Disclaimer: I own nothing that is affiliated with Vampire Diaries which includes the book series and the T.V. Shows the series belongs to the rightful, respectable creators.
Summary: Another Damon fanfiction as he muses about him finally telling Elena. Set in Episode 8: Rose.
Author's Note: This is best listened to with I Was Wrong by Sleeperstar (which is a great group by the way!)
Anyways~ I hope you enjoy and that it's not lame, boring or too corny and I hope everyone is in character!
Enjoy!
P.S. Episode 8 was so sad like when Elena was at the stairs and Damon smiled up at her expecting her to run to him (that was so sad!) and of course the 'I love you' scene. I actually cried about that...Episode 8 was amazing as usual! That scene from episode 8 inspired me so much I HAD to write this!
Happy reading!
He sat there tinkering around with the small, precious object dangling by the silver chain. It swung gingerly and twisted in mid air subjected to gravity like most things.
His mind wasn't on the mere necklace as he idly dangled it by its chain…no his mind was filled with greater things that were centered on a special person.
At the moment as the dam which represented his thoughts broke and flooded, filling the dark recesses of his mind and his being was filled with so many raw emotions that he had only recently tapped back into he found himself shaken and ready to burst and it was all because of her that he could do this…that he could feel again, that he could love.
She who saw past his tough guy/cocky façade because while that was apart of him…it wasn't entirely him, she saw past the monster and saw Damon Salvatore. The man and not the beast that inhabited his body and became apart of him…the very beast that merged with whatever remnants of humanity he possessed.
He wasn't even sure if he had any but Elena brought the humanity out in him… and slowly but sure he had begun to fall in love with the warm kind hearted girl.
He wanted her and no one else, he wanted to be at her side forever…he wanted to be the one to protect her…to always comfort her…he wanted to be the one she came to for help…for everything.
His brother already occupied that spot...and maybe it was for the best, maybe it was meant to be that way. He was a monster and he didn't think anything could change that fact…that anyone could eradicate the demon residing in him.
He was broken and so messed up…Elena didn't deserve to pick up the pieces, to repair a broken man…he was broken and twisted while his brother with miniscule dents and chinks – that seemed to be repaired now – was the better choice.
Stefan was everything Damon wasn't…kind and good hearted and…he was just Stefan.
Damon wasn't good for Elena…he was like a toxic presence; he only wrought death and sorrow and even anger.
Maybe that's all I'm good for…killing and causing pain.
Elena doesn't deserve someone like that…she deserves better…
She deserved Stefan the good Salvatore brother.
And as he twirled the silver chain avoiding the charm attached, he wrapped it around a single finger solemnly because he was filled with undeniable urge to tell her…he couldn't keep it unvoiced any longer…he needed her to hear it, he needed to say it out loud to someone that wasn't himself but he didn't want to burden her with that knowledge.
As a plan slid into his mind he clenched the chain gently so as not to crush and snap the metal.
Damon swallowed as his throat tightened in sync with his slightly clenched teeth.
Her scent invaded him and he closed his eyes briefly in an attempt to calm himself or to make himself appear as if he was calm, that he was subdued.
It took a few minutes but when he regained his sense of calm he focused his line of sight on the dangling necklace he fiddled with.
His façade almost felled when her scent hit him stronger than ever.
Damon plastered on a slightly cocky smirk that held undertones of a genuine smile in the action, he looked up and took in her appearance.
His throat only tightened at her natural beauty. She was only clad in white chequered light blue night shorts and a more vibrant blue night camisole. Her gaze was trained else where for a few seconds until they landed on him and she halted before him. Her hand halting in its own ministration of running through strands of hair only to stop at her neck.
Without thinking a flirty comment bubbled past his upturned lips. "Cute pjs." His eyes swept down though his gaze wasn't fully fixated on her.
He focused on her fully when she responded to his comment. "I'm tired Damon." She looked uncomfortable under the weight of his gaze.
Damon hopped up and neared her with a Damon like smirk and smile.
As he spoke he merrily held up her Vervain necklace. "I brought you this."
She sounded surprised and astonished as she regarded him "I thought that was gone…"
Damon shook his head slightly with his hand still holding the necklace towards her. She smiled gratefully and her voice was filled with kindness that made his throat tighten further. "Thank you." Elena made a grab for it but quickly at human speed Damon moved it out of reach.
His face was serious as she spoke, she looked even a little scared and worried which hurt him a little but that didn't stop him. "Please give it back."
Gently he neared her as she took a step back and he felt his face contort into an expression of sincerity as well as he spoke. "I just have to say something." His words were truthful.
"Why do you have to say it with my necklace?" wariness was evident in her eyes and her heart betrayed her emotions, he could even smell the emotions emitting from her.
He frowned slight as he hesitated and then spoke as he tried to collect and sort his thoughts from the war going on inside of him. As the words tumbled out he detected the strong sincerity in his words mixing with softness and he hesitated mid speech. "Because what I'm about to say is probably the most selfish thing I've ever said in my life."
Don't do it!
I have to…I don't deserve her.
She deserves better than a monster.
Elena inhaled sharply shaking her head looking as if she wanted to bolt at that very moment…like before she didn't want to hear what he wanted to say…especially if it involved the non-existent them. Their feelings for each other…Damon had accepted his, why couldn't she accept hers?
I'm lucky she hasn't because if she had…I'd have caused her more pain that what we could have had…it would have been more trouble than it would have been worth; at least in her point of view. I don't want to hurt her…
Crossly she spoke. "Damon don't go there." She shook her head and Damon ignored it and he continued on with his plan.
"No, I just have to say it once…" He assured her.
"You just need to hear it." He closed the distance that had grown large between them.
For a single minute he couldn't speak as he gazed into her warm, chocolate brown eyes…his throat constricted even more painfully tight. He wasn't even sure he could do this anymore…
His lips parted as he forced his voice to pour through painfully, her heart beating rapidly seeming to express emotions he wouldn't let surface onto his face. Luckily enough his voice poured out smooth sounding. He said the words that he had desired to tell her…that he needed to hear. "I love you Elena."
Elena's lips parted in surprise her eyes reflecting it.
Words flowed easily past his lips as he spilled everything and laid his cards on the table. "And it's because I love you that…I can't be selfish with you…" he swallowed as he drifted off.
He saw her eyes begin to water and it made things only harder as he murmured the indicator of what he was about to do. "Why you can't know this…"
I'm sorry Elena…
"I don't deserve you…" he tilted his head to the side and wished he didn't have to do this.
"But my brother does." He saw the amount of tears pooling in her eyes increase at his last statement and he allowed himself one last thing. After this he had to step back and let things be, even if it killed him inside.
Slowly giving her enough time to back away he leaned in, her lips parted before his lips made contact with the warm flesh of her forehead. Damon's eyes gently closed as he savoured the mere feel of his lips resting on her forehead. The simple gesture made his eyes warm. He didn't know if he'd ever be able to do this again, to ever be like this with her again…
Damon wished they could be like this for eternity, it wouldn't be fair to his little brother though…he wouldn't do this to Elena and Stefan…for Elena's sake he wouldn't screw things up further for her. He'd done enough, dealt out enough death and pain.
Slowly he moved back, opening his eyes and gazing at her as he gauged her reaction.
What he saw made not his throat but his chest tighten and his own eyes begin to water as warm tears pooled in his eyes. She swallowed and he heard her heart race increase positively as he ran his hands through her hair while he spoke to her; sadness and pain filled his soft voice. Their eyes still locked onto the other's which made this better by the tiniest amount. "God, I wish you didn't have to forget this." His eyes swept over her features wanting to imprint her expression his mind, he swallowed tightly before going through the task.
She quirked a single brow in confusion on her serene face as he stroked the side of her face gingerly.
He dilated and expanded his pupils in an act of compulsion "But you do." He said softly pain and sorrow still colouring his voice.
Damon hated to do this to her but he had to…she had to forget.
A tear fell upon his cheek as he continued to stroke the side of her face one last time; an almost burning sensation followed the trail of the tear.
And as soon as she closed her blank eyes Damon was gone and he had placed the necklace securely around her neck.
Compelling her to forget his truly heart felt words was difficult he knew he had to do it but it was so damn hard.
She was the one woman he loved more than anyone else and it killed him when he did that because he'd wanted to tell her so long but he never found the appropriate time.
He had needed her to forget that he had told her he had loved her because it was wrong of him…he would have been wrong to let her know that, to burden her with that fact when she and his brother were prefect for each other, because she deserved Stefan.
He'd hadn't cried for a person in awhile…with Katherine she didn't deserve his tears…similar to the ones that poured from his eyes involuntarily.
He hadn't cared so much about one person like this in awhile.
When he found out Elena had been kidnapped and was in trouble...he panicked and got angry and made a silent vow that he would tear the town to shreds to find her. He'd break inside if anything happened to her...because in some way he'd hold himself accountable.
Just like little brother always finds himself somehow at fault.
His breath shook as he just sat there, leaning against the headboard of his bed while he stared at nothing even though his eyes were fixed on the wall. All he could see was Elena's expression after he had pressed his lips to her forehead.
He didn't care if it was labelled self torture because he didn't want to forget the image of her, nor could he.
So Damon just sat there dying inside little by little, aching in internal pain and not moving he didn't even possess the will to do so.
He was alone but he'd rather be alone at the moment because right now he didn't want to be with anyone except Elena even if it was impossible.
A single tear bled from his eye and fell with an accompanied burning sensation as two thoughts entered his mind.
I'm sorry Elena; it's for the best…
I was wrong…for so many reasons…even when I told Stefan I could step out of helping as easily as I got in, Stefan was right when he said I couldn't.
Damon sat there in the silence of the vacant boarding house and let the darkness envelop everything in his sight where the dim lighting didn't reach.
He lay there broken and aching with unfulfilled love.
…I love you.
Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed this little oneshot! I might do this from Elena's perspective...(still thinking!)
Would you like to read from Elena's point of view?