IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'M BAAAAACK!!!!!!!
Yessirrie, folks. I know It's been a long, long time since I last posted something on this dumb website. Summer's almost over for me and I'm going back to school! My last year, too. Oh, sweet wasted, youth! I'll never forget you! Anyway, to end the summer break I'm gonna give you a new story, so siddown, and enjoy!!!
Oh, and in case you're wondering, I was busy with other stuff, like new, original stories! I just finished a 160 page book!!! If you want to know about them-
Swift: Hey! Are you gonna start or what?!?
Oh right. Just e-mail me about them. Here's our story!
Legend of Zelda: Navi's Quest for Attention!
Our story starts in the land of Hyrule. A magical place where magical creatures reside. A medieval world full of adventure, monsters, and of course, fairies!
Somewhere in this land was a bar. The Irish bar as they call it. Many familiar and strange faces appear for a drink. Sitting at the bar was a familiar blue character… Sonic the Hedgehog.
"Hey, bartender!" he said "One liquidy, white dairy feed, on the rocks! Keep it rusty!"
The bartender slid him some milk. Sonic chugged it down, shriveled in disgust and said "One more for the road"
The bartender filled his bottle and he was off.
Immediately after he bolted out the door, Fox McCloud, a fellow Nintendo character walked in the bar.
"Hey, what can I do you for?" said the bartender
"Um, nothing alcoholic, please" said Fox "I have a girlfriend right now, and I'd… Like to stay on her good side"
"Lon Lon milk comin' up" said the bartender
He slid him some milk and Fox started drinking it. Next to him was a blue ball of light just lying on the bar with an empty bottle next to it.
"Navi?!?" said Fox
"Ugh…" said Navi "I've had it (Hick) up to here with it!"
Fox slid over next to her and said "What're you doing here?"
"What does it look like?!?" said Navi "I'm drinkin' my life away (hick) Don't worry about me none…"
"No, what are you doing here? I thought you died in Return of Gannondorf!"
"Plot holes! Ya gotta love 'em!"
"Oh… I see. Wow, Navi, you look out of shape, did something happen?"
"Did something happen… DID SOMETHING HAPPEN!?!?! Fox, YOU HAVE NOT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION!!! NOBODY LIKES ME!!!"
"Uh, Navi…"
"NO!!! NO MORE EXCUSES!!! IT'S BECAUSE I'M ANNOYING, ISN'T IT?!? ISN'T IT!?!? I was trying to be helpful… Trying to do my job as a guide. Did you except me, no. All you heard was 'hey' 'listen' 'watch out'. YOU NEVER GIVE ME ANY CREDIT!!! You… you don't understand (Sniff) I… I…" she started bawling.
"Oh, great… she's crying now…" said Fox "Navi. Cheer up, Navi. It can't be that bad"
"S-SHUT IT, FURBALL!!!" said Navi
The bartender came up and said "Don't cry, Navi, here you go" he set a bottle of beer on the bar "One alcoholic beverage to drown your brain cells away"
He walked off.
"CAN I HAVE A FREAKIN STRAW?!?" said Navi
The bartender came back and stuffed her in the bottle.
"Oh, HAHA! The old fairy in the bottle joke! Gets me every time!" said Navi
"Come on, Navi" said Fox as he pulled her out with a pair of tweezers "You can't do this to yourself. You've gotta lighten up, seriously! You need to go out there and do something instead of lying around complaining"
"Oh yeah?!? What can I do?" said Navi
"Well, you could… write a book or draw a picture or you could… sell fish…"
"Do I look like an idiot to you, Fox?!? I'm a fairy, how in Hyrule am I going to do anything! I'm way too small!"
"Well, you could talk to Link. You could go up and say 'Hey, Listen, Link. Let's go out on an adventure. Just watch out for monsters! Just like old times!' something like that"
"Link's the worst! Ever since I left him, things have been different. He just gets new guides. One's that are better than him. Right now, he has a new guide! A stupid ugly little imp!"
"Who? Midna?" said Fox "She gets along with Link fine. She's a great girl to hang out with. What's wrong with her?"
"What do you think?!? She thinks she's so much better because she has a dramatic back story, a cute little attitude, and a wittle wove interest in Link. I could have a love interest in him, too!"
"No you can't, Navi. You're inches tall, he's feet! There's just no way that could work out"
"It's fiction, of course it would! I bet he's out there right now spending time with Midna saying 'Gee, Midna, you sure are a lot better than that other fairy I have. You refrain from saying 'hey' 'listen' 'watch out' whenever I least need it'. That just makes me sick!" Navi floated up and headed for the door "I oughta kick his fancy, green, elf-"
"Whoa, Navi, wait!" Fox got up and stopped her "Really think about what I'm saying here. You don't need Link! You could… be your own character! Pave your own path! Quest for riches for self or for the good of mankind! Go beyond that which no other soul could ever dare to cross! Become one who's name is etched in the very history of Hyrule, where you will forever be remembered throughout the ages!"
"Geez, Fox! You're starting to sound like him!" said Navi
"I guess I've been around him too much…" said Fox
"Whatever, I'm outta here!" said Navi
She flew out without knowing where she was going. She flew around Hyrule field aimlessly without a clue as to what she was going to do. She eventually made it to Kokiri Forest.
"Ow… My head" she said "I know I shouldn't drink as heavily as I do, but what do I care?"
Suddenly, she looked around and saw the Kokiri snickering at her.
"Hey, look! Watch out! It's that annoying fairy!" said one girl
"Hey, listen! I think she wants to give us useless advice!" said a boy
Even the fairies were laughing at her.
"SHUT IT!!! ALL OF YOU!!!" said Navi in a fit of rage "I'll show you! I'LL SHOW YOU ALL!!!"
She stormed off to the deku shrub. He understands her.
There the deku shrub sat with a twig out of his mouth. He hasn't grown much. Just munching away on that twig of his. Behind him was the corpse of his (father?). Navi came by.
"Ah, Navi" he said "What brings you here?"
"I honestly don't know" said Navi
"… Have you been drinking again?"
"Wha? N0!"
The deku shrub stared at her.
"Well… maybe a little…"
He continued to stare.
"Alright! I've been spending my days at the Irish bar getting drunk! I can't help it! It just drowns my sorrow away!"
The deku shrub still stared at her.
"Uh, hello? What more do you want?!?"
The deku shrub still stared.
"HEY!!! LISTEN!!!"
"Huh? Oh, sorry, I was dozing off" said the deku shrub "Now, have you been drinking again?"
"Yes, but at least I haven't been smoking weed!" said Navi
"Wha?!? O-of course not!!! I was just holding it for a friend! That's all!" said the deku sprout.
"Huh? I never mentioned you…"
"Oh… right… heheh… silly me. You won't mention this to anyone"
"Listen, Deku sprout. I've been having some problems"
"Oh, alright, Navi. Have a seat on this nice red couch and tell me everything"
Navi lied down on the red couch that was conveniently placed next to the deku sprout. The deku sprout put on a pair of glasses and pulled out a pencil and notebook.
"Now, tell me about your childhood" said the deku sprout
"Well, it all started when-"
18 hours of questions later…
"- and then he made me eat mud all day! It was horrible! Oh, why me?!?" said Navi
"I see" said the deku sprout closing his notebook "Now, I have gathered my notes and came up with this conclusion"
Navi sprung up from the couch and said "What is it? What?!?"
"There is apparently something bothering you!"
Navi crashed on the ground, got up, and said "OF COURSE THERE IS SOMETHING BOTHERING ME YOU NITWIT!!!"
"Then tell me!" said the deku sprout
"I did! Three hours ago!" said Navi
The deku sprout opened his notes and said "Ah yes! The annoying fairy, how sad"
"What do I do?!?" said Navi
"Nothing, this is stuck on you forever!"
"N-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she flew up to him and said "Please, deku sprout! I've been cursed! There has to be a cure, there has to!!!"
"Well" said the deku sprout as he smiled "You could…" He whispered to her.
"EEEEEEWWWW!!! There is no way I would do that!!! Besides, you're a tree, I'm a fairy, there's no way that would work!"
"Hey! It's fiction!"
"Right… yeah…"
"Alright, Navi. I like you, somehow. I'll tell you what! Right now there is a monster out there in the lost woods. A monster who eats fairies! The kokiri children are frightened that they will lose their friends to this monster. If a brave soul goes in there and put an end to this monstrosity, who knows what would happen! They might even get royal mention…"
"What?!? No way! That's suicide. He might eat me and……… royal mention? Hm………"
Navi imagined what that could do to her. If she did somehow kill this monster.
The king of Hyrule is having a parade through the market. Everyone is cheering.
"And now everyone!" he will say "The heroin of Hyrule who saved the fairies from an evil monster: Navi!"
And there she will be, in front of everyone. Cheering for her. No more will they hate her. No more will they remember her for saying "Hey" "Listen" and "Watch out" all the time. And there will be Link in the crowd. He will be cheering too. He will leave Midna without hesitation and will leap unto her. She could also see Midna crying in the crowd.
"Navi" he will say "I feel very ashamed for having treated you in the past. Please, Navi, I will be honored to have you as my guide once again!"
Navi, having waited for this moment, finally waited a long time. She will fly up to Link, gently, softly. She had waited so long to be reunited with him once again.
She will go up unto him and say "No! Screw you, Link! I don't wanna have anything to do with you!"
Link will cry.
"Royal mention………" she was overjoyed with the thought
"Navi! Hey! Listen!!!" said the deku sprout
"Huh?" Navi came back to reality
"Do you wanna kill that monster or what?" said the deku sprout
"Oh! Yes! Yes!!! This will be the best thing that ever happened to me!" said Navi "I gotta do something first!"
Navi flew out saying "Royal mention, here I come!!!"
The deku sprout looked around, saw no one, and smoked some weed.
"Oooooohhhhhh, that's some good stuff" he said wheezingly
Navi flew through Hyrule field looking for Link. Then, she wizzed by two unfamiliar faces. It was a blue fox with a sword wearing navy blue running shoes with a silver diamond pattern on them: Swift the Fox. Next to him was one of his best friends. A grey, muscular hound dog with green tennis shoes with a black line on them: Muscle the Dog.
"Yo, Muscle" said Swift "Who was that?!?"
"That would be Navi, the main character of this story" said Muscle "You know? 'hey' 'listen' 'watch out'?"
"Oh! That! So, why are we here?"
"I don't know, man"
"You know, this thing reminds me of that dumb Tinkerbelle movie that Disney came out with a few months ago. Think he could be ripping off of that?"
"You saw that movie?"
"I'm still alive aren't I?"
Meanwhile:
Link and Midna were in Hyrule field standing around.
"Ah, yes, Midna" said Link "The wind of destiny blows before us! Where to next, my little friend?"
"Um… I don't know" said Midna "Why don't we try looking around Kakariko village and see if anyone can point out where we need to go next"
"A grand idea! I shall grab my stuff!" said Link
"Hey! Link! Listen!!!" said a voice in the distance
"Link! What was that?!?" said Midna
"Oh sweet Din no" said Link
It was Navi. She came flying up to Link. Link was shocked to see her again.
"Navi! What is it in the name of Hyrule do you need?!?" said Link
"Hey! Listen, Link!" said Navi "Let's go on an adventure! But watch out for monsters! Just like old times!"
"Eh?" said Link confused
"Link, there's a horrible monster eating fairies! He's in the lost woods near Kokiri forest! Please, Link, you're the only one who can help me stop him!"
"Link" said Midna "Who is this?"
Navi flew up to Midna and said "What is she doing here?!?"
"Ah, Midna, will you excuse us?" said Link
"Uh… sure" said Midna
Link walked a few feet with Navi.
"Link!!! What is the meaning of this!" said Navi "I thought I was your guide! What happened to us?!?"
"I am sorry, Navi" said Link "We just grew apart. We have gone our separate ways. You do understand that we were not meant for each other?"
"But, Link! We were friends" said Navi
"I know we were, however, Midna is a better guide for me" said Link "You must understand that she does things better than you do, Navi"
"What?!? What does she do better than me?!?" said Navi
Link wouldn't answer.
"It's the back-story, right?" said Navi "She has an important back-story!" Link didn't answer "What about the attitude! Everyone likes attitude! Even you like attitude sometimes!" Link still didn't answer "Don't tell me! It's the love interest, isn't it?!? I can love you, too! Come on, Link, please, take me back! I can change, I promise! Please! Link, please!"
"I am sorry, Navi!" said Link "It is that… everyone likes Midna. She is not as annoying as you. There are even those who want Midna to make an appearance in another adventure! Navi, you must understand, if it was not for you, I would not have Midna"
"But, Link! I'm not as annoying as your CD-I adventures!"
Link then grabbed Navi and said "Navi! We swore to never breathe mention of that disaster ever again! Ever!"
"I'm sorry!" said Navi
Link let her go.
"But, Link, it-"
"Enough! It is time for both you and I to move on. It is over between us, and that is that"
"But…"
"Farwell, Navi. Come, Midna, to Kakariko village!"
"Coming, Link!" said Midna
"But… But…" said Navi "FINE!!! I DON'T NEED YOU!!! I CAN TAKE ON THE MONSTER ALL BY MYSELF!!!"
Navi flew off sobbing. She flew all the way back to Kokiri forest and into the lost woods. She landed on a stump and started bawling harder than she ever bawled before. She would usually go for a drink, but she was afraid that it was so painful that not even beer could help her. She remembered all the times she went through with Link. All the good memories the two shared. Unforgettable memories. She continued to cry.
Swift the Fox was above her holding a sign that said "Emmy award winning moment"
Navi looked up and said "GET OUT OF HERE!!!"
Swift said "Cameo!" and sped off.
Navi continued to cry for a few seconds and got up.
"Come on, Navi" she thought to herself "Get a hold of yourself. You don't need him! You don't need Link to kill the monster! You just need brains! You've got brains! You need to press on!"
Navi dried her tears and set her sights on one thing: Killing that monster! Then, everything will be all better for her. She knew that she couldn't do it by herself. She at least needed a weapon.
"Maybe there's a sword or something I could use here…" Navi thought to herself.
She flew around looking for a sword, hoping not to find the monster. Then she ran into a skull kid.
"Hey… listen…" he whispered "Wanna find a sword?"
"Yes! Of course!" said Navi
"Follow me, but watch out! These branches are everywhere!" said the skull kid
He disappeared in the leaves. Navi tried to keep up with him. She managed to at least keep him in sight for a long time. Finally, the skull kid stopped in a clearing. Navi finally caught up. She was exhausted.
"We are here…" said the skull kid
"R-really?" said Navi
She looked around and saw a sword sticking out of a pedestal. There was also a bottle of beer spilt in front of it.
"The Master Sword?!?" said Navi. She looked closely "Wait, this isn't the Master Sword!"
"No, it's the Noble Sword!" said Skull Kid "It was a sword that Link used in his quest with the Oracle of Ages and Seasons"
"Oh… So, it's rejected, too, huh?"
The Noble sword coughed and said "Man, that Master Sword thinks he's soooo tough! When I came around, I thought it was a time of change! Of something new! No! Link went through a certain quest with both quests and got his lousy Master Sword again! Why won't anyone love me?!?"
Navi flew up to it and tried to pull the sword from its pedestal, but of no luck.
"Uh… Ugh… Huh… It's… too… big!" said Navi
"So, uh… weren't you gonna give that to your green friend you use to hang out with?" said the skull kid
"Huh? Oh… uh… of course not! I'm done with him! This is for me!"
Suddenly the skull kid burst into laughter.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You?!? That's the funniest thing I heard all day! You… you might as well use a toothpick!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
"Oh!!! You!!!" said Navi "Fine! I don't need this stupid sword! I'm outta here!"
Navi flew of leaving the skull kid laughing like crazy.
"Rejected again" said the Noble Sword "Yup, that's my life… didn't even make it out of the pedestal this time…"
Navi stormed off through the woods. Even though she had nothing, she had to find something to use.
"Stupid sword! Stupid skull kid! Why does everyone have to laugh at me?!?" said Navi
Suddenly, she ran into something. She didn't know what it was. She looked up and saw it! An ogre-like monster staring down at her!
"LOLZ!!!!!" said the monster "FAIRIEZ!!!!! OMNOMNOM!!!!!"
"Agh! The monster that eats fairies!" said Navi
Navi flew away, but the monster chased her. She couldn't get away.
"MUST ET FAIRIEZ!!!!!" said the monster
Navi turned around. She had to think fast!
"Hey! Listen! Why do you need to eat me?!?" said Navi "There are other delicious fruits out there!!! Why fairies!?! Please, Mr. Monster! Don't eat me! I don't want to die like this!"
The monster just stared at her and said "WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
"On second thought… go ahead" said Navi "I'm not needed anymore… I lost everything in my life. All my friends laugh at me or left me for someone else. No one takes me for granted anymore. All I wanted was to help people, to guide them through situations that they may never get through without me… But no… they just swat me away like some sort of virus! I'm not a virus… but… they still treat me like one. They say I'm annoying… well, maybe I am annoying… maybe, I will do the world a favor by dying… maybe, I'm not meant to live anymore… just eat me, Mr. Monster. You may not know it… but, you'll be doing Hyrule a favor…"
The monster was looking at Navi. All he got from here was "Hey! Listen! Watch out!" over and over and over again. Suddenly, he said "OMG!!!1!!! WTF!!!!!1! TAHT IZ ANOYING!!!1!!1!!!! HAX!!!!!1!! I IZ PWND!!4!!1!!1!! GO AWAY!!1!!!one" The monster fell down and died.
"Huh?" Navi looked at the monster and saw he is dead "I… I did it… I did it!!!"
Navi flew up with glee and flew out of the lost woods and to the deku scrub.
"Hey!!! Listen!!! I did it!!!" said Navi
Deku scrub quickly tossed away his weed and said "What drugs! I don't have any officer!!!"
"I don't know what you said, and I don't really care!!! I did it!!!" said Navi
"Oh… phew… I thought you were someone else" said the deku scrub
"The monster that eats fairies!!! He's dead!!!" said Navi
"Oh really? Good job, Navi!" said the deku scrub "I shall tell the others!"
In kokiri village, the children were doing their normal routine. Then the deku scrub called everyone on the speaker.
"Attention all children, your fairies are safe" said the deku scrub "Navi the fairy has slain the beast, congratulations to her! That is all!"
"Who's Navi?" said a fairy
Her partner shrugged.
Navi flew out into the world proud of her accomplishment!
Later on in the market:
The king of Hyrule was on a platform giving his speech to its citizens. Princess Zelda was sitting next to him. Navi was in the crowd waiting for her royal mention.
"My fellow Hylians! We have gathered here today for a very special speech" said the king "And that is my speech! It is a wonderful speech that I myself have came up with myself. This speech is so great, I have put it upon myself to give it to you as an inspiration to many! It is with this speech that I will give my speech unto you! Oh… and a… little blue thing did something……… But who cares! We are here for my speech!!! This speech is for all to hear!!!"
"Father" said Zelda "You are so embarrassing…"
"My girl, this speech is what all true warriors strive for!" said the king
"Ugh… I hate you so much!" said Zelda
The king continued his speech on… his speech.
Navi was appalled by this! All that work, for nothing!!! She immediately left the crowd.
"I guess I'm useless after all" said Navi "I'll never find any importance…"
Suddenly, she heard a voice in the distance.
"HEY!!! YOU!!! LISTEN!!!" said the voice. It was Sonic the Hedgehog! He came speeding up to Navi.
"What do you want?" said Navi
"We're in the middle of making another adventure for me" said Sonic "And we're looking for a fairy character. Do you mind doing that?"
"Me?!? You want me?!?" said Navi "Why, I… Are you sure I won't annoy you?"
"Hey!" said Sonic "Don't worry, I get stuck with annoying characters all the time! I'm used to it!"
"Alright!!! I'll do it!!!" said Navi
"Awesome!!!" said Sonic
"Yes!!!" said Navi "Oh, by the way, you're gonna have to clue me in on how you do things"
"Don't worry" said Sonic "We're starting to rip off of Zelda adventures. You won't notice the difference!"
"Alright!!! Count me in!!!" said Navi
And so, Navi, along with Sonic the Hedgehog, went into the sunset for another adventure. Navi learned an important lesson that day. She decided to put her past behind her and move on instead of sulking in it. She looked forward to the future!
The
End