greeting.
"Have a great day, Kaneki-kun," the assistant calls behind him, the tail end of the sentence being cut off by the door closing. Kaneki waves back, seeing the assistant smile at him through the glass of the door. When he turns around, the smile is gone, and his gray eyes become unfocused as he daydreams.
The walk from the library to his home isn't short, but it isn't long either. Kaneki finds the time to himself relaxing. He watches the familiar area as he walks, noting all of the familiar places; restaurants, clothing stores, the abandoned building that the city's one and only magic guild uses as a base. His mind is far away, but his eyes watch the world around him as he walks along.
The city of Moirai is ordinary. It is smaller than most cities in the country, but to Kaneki it is normal. Nearly everyone knows each other, and the shop owners are kind to him. Some smile as he walks by, and he smiles back to be polite. He closes his eyes, because he knows his smile doesn't reach them.
The buildings are not tall, but the trees are. They shade most of the city, which Kaneki finds pleasant in the warm summers. A dry breeze ghosts through the quiet streets, most of the residents of the neighborhood inside or out in the market area.
The stray dogs in the area rub against his legs, panting happily and wagging their tail vigorously. It warms his heart a little, though the thought that they don't have a home causes him to frown. Kaneki gets on his knees, rubbing and scratching the dogs' back and head, even their stomach when they roll onto their back. His smile is sad, guilty.
"I'd love to bring you home," he sighs, staring into the warm brown eyes of one of the dogs. "But my Aunt wouldn't approve."
Part of him knows that the dogs can't understand him, that all they hear is his voice but not his words. But staring into their eyes, warm and happy and loving, he feels his heart squeeze. They look like they understand, and the irrational part of his mind wants to believe that they do.
"I'm sorry," he whispers when he leaves, feeling the dogs' eyes on his back. Over his shoulder he calls back to them, "I'll bring you some food tomorrow!", and then he's turning the familiar corner and letting out a shaky breath. His eyes sting.
Kaneki wasn't expecting the blond-haired person in front of his house. He stops at the end of the street, trying to recognize the stranger in front of his home (his aunt's home).
He has slightly spiked hair, the roots being brown, and his skin is tan, freckles lining his bare arms. His clothes are different from most of the residents of Moirai, and it makes him stand out like a patch of flowers in a field of grass. He has a loose, sleeveless shirt over a tighter-looking undershirt, the collar reaching mid neck.
The over-shirt is a bright yellow, the clothing under it being dark green, just like the leaves on the trees that tower above the city. The over-shirt is tucked into his pants, which are black and stop just below his knees. He wears combat boots, brown leather with the toes scratched and banged up. Kaneki guesses he's had them for a while. Red headphones rest around his neck, contrasting with the tan skin.
Large brown eyes stare up at the second story of the house, calculating. He looks as though he's contemplating something, or maybe forming a plan. Kaneki should feel suspicious, but curiosity clouds his mind. There's a feeling in his stomach that he can't quite name, and it feels like fluttering butterflies have grown in his abdomen.
"E-excuse me," he stutters out as he walks over, gulping down the large lump that forms in his throat, "Do you have any business with my aunt?"
Immediately those brown eyes are on him, and Kaneki forgets how to breathe. They are deep and gentle, and they shine like light shimmering on the ocean's surface. The stranger is the same height as Kaneki, but his body looks more solid, and he appears to be far more put-together than Ken could ever hope to be.
When the person talks, his voice is bubbly and joyful, almost like verbal sunshine. "Ah, yeah. I needed to talk with the owner of the house."
Kaneki's gaze is glued to the stranger's, wide and inquisitive. His mouth is open, but he can't seem to close it. The stranger gives him a worried glance, waving one of his hands in front of Ken's face. "A-ah," Kaneki mutters, his face burning, "Sorry. Um, but, uh, m-my aunt won't be home until tomorrow."
"Oh," the blond sighs, hands on his hips. He stares at the house, looking a bit worried, and maybe that's why he does it, but Kaneki isn't quite sure.
"Um, if you want," he starts hesitantly, averting his eyes when the stranger turns his gaze back to him. It feels warmer than before. Kaneki feels himself sweating. What was wrong with him?
"You can join me for dinner? Just, uh, in case she comes home early?"
The stranger raises one of his brown eyebrows at him, a smirk on his face. "Inviting a stranger into your house? You're kinda strange, ya'know?"
Kaneki fidgets with his the hem of his shirt. His gray eyes are pointed at the ground, and he takes in the detail of the person's shoes. There are dark stains on the bottom, a faded, rusty red color.
"Hey, it's not a bad thing," the stranger chimes in. Kaneki blinks, looking up and focusing on the smiling face of the stranger. He notices the freckles across the bridge of his nose and under his cheeks. Compared to his dark skin, the stranger's teeth are bright white, and Kaneki understands why some teeth are referred to as being as "white as pearls".
The stranger offers Kaneki his hand, grinning brightly. "My name is Hideyoshi Nagachika," he states, "But just Hide is fine!"
Kaneki's gray eyes stare at his face a moment longer, noting a band aid stuck on the side of his face, and then his gaze turns to the outstretched hand. When he takes it, Kaneki immediately notes how rough the texture of his hand is, and how strong his natural grip seems to be.
"I'm Kaneki Ken," he murmurs, holding onto Hide's a moment longer than necessary.
"Nice to meet you," Hide's hand retreats back to his side, and Ken misses the warm feeling of it holding onto his own.
"You too," Kaneki replies, a small smile settling onto his face.
Kaneki ends up inviting Hide to stay the night, fascinated by the blond. Hide talks about his journey to Moirai, saying he was on a job. He doesn't mention what kind, but Kaneki doesn't ask. He's far too interested in hearing how the trip to the city was, what Hide experienced on the way, how the people he met acted. Kaneki has never left Moirai, and though his curiosity builds with each passing year, as his love for adventures thrives, he doesn't intend to leave.
When he tells Hide this, the blond hums in thought. He leans back in his chair, hands behind his head and brown eyes staring up at the ceiling. "That's no good, Kaneki," he murmurs, a pout-like frown replacing his usual blinding smile. "If you like adventures then you should go on one!"
Ken blurts his usual response before he can stop himself.
"I have no motivation to go on one."
The air around them feels different as the words leave his mouth, and Kaneki's hand covers it afterwards. He feels as though he's said something he shouldn't have. He opens his mouth to laugh it off, to break the tension, to do something, anything to keep their peaceful conversation going.
Hide beats him to the punch.
"It's okay not to be motivated" he says quietly, his face still pointed at the ceiling. He seems far away, as though thinking back to a different time. "Sometimes you just have to be interested, and then slowly your motivation builds itself up."
He tilts his head to the side, looking at Kaneki with his warm gaze. Kaneki is reminded of days when he was a kid, playing at the Moirai Park in the summer, the sun flickering over his skin through the leaves of the trees.
Hide sleeps in the guest room, while Kaneki lays in his bed. Instead of feeling tired energy thrums throughout his body, like electric shocks running through his veins.
"It's okay?" he whispers, voice hushed and gentle, "It's okay for me not to have motivation?"
The smell of pancakes is what Kaneki wakes up to. His eyes flutter open, squeezing shut when the curtains are yanked open and sunlight streams in. He raises a hand to cover his upper face, squinting to see a dark silhouette framed from golden light.
"C'mon down when you're dressed," a familiar voice rings, his tone just as bubbly as it was yesterday. "I made pancakes!"
Hide gives him a thumbs up and sparkles seem to appear around him, telling Kaneki that he was very proud of his "Pancake making skills" (cue the blinding grin). Ken rolls onto his stomach, throwing his pillow over his head and trying to ignore the loud blond. Once he hears the door click shut, Kaneki groans and pushes himself off of the bed.
He dresses slowly, pulling on a random shirt from his closet. He buttons it up, and tugs the long sleeves up to his elbows. He could roll them up properly later. Kaneki sits on the bed for a moment, staring blankly at the mirror doors of his closet. He stares into his reflected gray eyes, and he notices something different. He can't quite put his finger on what, exactly, but can tell that something isn't normal.
He ignores it, instead deciding that it was about time to shed his pajama bottoms for a pair of pants. The material clings to his legs, somewhat, and the color is nearly as black as his hair. Before leaving his room, Kaneki sets a pair of socks on the bed, and then walks down the carpeted stairs to eat breakfast.
The pancakes look great, and the texture is soft and fluffy. They melt in his mouth, and it's the first time in years that Kaneki has eaten a meal that he didn't cook or buy himself. Hide talks to him about the places he'd like to visit in the city, and Kaneki offers to show him around. Hide thanks him, pouring an excessive amount of syrup on his pancakes, and Kaneki feels the fluttering feeling in his abdomen again.
They leave an hour later, and right before they walk out the door Kaneki remembers his promise. He packs a few bowls of leftover food for the dogs, and then he and Hide are on their way.
They go to the clothing shop first, Hide picking out brightly colored shirts and pants and telling Kaneki that it'd look good on him. Kaneki is not convinced, and declines every suggestion.
"I'm not one for vibrant clothing," he deadpans when Hide brings him a pair of bright pink pants, and Ken sees the glimmer in those brown eyes and he knows that Hide wants him to try them on, but he is not going to give in.
"C'mon, 'Nekiiiiii," Hide whines, holding out the pair of pants with bright, hopeful eyes. Kaneki feels his pride shift a bit at the nickname, but his stubbornness does not fade. He declines again, and the blond walks off dejectedly to put the pink pants back where he found them.
By the time they're done it's time for lunch, and the two of them walk across the street to eat. They talk like old friends, and Kaneki forgets that they had just met not even a day before. The food is great, but Ken keeps thinking back to the pancakes Hide had made that morning.
"Let's keep in contact after you leave," Ken suggests when they walk out of the restaurant. He doesn't know why, but the thought of Hide leaving after talking to his aunt leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, a cold feeling in his stomach. He breaths in deeply to calm the panic rising in his mind.
Hide gives him a side look, his face blank like he was in deep thought. It was the same face he had yesterday when he was staring at Kaneki's house. He began to say something, but his voice was drowned out by happy barks.
The dogs of the neighborhood came running up, jumping up on Kaneki and trying to lick his face. He lets out a quiet laugh, trying to calm them down, petting their heads and saying hello.
"I kept my promise," Kaneki says as he got out the containers he had filled that morning. He sets down the four of them, one for each of the dogs, and they immediately began to eat. He watches them fondly, staying crouched down to watch them enjoy their meal.
He forgets about Hide for the moment, but Kaneki can feel the warmth of his gaze on his back.
Dread builds up in his heart as they walk home. His aunt would be back by now, and Hide would be leaving soon. Their time felt too short, and Kaneki found himself wishing that Hide would stay in Moirai longer. He wished his aunt would still be gone, but walking up to the door of his aunt's house, his hope was crushed.
Her shoes were by the door. Kaneki gulps, his throat clenching and his chest feeling tight. He didn't want Hide to leave, he didn't want his aunt to be back. He didn't want to return to his normal, everyday routine. He didn't want everything to be ordinary again. He didn't want Hide to leave.
"She should be in the kitchen," Kaneki mutters under his breath, unable to look the blond in the eyes. He could feel Hide's gaze on him, warm as ever, but it made Kaneki feel cold inside. The warmth of those bright brown eyes would be gone in just a few minutes.
"Hey, Kaneki," Hide murmurs quietly, sounding hesitant. Ken looked over at him, seeing the same blank stare and deep-in-thought gleam in his eyes. "Ya'know…I don't need to talk to her."
Kaneki blinks, "But you said-"
"I don't need to talk to someone to steal something."
The words wash over Kaneki like a wave of cold water. Steal?
Hide grins at him sheepishly. "My job… is to steal an important portrait from your aunt. Sorry I didn't tell you sooner."
"Job… wait, what kind of job requires you to steal?!"
"Ah, I guess I didn't tell you, huh?" Hide chuckles, rubbing the back of head with one hand. "I'm part of the Magic Guild Anteiku, from the city of Eirene."
Magic Guild? Kaneki gulps. Magic wasn't very popular in the country. After so many dangerous accidents and wars between Magic Guilds, most people rebelled over them existing. Magic was as well as illegal nowadays.
And Hide… was part of one? Kaneki had so many questions swimming in his mind, so many things he wanted to ask, but his mind blanked.
"What type of magic do you have?"
Hide looks surprised that he'd ask, and Kaneki feels the same. His mouth moved on its own, just like the night before. He blinks is wide gray eyes, blushing at the straightforward questions.
Hide grins at him, white teeth shining, closing his brown eyes. "I use Light Magic!"
"L-light magic?"
Hide extends one of his hands, smiling at Kaneki and telling him to watch. Kaneki's gaze shifts to Hide's tan hand, and he remembers how they had felt. He has the urge to feel them again, but withholds himself. Instead, he scans the blond's palm, noticing the white tissue of old scars on them. Slowly, Hide's hand lights up, like he had turned on a flashlight.
"I can go brighter, but," Hide sighs, "Well, I don't want your aunt to see it."
Kaneki stares fascinated at the blond's hand, reaching to touch it. It's warm as always, but it wasn't hot like a lightbulb. Ken raises Hide's hand, staring at it from different angles. It was amazing.
"Hey, Kaneki," Hide murmurs again, bringing Ken's attention back to him. He has a small smile on his face, and if Ken wasn't mistaken then his cheeks were a light pink. "Why don't you come with me?"
Kaneki's ears ring, and the butterflies in his stomach intensified. "What?" he asks, voice a whisper. His gray eyes stare into those warm, brown orbs, unable to look away.
"Come with me," Hide says with more confidence, gripping Kaneki's hand with both of his calloused ones. Ken could feel the rough skin of his palms rub over the back of his hands. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't look away. "Come join Anteiku! We can go on as many adventures as you want!"
"But I-"
"I told you last night," Hide interrupts, his freckled nose twitching, "You don't need motivation. You just need to be interested."
Just need to be interested…? Kaneki looks at his covered hand, blinking as his eyes stung. He was interested. He wanted to see all the things Hide did. He wanted to experience an adventure. He wanted to go with Hide.
"Yeah," he mumbles, nodding his head slowly. As his mind catches up with his words his nod becomes more vigorous, "Yeah. Yeah! I'll go!"
"You'll go where?"
Kaneki shutters against his will. He had been so distracted that he'd forgotten about his aunt. He looks over towards the end of the hallway slowly, feeling his chest tighten and the air in his lungs freeze.
His aunt stands there, hands on her hips, a scowl on her face. Her left eye twitches, and Kaneki knew that she was about to throw one of her fits. His blood ran cold in his veins. He looks at Hide through the corner of his eyes, seeing the blond stare at his aunt with calculating eyes. Hide couldn't see what she was like when she was angry, Kaneki didn't want him to.
"C'mon," he yells, pulling Hide up the stairs. The blond was immediately running with him, and Kaneki could hear his aunt yelling at them from below. Then her footsteps began, loud and haunting.
"Which portrait are you looking for?" he asks as they turned into the hallway, looking from wall to wall. On either side there were three to four paintings, all of them crooked. Dust lined the frames, and the glass was misty from dirt.
"This one," Hide says as he grabs one off of the wall, grabbing onto Kaneki's hand with his free one.
"We can wait in my room until she leaves or something," Kaneki suggests as they rush to the end of the hall, "She's probably almost up the stairs, so-"
"She won't let us leave, dude," Hide laughs heartily, increasing his speed, "We'll just have to go out through the window!"
"What?!" Kaneki shrieks, eyes widening as they approached the window at the end of the hallway. "Wait, wait, wait, we'll die! Hide!"
"Don't worry," the blond states, pulling Kaneki close to his body, "I got ya."
The sound of glass breaking and his aunt yelling curses at them is far away, like he was underwater, and Kaneki suddenly feels weightless. He stares at Hide's face as they fall, watching his blond hair being pushed back by the wind. His brown eyes ae bright, and for a moment Kaneki think that he was using his Light Magic, because no one could have such a gleam.
Hide grins from ear to ear, his laugh loud in the quiet streets of Moirai, and Kaneki finds himself smiling with him.
AN: Look at all that KaneHide I put in the first chapter. O w O The first. Freaking. Chapter. Damn.
Okay, okay. I've had this idea for a while and I'm honestly so pumped to be writing it. I even have it planned out! …some of it, anyway. Like, ten chapters. But I know where I wanna go and I'll keep planning as I write, so it'll be fine. Expect irregular updates cause I plan to write pretty long chapters (haha I'm screwed), and while balancing school its kind of...idk, stressful? Yeah. But I will try to get each chapter done within two weeks of each other, a month at most! (ps. reviews make me write like 50% faster. just saying)
Please leave a review! It would mean sooo much to, I mean, honestly, I get so happy when I see reviews. So pls. Pls, if not for me, then for the KaneHide.