Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters
Warning:
Orion/Harry pairing, slash, character death
The grey and old marble pensive was covered in dust and grime, Sirius thought that the construct seemed strangely at odds with the rest of the dark décor. The attic was a place he had never been allowed to enter when he was still a child, a room that only his ever entered.
Sirius had been curious about it for decades now.
(Why was it so special?)
The door shut behind him ominously with a nearly silent click, and suddenly Sirius could do nothing more than focus on the pensive looming in the middle of the dusty room.
His steps were muffled by the dust covering the wooden floor, and Sirius trembled slightly as he fingered the sole object lying on the adjacent table, a vial containing the silvery string that marked a memory. Haltingly, he rubbed the dust away, stilling at the elegant cursive that he had seen a thousand times before.
Hadrian.
Sirius barely noticed that his hand was shaking, as he poured the vial into the pensive, and entered his father's memories.
xXx
''Morning, Orion.'' Haunting green eyes were sparkling in the sunlight, a bright smile on the soft lips. Orion grumbles faintly, even as he leaves the comfortable bed and shuffles into the kitchen, wishing he could stay encase those blankets and never leave.
(For all eternity.)
The body he pulls against his is warm and soft and for a minute he can pretend that there is nothing else but them, and then reality comes back, and he presses a kiss to a pale neck.
''Morning, Hadrian.'' His voice is deep, but warm and his lips stretch into a small smile that he would only ever let the man pressed tightly against him see.
It is only on those morning when he wakes up and sees those beautiful and haunting eyes, that he is content with the world around him.
xXx
As he stares at the black inky mark now barring his arm, he wants to scream.
(WhyWhyWhy? I don't want to lose him-)
But Hadrian is too compassionate, and when he comes crashing through the wards, clutching his arm, and tears of shame and remorse in his grey eyes, he doesn't turn him away. He gives him comfort and an outlet to the rage and pain and denial.
Orion takes him in the living room, movements frantic and rushed, because how long do we have?
(It's never enough.)
He wants to leave in the morning, run and run and never come back. Protect the one thing he can't live without.
''I love you, Orion.''
Clutching Hadrian desperately against his naked chest, he instead stays and prays, hoping his weakness won't destroy him.
(Protect him.)
…
…
…
I love you.
xXx
Love is sweet and bitter and painful and like a drug. Orion can't live without it. The attacks against Muggleborns increase and with every raid he attends, every curse he throws, he cracks a little more.
(Like a mirror.)
His marriage to his wife is nothing but a sham, they sleep in separate bedrooms whenever he is at home. He has sired Sirius and Regulus and that it enough.
He tries to love them.
But he can't.
(They bind him to this house.)
He flees to Hadrian's flat, feeling lighter and freer every time. The tug on his lips into a smile has become familiar years ago, and he can't stop himself from pulling Hadrian into a kiss when his favorite brand of coffee is once again stocked in the shelf.
The pull becomes more insistent, and soon they find themselves in their bed yet again. Orion can't get enough of Hadrian, and his sweet sounds of pleasure.
Love is a drug, and Orion has found himself to be addicted a long time ago.
(He can't bring himself to regret it.)
xXx
Voldemort has become more powerful and bold by now, the attacks move from Muggles and Muggleborns to other wizarding families. Blood-traitor and those standing against them, and Orion doesn't know how the others can bear it.
He shuts out his emotions, trying not to think about the fact that he has known the people thrashing on the ground, screaming in agony for years now. Had attended their parties and talked to them and their children.
(He wants to stop feeling.)
He curses his father and his fascination with the insane red eyed man laughing mockingly as the mother stops screaming, her eyes increasingly dull.
Was she dead?
(He doesn't want to know.)
He can only stop himself from shaking with every ounce of pureblood control and discipline pounded into him from his early childhood.
He wants to run away.
Take Hadrian and never look back.
He wants to rip off his arm, leave behind the leash that binds him to the one slowly destroying his world.
(It's wishful thinking.)
When he returns to Hadrian's that night, he is pale and shaking. But Hadrian still smiles at him, emerald green eyes warm and loving, and Orion doesn't think he deserves it.
''You deserve better.'' He whispers, as he tugs a strand of ebony locks behind a dainty ear. He isn't as surprised as he should have been when Hadrian merely leads him into their bedroom.
''I love you, Orion.'' The word's resound in his soul, and he knows them to be true. His heart beats too fast, or maybe not at all, but there's a wide smile on his face, and less cracks in his mind.
(He needs nothing else but Hadrian.)
xXx
He tries to get Hadrian to leave the country, as the war picks up. Hadrian is not a pureblood, is not a supporter and will never be. He is too kind, too honorable, and too defiant.
Orion loves him for it. His compassion and selflessness and innocence are what he wants to protect forever.
(He still wishes Hadrian could be selfish only once.)
As a healer Hadrian sees what he commits, what he participates in. Sees the atrocities and sins that weigh on his mind and soul, but Hadrian never judges. He soothes the cracks and splinters in his mind, and smiles at him no different than before.
…
…
…
Hadrian is his world.
xXx
Orion feels only apprehension and fear as the Death Eaters are called into the throne room, his steps steady and graceful as he enters the room after who he knows is LeStrange. His heart beats painfully in his chest, and he doesn't know why.
Only that it feels like it's about to break into a thousand pieces.
There's a circle around Voldemort, a ripple of malicious and sick glee in the air, and Orion feels the faintest stirs of terror in his soul. Stepping around the wave of black, he can finally see through the gap of two bodies staring at something on the ground.
Everything around him ceases to exist as familiar green eyes stare right into his widened grey eyes, but there's no recognition, no spark of life.
They're dull, and lifeless and not as they should be.
(It's a lie.)
The normally soft and pink lips are painted with blood, and Orion wants to scream and scream and scream and rage.
He wants to deny, and close his eyes and pretend he's never opened them in the first place. Because Hadrian would be waiting for him like he always does, a smile on his lips and sparkling eyes.
''I love you, Orion.''
He can hear something cracking and breaking into a thousand pieces, and wonders if it's his heart because it feels cold and icy and numb.
There's an empty space where it normally is, and nothing is the same anymore.
(It's a lie.)
Orion stumbles back, and flees the room unnoticed.
…
…
That was not Hadrian.
…
…
His lover would be waiting in his flat like always. And Orion would drag him to another country and make sure he is safe and happy, and protect him always.
He apparates to the flat, running towards the bedroom where Hadrian would be sleeping, grumbling at him before patting the bed beside him.
(It's a lie.)
The room is empty, and Hadrian is gone.
…
He will come back.
…
Orion waits and waits and counts the minutes, and hours. But Hadrian's still gone.
…
How long does he plan to make him wait?
…
Orion can still hear something cracking and shattering and he wonders what else it could be. His heart was already in thousand pieces, and he isn't sure he has anything left to give.
He feels empty…
He's shaking and clutching his fists too tightly, but the pain makes him feel. The blood on his hand was too red, and it looked like…
(He's coming home.)
Orion is waiting and praying even as the sun goes up, and then down. And he's still waiting.
His mark is burning and aching and hurting, but Orion doesn't care. Hadrian would soon be coming home.
He would smile at him, and Orion would smile back, and Hadrian would fix the empty and numb space his heart had become.
The sun rises again, and Orion can no longer pretend.
There's final crack and then there's silence. And Orion screams, he screams and rages, and since when was he laying on the floor?
He howls in agony, and where was Hadrian?
His world was breaking into pieces and his love was gone.
''I love you, Orion.''
…
…
…
And he shattered.
xXx
His eyes were dull and lifeless as he poured memory after memory out of his mind. Only a dull ache remaining of the rips of agony that had cursed through his body only hours before.
(It's a lie.)
His throat is raw and he can taste blood and he knows he deserves every little bit of pain.
(He failed.)
He seals the room, and doesn't spare either of his sons a glance as he leaves the house again. He wants to hurt, wants to feel agony just so that he can escape this dull ache and constant emptiness.
(He wants to escape this nightmare.)
He shuts down and buries and hides and flees into the deepest corners of his mind.
He doesn't want to feel.
His strides don't falter even as his eyes become increasingly dull, blank chips of icy cold stone.
(He wants to escape this nightmare.)
…
…
…
Where is Hadrian?
xXx
He opens his eyes, and sees haunting green eyes, and they're sparkling and smiling and he smiles back, and he knew it could not have been real.
A hand pulls him into their bedroom, and Orion was smiling and laughing, and feels the warm body against his.
(It's a lie.)
He doesn't want to know, doesn't want to acknowledge what is right in front of him. He can just pretend, and feel-
(It's a lie.)
…
…
…
He doesn't want to wake up.
Here his world still exists.
xXx
Sirius was trembling as he stumbled away from the pensive, eyes wide and suspiciously bright, and he wipes away the first signs of tears.
He turned around as fast as he could, and fled the room, closing the door behind him.
The silvery strings of memory were still swirling in the pensive, never to be disturbed again.
A/N This was just a one-shot that had been flying around in my head since yesterday so I thought I would write it down!
Hope you like it!
Please review so that I knows whether you guys liked it or not!
C'ya soon
AriesOrion