I look out my window; the full moon and a bottle of rum are the only witnesses of the sadness that inside my heart that destroys me with every beat. Every beat of my heart is and always will be for you but I think that doesn´t matter to you, I smiled with that smile full of cynicism that I give to all but you, my only, great and true love.
Everything happened so fast that I do not know at what moment it happened. I only know that all hope and happiness that I had went far away to where you are and will never return like everything I ever loved. Is it that after so much time solitude has taken root in me and I can no longer be happy? It has to be that because the memory of everything I have done has only increased the gap of hatred between others and me.
I take the bottle and drink what's left of it on one sip then throw it away. Seconds later I hear the sound of it breaking producing a shrill echo that little by little disappears. 'Just like your voice' I think. It's amazing how only that thought can make me smile dumbly but the memory of that afternoon returns to me making me shed tears of anger, frustration, and hatred that I can´t show any other way.
/ flash back /
I was outside the conference room, we had discussed nonsense, harassed every living thing that moved (France) and threatened half the world (literally) to become one with Russia until finally Germany ended the meeting and everyone started to leave. I was firmly decided today that I would tell you how I felt for you but when I turned to see you were talking very animatedly with him…showing him that beautiful smile that I had always liked. Something inside of me broke at that moment.
"Lately America and Japan have been going out together a lot." And as if it was not enough by my side, also watching the scene, was that damn frog face.
"I-I don´t care that they go out, I don´t c-care." I couldn´t keep my voice from shaking and I ran but I didn´t leave. I hid in one of the corridors that allowed me to observe. After a few minutes you came out with him and went to the exit, I followed you, all afternoon I saw you go from store to store and every time my heart was tearing more and more. First it was a florist and then a chocolate shop and a clothing store and finally you bought some ice cream and walked through a nearby park. After that I ran as fast as I could to my house and locked myself in my room with a bottle of rum. My only real friend.
/ end flash back /
That's how I came to this deplorable state. But at least one of the two is happy, right? I look at the time and its midnight, I get up and go to the basement and search among all the books one in particular, one that will solve my problems. I smiled sadly and placed the book on the table to go grab a sheet of paper and write my last words before ending all my suffering, I sketch my last smile and recite the spell then a deep sleep invades me and I feel my legs go numb, I lose balance and fall in the middle of everything…loneliness, That word accompanied me now just like it always has. Before falling into unconsciousness I feel the door open, the sound of something hitting the floor and see America approaching doubtfully and I can only pronounce with what little strength I have left one last "I love you" then nothing but darkness.
It wasn´t my plan for someone to see me, even less him, but if I could I would like to tell him that I am well and that I no longer feel pain or sadness and I just have to wait.
This is dedicated to himeisawriter91 thanks for being my beta ;)