I had fallen in love with Jedediah.
It had taken me so long to realize it. Sure, I had thought he certainly wasn't bad looking, and his strange pants fit him perfectly - no, I wasn't looking at his ass… alright, maybe I was, but it doesn't matter - but I never really registered more than that. I had despised him, in the beginning, all those years ago when we first came to life and we had clashed over land occupation. He was insufferable, pig-headed, loud, obnoxious, funny, sweet, not to mention attractive; I had admitted that to myself even then. But I hated him.
Sure enough, that hatred turned into friendship when the night guard Larry got there. Larry had a way of making sure everyone worked together, and everyone benefitted. Once Jedediah and myself had finally seen eye to eye, I learned that he was a friend that I wouldn't give up for the world. We formed a strong bond quickly, and it became clear that neither of us would abandon the other.
We became inseparable. We found ourselves in the RC many nights, Jedediah driving, laughing loudly and so carefree, and it often struck me how beautiful he really was. He was so young; he couldn't be more than twenty-five. Maybe this was another reason I had denied myself the realization that I loved him. We weren't real, per se; we had memories, and we felt, but it was strange and diluted, just a shadow of what might have been if we had been living. But I was forty-one, in my own right, and that just didn't feel right. He came from another time, a younger time; I didn't know if he wanted to be with a man, let alone one as old as I.
And so when I found myself noticing the knight's eyes, I was surprised to see something in Jedediah: he walked maybe just a little closer to me, his posture maybe a bit more rigid. But I was probably imagining it.
At that point I had felt what was happening, and I was trying to prevent it as much as possible. But I couldn't keep myself from asking him to hold my hand, or looking at him, especially when we were running together form the fires of Pompeii or riding in the running Attila's hat. He was just so effortlessly attractive.
It really wasn't fair.
It wasn't until we were up on the roof of the British Museum and I thought we were going to die that it really hit me. Jed had accepted my hand, and was prepared to die by my side. And I knew that I would never get a chance to tell him how I felt about him.
But we lived, and if we looked at each other for longer than usual, well, we didn't say anything about it. Even when we decided that we'd go back to New York without the tablet, I couldn't bring myself to even look at Jedediah, let alone tell him anything. I was a natural leader, but I could not deal with matters of the heart. So I let it die with whatever semblance of humanity we had.
As I felt the sun coming up for what I thought would be the last time, I took one last look at the wall that separated our cities, and I didn't look away. People would come to the museum to see the cowboy and the Roman, looking at each other through the wall.
I felt the time pass and yet it was as if I had been there for half a second and I felt my heart start to beat, the air flooding my lungs. I blinked for a moment, confused, and then I heard his voice, and it was like a weight was lifted off of my chest.
Now, standing on what Nick had called a "DJ table," my eyes found Jedediah again. He had convinced me to climb up her with him, and we were turning the disc with a strange scratching noise. His hips jerked with each movement and a grin lit up his face. And in that moment, I decided I didn't care anymore.
There are certain advantages to being smaller than everyone and everything else. I was able to easily pull him down and slide down the side of the table with him following, confused. I pushed him under the table and then my lips were on his, and he didn't move, but I didn't care, it had been too long. I couldn't remember why I hadn't done this before.
And then his hands were pulling my helmet off and twisting into my hair and I knew I couldn't live - or sleep - without him ever again.