Scars
-
'One day' he whispered gently, his breath tickling his lovers neck. 'We'll be together again'. Their hands were linked by the fingers, held above his head, brushing against the headboard. He rested his head on the pillow and gently wrapped his arm around his lover, who kissed his forehead gently. He wondered why love hurt this much. He wondered why you always ended up losing the person you loved. He wondered why it was happening to him. Many times he'd thought of future, and every single time he wasn't alone. Standing beside him, clasping his hand, stood his best friend. His lover. His soul mate.
Sometimes he'd be in the midst of hurt and turn to see that smile. The smile that he knew all to well. The smile that made everything alright again. The smile that belonged to his lover.
They were certain they'd overcome every obstacle that was thrown in their path. Certain they'd make it to the end and still be going strong. They hadn't doubted it. How could anything possibly come between a love like theirs?
He felt the heavy breathing on his lover on top of him. He waiting for a few seconds and, just like every other night they'd spent together, he lay and watched the sleeping beauty beside him. He'd memorise every inch of his body. Every hair. Every freckle. Every bruise. Every scar.
It amazed him how much he'd not known. He hadn't know that when he was asleep his mouth twitched. Or that his eyelids flickered every so often, as though he was still awake and pretending. He wondered if that was what he was doing. Did he know that he watched him every night? Did he know that he kissed his forhead gently before he curled under the duvet to sleep himsel?. Did he know he dreamt about him, even if he was awake? There was so much he still had to learn about him, he realised. But he promised he would, even if it took him every day for the rest of his life.
He knew the obvious facts, like which football team he supported or his favourite colour. His favourite meal or his favourite sport. But they weren't important. He could wake up tomorrow and want a different team to win the match. Or want something different for dinner. But they didn't stay with him forever, like the colour of his eyes did, or the curve of his mouth did. They faded eventually. That was what he loved the most. How he could change as many times as he wanted and still be the same person he'd fallen in love with. Still be the same person he wanted to spend his life with.
He had his flaws too. Like when he refused to be the one to get out of bed and shut the light off. Or when he left the dished unwashed on the side after dinner. But he couldnt be mad when he flashed that million dollar smile.
Sometimes they'd rowed so bad they wondered if they'd make it through, but neither of them would give up without a fight.
He could remember clearly the day he promised him it'd be OK. They'd had a blazing row and he'd stormed out. It wasn't until the next day he felt a cool hand on his arm. He'd spun round and came face to face with him. He hadn't sad a word. Hadn't needed to. He was sorry. They both were. instead they'd just kissed gently. It hadn't even bothered them that the rain was pouring.
After that day, they'd vowed never to go to bed angry. Even if it meant staying up until the next morning.
--
He hadn't noticed that half an hour had gone by until he looked at the clock on his bedside table. He'd been there the whole time and not let go. He wondered if he should move his arm from the position it was in beneath him, but he hadn't the heart to move him, he feared he'd wake him. And he looked too beautiful to wake.
He knew that getting here today hadn't been easy for either of them. He knew they'd both endured heartache along the way, but it made them stronger. When they fought, they made up soon after. When one was being stubborn the other would back down, just to stop a row that hadn't started. Because they knew they wouldn't be together forever. No matter how hard they wished.
And now they'd laid on the bed. And it had been 30 years since they first met. Since they'd fallen in love. 30 years since they'd climbed on that rollercoaster without knowing how many hurdles and uphill battles they'd face. But even during the lies and the cheating, he wouldn't have changed a second of it. He'd do it all again if it gave them more time together.
He stopped and looked at the head resting on his chest. He knew immeadiatly. He couldn't feel the gentle rhythm of his breathing anymore. He couldn't sense when he was smiling. He couldn't sooth another bad dream.
He felt a sharp pain in his chest. He hadn't had time to learn those things about him. Hadn't had time to tell him he loved his one last time. Hadn't had time to say goodbye. The body sleeping beside him would no longer be there. The man beside him had give up. The man beside him, the love of his life, Craig Dean, had slipped away.