Ode to Amelia Bones
by Peeves
There once was a woman named Bones,
Who was found very dead in her home.
The Muggles were stumped
About how she got bumped
And they searched for the villains unknown.
(Stupid gits, aren't they?)
But hairy ol' Scrimgeour knew
The death was caused by you-Know-Who.
He put out the word
That the crime had occurred
So that terror could spread all anew.
(Sounds good to ol' Peevsie!)
She once out ol' Potty on trial,
And listened to all his denials.
Too bad she was fair
And full of hot air,
She let Potter go with a smile.
(It's too bad—Potter would have looked good in Azkaban!)
She was fat with a very huge can,
And a face like a square frying pan.
With a lens on one eye
She looked all dignified,
Just like the Monopoly man.
(And uuuuuugleeeeee!)
The whole world was sad at her death,
'Cept Peevsie, who knew to expect:
With a last name like "Bones",
It should have been known
That ol' Grimsie would come to collect.
(Charming chap, the Grim!)
And thus ends Amelia Bones,
Like half of her family we know.
In life she was fun,
But now she's all done,
And she'll rest evermore under stone.
(That's only because I can't harass the dead—it's too bad, it sounds like such fun!)