hummingbird
"there's this girl, right? and she's like, sammy's age or something, so she's like my little sister. except she's really, really not." in the aftermath of philadelphia, dean wonders about a few things.
notes: i do not in any way own supernatural or any of the characters (although i seriously wish i did). also, the song is 'hummingbird' by john mayer.
Just because I said I didn't want her
Doesn't mean I want her to go
In fact I quite depended on her
But that, I didn't want her to know
There's this girl, right? And she's like, Sammy's age or something, so she's like my little sister. Except she's really, really not. She's got this... this thing about her. And I can't shake that feeling I get around her, you know? It's strange. It's really is.
At first, I thought she was so goddamn annoying when she turned up unexpected in Philly, with mommy issues and a romantic notion in her pretty little head that she could be some world-class hunter. She got herself captured by that serial-killer ghost, almost got the life snuffed out of her. God knows what her mom would have done to me if anything had happened to her. (Lying about her daughter not being with me and Sammy was bad enough.)
But it was kind of brave, you know? As inexperienced as she was, I could tell she really wanted to do this. And when we talked about her dad and my dad and all that shit... I could see it. I could see a little bit of myself in her. Young, feisty, wanting to carry on in my father's footsteps. But look where that got me?
I tried to talk her out of it, told her to go home to her momma and meet a boy and forget all this hunting business. She wouldn't have a word of it.
"Jo, you got options. No one in their right mind chooses this life. My dad started me into this when I was so young, I wish I could do something else."
"You love the job."
"Yeah, but I'm a little twisted."
"You don't think I'm a little twisted, too?"
She's brave, yeah. She's tough, yeah. She's inexperienced, yeah, but with a little teaching she'd be just fine. She's got everything you'd need in a hunter: a temper, a bloodthirst, and a reason. My reason was Mom and Dad, Sam's was Jess. Her's was- is -her father. She still carries his knife around, and it won't do much harm to an angry spirit or a skinwalker. But I guess it gives her something to hold on to. I kinda wish I had something like that for my parents, but I don't. I just got this kind of vendetta against the thing that killed my mom, killed my dad, killed Jess.
Well, we got her home just safe and sound (except for a mother that looked like she wanted to kill both Sam, me and Jo. At the same time. Slowly. In multiple ways.). But as Sam and I were leaving, we hear this yelling, this argument coming from inside the Roadhouse and Jo storms out, blonde hair flying, eyebrows set in a frown. I tried to reach out to her, to ask her if she was okay, especially with everything that had happened the past few days.
And then I hear that it's all about my dad, all about the Winchester family and how we're... we're poison to everyone around us. That nothing good can come from that family line, and that her momma told her to stay far away from me and Sammy. I've heard those words so many times before. "Stay away from that Winchester boy, darling, he's nothin' but trouble." But coming from Jo? I don't know how I felt about it. It kind of hurt, to be honest, like a little sharp prick in my chest. Because when I looked into those eyes, eyes that were usually filled with sass and a fiery temper, they held only pain. (Pain that I myself know too well). And I was sorry. I didn't know what I'd done, or what my brother or my father had done. But I was sorry.
For some reason, when the Impala rolled out of Nebraska that night, I felt like I was leaving something behind.
Now that she's gone I know
All the while, I was trying to keep her there
Not man enough to leave
But man enough to always care, always care