I do not own Pokemon

I'm writing this story to see what Trainer would be like if Trainer was actually sane.

XxXxXxX

"You ready?" Annabel's soft voice prods me from my trance. I blink, eyes dry after staring out the train window for several hours and turn to nod. My handler smiles and leans in, as if to kiss my forehead, like the proud mother that she is pretending to be. "The will of steel never wavers." Her kind voice is harsh, filled with bloody promises, "The will of steel never bends."

Beauty turned into a beast. She'll kill me if I fail to answer correctly.

"And neither will I." I whisper back, hands shaking with the weight of responsibility. I'm not sure if I can do what I am supposed to. But I must, "For I am a child of steel. My will never wavers. My will never bends." The last words fall from my lips like honey, sweet and warming, filling me with confidence.

Annabel studies my face for a long moment, then nods, approving of my resolve. "It is time for me to go. I will see you again, when the leaves fall and ground is sown with salt." My mind automatically translates her words. I have until Erika and Blue of Kanto are assassinated, so about sixteen months.

She pulls away, suddenly back into her persona of being a loving mother. "I'll get you some lemonade." Her beaming smile is so realistically faked that even I have a hard time telling it's false. "Stay right here, alright? And be a good child."

A scowl etches it's way across my face as the woman walks away from me, the very picture of a dutiful mother. I'll be happy when I'm a trainer and free of her.

My hands caress three hard spheres in my jacket pocket. With the help of the creatures inside, I'll never be under her command again.

XxXxXxX

Goldenrod is very different than what I expected, quieter and far more sedate than Celadon back home. It's a nice change to being trapped on that damned train with that damned woman. I don't think I would mind staying here for a few days, get to see what the local shops offer.

Too bad I don't have time.

I estimate it'll take me two weeks to get to New Bark town on foot. Or more depending on what pokemon I've been given.

I growl, boots making a light 'clip' sound with every step. I'm thankful that the train station is near Route 35, allowing me to check out my new companions sooner. Of course, Route 35 is also crawling with trainers looking to level up before challenging Whitney. Being able to say I'm not a certified trainer is a blessing, especially since some of the trainers look like they come from out of the country.

Lesson 63 pops into my head, foreign trainers are usually champion level, avoid battles with such trainers at all costs.

It takes a while before I come onto a stretch of grass that's out of site of the main road. There's always a chance that someone might stumble upon me, but I'm doubtful that will happen. The smooth red and white spheres in my pocket call out to be, begging to be opened.

I'm all too happy to comply.

The first ball is disappointing. A ledyba, probably only three or four months old, wings too underdeveloped for constant flight. I'll be trading this one away as soon as I can. Don't have time to train it into a strong fighter.

Maybe the second try will be better.

The second ball is equally disappointing. A sunkern, about a year old from the color of the petals. It'll be traded as well, for the same reason as the ledyba. I don't have time.

I glare at the last ball, trying to steel myself to the chance of another disappointment.

The third ball opens to reveal a flareon of all pokemon. A young, maybe a year old, but healthy and strong looking flareon.

All I can do is gape for a while, while it stares back at me with meek expression. Then it tries to bite me.

"Gyah!" I yelp as the red fox-dog-cat thing lunges at me, eyes sparkling with mayhem and amusement. "Stop that!" My hand lashes out, tapping the red puff ball on the nose. "Sanoko! That's not funny!"

I thought it was funny. My wonderful, arrogant, annoying, and dependable flareon grins, fangs glittering in the sun. Did you really believe I would let you be sent on this foolish journey with whatever trash they felt like giving you? She gives me a practiced evil smirk. Silly kit.

"Oh shut up. I was worried I might have to break into the holding facility and steal you back." Relief makes my bones go weak. I was so afraid that they might give Sanoko away to some other person. "I'm so glad to see you." My arms wrap around my beloved starter, holding her tightly to my chest.

Stop it. We have work to do.

"Right. Gotta go get registered." I stand up and stuff the two other pokeballs into my backpack, before pocketing Sanoko's.

And once you are registered?

I smile grimly. "We melt the Order of Steel into slag."

XxXxXxX

I dream of a place where I followed what orders I was given. Of a time were I killed, human and pokemon alike, and did not regret it.

A place and a world in which I actually fit in the role I had been given. Where I did not resist the orders I was told, but instead carried them out happily.

The place that I dream of, I hope it is not real.

How miserable my life is in that parallel world.