Yes. This is my apology for taking so darn long to update my stuff...well, not really. I did this for fun, mostly. I don't regret having a life outside of this place. Its also my excuse to put fluff in this universe, since I've made it so sadistically dark and funny. ^^;

Okay, so, this is pretty much a side-story. I could call it a one-shot series, and its certainly a slice-of-life, but they all intertwine at some point in the future, so its technically also a story on its own right, I guess. I'm not making this a main project, but I thought it would be cute to make.

WHAT?! I can make Doofenshmirtz in this universe CUTE?! Yes. Yes I can. And here's how: half of this takes place when he and Schnitzel were younger. So, yeah...kids are adorable like that. XD

Now, I'm not really gonna post much from here; at least not often. I'm just posting it now, so that maybe in the future I can put stuff here.

It's open for reasonable requests. The ones that don't prod me to skipping to the obvious stuff, which I won't reveal for those who haven't read Like Father, Like Son. Be creative with them! Have fun with it! You know, if you wanna request something; I don't mind if you do or don't. I have some ideas of my own, anyway! XD

Read, Review, and Follow!

Enjoy!

P/F/P/F

The Memories We Shared

written by: Galaxina-the-Seedrian

(~)

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Drusselstien was probably the most miserable place in all existence. The sky was always grey, the atmosphere was dreary, and everyone was practically raised to be cruel or snidely to each other. Or at least it seemed that way, for the most part. It wasn't that people there were completely mean, they were just mostly mean. Surely deep down, there was some form of morality within them, like every human being.

Of course, that would be a lie. What human knows about morality, anyway; least of all in Gimmelshtump?

Gimmelshtump is a well-known place in Drusselstien, but would likely be one that everyone wished to be forgotten. Such a feat was impossible, for this was the heart of Drusselstien. No place was as dark, underwhelming, and mean-spirited as Gimmelshtump. It was here that Heinz Doofenshmirtz, current dictator of the Tri-State Area known as Danville, was raised.

He could write an entire series of books about this place, and all the words that he would use to describe it. None would be very positive of course. In fact, the words he thought of could not even comprehend the sheer animosity he felt for the place. He'd often try to make up new, creative ways of painting the world around him, in all its horrific glory. Where could he begin with how much he thoroughly disdained the place? He would start with the why, of course:

For one thing, everyone in town were morons.

Yes. Not only were they considered completely, and utterly cruel, but they were also not the brightest bulbs in the bunch. For Pete's sake, they argue about how they should make Doonkleberries, or which way goats should be herded, along with a long list of things that clearly did not matter. Heinz saw that it was completely fruitless to go about worrying about pies, when they should be worrying about the economy, and the well-being of the town in general.

Which brought up the fact that the living they had was dreadful. The grass was practically dead; it was grey, and muddy, so it must have been. It was a miracle that any crop could grow in the soil, even if it was probably the worst thing a tongue had ever touched. Heinz could handle it; anyone in Gimmelshtump could. But even other towns in Drusselstien were more prosperous than them. Whoever founded the town likely would have wanted to spite everyone for no apparent reason, or perhaps back then the land was much more beautiful and greener than it was now. Heinz doubted it, but he needed to show some bit of kindness, if he even could feel that for his home-town.

He hated absolutely every single person in that town. Every. Single. One.

They were either despicable to talk to, or too stupid to come up with a general conversation. Besides, they kicked stumps around, as if that would qualify as a ball. Yeah. He wasn't about to break his feet just to prove that he was a "fun person" or if he was even a "tough person". Actually, that proved that you were a Grade-A moron, which practically everyone in this town was.

Now, you're probably assuming that he was being too harsh. Not EVERYONE in Gimmelshtump was cruel or stupid or anything despicable. There must have been at least one person with some decency, right?

...Sort of.

If Heinz could describe Alice Schnitzel in any word possible, it would be...special. She was, by far, the most amazing person he had ever met. He didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing, but somehow maintaining her way of thinking was phenomenal to him. She was colorful, sweet, and strange. Really strange. He recalled how they first met in every single detail.

It was raining. Heck, it was practically a storm. Lightning flashed in a blinding manner, and thunder roared like mountain lions that lived far away from the town. He remembered that his younger brother, Roger, was hiding under his bed, having feared storms since he was about three. His mother was preparing dinner, and his father was sharpening a hunting knife; his prized hunting knife, that was given to him when he was proven a man, having faced up to the dreaded Goozim, a beast which Heinz was certain didn't even exist.

Heinz on the other hand was in his room, lying in bed. There was a lot of things that he remembered doing. He read a book nonstop, made a drawing of what was appeared to be a freeze-ray, and even stared up at the ceiling for hours on end. Then, after the usual, mundane things he actually found relaxing, he heard the knocking from downstairs.

Unlike his brother, who he would often call a "chicken" for being afraid of storms (leaving out the fact that, once, he too was afraid of storms), he found them comforting. Mainly because he knew for certain that no one was stupid enough to come over in this storm, and at this hour to ask his father or mother stupid questions, or to fawn over how beautiful their child was. Yes, child. Heinz knew that he was the last person on everyone's minds; everyone loved Roger, in spite how annoying and irritating he was...maybe that was just a sibling-thing.

But to Heinz's surprise, someone was knocking on the front door. Someone had proven to be even crazier than most people. He ignored it, believing it to be the thunder, but when it continued...

"UGH!" he screamed throwing his arms in the air, "Who would be INSANE enough to come out in- -you know what? I'm not even gonna go down. Whoever it is will leave in a few minutes time."

Heinz continued to ignore the knocking for about an hour. Yes, it was exactly an hour. He was bored enough to time it while he stared at his alarm clock. The lightning flashed again, and Heinz groaned. No one was going to get that, were they? Roger was too scared, and his parents were too busy. Heinz got up, and decided to chase off whoever was trying to talk to them.

The floorboards were creaky at this time. Later on, his father would fix this floors for the most part, but for now Heinz would always have to tread carefully on the wood, lest he'd fall straight through into the kitchen. He was safe on the first floor, of course, when he reached the front door. He opened the door, and glared. "What do you want?" he growled.

In front of him was a little girl, looking around his age. Her hair was brown, like his own only darker, and her eyes were a dark green. She wore a sleeveless dress, that was a dull shade of blue. That was the most color Heinz had ever seen in town. The girl had this enormous smile that indicated that she was probably going to be the most annoying person he had ever met.

Instead of responding, the girl leaned forward towards Heinz, grabbed him by the shoulders, and licked him on the face, leaving a wet streak on his cheek. Heinz reacted by promptly smacking the girl across the face, and then rubbing off the spit with a look of disgust. "What the h-?!"

"-eck, man!" the girl glared, rubbing her face "That's very rude of you. I was just saying hello!"

"Normal people don't lick others in the face!" Heinz retorted, "Whether its to say hello, or goodbye, or whatever!"

The girl looked very shocked. "...They don't?"

"No!" Heinz crossed his arms, "They do not. In fact, that's a disgusting way of greeting someone. I believe YOU were being the rude one."

"You're right, then," the girl sighed, "I'm sorry. I was being silly again. My sister, Rosaline, said that the proper way of greeting people in Gimmelshtump was by licking them on the face. Said something about the spit seeping into the skin, along with the information of your name...now that I say that out loud, that's actually really stupid."

"Yes," Heinz said, "Yes it is. And you're stupid for believing that."

The girl glared again. "Okay, NOW you're being rude," she said, "We're not getting off on good terms, it seems."

"Clearly."

"Let's start again," the girl smiled sweetly, "Hello. My name is Alice Schnitzel. I just moved here," she turned her head to the side and pointed, "My house is over there."

Heinz looked over. "You mean that house down the street?" he asked, "It's...huge. No one's been able to buy that place for months."

"My daddy managed to...uh...what's the word...barter for it?"

"I believe the word you're looking for is bargain," Heinz stated, "It is an advantageous purchase, especially one acquired at less than the usual cost. Bartering means acquiring a trade, which is a different form of payment entirely."

Alice bumped her head. "Ah, right," she said, "I should know this by now; I'm the family dictionary, for Pete's sake!"

"If you're the family dictionary at your house, then how come you fell for your sister's trick?"

"I said I'm my family's dictionary; that doesn't mean I'm not prone to mistakes. And anyways, you never said your name."

"Oh. Well, I'm Heinz Doofenshmirtz, arguably the only sane one in the entire town. Of course, at least everyone is sane enough to stay in their homes during this storm. You on the other hand..."

"I do this all the time," Alice shrugged, "I always greet someone during a storm."

"...Why?"

"It's a tradition that I like to uphold, thank you ve-r-r-r-rAHCHOO!"

Alice covered her mouth, and Heinz flinched. He stared. "You're getting a cold," he said, "See? This is why your method is just outright ridiculous, aside from the fact that there's lightning that could very well electrocute you."

"The lightning's brightness helps with navi-vi-viga-SHOO!"

Heinz rolled his eyes, and moved to the side. Alice looked at him confused. "Huh?"

"Get inside, before you get even worse," Heinz said, "It's warm upstairs. By the way, do your parents even know your here?"

"They never know," Alice admitted as she walked into the house; this was when Heinz realized how sopping wet she really was, "They just trust that I'll be okay."

Heinz gave a look of disgruntlement. "That's not very good parenting," he stated, "And how long have you been outside in the storm?"

"I've been going from house to house," Alice stated, "They all assumed me to be a Girl Scout, or something, so they kept chasing me off. You're the first person who didn't. Congrats!"

"Well, I actually don't blame anyone for chasing you off," Heinz stated, "It's probably going to flood soon. You'd be swept up in the storm, like anyone else crazy enough to walk around in a storm."

"If I'm so crazy, then, why in the world did you decide to let me in?"

"You're getting sick. I'm not just gonna leave you outside to catch a cold, even if you're clearly delusional."

"Or loony. Or nuts. Or insane. Or psychotic. Or deranged. Or-"

"Wow, you really are a dictionary."

Alice smiled proudly. "Thank you," she said, before glaring, "Unless that was an insult. Then I'd have to punch you."

"I have the ability to throw you out right now into the raging storm," Heinz stated calmly, "Being bulkier than you, even though the difference is slight, I can clearly overpower you with ease. Don't threaten me with violence."

With that, Alice began to laugh nervously. "Okay," she said, "Clearly, my choice of words are not...the best of words, all the time."

Heinz smirked. "Anyways, Alice was it?" he motioned upstairs, "Come with me, and I'll get you a towel."

Alice bounced over beside Heinz. "Thanks, pal," she said, looking over to another room, "Are you...sure your parents are okay with it?"

Heinz simply shrugged. "They never notice anything I do," he said, "Unless its something they order me to do, that is. Trust me. You're in a safe environment...for the most part."

Alice found herself wondering what that meant, but thought it might be a little rude to ask anything. Instead she grinned. "You're alright, Heinz," she stated, "I think we're gonna be good friends."

Heinz stared, his smirk dissolving, realizing what had just happened. He made a friend. An actual friend made of flesh and bone...

...His mind screamed in utter terror.

A/N:

Aaaand, there we go. XD

I don't believe in friendships forming perfectly at first. I kinda see Heinz and Alice's friendship (at least in this universe) starting off one-sided...for the most part, anyway.

This'll be fun to write for in the future. Of course, like I said before, its not really a main focus. Perhaps I can use this to calm my mind when stress occurs, or something. It's just for fun, and stuff. Of course, it really is only enjoyable to you guys if you know the characters well enough. If you do, then...prepare for feels, or something like that.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed. Please read, review, and follow! :D

-GTS