Thalia Grace watches herself grow. She watches herself change. Thalia watches herself stay the same.
Thalia doesn't know what she's doing.
It's three A.M from the watch she stole, and the ground digs into her back uncomfortably enough to keep her awake. Besides her, Annabeth grumbles in her sleep. Luke shifts and makes a sound between a snore and a cough, and she looks at them once before slipping quietly away.
Her feet carry her into the forest where the leaves fall free. An owl hoots somewhere in the distance, and she draws her flimsy jacket closer in an effort to keep warm. The bitter wind cuts through the tattered cloth easily, and she shivers as she slides to the base of a tree.
Of course she needs to check if there's a nymph and thankfully there isn't. She's tired of the greek world, tired of being the odd one out. It's the only thing keeping her sane, but at the same time it's the one thing driving her crazy. She doesn't realized she's crying until the tear splatters, dark with eyeliner and mascara.
Leaves crinkle next to her and she whips around, instantly alert. The shaft of her spear buzzes in her hand, comforting in an inanimate way only items can be. Then she thinks maybe she is crazy, not a lot but still a little. Luke appears and she lets down her gaurd.
He eyes her, his crystalline eyes looking straight into her soul. It's unnerving he can do that without even knowing, but she doesn't mention it. They sit there for a second, just quiet and enjoying the silence.
"Is Annabeth asleep?"
He laughs at the question, a real genuine question that she hasn't heard for weeks. "Yeah," he says, shifting his feet so they are curled under him. "She's a heavy sleeper. It's a good thing." Because we aren't, Thalia wants to add, but she doesn't.
"We're moving again, aren't we?" It is a statement more than a question, because they are always moving. They can never stay in one place for long, or else the monsters find them. And they are not the ones hiding under the bed, the ones that don't exist but are still feared. The ones Thalia wishes were the ones she feared.
"To Camp. We need to get there before tomorrow," he reminds her. It's sad how he doesn't even say yes anymore-he knows and she knows and both of them know they will always be on the move. There is no demigod who has never run. There is no demigod who has never known to flee.
She nods, and he stands up. A hand claps onto her shoulder, and then he smiles wearily and walks away. His footsteps are heavy with fatigue, and her own weariness catches up to her. The bruise on her shoulder fades to a dull ache.
"I wanted to be normal," she murmurs. She doesn't know what she's saying, but it feels right. "Was that too much to ask?"
The gods do not reply. They never reply, but Thalia knows they hear her. She knows they hear each and every prayer, each and every plead before a life fades away. The Ancient Laws are restricting, but Thalia is starting to see them as an excuse.
It is a measly excuse. One thing she hates is that she must accept it, illogical or not.
She doesn't know how long she sits there, but then she is jerking awake. Luke's happy mood has faded, and he is pacing, his hands running through his hair in agitation. "Just one gods damned thing," He scoffs, kicking his heel into the dirt. She winces.
Annabeth flees from her sleeping bag, clutching Thalia by the waist. The gray eyes claiming her as Athena's gaze into her blue ones, heavy with sleep but wide with terror. "Thalia! He's-" She breaks off.
Luke curses in Ancient Greek and storms off, and all Thalia can do is wrap the younger girl into her arms. For an instant everything is silent.
"Thalia-" Annabeth sniffs and buries her head in Thalia's shoulder. The daughter of Zeus awkwardly strokes her fingers over Annabeth's blonde curls, and as she gives one final sniff and goes still, Thalia wishes Annabeth will end up like her.
It is better than ending like Luke, she reasons. Thalia is far from perfect, but she is starting to think maybe she got the better end of the deal. Because while years of fleeing have turned Luke bitter, she is still intact.
They have only made her stronger.
She doesn't understand how turning her into a tree is Zeus's gratitude.
As far as she remembers, she is standing there, her feet roughly jerked into the ground. The fury lunges forwards, her red eyes gleaming with the pleasure of the kill. Thalia braces herself for the pain. Her spear is lying a few feet away, the shaft splintered and the tip fractured.
Then lightning streaks from the earth, and the fury shrieks loudly. She shrieks too, out of shock and admittedly utter terror. Her first thought is-"He would kill me?" And then the lightning slams into her, and everything fades in and out of her line of vision.
The air suddenly smells like pine, so much it is sickening. The sweet scent drifts in and out of her consciousness, and she isn't sure how much time passes while she stays like this. But sometime in the midst, a dull ache in her abdomen turns to a throbbing pain. If she could scream she would, but no sound comes out.
She is sure she is dying.
But then everything explodes in a shower of sparks and she opens her eyes to daylight. The sun is unfamiliarly bright and sparks dance in her eyes. She doesn't see anything for a second or two, until finally everything spins into focus.
There is a boy hovering over her. His eyes are green like the deep sea, and there is a worried expression plastered on his face. She draws a shaky breath and stares back, and he looks at her like she's fallen from outer space. Slowly, she feels the leaves crunching under her back. "Who-" She reaches for a spear that is not there.
"I'm Percy," He says. "You're safe now." She doesn't believe him; not for a second, because she is never safe. She will never be safe, because there will always be monsters and demons and even humans who chase her until she falls. A breath rattles it's way out of her throat, and memories stream into her mind like a flood.
"Strangest dream," She gasps. There is no way they are at camp, and this is all a mistake, and by the gods, where are Luke and Annabeth? They should be here. They have to be here. She doesn't realize her hands are shaking until the ground brushes them. "Dying."
"It's okay," he assures her. She looks around wildly-where are they? She catches a flash of blonde hair, and Annabeth is stepping into the sunlight. But she is different-why is she different? Why is she so tall, suddenly, and those eyes, once so childlike-why are they so cold?
The answer slams into her like the butt of a sword. A single gasp makes it's way from her throat, but no one hears.
"What's your name?" Percy asks.
She is too numb to register the question at first. And when she answers, shock and cold, hard realization has stiffened her voice and drained her of all emotion. "I am Thalia," She says, leaving out the surname she abandoned with her family. "Daughter of Zeus."
He makes a strangled sound that mght have been a gasp. "You-" Choking on his own words, he looks at her again as if seeing her for the first time. Annabeth steps forward, and she walks with the air of a person who has seen too much for her own good.
"Thalia," She murmured. "It's true." The daughter of Athena rushes forward and embraces her, but it doesn't feel right because the last time she saw her, Annabeth was shorter than her. Now they are nose to nose. "You really are back."
"Where's Luke?" She asks finally. He's not here. Is he dead? Injured? Okay? The shock is pressing down like a vice, and she can't believe that she's been sucked out of time. no, no, no, because this is not happening to her and why can't it happen to others and why does it always have to be her?
Annabeth swallows. Her throat bobs up and down nervously, and Percy runs his fingers across a scar on his palm. They exchange a nervous glance.
"I'm sorry, Thalia," She says at last. "Luke joined the Titans."
Thalia watches her world fall down on her.
Fighting Luke is the hardest thing she has ever had to do. She doesn't know why. Maybe it's because his fighting style is so similar, because he's the one who taught her everything she knows. But it's not just the fighting style that gets her.
It's everything. The way he paces his blows, the way she knows him inside and out. Some part of her remembers that they were once allies, and it feels wrong. To be fighting like this was like betrayal. Her only consolation was that he started it first.
"Your father tried to kill you," he grits out from between his teeth. Thalia shakes her head and presses him harder, already guessing what he's willing to do next. He slashes and she counters. "I swear."
"On the River Styx?" She asks. Thalia doesn't want to-she wants to trust him so badly it hurts-but he is not who he used to be. He is one of them now-one of the monsters that she has been taught to fight for her entire life. "Swear on the Styx?"
He doesn't reply. She thought so-he is known for his lies. She doesn't want to admit it, but he is, and that gets to her the most. Because once upon a time he used that for good.
He fights harder than before, and she has to push to keep up. A bloody gash opens up on his chest, and she winces as if it's herself she's hurting.
Then she has her spear at his throat.
it happens so fast she doesn't really understand, until his eyes widen in shocked disbelief. "Well?" he gulps hard and catches her eyes. His gaze wavers more than it used to. He is not as sure of himself.
Then his next words infuriate her completely, and in a fit of rage she kicks him backward.
In one step, he tumbles off the ridge into the rocks fifty feet below. She forces herself to creep to the edge and look, but nausea envelopes her. She gags. His form is broken and slightly bloodied. He isn't moving.
Guilt pierces her like ice. Annabeth screams Luke's name and pushes past her, sobbing until her tears run dry. Thalia can feel her own tears running down her face, sending two racing tracks down her cheeks. She knows her eyes must be red by now. For once she doesn't care.
When Artemis asks her to join the hunt, she accepts. Because boys have done nothing for her; because boys will always be traitors. She casts a backward glance at Percy and vows to destroy him if he hurts Annabeth. Already she can see the way he looks at her, can see the way she looks at him.
She vows to destroy him. She doesn't intend to keep it.
It is after the Giant war that she finds herself sitting by the lake, her feet kicking aimlessly in the water. The events of her latest nightmare play in her mind like a horror movie that is her life. The screams overwhelm her, and she doesn't feel herself toppling until someone catches her.
"Thalia!" Percy's voice is surprised, and he sets her down as if afraid to touch a hunter. She smiles weakly and resumes kicking her feet. The water ripples and suddenly her feet are trapped, and she turns to halfheartedly glare at him. "You okay?"
"What do you think?" In all honesty, all she wants is for him to leave. Because he is like another Luke, another boy that will leave her in the end. "Of course not." But she doesn't protest when he sits down, doesn't protest when he pulls her closer to him with an arm around her shoulder.
"Nightmare?" She forgets sometimes the others are half bloods too, and that they go through the same thing. Against her will, her head nods. "Luke?" The name is said softly, but it resonates through her mind over and over. She nods again.
The misty barrier she has set up breaks apart at his words. "I see him," She chokes, her throat closing up. "That day...his broken body...why couldn't I save him? If I didn't touch him…" Her tears come spilling, and she chokes on them and buries her head in his shoulder. It doesn't occur to her this might be against the oath. Nothing occurs to her but her own grief.
"Thalia…" he doesn't seem to know what to say. She doesn't blame him-he's gone through the same thing, and both of them know that death isn't something you can pin on someone and get it over with. It's a journey, in the way that if one person dies the rest die a little inside, too. "I know."
"I couldn't even look at his body," She sobs. "he fell so far…" And it was that which scared her-the fact that just looking at him didn't make her scared-it was looking down at him that scared her.
Percy sighs as if about to tell her his deepest secret. "I understand," He says so quietly she doesn't hear it at first. "I know." And she's unbelieving, because he's always been in such good touch with his element that she's always been jealous.
"You're lying," She accuses, her voice sounding dry.
"I'm not." His tone gets impossibly old, even older than Chiron's. Because it sounds like he's lost all hope, and that scares her because Percy Jackson is almost hope itself. "I don't know. It's like...it's like I'm scared of drowning, as stupid as it sounds."
And to her it doesn't sound stupid at all. He isn't drowning in water-he is drowning in expectations. Expectations that leave you behind, leaving you panting to catch up. She knows, because she is drowning too.
"I started to hate him," he admits. "I hated my father for having me, hated him for making life this miserable." She inhales, and presses her face into his collarbone again. He is taller than her now, and it infuriates her. "We've made our peace, I suppose. The fear is still there."
She doesn't reply.
"What I'm trying to say, Thalia, is that you need to trust him. Because-oh gods, this sounds corny-if you don't trust him, you'll never get over that fear. Zeus won't let you fall, just as my dad won't let me drown. You've got to understand."
And though the words sound stupid coming from him, she nods.
He exhales and presses his chin into her hair. "Go get some sleep," he says. "No more nightmares. I promise."
And as she curls up, there by her cousin's side, she feels like a child again-a young twelve year old, struggling to keep up with life. A young child who doesn't know how to trust anymore.
She has viewed this world from two electric eyes since the beginning of her life. But behind them, nothing has ever changed.
A/N: I do not own PJO. Thanks for reading!