Summary: This is set after the good ending of Ray route. Saeran is having a nightmare again, dreaming of that hellish place that kept him caged for all those years. But she's here to wake him up, to guide him back to light.
A/N: I just had to write it after finishing Ray route. Really, Saeran deserves so much love and even though Cheritz hasn't released the after ending yet, that doesn't stop me from imagining my own after ending.
WARNING: SPOILER FOR RAY ROUTE
And yes, Saeyoung is here too! Of course I can't imagine a happily ever after without my precious twins!
"No…! Don't…! Don't touch me!"
She opens her eyes hearing the panicked voice of her lover.
"L-Leave me alone…!"
His voice reaches her ears a second time, and she jerks awake. This tone… she knows it all too well. It's full of fear and pain and agony.
Saeran is having a nightmare.
Again.
It's been almost six months since the fateful incident in Mint Eye and more than four months since they started living together. Saeran is slowly adapting to the outside world and she's been with him by his side in every step. It amazes her how extraordinary he is. So strong willed and determined, and mature. He knows what he wants now. He's not that indecisive boy anymore.
But that doesn't mean it's easy. Years of manipulation and brainwashing doesn't go away in mere days. Words that have been forcefully embedded in his very soul are not so easy to forget. But he fights it. He fights it with all his strength. Still, there are times when he relapses. Times when he momentarily forgets that he's free from his dark past now. Times when he thinks he's still trapped in that hell with no way out.
Times like this one.
She was really afraid the first time it happened. And when Saeran got back to his senses, he'd felt so terrible that he'd decided to sleep in a separate room from her. It took a lot of comforting and coaxing on her part to finally make him return. But then, it happened again. And again. And slowly Saeran was losing confidence in himself.
It hurt so much to see him suffer like that.
But she didn't give up, and she made sure he didn't give up either. It was hard for both of them. Saeran being afraid of hurting her, and she being afraid of him losing himself again.
But she kept on encouraging him.
You're so strong babe.
I know you can do it.
You'll never hurt me.
I love you so much…
Words after words she kept showering over him. Words she truly believed. Hoping her confidence in him will seep into his own heart too.
And it did work. He got back up and started fighting. For her. For them. He agreed to go on therapy. She accompanied him on every visit. Things began to get better. What used to be a relapse every two or three days has now reduced to every two or three weeks. And she'd just so so proud of him. Her stupidly adorable yet admiringly willful Saeran.
God… She loves him!
And so, she's prepared herself for moments like this. Why should he be the only one fighting? They're both in it together. It's only fair for her to do her part.
She hoists herself up using one elbow, then puts her other hand softly on his chest. His face is flushed, beads of sweat gathering on her forehead. He's breathing heavily, every gasp of air restless and pained.
"Ssshh… It's okay…" she coos. "I'm right here. No one's gonna hurt you."
He lashes out. His hand flings out to hit her, to push her away. But she was already expecting it. This is the reason Saeran refused to sleep with her in the beginning, afraid that he might accidentally hurt her in the middle of his nightmare. So she taught herself how to dodge his frantic attacks. It was tough at first, but she's getting better.
Anything for Saeran.
She carefully avoids his fists while trying to wake him from his nightmare. The anguished look on his face breaks her heart, but she refuses to cry. She has to be strong for him. So she keeps trying.
A hand comes up suddenly, and she's a bit too late to dodge. It lands on her left arm and she bites her lip to keep from wincing. Thankfully, the hit was oddly angled and if she's lucky, it won't bruise. Saeran gets really upset when he finds them out.
Another painful groan rips from his throat. She scoots over to him as close as she can while still trying to stay away from his hands' reach. At moments like this, she sometimes thinks of grabbing a hold of his hands and waking him up as soon as possible, but she knows the consequence would be far worse. His soul seeks freedom, even in his nightmares. And restricting his movements would only trigger him negatively. So she patiently waits and continues to whisper to him in a soothing voice.
"Saeran… come back to me… please…" she pleads. "I'm right here… I know you can hear me babe… listen to my voice…" He whimpers. But she keeps going. "You can do it… I know you can… you're so strong… so so strong…"
Her eyes start filling up with tears.
"Come back… my love…"
She keeps on whispering in a broken voice, waiting for him to return, to break free from the hell inside his head. Hoping her voice would be able to reach him in that darkness and guide him back to light.
And in the end, it does. His trembling subsides gradually, although his hands still keep shaking. But that agonized look is gone. And he's slowly opening his eyes.
Yes! She has won. They have won. Once more.
She gives him time to readjust to the surroundings. But she can't help the happy tears, nor the wide grin plastered on her face.
"You're back…" she whimpers. "You're back!"
He gets up to a seating position, looking around, then looking at her and taking note of her disheveled appearance. And then, before he knows it, she's flinging herself in his arms, placing herself on his lap and wrapping her arms around him, burying her face in his neck and inhaling.
Everything clicks in his mind.
He holds her, pressing her body closer to his. "It happened again, didn't it?" he says in a frustrated voice.
He hates the fact that he gets these nightmares. Hates that she has to put up with it. She deserves all the love in the world, but all he seems to give her is more trouble.
"Yes", she mumbles against his neck. Then she's pushing back to look at him and he's missing her warmth already but somehow that look on her face makes up for it because she's practically beaming.
"You did so good this time, Sae! I'm so proud of you!"
He searches her eyes. There's nothing but pure admiration. She really is an angel – he thinks. And he almost smiles. But then, another thought crawls into his mind. A memory of her swollen face flashes before his eyes and he winces.
I did that to her.
It happened the first time he had a nightmare. After that, every time he woke up after one, he'd find a new bruise on her. It tore him apart. So much that he was even considering isolating himself to keep her safe. But of course, he's never been strong enough to not be swayed by her determination. And thanks to her, he's actually getting better at handing this. Well, that doesn't mean his fear has completely vanished though. He's still afraid of seeing the aftermath of his rage against the phantom of his past on her body. Still afraid that someday she'll get sick and tired of this and leave him.
And so, he slowly takes off the shirt she's wearing – his shirt – and starts running his hands through every inch of her body. Desperate and frantic.
She lets him.
She knows what he's afraid of. She'd seen the guilt and remorse on his face every time he found a new bruise. She knows that by doing this, he gets a sense of reassurance that he didn't hurt her. Not this time. It helps him believe that he's getting better. That he can get better.
His eyes trace his fingertips, and her eyes follow his. When he reaches her left arm, she tenses for a moment. But when she looks, there's no visible mark.
She smiles.
When he's done, he lets out a relieved sigh. She takes his face in her palms and brushes their noses together.
"See? I told you. You won't hurt me."
He says nothing, just moves closer and captures her lips in a searing kiss. She threads her fingers in his hair while his arms snake around her waist. Their lips moving in perfect sync. She'll never get tired of his kisses. They're so passionate and intoxicating. Just like him.
Given the chance, she'd happily live the rest of her life kissing him, as cheesy as it may sound.
When they pull away, he leans back against the headboard, pulling her with him. She strokes his hair softly while he nuzzles against her shoulder.
"I love you…" she whispers.
"I love you more…" he replies, then tightens his hold on her.
She watches him with awe.
Living a caged life for so long, it must be difficult for him to adjust to this new lifestyle.
A life with no rules, no savior. No one to look down upon him and call him useless.
A life full of freedom.
She knows it's what he's always desired, but she also knows that he's afraid. Why wouldn't he be? Every new experience is scary at first. But that's what makes it more interesting, right? Besides, she's always here, holding his hand, giving him the encouragement he needs.
My angel – he calls her.
Somehow she thinks it's the other way around.
Sure, she saved him from falling into the darkness. But he's the one who saved her first. People used to call her insensitive and detached before she met him, living without a care in the world. She didn't know what she wanted from life, nor did she have any goal. Why was she living? – she'd often think. What was the purpose of her worthless existence?
That's basically why she decided to go along with Ray's plan in the beginning when he'd offered her to come and test the game.
What's the worst that could happen? She'd thought.
Apparently, it was a lot.
Never in her dreams had she thought of getting entangled with cults and political scandals. And yet, here she is. Living together with the illegitimate son of the previous prime minister, who used to be a secret cult member just months ago and had her starved and locked up in a room, tormenting and torturing her and shooting insults at every occasion.
She shakes her head. That was all in the past.
Saeran has changed.
She feels proud at how far he's come on his own. He says it's because she's with him, because she's his strength, his light. But she knows better. She can see how strong he is. All she did was showing him the strength that was already inside him.
Ray. The innocent flower loving boy. The one who saved her from her own darkness.
Saeran. The tormented and scared and insecure boy. The one she saved from his inner demon.
She loves them both. After all, they're both parts of Saeran. You can't just love half of a man. You can't fall in love with just the good side, or the bad. That's not love. Love means accepting the other person with all their flaws. It means falling in love with both their good and bad side and helping each other get better with time.
She smiles. Yes, she's in love with Saeran. She's in love with all of him.
"I love you most!" she declares, then bursts out laughing. He stills for a moment, then joins her with his own quiet laughter.
This, this moment right now – this is what she lives for.
"You know", she begins once they've quieted down. "I think what I said earlier is not quite right."
He looks up in surprise. "What do you mean?"
"I may not be the only one who loves you the most", she replies in a serious tone, but the gleam in her eyes threatens to give her away.
He just stares at her, even more puzzled than before.
"There's someone else who loves you Sae, maybe even more than I do", she looks towards the door, a fond smile gracing her lips. "And I think he's waiting outside as we talk."
Saeran tenses.
In the beginning, Saeyoung used to come in as soon as he heard his brother's screams. But more often than not, it led to worse consequences. As Saeran would still be trapped inside the nightmare where he believed his brother had abandoned him, hearing Saeyoung's voice made him more agitated. Fueled by hatred, he'd get more aggressive and lash out at his brother in blind anger.
After two or three times of the same thing happening over and over and Saeran taking longer to break away from the dreams, the older twin finally understood it was better for him to be out of sight until his brother calms down.
At least for now.
He still wakes up in the middle of the night the moment his brother's voice reaches him. But now, he just waits outside the room quietly, letting her handle the situation.
It hurts because she knows how much Saeran means to him. And how much he means to Saeran.
So she keeps on trying. To bring them closer to each other, slowly and subtly. Because she knows that deep down Saeran loves his brother just as much, even though he hasn't been able to fully warm up to Saeyoung yet.
She remembers their first encounter when the hacker finally returned two months ago, teary eyed and drowned in self-loathing, saying he's just come back to say sorry to Saeran for once. When asked where he was all this time, he said the agency took care of it, refusing to disclose anything more. Saeran said nothing all the while. Luciel apologized to him and thanked her for saving his brother, and then, when he was just about to leave, Saeran pulled him back by his collar and punched him.
"That's for leaving me back then!"
Then he punched him again.
"And that's for trying to leave me again this time!"
In the end, both brothers ended up sobbing in each other's arms and soon she couldn't stop herself from joining in.
"You're both idiots!"
She said with teary eyes, hugging them close.
It would've been better if that was the end of it. But years of hatred doesn't go away just like that. Even though Saeran knows his brother was innocent, that he did everything for his sake, it's still hard for him. He can't just pretend nothing ever happened and go on with life. That's not how Saeran is.
She understands. So she doesn't pressure him. Everyone has their own pace of dealing with things. She knows Saeyoung understands too. It shows in his every action, just how much he treasures his brother. And she believes one day this distance between the twins will fade away.
Soon. Very soon. She tells herself.
She brushes her thumb over his cheekbone, then presses a chaste kiss to his lips.
"Shall I ask him to come in?"
He averts his eyes, saying nothing in reply.
She chuckles. "You want to see him, don't you?" she whispers softly, all the while stroking the hair at the base of his nape.
He leans into her touch and closes his eyes. Then nods ever so slightly.
Her resulting smile is bright and wide.
He pecks her lips once more before she gets up and puts on the discarded shirt. She grabs a pair of shorts from the closet, slides into them, then walks over to open the door.
And there he is.
Standing by the door in his usual jeans and red shirt, minus the signature glasses. Working overnight again – she figures. He looks at her with worried eyes, silently asking if everything is okay. She just smiles and ruffles his already messy bundle of red hair, then holds his hand and ushers him inside.
He hesitates.
She knows that he's afraid too.
But for the first time she's managed to make Saeran accept that he wants to see his brother and she is definitely not gonna let this opportunity go out of hand.
She pulls harder, and he stumbles inside the room.
Saeran is quiet, eyes defiantly fixed on his lap. Saeyoung takes a look at him, and she can see the moment his eyes shift from hesitation to concern.
"Saeran…" he calls out softly.
The younger scoots over to the other side without a word.
"Go!" she tells him and gives an encouraging push.
She watches with adoration as the redhead finally walks up to the bed and takes a seat beside his brother.
"Did you have a nightmare again?" his voice sounds so soft, completely different from the usual cheerful and loud one.
Her heart swells with joy seeing that Saeran has moved closer and responding in a low voice.
It looks so intimate, and she feels like she's intruding in a moment that should be shared just between the twins.
"I'll be right back!" She wipes the tears that have gathered in the corner of her eyes and slowly walks out of the room.
She ends up making hot chocolate for both of them. Knowing how much Saeran loves sweet things, she adds one more spoonful of sugar in his cup. Arranging them in a tray, she slowly carries it to their room, smiling and humming happily.
She's awestruck the moment her eyes fall on them. There, on the bed, the twins are seated beside each other, with Saeran's head on his brother's shoulder and Saeyoung's resting on top of his. Both of them sleeping peacefully.
She places the tray on the bedside table quietly and stands at the foot of the bed, admiring the beautiful scene in front of her. Noticing the way both of them look so content, she whispers a silent 'thank you' to the heavens, feeling extremely lucky to be able to witness such a heart-warming moment.
Their faces glow like angels under the silvery moonlight that seeps through the window, as she places a kiss on each of their forehead.
"Sweet dreams."
~If you and I stay together through our four seasons
My heart will never suffer~
A/N: Ahh... so how was it?
This is my first MM fic, so I'm kinda nervous how it's turned out XP
Ray route completely broke me. I remember drowning in depression for days even after finishing the route. I absolutely love the ending song by the way. Four Seasons touched my heart more than any other MM ost, maybe because it relates to the route so well. It captures Saeran's emotions perfectly.
Thanks a lot for reading. Please let me know what you think! ^_^