Disclaimer: I once owned iCarly, but then Dan Schneider used a time machine and stole it from me.
A/N: Okay, this story has been a serious pain to write. It all started the other day with iWanna Stay With Spencer came on, and thus this was hatched. So, a serious thank you to the few people who have kept me sane while I was writing this.
I sit on my bed against the headboard, my knees tucked under my chin while I chew my bottom lip between my teeth. I'm in my pajamas, a large t-shirt and boxers, and even though it's around eighty degrees in my room, I'm shivering. I'm sweating, but I'm not even sure it's because of the heat. It's mid-July, and it's been hot all summer, and honestly I don't think I've been sweating as much in the past month and a half as I am now. Honestly, I don't know why. And it's three in the morning, and it's a mystery why I'm still awake and sitting here because there's no reason that comes to mind. I look over at my cell phone, where it lay smashed in four pieces near the wall, and sigh as last night came rushing back to me.
"Sam, I'm coming back to Seattle," Carly says, almost as if she's smiling. I wouldn't know anymore, this is the first time I've heard from her in five years. "Granddad says I can graduate from Ridgeway with you and Freddie. It will be just like old times, and maybe we could do iCarly again." I don't know what she expects me to say to this, and with all the thoughts running through my head, I'm not so sure I want to say anything. "Sam, are you there? I can hear you breathing."
"When are you coming back?" I blurt out. Because I'm so angry and upset at her that I want to know when she's coming back into my life, and I think I could care less because she hasn't been here in five years. I'm surprised she even has my number. "When will you be here?" I ask in a shaky tone because I don't know how much longer I can hold myself together before I finally break down and scream at her for abandoning us, for not talking to us.
"I'm flying back in the morning and I'll be in Seattle around noon. Spencer's going to pick me up from the airport. Are you going to be with him?" she adds, and it's like she wants me to be there, and I really don't know if I can be. As if she can read my mind, she continues, "Please be there, Sam. Bring Freddie. I really miss you both."
"I'll be there, Carly. I promise." I mentally curse myself and hang up before she can say anything else that would mess up my thoughts. Before I realize what I've done, my phone crashes against the opposite wall of my bedroom and falls to the floor in pieces. I curl up into a ball and cry until I fall asleep.
I don't know why I wake up, but I can't go back to sleep. So I sit here, sweating to death, wondering what's going to happen when I go with Spencer to the airport. Every emotion is coursing through my brain, and I can't choose just one to feel because I don't know what to feel right now. I'm angry and upset that she didn't really put up as much of a fight as she could have when her grandfather said that Spencer was irresponsible and that she was going to live in Yakima with him. She had left Freddie, Spencer, and me behind and hadn't said a single word in five years.
Glancing at the clock, I realize I've been thinking for two hours. I sigh and slip out of bed, grabbing clothes before going into the hall bathroom that I shared with Melanie, when she was actually home like she is now. My clone would be leaving to return to her prep school for the fall term in two weeks, and I would miss her. We had gotten closer since Carly had left, even bringing up the question of whether or not I was trying to fill a void that my best friend had left. Or was she my former best friend now? Either way, I was fixing everything with my twin.
The warm water relaxed my hectic mind almost to the point of putting me to sleep, but I couldn't sleep. Not now, when I knew that Carly Shay would be in Seattle in nearly seven hours. My eyes shoot open when I hear the bathroom door, Melanie's shadow on the other side of the shower curtain. "Why are you up so early?" she mumbles, going through her morning routine. I forget that she wakes up at an unreasonable hour. "You usually sleep like a zombie."
I shrug before remembering that she can't see through solid objects. "I can't sleep," I tell her, arguing with the words that wanted to be heard. I can't take this. "Carly is coming back," I add, "so I decided that if I can't sleep, I can at least work through a possible disaster before it happens."
"Is that why I heard a crash on the other side of my wall?" I duck my head under the water to rinse out my shampoo and pretended I didn't hear her. Unfortunately, she wasn't letting me off that easily. "Samantha!" she hisses. "What did you break?" When I open my eyes, her head is poking in, glaring at me. I flick water at her and laugh as she moves away from the shower to dry her face. "It isn't funny!"
I roll my eyes. "If you must know, Melanie, I broke my cell phone because I promised Carly I would be with Spencer at the airport to pick her up." I know she rolls her eyes, but I don't point it out. Instead, I stand under the water for two more minutes before finally shutting it off and climbing out of the tub. Melanie is bent over the sink, brushing her teeth, when I wrap myself in a towel and return to my room.
SNARE
I walk into the Shay apartment without knocking, as I've always done, to find Spencer working on his latest sculpture. He has a giant clock in a chair where he can see it without turning his head, most likely so he won't be late to pick up Carly from the airport. I make a beeline for the fridge and grab a root beer. After Carly left, I changed a few things about myself. I had cut back on eating, started working out, stopped teasing Freddie, started paying attention in school, and stopped getting into trouble. I don't know why I changed anything. Carly wasn't going to appreciate it anyway.
I sit on the couch, leaning against the back so I can watch Spencer work. I don't think he sees me or even knows I'm here, but I don't want to scare him and make him mess up. The door opens again and in walks Freddie, who finally hit puberty and was one of the hottest guys in school. He looks at me with a weird look on his face before he leans in and kisses me, and I wonder if it's because Carly's coming back. He had gotten over his crush about a year after Carly left, and we had started dating two years ago. I know, who would have thought that I'd be dating Freddie Benson, the boy I'd teased so many times? To be honest, I wasn't "in love" with him. I liked him, maybe even loved him, and I knew it was the same for him. Don't get me wrong, he's a great kisser and an even more amazing boyfriend, but he wasn't "the one".
"What's wrong?" I whisper when he pulls away. He shrugs and takes my hand, threading his fingers through mine. I wonder if he thinks that Carly will actually be the right one for him, that he never should have given up, but I don't ask. It's bad enough that I'm dealing with a million emotions and thoughts on my own. Glancing at the huge clock, I notice it's eleven and look at Spencer. "Hey, Spencer, when are we leaving?" I ask.
He jumps and turns to look at me. I was right about him not even knowing I was there. Staring at me in confusion, he raises a brow and looks at the clock, almost knocking down his sculpture as he darts into his room. I'm going to guess he was so caught up in his work that he didn't pay attention to the time. When he returns, he's wearing a different shirt, one with no paint on it. "I lost track of time, sorry," he mutters in the elevator.
The car ride is silent, all three of us nervous about Carly's return. Spencer hadn't seen Carly since she had left, like the rest of us, and I'm curious as to whether or not Carly has thought about any of us at all. Freddie's hand is loose in mine, and he's looking through the window at the world outside of the car. I can only imagine the thoughts going through his head.
The airport is crowded and noisy, but Spencer leads us toward where Carly texted him to meet her and suddenly he's rushing forward. Freddie and I stand a distance away from the brunette siblings, separating our hands and watching as Spencer lifts his sister into the air. She's giggling until he puts her down, and I shift my weight from one foot to the other. It takes everything in my power to restrain myself from screaming at her and causing a scene, and I know it's doing the same to Freddie. I glance over at him, at his now pale face, waiting for him to run away and throw up. Sure enough, he sprinted away to the bathroom a few seconds later.
Spencer steps to the left a few inches and Carly stares at me. We both stand there like idiots, unable to move, until Spencer pushes her toward me. "Hey," she murmurs, and I'm surprised I can hear anything at all in this place. One word from her mouth has me ready to burst, to shout at her and make her feel guilty for leaving us behind with no contact at all, but I can't do it.
I reply with a simple, "Hi," and I can see the tears forming in her eyes. But I haven't seen her in so long, I don't know how she feels. I can't read her like an open book anymore. Has she gotten good at lying? Is she still the good kid? I don't know anything about her, which probably means I can call her my former best friend now.
"I tried calling you back last night," she says quietly. "What happened to your phone?" I shrug. I don't want her to know that I broke it because I was pissed off that she was coming back. She nods in understanding, not pushing the issue any further. "Where's Freddie?" She doesn't know we're dating. She doesn't know he's over her. I can tell by the look she gives me, that worried look that she's expecting him to jump her and never let her go, begging her to stay with him. I know that isn't how this is going to go.
Freddie does return then and stares at her, but where once was crazy and obsessive love is now a solid look, and I know he's not in love with her anymore. Freddie Benson has grown up. Carly's visibly relieved, but she still gives him a hug and kisses his cheek. He smiles nervously, kissing her cheek in return, and pulls away. Finally, she hugs me. I'm fighting so hard not to shove her away and tell her that she has no right, because I can't do that. She's been gone long enough. So I hug her loosely.
She pulls away and we notice Spencer had already disappeared to get her luggage. Carly looks between us. "How have you guys been?" she asks. "Has anything changed since I…" I hold up my hand, interrupting her. This was going to be the "make or break" of our friendship. Freddie seems to know that I'm about to make a scene because he starts in about how much we miss her. I glare at him, wanting to slap him, but that would go against everything I worked for. Violence wasn't my thing anymore unless it was absolutely necessary.
Spencer returns and we start walking toward the parking garage. I grab Freddie's wrist and hold him back until we're a safe distance behind Carly and Spencer. He looks at me and sighs, nervousness replaced with sadness. "I don't love her anymore," he mutters. "I'm happy about that, you know." I raise my brow. "I love you, Sam, I really do. I didn't want to be the kind of guy who would leave a girl for another girl, especially when they're both my best friends." He doesn't have to say it, but we both know. Like I said before, we're not "in love" but we love each other, and I can honestly say that I do love him, no matter what I've put him through. "When are we going to tell her?" he questions.
I shake my head. "If it comes up, we'll tell her. She just got back." I don't want to keep secrets from Carly, but Freddie and I aren't just going to blurt out that we're dating and have been for a while. Besides, she probably wouldn't care. She didn't seem to care while she was gone, so why would she now?
SNARE
Spencer sets the pot of noodles and the plate of hard shells on the kitchen table and waits until everyone makes their spaghetti tacos before helping himself. The last time we had eaten these was for mine and Freddie's first date, which Spencer insisted he cooked our first dinner as a couple. I have to say, I prefer him cooking to Freddie's mom. Sure, the lady had calmed down after the first year Carly was gone, but she still goes nuts sometimes.
Freddie decides to break the silence. "How was Yakima?" he asks, and I kick him under the table, which earns me a glare. I shrug and bite into the taco. God, it's been forever! Carly watches me intently, curiosity marked all over her face, and I remember she doesn't know that I stopped eating so much. Back in the day, my plate would already be licked clean. I'm not like that anymore, and I have yet to tell her everything that has changed.
She looks at Freddie and answers his question. "Yakima was slightly better than I thought it would be. I made some new friends…" Suddenly I wasn't hungry anymore. I drop the taco onto my plate and push my chair out, excusing myself from the table. I take the stairs up to the old iCarly studio, which Spencer turned into a storage space, and sit on one of the beanbags.
Barely ten minutes pass before Freddie opens the door and steps in. He doesn't look happy, but he doesn't look pissed off or upset either. He stands in front of me and holds out his hand, which I take and let him pull me to my feet. "Why do things have to be so awkward?" he whispers. I shrug and sigh, and he slips his arms around my waist, mine around his neck. We both lean and our lips meet halfway but it's a brief kiss. Carly and Spencer are downstairs and we're not the kind of couple to leave others waiting. "Just let it go," he mumbles, his forehead resting against mine. "Please just try and start over?"
I hate that he has to beg me sometimes, but I can be stubborn. I nod silently and follow him downstairs to the kitchen. Spencer and Carly were still eating when we returned. "I'm sorry about leaving like that," I apologize and Carly's taco slipped from her hand, her eyes wide in surprise. "What's new with you, Carly?" I ask her.
Carly just stares at me and I raise a brow, telling her to answer. She shrugs. "I'm more interested in you guys. You both look really different." She smiles weakly and her eyes never leave me, even as Freddie explains how he tried out for the football team and made it. Don't look at me, I'm not going to be a cheerleader in any lifetime. "Congratulations, Freddie," she praises, glancing at him for a second before turning back to me. "What about you, Sam?"
I frown. "Too much to keep track of. I'm sure you noticed a few things already," I tell her. Freddie's eyes meet mine and he looks away. He wants me to tell her, but I don't know how I could without her freaking out. I think for a moment. "What about these friends you made? Meet anyone special?" I offer.
She smiles, but it's still fake. "I had two boyfriends, but they weren't all that great," she explains. She really doesn't seem all that happy about it, like she ended up with two jerks or something. "I…um…" She looks at Spencer, and he nods. What's this big secret? "Sam, can I…can I talk to you in the iCarly studio?" she asks. I barely have time to blink before I realize that she's dragging me upstairs to the studio. Carly looks around, taking in the fact that it hasn't technically been used in a long time.
"I'm trying to be civil right now because we all know that I want to scream at you right now for the way you just left without calling for so long and suddenly you're back," I start. "You know, it really hurt, Carly. All this time, I've wondered if you were okay, if you were still alive, when I was going to hear from you again, because you were my best friend. Do you even care about any of that? Freddie and I did one more episode of iCarly, explaining that you were gone, that there would be no more episodes until you came back, and then we didn't want to do it anymore, even if you did come back." I sigh and turn away from her, flinching when she touches my shoulder.
"Sam, I wanted to call. Granddad made it impossible for me to contact you and Spencer and Freddie, especially after I…" She cuts off, and I turn to look at her, confused. "You remember how I used to be in school?" Used to be? I nod. "Well, after he dragged me to Yakima, my grades started going downhill and I got detention a few times." I stare at her in shock. Carly Shay, Little Miss Perfect, had turned into what I had been a few years ago. "Granddad took away all forms of communication, but that only did worse. He talked to Spencer, and Spencer said that he would watch me this school year and if my grades don't improve and I get in trouble, I'm going right back to Yakima."
"Why would you turn into what I used to be?" I ask, and her brow raises at "used to be". "Things change in five years. You'd be surprised at what I've done." An idea pops into my head, fixing my problem about how to tell her about Freddie and me. "Do you remember that crush Freddie had on you?" She nods, puzzled. "He got over that, you know. It took him a year, but when he thought you forgot about us, he woke up one day and told me he was over you." I frown at the memory. "He was really hurt. Both of us were."
"I noticed you don't tease him anymore," she points out. Figures she would notice that. "And he's really good-looking." Don't be hitting on my boyfriend, Carly Shay. "What happened to him?" I laugh at this. The memory of the confrontation between his mother and me came rushing back. Carly doesn't know the story, and I'm really not going to tell her. She raises a brow. "What's funny?"
I shrug. "Nothing, I guess." I reach forward and pull her into a hug. "I really want us to be friends again, even though I totally want to rip your head off for leaving us. Freddie told me to be nice so…"
"You listen to Freddie now?" Really? Is she trying to kill the moment? I nod into her shoulder. "Things really did change while I was gone," she murmurs, and I move to pull away, but suddenly her hands are on either side of my face and she's kissing me. I jerk back so fast that I lose my balance and fall on my butt next to a beanbag chair and stare at her in shock, and her eyes are as big as plates. "I…Sam…I didn't mean…Oh my god, what did I do?"
"I have a boyfriend!" I blurt out. What the hell? She looks at me sideways, almost as if she's going to cry, before she runs out of the studio. I sit there for another moment before pushing myself up to my feet and find Freddie climbing the stairs. He looks at me with concern, and I know he's worried about anything I might have said to Carly. I shake my head and pass him, sitting down at the kitchen table, where Spencer's watching me. "Will you guys leave me alone? I didn't say anything to upset Carly." At least I hope not. Why did she kiss me? I think that's the biggest question right now.
"Did you tell her?" Freddie asks. We're sitting on the roof of Bushwell Plaza, watching the sunset. Carly's been locked in her room since she kissed me, and I'm tempted to go ask her what's up, but I won't. I shake my head against his shoulder, and he pops a chunk of a chocolate chip cookie into my mouth. "Do you wonder what it would have been like, if Carly had never left?"
I shrug. "If she hadn't left things would have been different, and we wouldn't be having this conversation. To be honest, I don't think I would have stopped teasing you. Think about it, if Carly hadn't left you would probably still have a crush on her, right?" He's silent, but I know he gets the point. Things are probably better because Carly left. I look at him and sigh. "We're going to have to tell her soon, you know."
He nods and kisses me. For some reason I remember being in the iCarly studio and Carly kissing me. I pull away, and he raises his brow. "Are you okay?" he questions. I nod and lean back against him, reaching for the last of the cookie from the bowl next to his leg. "Do you want to go check on Carly?" I stand up and help him to his feet, and we head back to the Shay apartment. Spencer was working on his sculpture again, which means Carly's still in her room.
I tell Freddie I'll talk to her and take the stairs two at a time. Knocking on Carly's door, I don't wait for an answer before I walk in and find her sitting on her bed, staring at me. Shutting the door, I sigh. "Look, whatever happened in the studio isn't going to mess up our friendship more than it already is. You could have just…you know, told me." Her tears are slowing down. "Was it just a 'Miss you' kiss or…" She shakes her head and starts crying again. Fuck. I sit down next to her and pull her into a hug, stroking her hair while she cries into my shoulder.
"I'm so sorry, Sam," she chokes out. "I shouldn't have kissed you." I shush her and rest my head against hers.
"Listen, Carly, I need to tell you something before you find out later." She chokes on a sob but pulls away to look at me curiously. I sigh. How do I tell her without breaking her heart more than I already have? "I…Freddie and I are, you know, dating." And here comes the waterworks. I already feel bad enough that she's crying over the kiss, but now the hurt is too much.
SNARE
Melanie and I sit on the couch, watching some lame movie that neither one of us is really interested in, and for the life of me I can't even figure out why we're watching it. I play with my new phone that Melanie had bought me, feeling guilty that she had to, and text with Carly and Freddie. They want to go to a movie, and I'm extremely bored, but I don't really want to be with both of them at the same time right now.
I'm not upset or disgusted or angry about Carly kissing me. I just…I can't begin to describe how I feel about it. There's some part of me that wishes she had never done it, and the other part of me wishes I had never pulled away. So I told Carly to give me some time to get used to her being back. I look at Melanie and try to work out the problem in my head. She glances at me. "What's wrong, Sam?" she asks.
"I'm conflicted," I reply quietly. She just stares at me, gesturing for me to continue. "First off, I'm going to say I love Freddie. If I didn't, we wouldn't have dated for two years. He's a great guy and all, but when we kiss there's no spark. I mean, he's an amazing kisser, it's not that he isn't, it's just…I'm not in love with him, you know?" Melanie nods. "Yesterday when Carly came back, we were talking, and she kissed me." My twin's eyes go wide. "Don't give me that look. I don't like her that way."
"So why are you conflicted if you don't like her that way?" she questions. I want to smack her, but I can't. That's the question I've been asking myself. If I don't like Carly that way, why am I conflicted? "If you do feel something for Carly, you need to be honest about it."
I shake my head. "It isn't like that, Mel. The kiss wasn't even long enough to feel anything." I sigh. "I think I feel guilty more than anything. I mean, she kissed me and I'm guessing it looked like I jumped away from her like she was plagued. I fell on my butt." She held back a laugh, but her eyes were making fun of me. "She cried for a few hours, and all I did was sit there and try and comfort her."
Melanie shrugs and looks at the TV. I reply to a text from Freddie, saying I don't feel like going to a movie, and set the phone on the coffee table before going to the kitchen for a root beer. Things had gone from okay to awkward to just plain weird, and I didn't want to hurt Carly, but I honestly don't think I have those feelings for her. I haven't told Freddie yet because I'm afraid of what he'll say. Two years could go down the drain, just like that.
SNARE
I jerk awake from a dream and sit up, breathing heavy. I'm sweating so much I think I could drown, and I don't know why. I try to remember the dream that I just woke up from and groan. Ever since Carly kissed me, I've been dreaming about her, about us, and it never ends well between Freddie and me. Why did life have to become so complicated, when I shouldn't even be thinking about leaving my boyfriend for my best friend no matter how much I said I didn't have feelings for her?
Five forty-six flashes in red from the table next to my bed and I sigh, dragging myself from my tangled sheets to the bathroom. For the seventh time this week, I shower before six in the morning and go through the same routine with Melanie. I swear she wakes up when she hears the water running and just has to do her business with me in the bathroom.
When I'm dressed again, my phone vibrates with a text message. I frown, wondering who could be texting me so early in the morning, but when I see Carly's name underneath 'New Message' my stomach churns. My first thought is that something happened and someone ended up in the hospital. I open the message. She wants me to come over. I ask her if everything's okay. She can't sleep.
Against my better judgment, I cross town and reach Bushwell Plaza fifteen minutes later, taking the stairs up to the eighth floor. The apartment door is unlocked and Carly is lying on the couch, bundled in a blanket and checking her phone every few seconds. The TV is on mute, light flickering throughout the living room. I sigh, reminded that I didn't text back, and sit down on the couch at her feet. "What's up, Carly?" I chuckle when she jumps, realizing that I'm there. "You texted?"
She sits up and slaps my shoulder. "Way to give me a heart attack, Sam!" she whispers loudly. I'm trying so hard not to laugh because it's hilarious, and she's so adorable…wait, what? "I didn't think you'd be up, so I wasn't expecting you to come over," she mutters. I shrug and she stares at me, as if she's unsure about something. I raise my brow and she curls her legs underneath her. "Why did you come over? You've been avoiding me practically all week."
I roll my eyes. "Melanie's been home. She's leaving next week, so I'm trying to hang out with her until she leaves." I smirk. "I haven't been avoiding you." She raises a brow. "Okay, fine, I was." She frowns because she knows why. "Why can't you sleep?" I change the subject, hoping she'll cheer up a little. She shrugs. "Been dreaming about me?" I tease, and I didn't mean to say it out loud, but it's too late. She looks like she's about to cry. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her to me so that her head is on my shoulder and her legs are thrown over mine so that the blanket covers mine too.
I stare at the TV to find that some infomercial for a microwave grill is playing. Glancing at Carly, I raise a brow and grin. "I'm not getting you a microwave grill," she murmurs, her eyes blinking between mine and my lips. She wants to kiss me again, and for a second I almost lean toward her, but I turn my head back to the TV. I shouldn't be feeling like this. It isn't normal, especially when I have a fucking boyfriend, who is also her friend. "Are you hungry or anything?" she asks. I shake my head. "Why don't you eat as much anymore?"
"Like I said before, a lot of things have changed for me, Carls. Freddie's asked me the same thing a dozen times." She looks at me, and I know she wants to know our story. "Two years ago, we were sitting on this couch, watching the new Galaxy Wars movie. Well, it was new at the time. Anyway, Spencer had gone to make us some popcorn, and Freddie and I were laughing about some joke your brother had said, and I don't know. We just kissed and that was that. We've been together ever since." I smile at the memory. He hadn't even asked me to be his girlfriend, but we're together anyway. "So tell me about you."
I don't know what else to say. I want to ask about the kiss but I don't. "There's nothing much to say," she says, and I know damn well she's lying. Maybe she did turn into the delinquent. I poke her side and she jumps, slapping my free shoulder. "Aside from what I told you, there's really nothing to say."
"What about the boyfriends?" I mention, and she shrugs. "Come on, Carls. I told you about Freddie and me. Aren't we trying to catch up?" I pout. "I really thought we were trying to catch up."
She sees my pout and rolls her eyes. "There were only two, and I wasn't really into them. I mean, they were great guys, just not what I was looking for." She shrugs again and traces circles along the inside of my forearm, frowning. "I never stopped thinking about you and Freddie while I was gone. I wondered how you both were doing." Her eyes lock with mine. "I missed you so much, Sam. When I kissed you that day…I don't know where that came from. I definitely wasn't planning it, and I think it surprised me more than it surprised you. But when you jerked away from me…I thought I had royally screwed up what friendship we ever had." I open my mouth to speak, but she shakes her head. "It's probably for the best if we just forget it. You're with Freddie."
I'm pissed. Leaning away from her, I glare. Oh, this is happening. "You want me to just forget it? You disappear for five fucking years and don't contact any of us, and then you come back one day hoping to make everything okay, and then you just kiss me out of nowhere and expect me to just forget it? I have spent the last week thinking of nothing else but what happened!" She flinches and I sigh. "Look, Carly, I don't know what's going on. Could you explain what the hell is going on?"
She stares at me questionably. "Sam, I…" My lips crash against hers, cutting her off, and she kisses me back. I hear Spencer's bedroom door open and rip away from her, pretending to watch the TV as bare footsteps pass behind us to the kitchen. Carly is leaning on my shoulder, pretending to be asleep, and I don't blame her.
"Hey, Spencer," I mutter, but he can hear me because he jumps and drops his coffee mug, which breaks. Oops. I jump off the couch and rush to help him clean up the ceramic pieces and coffee off the floor, and he stares at me, no doubt wondering why I'm there so early. "Carly texted and said she couldn't sleep, so I came over, and now she's asleep," I explain. He nods and goes to make another cup of coffee.
Right now the kiss is replaying in my head over and over. I don't know why I kissed her again, maybe I was trying to figure out if I felt anything. The only thing I felt was that it's definitely different than kissing Freddie. With Freddie, there's this lone butterfly in the pit of my stomach, but with Carly it's like a swarm of bees stinging repeatedly, but in a good way. Does that even make sense? I don't know how else to explain it. I shouldn't even feel anything toward Carly.
Spencer finishes his coffee and looks at me where I'm sitting at the bar drinking coffee. "I'll be back in an hour," he says before he leaves the apartment, and I sigh. It was moments like these that I loved Spencer's early morning routine, his jog through the park, because Carly was here and after what happened ten minutes ago, we need to be alone.
I turn toward the couch and notice Carly's watching me. "Did you feel anything?" I blurt out, because I need the truth. I need to know what to do. She hesitates before nodding slowly. And I'm screwed because so did I. "I have a boyfriend," I mutter to myself, repeating it over and over. Pacing in front of the couch, Carly's muttering curses and things I never knew she said, and I realize she thinks it's her fault. I grab her wrist and sit on the couch, yanking her down with me. "I have feelings for you, Carly, I do, but I'm dating Freddie, and I need to figure out what to do."
Speaking of my other half, the door opens and Freddie walks in, smiling at each of us before leaning down and kissing me briefly. He kisses Carly's cheek and sits between us. "How'd you know Sam would be over here?" Carly inquires. I was thinking the same thing. Unless Melanie texted him and told him to come over here. I am so going to kick her… "Sam, are you okay? You look like you're going to throw up."
I look at them and shake my head. I'm fine, completely fine. Melanie knew I was going to be here, and I specifically told her not to tell Freddie I was, especially not at eight in the morning. "Do you girls want to go to a movie today?" Freddie suggests, looking between us. I shrug and glance at Carly, who mimics me. We both look at Freddie. "I'm just going to guess that I have to make all the decisions?"
I laugh to break the tension and both Carly and Freddie stare at me like I've lost my mind. I grin because what I'm going to say is going to be the first lie I've told either one of them in a long time. "I'm just happy things are going to be like they used to," I tell them and I feel like punching myself in the face, but then I would have to explain why I was hurting myself. I really am glad Carly's back, but ever since she returned, things have been weird. Freddie takes my hand and pulls me to my feet before turning and doing the same to Carly. I write a quick note to Spencer and follow the two brunette teenagers out of the apartment.
SNARE
Carly and Freddie are laughing about their favorite parts of the movie, which turned out to be a romantic comedy that involved a love triangle. No, even better, a love triangle where the main character is in love with her best friend who's dating someone else. I shake my head. Freddie picked the movie, but I'm sure he didn't know it was going to be something like that. Unless he knows about Carly and me, but I really doubt that. What is there to know, other than the fact that we kissed twice and we just held hands through a two-hour movie? That was a little strange for me, holding both Freddie and Carly's hands in the dark, Freddie's arm even wrapping around my shoulder halfway into the movie.
Why can't I just tell myself that Carly is only my best friend, that I'm with Freddie and he actually makes me as happy as I make him? Why can't I tell Carly that? I think about pulling her away and telling her I can't be with her, but when I look at her she's just too adorable laughing with Freddie. And Freddie's adorable laughing with Carly. I sigh. This is going to kill me, I'm sure of it. Freddie's arm slips around my waist and he kisses my cheek. Carly's eyes are suddenly sad and I want to hug her and tell her I'm sorry, but I can't.
"Do you guys want to get something to eat?" Freddie asks, and Carly's eyes never leave mine as she nods. I can't help but feel ten times worse than I do, when I can't make up my mind and Freddie's oblivious to the whole thing. Or I'm hoping he is. I shrug and Carly follows at a distance behind us. She's the third wheel, but I'm the one who feels like crap.
We're sitting at a table in the food court, eating the food that Freddie paid for, when Gibby walks up to us. Carly doesn't even recognize him until I say something, and she starts rambling about how different he looks and how much she misses him. I feel a twinge of jealousy at the look she gives him, like she's suddenly into him, but it feels like a lie. Is she faking? That would be pretty messed up if she was, especially since Gibby is an extremely nice guy and has been hurt way too much as it is. He'd turned into the second hottest guy behind Freddie, and naturally every girl falls all over him. The only problem is that the wrong kind of girl has been falling all over him, the kind that Carly's kind of being right now.
"I'm going to the bathroom," I whisper to Freddie, but Gibby and Carly hear me, and she excuses herself from him to go with me. I honestly never figured out why girls go to the bathroom in packs, and I'm a girl. I shake my head and walk to the bathroom with the brunette following close behind. Once in the bathroom, I turn to face her. "What are you doing, Carly?" She shrugs and looks away, but I grab her shoulders and force her to look at me. "That's not an answer," I mutter. "If you're trying to find a boyfriend and pretend that you don't have feelings for me, do it with someone you actually might like, not just with the first person you find. And not with Gibby," I add.
"I'm not doing anything, Sam. You're with Freddie. We're never going to be together, and you know that as well as I do." She frowned. "So you're allowed to have a boyfriend, but I can't? That's not fair, Sam." She's right, it's not. "You can't just expect me to stand on the sidelines and not have anyone."
"And you think it's okay to mess with people's feelings?" I snap. "This isn't a game for me, Carly! I can't just drop my boyfriend for two years just like that. That isn't fair. I'm not playing with anyone's feelings, not like you're trying to. If you try and push me to do crap, you're being a pretty shitty friend." I sigh. "Do you forget that life went on after you left? Freddie got over you. Freddie and I are dating. Things changed while you were gone, Carly. I really wish you would stop being such a bitch about the whole thing. I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do. I love Freddie, but at the same time, I want to try being with you. I can't date you both, and I don't want to break up with Freddie. I'd be a jerk if I did. He said he's glad he's over you because he didn't want to have to choose between us." I let go of her shoulders and lean my forehead against the wall, my back turned to her. "You don't understand a damn thing I'm going through."
"Sam, I'm not pushing you to do anything. I'm not playing with anyone's feelings either. Or I'm not trying to. I know life went on when I was gone. I didn't expect to come back and have you love me or anything like that. God, I don't even know if I love you." I never assumed she did, but my heart drops into my stomach at this. I swallow the lump in my throat and look at her. "Why does it have to be so complicated?" she mumbles.
I shrug and she steps forward. She's easy to read now, emotions flickering in her eyes, and I know she's as conflicted as I am. She doesn't want for any of this to be happening and yet it is. I don't let her kiss me. Instead, I pull her into a tight hug and push her toward the door. There's no need for us to make things more difficult to deal with.
Freddie and Gibby are talking about the upcoming school year and football season when we return to the table, and we sit down across from each other silently. The boys pause to glance at us and continue their conversation. I've never been more glad for Freddie's attention to be elsewhere at the moment, and I know that's probably a bad thing to say, but I don't know if I can handle his affection right now.
SNARE
Carly's legs are warm against mine under the blanket, and I find it hard to concentrate on the movie we're watching. I'm not sure she realizes, even though she keeps fidgeting and I'm ready to pin her down just to get her to stop moving so much. I look at her out of the corner of my eye and her fingers are curling and uncurling above the blanket on her thigh. She wants to hold my hand, but she's fighting. After our food court bathroom chat, she's been trying to avoid touching me at all costs, and I sat as close as I could to her on the couch and tossed my legs over hers when we decided to watch this movie. Why can't I stop doing the opposite of everything she does?
She finally stops flexing her fingers and rests her head on my shoulder. I don't mind so much because it isn't too intimate, and we've done this a million times before. Or we used to before she left. Everything comes down to Carly leaving Seattle. I don't know why we can't just let it go, or why we can't get past it. Resting my head against hers, I try to focus on the movie, but I still can't. I pull away from her and go to the kitchen, feeling her confused eyes on me as I grab a pack of popcorn and shove it into the microwave. I curl my fingers into fists and rest them on the counter, staring at the timer on the microwave, part of me wishing it would go slower so I didn't have to go back to Carly so soon and another part of me wishing it would go faster so I could sit next to Carly again. What is wrong with me?
Why did she have to kiss me? None of this would be happening if she had just kept her lips to herself, and I wouldn't be standing her wishing for more and less at the same time. Curse her for doing things out of nowhere. If she hadn't kissed me, we would probably be best friends again right now, not borderline insane and confused. And the thoughts in my head about grabbing her and kissing her again don't help the situation at all.
Arms slide across my sides, but they don't wrap around my waist. I flinch at the touch because I'm caught off guard, and Carly's pushing the button on the microwave to open the door. I must have been stuck in my own thoughts that I stopped watching the timer and had been staring into the living room. I watch Carly pick up a corner of the bag and shake it before closing the microwave door.
"Are you okay there?" she asks as she pulls away from me, dumping the popcorn into a large bowl. I uncurl my fists and nod before turning to face her. She automatically grabs my wrist and pulls me back to the couch, pushing me onto one end before going to the other. I watch as she wraps herself in the blanket and starts in on the popcorn, glancing at me with every other piece. She offers the bowl and I take it, moving to sit next to her again. "Sam, you don't have to sit next to me if it makes you uncomfortable, and I can see that it does," she points out.
I shrug, my shoulder bumping against hers. Shoving a handful of popcorn into my mouth, I look at the TV and lean my head against her shoulder. "I'm not uncomfortable, Carls. I just…I don't know what to do." It's the truth. I'm comfortable sitting here with her. "We're too young to have to deal with things like this, you know? We're supposed to be having fun and just being kids, not worrying about who ends up together and who should be together," I emphasize. That's not how it is, but it's how it should be and things with Freddie, Carly, and me have never been how it should be. If things were how they were suggested, Freddie would still have a crush on Carly and I'd still be teasing him. I'd still be eating unhealthy, and Carly would still be Miss Perfect. Maybe that's how it should have stayed.
SNARE
I wake up to a weight on me and feeling as though my lungs are being crushed beneath an anvil. I try to push the object off of me, only to realize that it was Carly and she had me in a death grip. The room was dark, aside from the glow from the TV, which meant we had fallen asleep watching the movie. Somehow we had sprawled out of the couch, Carly on top of me, her head under my chin. I sigh and look at the clock above the TV. It's four in the morning, and Spencer had to have seen us like this when he came in last night. He could have carried Carly up to bed at least.
I shake the brunette and she squeezes me tighter than before. God, Carly, you're going to kill me. I try to move my legs, but they're numb. "Carly," I whisper, hoping to wake her. "Carls, you're suffocating me." She doesn't move, only squeezes harder. I sigh. "Carly!" I whisper loudly, poking her sides. Carly jumps and rolls off of me onto the floor. She glares up at me.
"What was that for?" she demands, sitting up. I breathe deep, my ribs and chest burning from her hold, and cough. She looks at me, brow raised, before looking around the room and noticing how dark it is. "I guess we fell asleep," she muttered. Her eyes met mine and I could see the blush creeping up her neck in the glow of the TV. Yeah, tell me about it. "So why did you poke me?"
I shrug. "You were squeezing me like I was going to disappear. I couldn't breathe." The blush rises into her face and she's as red as a tomato. I can't help but smirk. "What were you dreaming about?" I ask and I know I shouldn't tease about that, especially when I'm probably involved. By the way she's looking, I'd say I was involved. I raise my brow. "Don't answer that," I tell her and sit up. I hold out my hand to help her up and pull her next to me on the couch. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I sigh. "Why does it have to be so complicated?" I murmur her words from the food court bathroom and she shrugs.
The grill infomercial is on again and Carly is chuckling because she knows I want one and she's not going to get me one.
SNARE
It's been forever since Carly's been in my apartment. Mom's still a drunken slob, that part never changed. Luckily she isn't home at the moment, and having Carly at my place was totally not my idea because Melanie stayed at someone else's house last night and the apartment was a disaster. Well, except for my room, hers, and our bathroom. We made sure those were locked so Mom couldn't get drunk and destroy anything of ours. Believe me, after last time, we protect our things.
Carly's walking around picking up bottles and I watch her, confused by the fact that she's picking up my mother's mess and she doesn't even live here. I raise my brow and she looks at me, puzzled. "Why?" I ask and she shrugs, picking up another bottle. I help and soon we're sitting on the couch in the middle of a spotless apartment. We're playing some stupid boring board game because that's all we have and I don't know why she wanted to come over in the first place.
"Freddie's been quiet," she says and I look at her. Her face is void of emotion, but she's not indifferent. She wants to know what's been up with him and I honestly can't tell her because I don't know. "Ever since the other day he's been acting weird. Did you guys have a fight?" I shake my head because we haven't even talked in three days, so there was no fight that could have happened. I would have to call him and find out.
I wave my cell phone and go to my bedroom to call the brunette in question. He answers on the fourth ring. "Hey, Sam." His voice is so innocent and quiet, as if I just woke him up. I can hear the rustling of paper in the background and I frown. "I'm sorry I haven't been around the past few days. I needed to do some things for my mom and by the time I have free time, I've been spending it asleep. I'll call you in a few hours. Is that okay?"
"Um…yeah, sure. I'll talk to you later, Benson." I hang up and stare at my bed before going back to the living room. Carly walks out of the kitchen, a root beer in one hand and a peppy cola in the other, and hands me the root beer. Carly Shay, treating me like a guest in my own home. She looks at me expectantly, taking a sip of her soda. "He said he's been busy doing stuff for his mom and he'll call me back in a few hours."
The apartment door opens and Melanie steps in, carrying her sleepover bag. She stares at me and then at Carly and grins, kicking the door shut behind her and hugging Carly like there's no tomorrow because she hasn't seen Carly in seven years. When she finally lets our guest breathe, she stares at me, questions in her eyes. I grab her wrist, excuse us from Carly's presence, and drag my twin to her room. "So what's going on? Did you and Carly kiss again? Are you together? Are you still with Freddie?" She loads me with so many questions I almost lose track.
I sit down on the edge of her bed. "First off, slow down. Carly and I are just friends or something. I don't know, we're still working on that. I'm still with Freddie, not with Carly. Finally…yes, we kissed again. Actually, I kissed her." Melanie's eyes are wide. "I wanted to see if I felt anything. It was the same for her." I hold my head in my hands. "What am I going to do? I love Freddie, but I definitely feel something for Carly."
"You need to be honest with both of them, Sam. And stop worrying so much before you make yourself sick. I know they both love you and they'll understand." She hugs me and pulls me back to the living room. "I'm going to run to the store. Would either of you like anything?" Carly and I both shake our heads and watch her leave.
Carly looks sideways at me. "What was that all about?" she mutters. I shrug and down half of my root beer, sitting on the couch to take my turn at the game. I don't know what else to do to distract me because I know Melanie only left to give us privacy to talk or whatever. Carly sinks onto the couch next to me, leaning back with her feet on the coffee table next to the game board. "Are we really just going to play this game?" she asks and I glance at her. "Do you want to watch a movie or something?"
I laugh. "Haven't we watched enough movies in the last few days?" She taps me with her foot and I lean back so our shoulders are touching, throwing my legs over hers. She turns the TV on and surfs until she finds a decent movie. It only makes sense for her to pick a romantic comedy and her arm wraps around mine. I glance at her. "Really? You're going to do this to me?" I mumble. Her fingers are tapping the inside of my forearm and she's smiling. Oh, the torture.
"It's not like I'm making you cheat on Freddie," she answers. "I'm not kissing you or anything," she adds. I sigh and watch the movie, fully aware that she's got her head on my shoulder and her fingers are threading through mine and it's so distracting. It's always a distraction, and I wonder if she knows that, if that's why she does it. And it's so different than being with Freddie, confusing me when it shouldn't.
Melanie comes in through the front door again and I jump away from Carly, but not fast enough. She already knows we were sitting close and she has the most disapproving expression written on her face that I've ever seen. Oh right, I'm supposed to be honest with them, not get close to one while still dating the other. The whole thing is so frustrating and Carly is not making anything better. If anything, she's making everything worse.
I finish my root beer and go to the living room, Melanie on my heels. I turn to face her to have her slap me. "What was that for?" I snap. She points toward the living room without a word and I sigh and shrug. "I was just sitting next to her. It's not like we were doing anything. God, Mel. We're trying to work out our friendship at the very least. So can you chill?" I rub my cheek and grab another root beer. "Just for the record, wait until I do or say something stupid before slapping me. It would actually make more sense then."
Melanie just stares at me and disappears into her room. Carly glances at me with a worried expression when I sit down on the couch, but I ignore her and watch the movie. I'm not even into these crappy movies and Carly and Freddie keep making me watch them. Are they trying to destroy my sanity? What's the point of romantic comedies anyway? "Oh let's act stupid and fall in love. People will love us if we have an imperfect first kiss because it's funny when our noses bump together and we break our teeth." How stupid is that? Really.
Carly laughs, but she's looking at me so I don't think it's about the movie. I frown, confused, and she just shakes her head. "You randomly started talking about why you hate romantic comedies," she chuckles. Oh crap, I thought I was talking in my head. "Not all of us love it for the kissing," she points out. "Some of the stories are pretty funny." I roll my eyes. What plotline is funny in those movies?
SNARE
Freddie's leaning against his locker, talking to Gibby and another football player. The rest of the summer vacation was pretty uneventful, except for the unbelievable torture Carly and Freddie put me through, and I still haven't made up my mind. Freddie's an incredible guy and breaking up with him would break my heart. I sigh and slide down the wall until I'm sitting against it, watching him. Does it make me a bad person to even think about this? I think it does.
Legs move into my line of sight and I'm forced to look up to find Carly standing in front of me, arms crossed. She holds out her hand and I take it, allowing her to pull me to my feet. I readjusted my backpack on my shoulder and glanced at Freddie one last time before turning to part two of my brunette complication. "Ready to start over?" I ask her. She nods and I smile at Freddie, who excuses himself from the guys and comes over to us. We're the hottest couple in school, the quarterback and his girlfriend, and Carly's probably going to have to get used to it. Unless I decide to break up with Freddie for her.
Something's different about Freddie lately. I don't know if it's because of football or his mom, but he's been distant and we didn't get to spend as much time together as the summer closed. His arm slips around my waist, but it feels so…not like Freddie. Maybe it's because the last time we were together was a week ago, or maybe it's because something is going on with him that it just doesn't feel right.
Freddie kisses me and smiles slightly before turning and going to his own class. I realize Carly and I are standing outside of our own English classroom. She gives me a worried glance before pulling me inside and pushing me into an empty desk, taking the one next to me. Good grief, she's determined to make something work, isn't she? The bell rings and the class quiets down when Briggs walks in. God, does she teach English at every level? I have to say, though, she did get over my antics when I changed my attitude after Carly left. She's actually pretty nice, even though she still calls us rotten brats.
Attendance is called and Briggs looks up when she calls Carly's name after mine. I know the look on her face, it's as though she's worried that I'm going to go back to causing trouble now that the other half of the Shay-Puckett duo has returned. "Welcome back, Carly Shay," she forces out and it's almost fun seeing her choke on the words. Carly looks at me with a hint of confusion in her chocolate eyes and I smile. I'll explain to her after class what's been going on at Ridgeway.
I don't fall asleep during the lecture, which surprises Carly. I told her again and again that I've become the good student, but I guess she didn't believe me until now. I don't pay attention, though, because I'm thinking about Freddie and what may or may not happen between us. I'm so caught up in my thoughts that when I finally stop thinking about my relationship with Freddie I'm being dragged to my next class. Both Carly and Freddie have this class with me, and I sit between them.
Lunch is a different story. Freddie kisses me briefly before going to eat with his buddies and I look at Carly, who is picking at her pizza. "Is it usually like this?" she wonders and I turn to her to elaborate. "You and Freddie, do you usually not eat lunch together?" I shrug and stare at Freddie across the room. "He seems distracted today," she points out. So I'm not the only one who's noticed.
"He's on the football team now, so it would make sense for him to sit with his team," I tell her. "I don't know, maybe this will all just fall apart on its own." I take a guilty bite out of my own slice of pizza, partially hoping that Freddie and I just stop being together. I'm probably going to Hell for my hopes of us breaking up, but it might make things better. Carly frowns and eats her food in silence, leaving me to work out everything in my head.
SNARE
"Are you and Freddie breaking up?" I whip my head around to find the person who inquired. It's Wendy, bag over one shoulder and arms crossed, like she's waiting for me to confirm her question. Of course she would want it to be true. We're friends, but she's wanted Freddie for a while now. I shake my head and curl my hands into fists.
"Why would you think that?" Please don't tell me there's a rumor going around. Usually Wendy starts the rumors, but if she's asking me, then she must not be a part of this one. Freddie comes up from behind her with the same look on his face, and I'm really curious now about who started this rumor. "Hey, Wendy, can you excuse us please?" I mutter and she smiles slightly at us before walking away. "Look, Freddie, I didn't even know there was a rumor going around until five minutes ago."
Freddie nods in understanding and leans against my locker. "We need to talk." The dreaded four words that I knew one of us would say eventually. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Look, lately things have been different with us. Ever since Carly got back, it's like you're distant. I don't know if it's because she's back or if there's something else going on. Could you explain or something because I'm confused." He gives me his signature Freddie Benson frown.
I never planned for the conversation to happen like this. "I love you, Freddie, I do, but I'm not in love with you. Being with you has been the greatest two years of my life so far, and I want to make it clear that it's nothing you did. You're incredible, as a boyfriend and as a best friend." He smiled at this. "I want you in my life no matter what, but I don't know if it's as a boyfriend or as just a best friend, you know?" I sigh. Here comes the hard part. "Part of this does have to do with Carly coming back…"
He cuts me off and the pain in his eyes is so unbearable. "You think you like Carly," he whispers. I stare at him and nod sadly. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "I should have realized it when she came back. You've both been different around each other. At first I thought it was because she hasn't been around, but now…" His eyes meet mine. "If you want Carly, don't let me stand in the way. I don't want you to be unhappy with me, and lately we've barely been together." He wraps his arms around my waist and kisses me one last time. "I love you, Sam, but you're right. We're not in love." He smiles weakly and lets go, walking away from me.
Word that Freddie and I broke up is spreading through the school like wildfire and neither of us is confirming or denying it. The fact that it's true is enough to have both of us emotionally drained and hearing it from other people makes it worse. The rest of school passes and I don't see Carly at all for the rest of the day. I don't feel like going to the Shay apartment today or probably at all for the rest of the day. Carly's been texting me, asking about the rumor, but I don't answer so she started calling.
SNARE
I can't sleep. Freddie and I aren't together anymore and I still feel like I'm stuck in one of those bear traps. I think they're called snares or something of that nature. Carly stopped calling around two this morning and I've been sitting here for the past hour wondering what I should do. I grab my cell phone, knowing that Melanie should be waking up right about now. She answers on the fourth ring. "I swear, Sam, if this isn't an emergency…" she starts. Okay, maybe she wasn't waking up just yet.
I'm starting to regret calling her, but I need to talk about this and I don't think Freddie can give me any more advice. I can't talk to Carly about it because it's about her and it wouldn't make sense to ask her for advice about herself. "Freddie and I broke up," I blurt out and I really wish I didn't, but it's the first time I've actually said it out loud all day. "We broke up at school today."
"Why?" she asks and she's wide awake now. "Did something happen between you guys? Or did you actually tell him the truth about what's inside that screwed up head of yours?" She's harsh, but she's right. My head has been screwed up for weeks now and it's been hurting a lot of people, including myself.
I sigh into the phone. "Nothing happened between us. There was a rumor going around school and we just started talking about it. Carly came up, but it was more or less observations and the fact that I think I like Carly. It was just a gentle breakup." And it was. We hadn't argued or anything, so I can only take it as a mutual decision. "I told him I didn't know what I wanted him as, but I definitely want him in my life."
"What are you going to do about Carly?" she asks. "Are you two going to start dating or what?" She yawns and I can hear her pouring coffee. I wish I knew the answer to that, I really do, because things are going to be different now. There's a voice in the background and Mel mutters something back, but I ignore her. She probably woke up her roommate.
"I haven't talked to her since the breakup," I inform her. "I don't feel like talking to her or Freddie just yet." I hear a knock from the front door and wonder if it's Mom because she's been out all day and night. I shake that probability because even if she was drunk, she would have let herself in. "Hang on, Mel, someone's at the door." I slide out of bed and cross the apartment to the front door. Carly's standing in the hallway, looking as though she ran a marathon in the pouring rain. "Uh, Mel, I'll call you back." I hang up before she responds. "What are you doing here at four in the morning, Carls?" I whisper, not really wanting to wake up any of my grouchy neighbors.
She doesn't answer, just pushes me inside the apartment and closes the door behind her. I stare at her, waiting for her to speak, but she just stands there, her eyes locked with mine. We stand there for a few silent moments before she finally closes the distance between us and hugs me, both of us ignoring the fact that she's soaking wet. "Is it true?" she mutters into my shoulder. I take a deep breath and nod. "What do we do now?"
I shrug and pull away from her, going to my bathroom and grabbing a towel. "First, you're going to dry off and warm up before you catch a cold because the last thing anyone needs is a sick Carly Shay." I smile, wrapping her in the towel and rubbing my arms and hands up and down from her shoulders to her hips, including her arms. Her eyes flicker from mine to my lips and she licks hers before leaning in and kissing me. I smile slightly and pull away. "Let's get you warmed up," I murmur.
She follows me to my room and I pick out some pajama pants and an over-sized shirt and hand them to her before leaving my room. I start a pot of coffee and grab a pack of bacon from the fridge. I didn't eat dinner last night so I'm hungry and I can only imagine that Carly might be since she called me nonstop. The brunette in question finally emerges from my room when the coffee and bacon are done and I raise my brow. "Smells amazing," she says, kissing me before stealing bacon and pouring a cup of coffee.
"Are you just going to stay here until we have to leave for school?" I ask her and she looks at me like she completely forgot about school. I sigh and shake my head. "We can skip, if you want. I don't think Freddie will show up either, especially since he doesn't have football practice." Carly nods and takes a sip of coffee before devouring half of the plate of bacon. "Someone's hungry," I laugh.
"Shut up," she chuckles, kissing me again before leaving me alone in the kitchen. I finish off the plate and pour my own coffee, joining her in the living room to find whatever's on. Fortunately the grill infomercial is on, and I'm grinning like an idiot. Because I know she knows I want one and this time…she's going to get it for me.
Okay, maybe she won't, but I can dream. We sit curled up under a blanket on the couch and watch a movie that comes on a different channel than the grill infomercial, laughing at the stupidest things in the movie because it's a romance comedy. I don't feel the pressure and pain of the snare anymore and I can breathe for the first time since Carly came back.
SNARE
Three weeks have passed since the breakup with Freddie and the beginning of Carly and me. Freddie started dating Wendy, who I have to admit, is better for him than I was. Surprisingly no one blinks about Carly and me being together, and the few that did have something to say won't be saying anything else for a while. Carly doesn't know about that, and Freddie and I aren't going to tell her. Spencer has been really understanding and accepting of our relationship, even though he admits he misses the days Freddie and I were dating when Carly was gone. I can only imagine why, considering I've gone back to my troublemaking self. Well, not entirely. I only goof off where it's necessary and slack a little in school, and Carly's gone from the delinquent she was to the Perfect Shay we all know and love. Sometimes I do wonder what would have happened if Carly had never left. Would Freddie and I have been dating? Would Carly and I have gotten together sooner or at all?
None of it really even matters because this is the here and now. Things have worked out for reasons, both good and bad, and we have to accept that.
A/N: I could not for the life of me figure out how to end this. But there is a reason I put the last line, and if you get it, kudos to you. Thanks for reading.