Pure
"He's holding my heart in his hands"
He waved a goodbye as he rushed to a meeting concerning the growing uneasiness at the borders of Renais.
"Thanks for sparring match!" I told to his back. I was left to collect the swords and lances and with a sigh I picked them up. Ephraim still beat me too easily.
"Good day, Your Highness. Could I be of assistance?" I heard a familiar voice behind me. I spun around to greet the handsome red-haired knight with a smile. For a moment his balanced bearing seemed to falter, for his usually calm expression lifted and he seemed a little bewildered and... I don't know, flushed? I told myself I was probably imaging things, just for the sake of my daydreams… I felt blood rushing to my cheeks and I was praying he wouldn't notice anything.
"Seth! That would be most welcome", I grinned and let him take the lances. I spied him from the corner of my eye. He was gorgeous. And so kind and clever. He was a perfect knight in his shining armor… My heart started racing mad, like wild horses in panic, thunder booming in my chest. And then flood of melancholy washed over it, cooling the fiery rush of my blood. I knew Father wanted me to marry Lyon. Or Innes of Frelia. Lyon was a dear friend but I didn't feel for him like that and I feared he felt too much for me and would be disappointed whatever happened. Nor I cared for Innes, who was quite arrogant and proud; definitely challenging person to be around with, so different from his sister. But this tenderhearted yet strong man, he was the one I loved. From all my heart. He had my heart but he didn't even know it. Seeing him was a first crocus in the spring, sparkling star in the night, savior in trouble, warmth after chilling wind… He was the sun in my world. I had to gasp for air, my chest beginning to burn again. I was usually able to maintain my control but sometimes it felt like waves of fire engulfing me one after another and I couldn't hide it. Suddenly heavy sadness clouded my heart. I didn't know if he felt anything special for me anyway. He probably didn't. I was just his liege he has sworn to protect. These times I hated to be a princess. I wanted to throw away all the titles tying us in a world where no one would be happy in the end. I wanted just to be me. A human. A woman.
"Are you alright, my lady? Did you hurt yourself during the match?" He asked with a tint of worry in his voice.
"Ah… No, I didn't… I'm just a little tired, that's all. Ephraim is a hard brick to break", I quickly made up. "I was unutterably dazzled by you." I corrected silently in my thoughts.
"I'll escort you to your chambers to rest", he offered while hanging the weapons to the racks.
"Thank you."
"I'm losing myself just by seeing
Him from the far"
It was a fine day; the sun warmed the land but hid occasionally behind the fluffy clouds. I watched him walking across the courtyard towards the stables. I felt a little guilty spying on him like this. Anyone could lean out from their balconies and watch him, or anyone else in the yard, so it wasn't much of spying, I told myself. But I had to follow his steady march with my eyes: I was fascinated by him. He'd been my guard on many trips to neighboring countries, protected me and talked with me during the long days of travelling. On those travels he wasn't quite so… formal and composed as in the castle, he discussed of many things with me and not just matters 'proper for princess', as some said when I asked of something about a battle or things like that. How did they think I could rule the country if I knew nothing of anything except dresses and jewels? But Seth answered my questions of troop formations and other things without laughing. I considered him as a friend. I hoped it to be more but… I was falling back to hopeless daydreaming but instead I felt again lamentable. How could love be so sweet? And yet, how could love hurt so? One-sided love. That's harsh and heartbreaking. I suddenly realized that Lyon in the deep of Grado empire was probably feeling the same. I felt so blue. Why did he love me? Why did I love Seth? Everything would be so much simpler if our hearts would cooperate with our brain… I watched Seth to disappear between the stable buildings and let myself drown in sweet daydream where he'd take me to distant land with his horse; we'd ride into the sunset and be forever happy…
"I'm dying to hear from his own lips
He loves me too"
"Goodnight, Father. Goodnight, Brother", I said as soon as it was polite to leave the feast. There was a welcoming banquet for Frelian delegate. The latest news and topical matters had turned into remembering of past glories and I wasn't so interested anymore. I knew all that but didn't have the same sentimental feelings for old battles which I never even witnessed, so I grew bored of it. Those fights were over and even if I was interested in defending myself with sword, I did prefer peace. Outside the hall, I met my favorite knight.
"Good evening Princess Eirika. The banquet is over?"
"Ah, Seth, evening! No, it's in the part where wine makes men dig old glorious battles from the dust and make them shine again…" I rolled my eyes. In the soft light from lamps and torches I saw him smile amused.
"Don't you always say that as a princess you should know of those things too?"
"Hmph, you know I do… It's just that I've heard that all, a thousand and one times", I noted, "nevertheless, I'm on my way to the library, would you join me?" I continued with more enthusiastic voice. He hesitated only a moment.
"Sure, my lady." We walked the long dim lighted corridors in silence. The darkness was electrifying. My heart started to pound in a faster rhythm. His armor clinked with every step and I could smell the mixture of metal and horses. Not quite close to smell more of him… I was driving myself crazy and I forced to stop it, right now.
"Seth? I-I'd like to get some fresh air, let's stop here a moment, please", I gasped. My skin was burning. Tingling with sparks. More than I saw, I sensed the worried face he gave.
"Is everything well, my lady?"
"Yes, yes, I'm very well, I can assure you", I insisted as I opened the ornamental doors to the balcony. I breathed deep the moist, cool night air and calmed myself. He stepped next to me.
"The night's wonderful," I said casually, ashamed of the blurry moment of lost self-control.
"Yes it is." He lifted his eyes to the crescent moon. I looked at his profile, admired his godly features which the night made softer and made his flaming hair look like dark velvet. He noticed my stare.
"My lady…?"
"I wish you could call me just Eirika", I suddenly said. That took him by surprise. He lowered his eyes and answered with oddly husky voice: "I don't think that'd be proper action." I felt pressure in my chest.
"I know… I-, well… Forgive me", I murmured, better not to say more.
"I kind of wish that too", he muttered, barely hearable. I was confused. What did he mean?
"Seth…" My courage failed. I couldn't ask him what he meant, I was afraid of his answer. I was afraid but I yearned to know.
"Eirika…" his was voice still husky and not more than a breath. My heart raced and my eyes were begging for him to say more because my lips couldn't form words. He took a step towards me, grabbed my shoulders and pressed a quick kiss on my head. And just as quickly let me go.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. Don't be." I whispered to him. I wanted to cry, for joy or sorrow, or maybe for both, I didn't know. He was gripping the rail so furiously his knuckles were white. I touched his hand. I floated, at least felt like it, my head was spinning.
"Shall we go, Seth?" I asked softly. I wasn't sure if it was good to linger here anymore, I felt he was confused too and I didn't want him to suffer. He nodded and we left in silence.
"Unreachable, just like
The promise of paradise"
The life had gone on much like before. We acted like nothing special had happened. I was sad but I did it too. I was still confused but didn't want Seth to get into trouble or cause him to be ordered somewhere else. I enjoyed his company as I used to and he didn't look utterly disgusted either. I still hoped for more. But perhaps… perhaps it wasn't meant to be. I couldn't see why not though. He was a fine knight commander and better man than most. Once again I felt my royal blood burdening our lives like masses of thunderclouds approaching before the storm. But I wouldn't let go of hope… I'd never know what future would bring.
Author's Notes: I hope you'd check the whole lyrics. ;)