The Littlest Snow Angel

-M. Lauren

Summary: Anna is missing and Elsa now knows where to find her. The question is, does she have the strength to save her little sister from the thoughts that plague her mind?

Rating: T

The only thing better than Sunday was a Sunday with sunny skies. Spring was fading in Arendelle and the dog days were on the rise. All the windows in the castle were open as commanded by her majesty, Queen Elsa. The warm wind tickled against her skin with such delight. With every passing breeze through the open corridor, a certain quirky spring was added to her step. The weather eased her tensions and put her long week behind her. She walked with her guard down as she elegantly floated down the halls of the east wing. From beyond the stonewalls, swallows sung high in the maple trees while children giggled merrily down in the courtyard. Elsa grinned as she basked in the joyous noise.

Yes, Summer had indeed returned to Arendelle and the Queen embraced it with open arms.

Five full years had passed since the eternal winter. The events of Elsa's coronation were behind them. With the exception of the famous Ice Queen, everyone had all but forgotten. Her magical outburst would always weigh heavy on her heart. Queen Elsa's reign was at large and the villagers were more than satisfied to being living under her rule. Their queen was honest. She was righteous. She was everything they expected from the late King Agnarr's bloodline. Elsa continued to charm her people with her poise and her soft-spoken nature. Her regal disposition never faltered. Unless, of course, she was celebrating. A good party always seemed to bring out Elsa's more playful personality. The villagers came to learn that their dashing queen loved to dance. She could sing like an angel and she would even tell a joke or two.

Elsa would have loved to take all the credit for her more approachable qualities, but it was Anna who encouraged her to lighten up a bit. When her sister was around, Anna's blissful loving self proved to be contagious. Over the last few years she seemed to rub off on Elsa a little more with each passing day. That Sunday skip she possessed that morning, was all Anna's design.

Gerda was lining the flower boxes with a heaping of fragrant lavender. The aroma was thick and pleasant on the second floor of the palace home as Elsa rounded the corner. Her thin red lips rose in greeting. "Gerda, you're looking well." The queen beamed. The elder woman stepped forward to caress Elsa's cheek in her hand. Gerda teased the stem of the plant behind the woman's ear before bopping a finger against her nose.

"You're too kind to me, child." Gerda gave her a quick pat on the shoulder before turning back towards the open window. "Now, go wake that lazy sister of yours." Her cheerful tone had dissipated into a scowl. "Don't let her stay in bed again all day."

Elsa giggled as she strode from the woman's side. "I'm on it!"

With Kristoff out on harvest, Anna had been left to her own devices. Since the couple's marriage just over a year ago, Anna had begun conforming to her new husband's schedule. When he awoke to feed and care for Sven and the other animals, she was at his side. At first it proved to be mundane. She was no longer a child, eager to greet the day. Waking with the sun was a drag, but eventually she learned to love the perks. Rising earlier meant sharing a daily breakfast with her sister before she returned to work. They would chat about their plans for the day or idly gossip about the towns people. Their new tradition had their hearts feeling full. It was customary for them to continue that arrangement on Sundays, even though Elsa was typically void of any responsibilities. Lately however, Anna was slacking more than usual. The last two days she waited until after ten to grace anyone with her presence. This Sunday it seemed, Anna was back to her old ways.

Elsa imagined her sister's slumbering figure as she came to stand in front of her door. Anna's hair was probably disheveled and clinging with sweat to her rosy cheeks. Drool likely dripping to the pillow as her dozing body cocooned itself further into the sheets. She was doubtlessly snoring softly against the back of her hand as she slept. A smile lost the fight against her mouth as Elsa let herself into the bedroom. On tip-toes, she crept over to the bed. Her fingers raised to tease back the comforter. But, something struck the queen as odd. Her movements stilled. There was no Anna shaped mound pressed into the duvet. Her mop of red hair was but a scent left lingering against the cushions. Elsa lowered her palms to the blankets; empty.

With a frown, she stalked to the open bath. It too was barren.

She reentered the hall. In all of Elsa's life Anna had never been awake before her. The princess would have missed her own nuptials had it not be for her older sister. Standing dumbfounded in the corridor, Elsa made a mental list of all the places within the castle Anna could have gone. Just over four years ago now, Anna had once taken her on a tour of all her favorite hiding places growing up. Elsa drew upon that memory to begin her search.

At first, Elsa considered the dining hall. Anna loved to eat. But that proved improbable as she'd just come from there. Surely they would have passed each other along their way.

Spinning on her toes, Elsa eyed her surroundings in confusion. Her sister had to be around here somewhere.

Clearly, Gerda hadn't seen her. She'd sent Elsa on the retrieval mission to begin with.

She next checked with the guards. No one had come or gone from the gates with the exception of Kai earlier that morning.

On to the library, filled with books, but no Anna.

Elsa perused the many balconies and the small garden out back... nothing.

She searched the attic, the throne room, and her own office

Kai hadn't seen her and neither had the maids.

A panicked feeling rose to queen's chest as she returned to her starting place on the second floor. Gerda had now moved on to the set of windows leading towards the West wing.

A knot of sunflower stems had her distracted as Elsa came to stand beside her. "Gerda, are you sure you haven't seen Anna anywhere today?"

Elsa's expression said it all as the housekeeper turned to face her. Her blue eyes were wide with concern. The blonde locks, that were usually nicely kept, sat in tangles against her shoulders. Fear was taking over the younger woman's control. It was colder just standing beside her. "No dear, I haven't." A frown pulled at Gerda's lips. "Are you sure she isn't pulling one of her old stake-out tricks in her bedroom? She used to hide from me when I'd go to wake her, just to steal ten more minutes of sleep."

With a quick shake of her head, Elsa sighed. "No, she's not in her room and no one has seen her." She fidgeted with her fingers in distress. "I'm starting to feel a little worried."

Gerda considered the girl. She and her sister were sometimes more alike than Elsa knew. As the only two staff members that Agnarr kept on after Elsa's first magical mishap, Gerda had come to learn quite a lot. She knew their royal family dynamic as well as she knew her husband. When her sister had first neglected Anna, she believed that Elsa would come around. She'd spend full days camped outside her door. She'd serenade the enclosure with songs and tell stories; anything to convince Elsa to leave her confinement. As Anna got older though, her visits became less frequent. The princess took to exploring instead. The castle was her mountain range, her outback, and her cave. She always visited Elsa's door upon the first snow, but after being ignored, her adventures would soon draw her away. Gerda had always believed it was their imaginations that saved the girls.

During her many make-believed quests, Anna would take to hiding. Hiding always provoked the housekeepers to go out and seek. At the time, they relished in the fact that there was no secret location Kai and Gerda couldn't solve. If Anna had gone missing, it didn't take long to find her buried under a pile of laundry or enclosed within a fort of books. This little game also stirred the attention of the late king and queen. They'd make an evening of it before bed. The end goal being, find their youngest daughter.

The red headed child was never far behind. She'd linger just long enough in secrecy to engross her parents with her stories. After she'd been rescued, Anna would return to bed, her mother and father lovingly at her side. She'd recall the tale of her escape as they kissed her forehead and tucked her between the sheets.

But then there was the time when Anna could not be found.

It was shortly after her parent's death. Make-believe was a thing of the past, but when Gerda came to bring the girl up some dinner, she was gone. Anna's bed was empty. She and Kai searched the castle high and low. Villagers teamed up with the royal guards to investigate the grounds. In the meantime, eighteen-year-old Elsa slumbered blissfully-ignorant in her room.

It was just after midnight when Kai discovered the fifteen-year-old princess knocked out against her father's desk chair. Her cheek pressed against the dark mahogany. Her legs drawn into her chest. Kai carried Anna back to her bed that evening, but it wasn't long before it happened again.

Anna had learned to build an emotional fortress amid her father's office. She escaped to her sanctuary when dealing with the loss of her parents became too much. Kai and Gerda grew to understand that Anna retreated there when she didn't feel like being disturbed. They'd knock, seeking admittance but receive no response. They left her knowing she'd come back on her own time, just like she always did.

"You could try your father's study…" Gerda hummed, taking Elsa's hands in her own. "But if she's there, it's best to give her some space."

The queen's head tilted in confusion. "My father's study?" She questioned. "But why? No one goes in there."

Gerda dropped Elsa's hands as she moved to grasp the woman's shoulder. "Anna does sometimes." She offered Elsa a quick squeeze. "Well, she did before you became the queen. " Gerda continued. "It was her own place, to deal with her emotions. If you can't find her anywhere else, I imagine she's there."

A frown crossed over Elsa's pale cheeks. "I'll go get her." The queen declared. Gerda started to protest, but it was too late. Elsa was already headed away from her, taking long strides to the double doors at the end of the hall.

Once secure behind the entrance, Elsa sighed. She'd come to believe that she'd learned all of Anna's tricks and secrets over the last five years. She knew her favorite places amongst the castles, the ones with the best view. Elsa had been lectured on all her most treasured paintings. Anna had even put on a vibrant show performed as all the character's she'd once pretended to be. But, the girl who steals away to hide behind their father's study, Elsa did not know.

Standing in front of the large white door at the end of the western corridor, Elsa froze. Her hand held in a fist as it hovered above the wood. Hesitantly, she brought herself to knock. Beyond the wall was silent. There was no response to her greeting.

"Anna," Elsa whispered into the frame. "It's me."

Again, silence.

The queen fingered the doorknob, pressing down just hard enough to push the door a jar. The room beyond the enclosure was dark. Dimmed day light worked against the deep brown curtains, draping the study in shadows. It appeared like the hanging painting of her father in the throne room, blanketed in a black sheet. She silently stepped into the office. Her eyes filtered to adjust to the gloom.

Something stirred behind the desk.

A hooded figure sat with their back to the door. The body held something within its lap, just out of sight. She bent forward to get a better look, her heel catching the edge of an old floorboard as she crept. An unsettling squeak echoed through the room as the seated figure visibly stiffened in response.

"Elsa," Anna sighed, keeping her eyes averted. "Please leave me alone."

Her pained tone stilled the queen at the center of the room. Her sister was, typically feisty, but rarely angry. The harsh words stung Elsa's ears and chilled her blood. "But, I've been looking all over for you." She admitted softly. "I was worried you'd gone missing."

Anna straightened in her chair. She tipped her chin respectfully towards the wall causing the hood to fall her shoulders and release her mane of red hair. "As you can see, I am just fine, Elsa." Anna rebuked. "Just leave me be."

Elsa dared closer to the desk, her hands clasped timidly to her waist. "You don't sound fine, Anna." Her feet carried her off to the side of the chair. From there she could see the profile of her sister's tear stained face. "Please, look at me."

It took a full minute before Anna's head swiveled to face Elsa. Their eyes were connected, but she was looking right through her. Anna's cheeks were beet red and her eyes were swollen with dark circles. Elsa's heart pounded unevenly in her chest at the sight of the devastation plaguing her sister's demeanor. "You don't belong here now." Her usually cheery voice wavered in a deep depression that left Elsa feeling sick.

"Just tell me what's wrong." Elsa pleaded, bringing herself around the desk. Anna turned to position the chair between them as she stood. "Please, Anna…"

A deep growl escaped the younger woman's chest. "For over a decade I heeded your wishes. I left you be. I let you live alone in your room and sit in your silence." Anna's tears streamed down the bodice of her dress with vengeance. "Now, I am asking you for the same courtesy, Elsa. Please, just leave me alone."

Discomfort grew in the pit of the queen's stomach. She was caught between wanting to run and wishing she could draw her sister into her arms to take away whatever demons were affecting her. Anna's usually bright eyes were dark and disturbing. Elsa was frightened by her gaze.

"Things are different now." She found herself promising. "I want to help you."

"Help me?" Anna emitted a laugh that infringed on sadistic. "You can't help me, Elsa. You never could." Her arms crossed against her chest as her eyes lowered into a glare. "THIS is my space! MY place to hide! You don't belong here."

Elsa's thoughts fought against her tongue. "I- I just want you to know I'm here for you." An unfamiliar wetness welled up under her own lids. She blinked the tears away as she stepped back from the desk. "Anna, you're scaring me..."

The younger sister fell victim to the heavy weight settling above her kneecaps. She collapsed to her shins as violent sobs wracked her body. Anna hugged herself with her arms as she rocked against her rear. Elsa's mouth tipped open in fright as she stared.

"I was pregnant." Anna finally contested against her cries. "I was pregnant…." Her voice softly tapered into nothing. Nausea rose in Elsa's throat as she watched her sister lose herself to her breathless weeping once more.

Was.

The older woman struggled to comprehend the loss. The line between am and was violated her mind with an ice that numbed. Her blood flowed inadequately through her veins as her heart struggled to beat. Something raw hit Elsa's core like a dull blade. She was losing her thoughts to a haze of light-headedness that consumed her. Her vision tunneled. Bile rose to her throat as she choked back against her teeth to swallow. "See," Anna's voice rose into a shout. "You can't help me Elsa. You never could. Now leave me be."

Swaying on her heels, Elsa teetered back and forth before her sister raised her head to look up at her. The anger and the hurt covering her soft features were the last bit of emotion that Elsa could handle. She stumbled backwards towards the door. Deftly, her hands struggled with the knob, hurrying to exit the office. The door to the enclosure sealed behind her back with an unsettling click.

Elsa fell into the wall, propped up by an unsteady shoulder. Her forehead pressed into the paint. The room spun around her in aggressive circles causing a dizziness to advance that Elsa could not will away.

She was going to be an aunt.

Was.

"Do you want to build a snowman?" A voice wavered against the walls at a whisper. Out from the shadows stalked a small redheaded girl. She bore her teeth in a wide grin as she stepped into the light cascading down from the open windows. The girl was beautiful, like her mother and she had her father's dark brown eyes.

Stop it! Elsa fought against her eyes in distress. It's not real.

Her mind played viciously with her thoughts, sending her into gut-wrenching sobs. She thrust her face into a potted houseplant as she dropped to her knees. Her stomach muscles rattled into a tremor. Defiantly, her body expelled every ounce of tea and morning biscuit she'd consumed. Frost danced over the lip of the pot of dirt and rose to the green leaves of the palm. Elsa reeled her fingers back in alarm. She whipped at her mouth as ice cascaded down to the floorboards and crept up toward the cream colored walls. With an unsteady breath, she closed her blue eyes. Slowly, she released the deep shaky exhale, struggling against her emotions and the little control she had over her stomach. When her gaze returned, she found the room remained as it was. The temperature dropping suddenly as, the snow piled down from the ceiling. Small mounds of slush welled beneath her feet.

Quickly, Elsa hurried at a sprint, heading away from the West wing. She locked herself into her bedroom and came to rest against the door. Her breath caught like knife in her throat.

From beyond the window, the sun fell from the sky. In its place rose the face of the great full moon. Day mammals returned to their slumbers and the nocturnal beasts crept from their holes. The hours turned to seconds inside the Queen's bedroom. She was glued to the floor by a force that she'd never met before. Her blue eyes stared into the void, the world around her ceased to exist. Elsa felt helpless.

"Do you want to build a snowman?" A child's voice floated in from under the door. Elsa's skin prickled with Goosebumps as she shut her eyes to fight off the frightful visions.

Was…

A fortress of ice built up around her motionless body. Icicles hung eerily over head, threatening to fall with the gust from the spiraling breeze that filtered across the ceiling. But Elsa didn't feel the cold. She never did. Instead, she felt nothing.

No sadness.

No hurt.

Her neurons fired against the folds of her brain with nowhere to navigate to. She was lost to a devastating shock that threatened to ruin the remaining relationship she had with her little sister.

"Do you want to build a snowman?"

Tiny snowflakes drifted to land against her skirt. The ice crystals expanded against the light blue fabric, vibrating into capped columns. They took on a life of their own, each one different than the one before it. As she watched the bright display taking place over her thighs, her mind eased. Droplets like stars twinkled against the moonlight. They burst into diamonds amongst the moon's rays. Her tired vision skewed the growing fluff. Like clouds, she morphed the creases into familiar objects; a rabbit, a house, and a tree. They all befriended each other against her long limbs.

Another object twisted into existence against the floorboards resting nearest to her toes. She recognized its shape from childhood. It swept into giant wings like a bird. But this was no bird. Its hem fanned out in a flared dress, just like an angel.

Elsa's heart stirred; a snow angel.

She and Anna had spent hours in the court yard as little girls relaxing into the piles of fresh snow, stretching their arms and legs out wide. Beneath their backs, these little people came to life. In unison, they'd step back and admire their creations. These little blessings became like friends to them. The two would float in circles amongst the cobblestones with their hands flapping at their sides like wings. Elsa closed her eyes envisioning the angel taking flight in her dark bedroom. It caressed the window before slipping under the pane. She was free.

When her lids flickered open, the figure remained, just as it was.

The snow angel now joined Elsa, frozen to the floor.

With a careful hand, the queen hovered her palm over the small symbols. She emitted a gentle caress of added ice to the surface of the ground. When her hold released, the angel was fashioned into a plaque of thick ice. Her fingers pried at its edge, working gently to remove it from the wooden surface. The sculpture came to rest in her grasp, no bigger than an apple. Tears returned to pool against her eyes' as she clutched the memory against her chest. They spilled down on her legs, turning the built up snow into a thick frost.

A knock sounded just above her head.

Elsa's back tensed in alarm. She willed herself to be absorbed by the ice that surrounded her, praying for a quick escape.

"Your majesty," It was Gerda. Elsa knew by the uncertainty wavering in the older woman's voice. The queen fought to reply, but the words were stuck against the roof of her mouth. "Your majesty, Anna has returned to her room." She spoke the words barely above a whisper. "I just thought you would like to know."

Elsa's eyes dropped to the snow angel held tight against her chest. "Thank you," She croaked out suddenly, though she was unsure if she was even still there.

Somehow, she pulled herself to her feet. One hand seized at the figurine while the other held her upright against the door. The spell of sickness threatened her insides again, but for the sake of her sister, Elsa kept it at bay. Her trembling legs carried her from the bedroom and into the hall. She knew where she was headed before her brain had even formed the right words to say. Her fist debated a knock beside the frame of the enclosure, but her fingers fell to her hip. Elsa took a deep inhale before stepping into Anna's room.

This time, a light greeted Elsa. An oil lantern flickered from its standing location on the bedside table, dancing rhythms across the pink wallpaper. Its warmth stretched over a familiar lump of magenta blankets a top the king size mattress. A declaration never came to her lips as she floated over to her sister's side. For fear of saying the wrong things, she lowered herself onto the bed. Her stomach enveloped Anna's back as she drew a gentle arm around her waist. She rested the small ice sculpture against Anna's chest; its chill sending shiver's down the young woman's spine.

"What's this?" Anna's voice was hoarse from hours of crying. The anger that had existed in her tone prior had now subsided. She pulled the figurine from her sister's hand, carrying it up to her face for a better look. "Is that a-?"

"Snow angel…" Elsa finished for her. "Yes." She fingered the edge of the plaque, carefully outlining its blissful shape with a nail. "It's the littlest snow angel."

Elsa released a sigh of relief as her sister relaxed into her hold. Her muscles settled as she pressed back into Elsa's waist. "She's beautiful."

Anna quietly admired the sculpture. Her sad eyes brimmed with a new supply of fresh tears. She gently placed the angel against her nightstand before turning into her sister's arms. Her cries became muffled against Elsa's shoulder. She soaked the fabric of her ice blue dress with her sobs as her hands grasped tightly at her back. All Elsa could do was hold her there, believing that she was capable of providing whatever level of comfort her sister needed. Her fingers came to caress Anna's red tendrils of hair in long soothing stokes as she shushed her softly in her ear. Her arms fell limp against Elsa as she pulled herself away to face her. "I'm so sorry." Tears flowed from her blue eyes like an endless stream. "I had no reason to treat you that way. I know you were just trying to help and-"

"Hey," Elsa stilled her rant with a small sad smile. "I'm here for you."

"But I don't deserve it…" Her petite body shook into a sob.

"You deserve much more than this, Anna." Elsa brushed her cool knuckles against the warm skin of Anna's cheek. "I'm sorry I intruded on your space. I should have known better than to push you."

Her head shook in timid defeat. "I wanted you there." Anna promised. "I just didn't know how to let you in."

Elsa knew that feeling all too well. An entire decade of her life had been spent battling that same thought. The younger sister allowed herself to be pulled into a hug.

"You did let me in." Elsa encouraged, whispering her words into Anna's loose hanging red hair. "I'm here with you now." She was silent as she embraced the reassurance of Elsa's hug. Anna's swollen cheek pressed against her sister's bicep as she breathed in her familiar scent. "I'll help you get through this." Elsa promised at a hush. "And when Kristoff get's home, he'll help you too."

She dragged the skin of her bottom lip between her teeth as her eyes widened in anguish. "He doesn't even know." She was whispering. "About any of it." Anna's head tipped back to view her sister. "It was meant to be a surprise." Her voice hesitated in her throat. "For both of you."

Elsa offered her sister a modest shrug as she directed her back into her hold. "There will be other surprises." Her promises vibrated against Anna's forehead. "I know this, and I know in your heart you know it too." She fought back her own tears now with a promise to be strong for her sister. "I know it hurts right now and I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through, but I know you will be okay." Her hug grew tighter around Anna's shoulders. "There will be other surprises."

She was nodding against Elsa's chin. "Other little snow angels." Anna hummed.

I'll admit, this was another prompt I was given. What started off as a directive to have Elsa struggle with her ability to help Anna out of a tearful event, turned into something much…darker. I want to apologize if this hit close to home for any of my readers out there. I know miscarriage is one of those unfathomable occurrences that happen to women all over the world. I don't have the words to express my pain I feel for you. And truthfully, I don't believe the words exist. Not even a little snow angel can ease that ache.

Sending everyone lots of love,

-M