"Hey."
He pauses. "Hey."
She's smiling. "Dean, what do you want?" She doesnt say it in that demanding voice. In that 'why are you here, why are you taking precious time out of my day' voice. It's relaxing. To hear her talk to him in the voice of someone who cares.
"Dean?" She's still smiing. And looking at him in that face hes missed. That big smile and that slightly slanted brow.
But that damn smile. He hates that smile. That damn smile that makes him hate himself for putting this all on her. That damn smile that makes him realize he only has 8 more months to live. Makes him realize how bad he wants her and he loves her but he can't and she won't and... That damn smile.
"Nah. Nah. We can get to that. How have you been? Really?"
Really.
She's still smiling.
"Good."
And he hates her. Because she's good. And he wasn't there. She's better off without him--
"Really?" He has to stop himself. He has to ask her. All feelings for her aside. 'Cause this is for Sam. And Sam is the only one that matters. "And Jim? Jim's good too." And now he's smiling. 'Cause Jim makes her life. He makes her. Jim is her everything. And it makes him happy that she still has someone to protect her. Even if it's not him. She's protected--
And he's gonna cry.
She dips her head. And that smile's gone. And the only thing he can see for that split second are those pink champeigne lips.
And shes smiling that damn smile again. Only her eyes aren't lit up anymore.
"Jimmy."
And she pauses. Like she has to think hard to remember him.
"He's good too."
She's looking down. And he thinks she's contemplating whether to go on or if its just too painful to share this rememberance with anyone else.
"He got married."
And her eyes. Those beautiful eyes that he thinks God got the idea for the ocean from. Go red.
"He didn't tell me. But I read about in the paper. It seemed nice. And it was Lucy. I always said it was gonna be Lucy for him."
He can't tell her. He can't do this to her. Not now.
"Dean. Really. What do you want?"
But he has to.
"Ok. Ok. I have a brother."
He tells her for the first time. All these years hes known her and loved her and she finds out about Sam now.
She looks at him. And he can see in her eyes a million questions.
Why haven't you told me before. Why now? After i told you --
But she's still wearing that damn smile.
"He's a couple years younger than you."
"Dean. Why are you telling me this. I mean. Hey, you have a brother. Well that's super. But. Couldn't you have told me that over the phone?"
Out of all the questions he knows are buzzing through her head she chooses that one.
God. He loves her.
"Heh. Yeah. I guess I could have."
Her eyes light back up.
And he must be wearing his feelings on his face right now. 'Cause that damn smile goes away for more than a split second and her eyes dim and shes frowning and goddamn if it doesnt look like shes about to cry 'cause she knows him. She knows him too goddamn well.
"Dean. What did you do?"
And she's leaning over the table. And she has your hand clenched in hers.
"His names Sam. And uh--he can chant ancient latin rituals. why is this the hardest thing hes ever had to say.--And i had to help him out. Ya know. Big brother charm and all."
That's right Dean. Make it a joke and it will all go away.
And she's leaning back. And she lets go of his hand. And she--
"Dean. What did you do?"
"If.--
when.
"--something happens to me. I want you to meet Sam here. Please. I can't leave him alone. I cant leave him unprotected. He's my little brother."
And he knows he's crossed the line with her but he can't help it. He loves his brother too.
And there they are. Those tears that he knew he saw. And it takes every muscle in his body to keep him from reaching across the table and kissing them away. Kiss her until everything in the world just turns into mush and it's just them. Just him and her and THAT life togther.
But hes giving her to Sam. She's going to be the ultimate sacrifice and she doesnt even know it.