I'm standing here, amidst this bloodshed, the screams of the dying, but I can't hear anything. Especially those words, those words pouring aimlessly from his mouth, just…words. What do words do anymore? They can lead entire countries to ruin… And now they are conspiring to drive me to ruin. Why would you betray me, words?
Those words which mean nothing but everything. Untruths that are the absolute truth, lies that beg to be heard but are crushed by more powerful forces. This is a lie. I can't bear it. I can't move.
There's no way he could be dead.
I can't move my feet—they feel anchored to this foreign rock, this open castle of stone stained red by the battle raging around us. I think he's crying—he's looked away, pulled his cloak over his cheeks, shaking, unable to meet my eyes. What do I look like? I don't think I'm focusing very hard. It's not often I hear I look vacant, but how can I be anything but? He's never been a liar, why would he lie? Was this some cruel prank, some divine punishment, for my leaving? I hadn't meant to…to get anyone killed…
His words slip into my consciousness, though he's no longer speaking, as if my brain's just registered their existence. "…Ostia… There was an archer… the Marquess's daughter… He pushed her… The arrow… Oh, god…"
Even though it isn't my life that is no longer on this world (no, don't say that! He's lying!), I can feel my memories flash before my eyes, unfocused on the fighting only meters away. I see the orphanage, the streets of Araphan, the little scraps of children that pass through the doors of this home… The Father, treating us so kindly when we were nothing more than the scum of society… The way he looked at me when I said something smart, that expression of admiration…
There's someone walked towards us, someone in Etrurian armor. He jumps slightly, and shrinks back, but I don't move a muscle. What's the point? If he's coming to kill us, let him. It's not like I had a reason at the moment to fight back.
He's not dead.
I treated him like crap! How could I do such a thing? We had nothing… Just one another… Why did I treat him so… so… He wasn't really as annoying as I said. I just…said it. The Father said I was just like my—no, our father. The one he said he'd tell us about when we were older, and that look in his eyes when he spoke of such things… And the way he'd always just look at the Father and nod and smile and agree and go off to play with the alley cats and give them his dinner even though he hadn't eaten in three days…
"Sniper… Didn't stand a chance… They escaped… Buried him in the woods…"
The soldier is closing in fast. He's backing off into the shadows. I think he's second-looking me, waiting to see if I react. But why would I react? Why would I need to? I was just a kid right? I was just a kid… He was a kid too… Why would anyone…shoot a kid…
(No, it's all lies! He's lying to me! He's just trying to get a rise out of me!)
But he never lied to me. And neither would… he… Always the truth. Never lies. Never ever. I was the liar, the deceiver, the…abandoner… Just a note. A note. Why would I leave just a simple, flimsy note? It meant nothing to anyone, just a short scribble so people didn't think I'd gone off and gotten myself sold into slavery or something like that. Just a note… I'd taken for granted my ability to return, if I had even wanted to. Now it was gone. There was nothing to return to. And no one waiting for me.
Because he was dead.
It hits me full-force, the emotion, the pain, the utter loss, something I've never felt before. I don't remember my parents. But I remember him. He was the only person I really did have. And now he's gone…
The soldier's arrived, he has a spear, he's raising it towards me, threatening me. I don't hear him. They're just words. Measly words with no weight behind them. I turn my face to him, and I realize my eyes are wet with traitorous tears, just waiting to betray my "unbreakable" will. What will? Where did that go? Did I ever even have it?
He backs off the slightest, as if cowed by my expression. What did this man know? How could he know loss like this? How could he just abandon his family for a few spells and the freedom to learn? What was the point of learning if there was nobody to show off to later? Nobody who could look at you no matter how poorly you perform and say, "That was amazing, I loved it." I loved it. Because he loved me. Why wouldn't he?
"…Oh god, how can I tell you this… When we marched on Ostia…"
The soldier is speaking again. Those words. Words. So simple, so basic… Everyone can use words. Even the stupidest toddler. I'm reaching for words right now, words bound in leather, packed away in the pouch on my waist, a deadly spell when spoken aloud with the right emphasis, the right knowledge… I left for words.
And now those words have destroyed the world as I knew it.
That note… Such a simple bunch of words…
I'd never told him I loved him too.
"Rei…your brother…"
Something depressing to precede me going to bed.
Despite Fire Emblem being my favorite series of ALL TIME I've not really published much about it. Especially with Rei, who is probably my favorite character EVER.
I need to re-write Of Wind and Stars. And Memories.
Why does Battle Map 1-1 in Gaiden sound so familiar? Did they use that tune for a later game?
I'm rambling. Please review, reviews always make me want to write more ;)
With love,
the Moose.