Written for Round II of The Potter Games Competition.

Theme: Genre

Prompt: Humor

Forgive me, I don't write humor :/ Oh and Lily is cursive, if you don't understand.

How To Win Lily's Love:

1. Ask her out. It may seem obvious, but if you ask a person out enough times, she will have to say yes eventually. (Abort mission: asked 53 times, not once has she said yes. Falling into despair).

2. Bake a cake for her. Her favorite color is green and her favorite flavor is strawberry, but her soul is white. Bake a strawberry cake for her, covered in green icing (like her eyes) and make the insides pour like her soul… somehow. Lily is an intelligent young woman, she will find out when she sees the colors. (Failed: she thought it was a house unity cake and yelled at me for forgetting the blue. She also got sick for trying a piece. Note to self: Make Sirius try it before her).

3. Defend her from a Slytherin. Every young woman loves a hero. It doesn't matter if said woman is a fiery redhead with a hell of a temper. Everyone likes to be defended by a manly man with Quidditch muscles and messy hair like moi. (Correction: redheads with fiery temper don't appreciate being saved, apparently. Maybe it's just her… sometimes she calls me James though).

4. Declare myself at a Quidditch game. She may not appreciate Quidditch as much as I do, but I have seen her at the games. Her eyes flash when we don't score and once, she even fell off her seat from jumping up and down in excitement. I don't know how I notice these things, now that I come to think of it. I should really pay more attention to the game. Oh, and even if she didn't like the sport (although I know she does… one does not just fall off one's seat just because) she has to like having a handsome lad as myself declare y undying love to her. (I ended up in the hospital wing, and not because of a bludger. She is violent and beautiful when embarrassed. Maintain distance).

5. Help her in transfiguration. I know she is struggling in that subject, it was always her weakness. I've seen her turn herself into a pony more times than I care to admit. Sirius said she looked hot as a pony once. I kicked him for it. I wish I could tell her how awesome I really am at the subject… but I can't, it's not my place. Anyway, maybe if I offer help she'll be so desperate and say yes and then she'll see what a good guy I am and then date me and marry me and bare my child. (She glared at me and told me to 'stuff my help where the sun don't shine', which is really mild for her. But she called me James four times today. I call that progress).

6. Compliment her. This is the most basic thing and I have no idea how it didn't occur to me like half an hour ago when I started this list. I think my brain is dead from the blow it received when she hit me on the back of the head and called me an insufferable git. Whatever. So, just wash her in adorable compliments such as: My lips taste like skittles, want to taste the rainbow? I heard Sirius say that once and get laid. Not that I want to get laid. I mean I do, but I'm not such a prick. (She yelled at me, even when I told her Sirius said it was a compliment. She said it was 'some twisted idea of a pick-up line'. I need to kill Sirius. What would I know!? I don't even know what skittles are).

7. Make her jealous. This is Sirius' idea. I had no part in this. I refuse to do it anyway. Unless there are no other options, that is. I hope our love doesn't come to this. (I am a pitiful human being. I can't believe I did it. Remus called me a stupid prick, and Peter supported Sirius. Lily… well, she didn't really do anything except for yelling at me when I broke up with her. I tried to explain… which wasn't a smart thing to do. She said things that almost made me cry… almost. I am a manly man, after all).

8. Be a better person. Now, this is something I'm not good at. Not because I am a bad person, but because around her I can't stop being an annoying prat. She says I need to mature, but I can't do that. What would I do if I matured, as she calls it. No more pranks with the lads, no more midnight adventures… Let's just leave this for a last resource. LAAAAAAAAAAST RESOURCE. Really. No maturing. Just… no. (I didn't mean you should stop playing pranks, James. I just meant for you to stop doing such childish things such as asking me out twice a day. I mean stop being an annoying prat. And you did, and you got me now. Ps: you are in so much trouble for this list).

I am never throwing this out. Ever. Even when we get married and have children.

Woah, calm down, Potter.

Review, will ya?

Ps: I'm sorry if this is badly written... I don't write humor for a reason. Nor do I take twenty minutes in writing as I did here.

Nicole :)