Clarke tightly held onto Octavia's hand, needing the small comfort of her friend in this moment. Her heart was trembling, and her lungs were struggling to take in air, making her dizzy beyond belief. She swore that if Octavia wasn't there walking beside her, her legs would've given in beneath her, sending her collapsing to the cold stone floor.
She couldn't believe what she was doing, especially since her heart was telling her that this was all wrong. She didn't have to do any soul searching to know that in the first time in her life, she did not want to do anything for her people.
A small part of her was sickened by this revelation. This part of her was probably the old Clarke. She had thought this Clarke had died with the Mountain, and that any remnant of its spirit had been purged in her months of feral solitude. The ghost of her past looked down at her selfishness, disgusted.
But the Clarke that had emerged from the ashes of that old soul, this phoenix, had been reborn with newfound wisdom, opening her mind's eye to the fact that she was being completely and utterly used by her people this whole time. Clarke Griffin was not allowed to be human. She had saved them from the Mountain, had saved them from the slaughter of Lexa's mighty warriors in the time of Finn's sacrifice, stressed to make alliances with Anya- and even in the days of the Ark, joined her father's crusade in telling her people the truth. But it was all clear now: no good deed goes unpunished. Since Clarke was constantly doing all she could to save her people, her people began to expect all the hard work to be done by her. They were allowed to act out on their human pain, Clarke was not. They wanted to heal their hearts with power and violence, not bothering to respect the diplomacy Clarke was strenuously trying to achieve. They couldn't even be bothered to follow her example: Clarke Griffin but aside her pride and swore fealty to Lexa to save her people, but her people couldn't put aside theirs. They expected her to follow the rules that they felt entitled to break. She was their Atlas- expected to hold the world on her suffering shoulders while they sought to be righteous in their stubbornness.
These people were undeserving of her. The only old part of her that seemed reasonable was the cry to her blood- her mother, whom she unconditionally loved despite her outward displays of old grudges. Abby would be the only person she would consider coming home to now.
"Come on," nurtured Octavia's voice, the impatient demeanor the lone wolf had displayed hours ago in the capitol tower was long gone, and Clarke could only assume that the only Arkadian sister had sensed her heartbreaking aura. "The horses are just down the path, do you see them?"
Clarke could. In the distance she could see two blurry Grounder guards holding the reins to two stallions. They were to gallop as fast as they could out of the inner city of Polis, through the outskirts, and as deep into the woods that they could go, in hopes of reaching Arkadia before the blockade was officially in force.
Sensing a peculiar feeling of being watched, Clarke turned her head to glance behind her as Octavia continued to quietly escort her down the dirt path. Since they were still within the inner city, Lexa's tower was not far off, and to an electrifying heartbeat, Clarke could see the Commander. She seemed to be miles away as Clarke could barely make out any of the woman's features, but knew that her beloved could not resist watching her leave, and could see the notorious red sash weakly being carried by the soft breezes of the evening wind. Lexa must have quickly changed into her battle gear to symbolically commemorate the start of the kill order. Clarke could only assume that some kind of public address was to happen in Polis shortly after she and Octavia left.
Clarke turned back to look at Octavia, who had tried to subtly pick up the pace. She was looking straight ahead with dedicated attention. She must have sensed Lexa as well, and knew that getting Clarke to the horses faster was her priority.
"Octavia…"
"No."
"I can't-"
"Yes, you can. You can do it, Clarke."
There was no denying that their pace picked up now, as Clarke was now on the verge of tripping with every step just to keep up with Octavia's handhold.
"O…"
Octavia came to a surrendered halt and jerked their linked hands to the side, as if she was going to throw Clarke's hand out of her grasp. Clarke looked into her friend's eyes and saw something besides frustration.
"I can't control them without you, Clarke. They're out of control. I've done what I can to reach Bellamy, but he's too attached to Pike's emotional propaganda to take me seriously. Any influence we've had in the past is gone."
Clarke's heart felt tender at Octavia's plea, truly feeling for her friend.
"You know what's going to happen, Clarke," Octavia continued. "They think that because they have the ammunition, they have the winning chance. That massacre outside Arkadia is proof. They will not respect Lexa's blockade. They will charge it. There are only two things that can stop Arkadia: genocide and you."
"I cannot stop them," Clarke said dejectedly, "They will not listen to me either. You saw what Bellamy did. I tried to negotiate with him, and he ignored my words just to imprison me. If I go back, it will be to a cell somewhere. There is no way they would let me influence any politics, especially given my connection to Lexa."
"They don't know about you two," Octavia said. "No one from the Ark knows. They just know that your partnered with Lexa for the Mountain, and that you partnered again for second alliance."
"My mom?"
"If she suspects, she's never brought it up."
Clarke took a moment to think, weighing her options. She could go back to Arkadia, be put in some debriefing room for a week or two, and then see what kind of influence she still had left, or she could stay with Lexa, risking her own safety at every waking moment and let the Arkadian rebellion take themselves to their own death. Logically, going to Arkadia was unfortunately the best move for everyone.
… but what's to stop the Arkadians from getting themselves slaughtered at the blockade anyway? Octavia's words rang true: they will charge it. With or without Clarke, Pike and his zealots were going to wage war anyway. So the choices were: be powerless and watch the Arkadians declare ware, or be beside Lexa at every waking moment and watch the Arkadians declare ware. Either way, war would happen. But happiness? Happiness for Clarke's human soul was only offered in one option…
"Octavia…"
"Clarke, don't…" Octavia began to shake her head, closing her eyes tight, and Clarke thought for a second that she saw a tear brimming in the warrior's lashes.
"I'm so sorry," Clarke's voice began to tremble, aching for hurting Octavia's faith. "I can't change anything. I'm not what everyone thinks I am. I can't save anyone. No one can. Not anymore."
Clarke reached out desperately to pull Octavia into her embrace, as the warrior nestled her head against the right side of Clarke's face, and sure enough, Clarke could feel warm teardrops stick to her cheek.
"What do I tell them?" Octavia asked, her voice sounded gravelly as she continued to cling to Clarke.
"The truth. Tell them I do not support their hysteria. And call it that, so that any of them left with any sense will recognize it as that."
Octavia gently removed herself from the hug and wiped a tear away from her face. "You know they will call it treason, right?"
Clarke cracked a small smile and said, "That's what they called it last time when I told the truth."
Octavia mustered a quick laugh at the comment, and nodded. Everyone remembered the Griffin's calling out the Ark's life sustaining systems. They had shared the reality with the people because they believed they had a right to know, and here a Griffin stood once more, standing up for reality and the truth.
"Be careful, alright?" Octavia pleaded, "Tell Lexa… that if she doesn't keep you safe, she's gonna have a serious talk with me."
Clarke scoffed at the playful comment, "I'll let her know."
Octavia nodded once more and began to take a few steps backwards, before turning around to continue down the road to the horses, she said "May we meet again…"
"May we meet again," Clarke reciprocated and watched her friend quickly jog towards the horses, and noticed that the guards standing there were moving restlessly, no doubt confused by Clarke no accompanying Octavia anymore. Turning around, Clarke saw Lexa in the distance where she last saw her moments ago, moving just as agitatedly as the guards helping Octavia. Lexa knew something was happening, and was probably panicking. Following Octavia's example, Clarke began to job down the dusty road, passing buildings and shacks. The more Lexa came into view, the faster Clarke picked up her pace.
Her heart fluttered, and her spirit made her want to laugh at her stupidity, because that's how it felt. Stupid, young love. God, she wanted Lexa's love more than anything that she was risking everything just to feel her ecstasy. She could die for love. She was content with that idea. But missing out on love for someone else's stupidity? That was a waste of life and opportunities.
"Clarke, what are you doing?" Lexa asked, her voice loud and bewildered as Clarke came to a stepping halt in front of her.
"Choosing you," Clarke said breathlessly with an enamored smile, blissful at being able to see Lexa's obscure emerald eyes once more.
"Heda, this is unacceptable. Order for Wanheda to be taken away. For her own safety." Titus, whom Clarke hadn't even realized was there, stood stoically, with his hands behind his back, pretending to be poised with discipline; but Clarke could see the fury behind his eyes.
"Clarke has chosen to stay under my protection, Titus. She can stay, and she will be safe, with me." Lexa retorted, trying to stay composed in front of Clarke.
"How will the people see it? How can you guarantee that your guards will not take an opportunity to kill Wanheda? You specified in the kill order that any Skaikru found outside their area of the blockade must be killed on sight. Wanheda or not, her title does not protect her from being Skaikru."
"Then I will kill any guard, or anyone, who tries to harm Clarke, is that clear?" Lexa seethed, already preparing to defend Clarke with everything she could muster. Clarke could feel the heat of rage radiating off the two, and felt uncomfortable, but a part of her was slightly aroused at Lexa's violently protective devotion.
"I'll stay with her," Clarke offered. "I won't roam the tower or Polis. I just want to be with her, that's it."
"The people will not be happy with this, Heda. She mustn't be allowed to stay! For the efficacy of your authority and kill order, Heda, I beg you, you will lose respect and control if they see that you have spared Wanheda. They will see her as a spy that has gotten the better of you-"
Lexa stepped forward to Titus, powerful and fearless.
The man spoke quicker to get his point across, "You know that this is valid, it's not my personal opinions on Wanheda. How would anyone see an enemy being allowed to stay because of a leader's feelings? It can only be seen that way."
Lexa stopped her advancement at hearing these words. Titus had a point, but Clarke was not there to double-cross Lexa. She was that one percent of cases where the "enemy" stayed to actually love another person.
"I can go into hiding. Disguise myself again," Clarke offered.
Titus and Lexa made no recognition of her words, but were battling in a stare down.
"Lexa?" Clarke asked, hoping to break the tension.
"We'll talk about this later, Titus, but she's staying with me," Lexa said, stepping back to stand beside Clarke. "I have to address my people," she began, returning to the soft voice she reserved only for Clarke, "You must wait inside the tower, for your safety. We will figure out how to keep you here when I return from my speech."
"That's fine," Clarke said, just as softly. She placed her hands over Lexa's shoulders and pulled the Commander closer to her, placing a long and tender kiss on her lover's lips. Clarke felt herself melt at the touch, and her sex felt a dull ache deep within, resonating the physical memory of Lexa being inside her just a few hours before. When they pulled away from the kiss, Clarke could see Lexa was a bit lightheaded, and the sight made her smile.
"Come, Clarke, with me," Titus said exasperatedly, waving his hand to gesture her to walk. "We will wait for the Commander in one of the rooms on the first floor of the tower. We must get you in without anyone looking."
Clarke looked at Lexa, who was smiling, still thinking about how splendid and romantic this whole situation was. It made Clarke wonder just how much romance Lexa had ever experienced before her, and if every act of romance was indeed an act of rebellion towards her duty.
When Titus had finally found a room for Clarke to hide in, he gave her a shawl to keep his golden hair hidden under, and left her in the room to join Lexa in the speech. Curious to hear what Lexa would address, Clarke pressed her ear against the wooden door and hoped that she would be able to pick up on the commotion outside the tower. She could hear the thunderous roar of applause and chants. The whole city must have been at the doorstep of the tower, and Clarke approved of the outside briefing, as the throne room was definitely not the best place to host an event with Lexa's citizens, and not just her politicians.
"My fellow Trigeda members, and all others present from each and every clan," as Lexa's voice started, the crowd instantly muted and listened to their leader, "With a heavy heart, in remembrance of the three hundred brave and noble souls we have recently lost, I am commencing the start of a blockade and kill order. The initiation of the Skaikru as the thirteenth clan has come to a disturbing halt. Due to the unwavering efforts of Wanheda, an alliance was once again proposed between our people and hers. She and Skaikru acting-chancellor Marcus Kane submitted before me in fealty, as many of you may already know. However, as proof of the weaknesses of an oligarchy and democracy that ran the political machine of Arkadia, they had elected a new leader shortly after. This new leader festered ideologies of empowerment through blind vengeance instead of directed justice. Because of this philosophy, Skaikru is infected with an insurgency. This new leader of theirs, Pike, is to blame. Because of Skaikru's eagerness to join us once again, after Wanheda's triumph at the Mountain, I am giving Skaikru one more chance to do right by us…"
The crowd erupted, and Clarke could only pinpoint comments and shouts of disapproval as she pressed her ear harder against the door.
"I know what you all are thinking; you want all of Skaikru to pay…"
The crowd exploded in confirmation.
"But Skaikru as a whole is not to blame. I have already consulted with Skaikru members who are still loyal to the alliance, and have received intel on how they propose to proceed. In order to keep you safe from the zealots infecting Skaikru, I have enacted this blockade. All Skaikru who are on our side know not to cross it, so if one does cross, you are now aware that that person is one of the infected. Skaikru plans to return to my authority…"
The crowd was getting more and more restless, eager for violent promises.
"As soon as they kill their leader."
The crowd silenced and murmurs spread.
"To show their allegiance to our alliance, they are willing to assassinate this Pike during our blockade. They are willing to kill their Chancellor to be by our side. I urge you to respect the blockade and let the Skaikru heal themselves from this disease of zealotry, and when it is taken care of, I will negotiate with Wanheda and Marcus Kane to surrender all his accomplices to be brought to justice here in Polis."
Applause broke out and a rumble of cheers vibrated through the ground.
"This blockade will grant you all protection from the bloody revolution Skaikru is on the cusp of enduring. I ask you all to have faith in our allies and in my strategies. Soon we will have justice, and soon, we will have peace."
The applause continued feverishly, and Clarke could tell that Lexa's approval rate- if that system existed among the Grounder culture- was rising. She had felt personally guilty for shaking the Grounder justice system and Lexa's hold on her people by suggesting blood must not have blood, but she was proud of Lexa for finding a way to rally her people behind it- albeit it was done with the promise of blood must have blood in terms of the accomplices being brought to Polis for trial. But that was another problem…as Clarke remembered Octavia's crying face just moments before, and the prospect of what this speech said was in store for Bellamy…