L: hey
E: Good afternoon. Bored at work again?
L: just took a huge shit and have a boner now
Erwin rose an eyebrow at his phone.
E: I see.
L: aren't you going to do something about it?
E: I'm at work, just like you are. I'm not certain what you'd have me do to assist at the moment.
L: google sexting and text me back in less than three minutes with something interesting or else
Erwin was a curious man, and the idea of helping Levi out of his current predicament sounded as appealing as it ever did. A minute of searching, a minute of planning, and Erwin had crafted a strategy of attack.
E: Sorry, you've just caught me at a bad time. I just opened a new package of disinfecting wipes and was preparing to clean off my desk.
Erwin barely had to wait a few seconds for a response.
L: yea? what kind
E: Extra strength. Orange scent. It's very dusty, and I need all the help I can get.
L: god i bet you need it real bad you're fucking filthy those wipes won't fix how nasty you are
E: You wound me. Maybe they could help me. I could open my shirt a bit, wipe one on my chest.
L: i bet youd fcuking lvoe that u ansty whoers afuck
Erwin smiled, and slipped a hand down to rub himself through his trousers. This was going quite well indeed, new as he was to the idea. His mind began to wander as his hand grew heavier. Text was all well and good, but maybe a picture message would add a certain spice to the experience?
Which was, in the end, how he managed to send a picture of himself shirtless, with disinfecting wipes covering his nipples, to his entire contact list.
(Levi seemed to appreciate it, at least. Mike simply responded with a question of whether he was trying to bring back college memories, and Hanji with a string of animated smiley faces in a sort of incomprehensible code. Nile wouldn't stop texting him for a week after, and Erwin tried to burn the endless picture messages he sent out of his mind.)