Characters: Remus Lupin, OC (Rodney Lupin)

Summary: To this day, Remus never understood why he could remember the hunt and murder of his brother so perfectly clearly yet never remember all the other things that happened when he turned into The Beast. Perhaps it was Mother Nature's way of punishing him for what he's done. ... He needed to feel like the monster he truly was.

Pairings: None

Author's Note: I wrote this a while ago for a Harry Potter writing contest on Wattpad and I decided that I need to post it here on fanfiction. It's unedited so forgive any mistakes.

Word Count: 2,433

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Harry Potter or anything that goes along with the series.

Fun Fact: Me and Remus (and Rodney) have the same birthday, March 10th. Except, you know, Remus (and Rodney) was born 42 years before me...

Warning: Hopefully this won't make your cry :'(

~*~ Line Break ~*~

Rain showered over Remus Lupin like a blanket made of tears. Sopping wet, boots caked in mud, and tears stinging his cut up face, the young man stumbled through the grave yard.

He was all alone. James and Lily was dead, Peter was dead, and Sirius was rotting away in Azkaban. Remus refused to believe that Sirius had murdered his only friends. James and Sirius were closer than brothers, much closer than he had ever been with James.

Then again, perhaps James and Remus wasn't as close as they could've been because Remus didn't let himself get that close. After all, everyone he got close to died.

Take Rodney Lupin for example.

Rodney Lupin was an active boy. His brown hair was always in his eyes and extremely messy. His amber eyes held the light of boyish innocents and the glimmer of youthful fun. He always had a bandage on him cause he was quite accident prone, and he wore glasses.

Rodney and Remus were twin brothers.

After Remus was bitten by Fenir Greyback, his mother and father distanced themselves. They were afraid of their own son. But Rodney wasn't. He comforted his Remus, assuring him that everything was going to be normal, that nothing was going to change. And how did Remus repay him?

He killed him.

He murdered him, though not intentionally. The two boys were playing in the woods that bordered their small home. They ran around without a care in the world cause that's what you do when you're nine years old. If only the two knew that only one of them would return home alive cause, unknown to both of them, tonight was the full moon.

The worst part of the whole ordeal was that Remus could remember ever bit of it. Despite the fact that he could never control himself and that he never before remembered what he did as a wolf, he could remember killing Rodney, as if he was just a witness to the events rather than the criminal.

~13 Years Ago~

March 10th, 1969. A party raged on inside a small cottage. As firewhiskey and butterbeer was passed around, it seemed that the grownups had forgotten that this was supposed to a children's party, celebrating the 9th birthday of Remus and Rodney Lupin. Then again, it didn't matter to the twins. They were having their own celebration.

Rodney Lupin shivered in his jacket as he ran around the clearing, trying to catch his younger twin in a game of tag. Laughter echoed through the night as Rodney tripped and fell on his face.

"Are you ok?" Remus asked, holding a hand out to help Rodney up. Instead, Rodney just slapped the hand away.

"Tag, you're it!" he shouted as he took off running in the opposite direction. Laughter once again filled every inch of the woods, Remus screaming about how that was "unfair" and that Rodney "tricked him."

"All is fair in love and tag!" Rodney yelled behind him.

"That's not even a saying!"

This continued for fruitless hours, the two chasing each other and just having fun like little boys should. Finally, a little after the sun had set, the two sat at the edge of a river. Socks and shoes discarded in the dirt, they dangled their tiny feet into the cool water and just relaxed. Rodney was staring up at the stars when he noticed something was terribly wrong.

"Hey, are you ok?" Rodney asked. Remus stared intently into the rushing current that moved around his feet. He didn't seem to hear what his brother was saying as he was too busy fighting the monster within.

Rodney looked where Remus was looking and gasped. The reflection of the full moon wavered in the waves of the water, the white light sparkling off the clear surface. Rodney looked up, staring at the full moon in all its glory. Who knew a rock in the sky that was covered in craters could look so beautiful and yet, be the activation to so much evil.

Rodney looked once more at his brother. Remus' skin seem to move to the beat of his heart as his muscles strengthen and the bones rearranged himself underneath.

"St-stay here Remmy, I'll go get mother!" Rodney exclaimed, fear laced in his voice as he watched Remus grow 3 times his size. He wasn't scared of Remus, Remus wouldn't hurt a fly. No, he was scared of the beast that took Remus' place every full moon. That thing wasn't Remus.

What that drunken women that the twins called "mother" was going to do about her werewolf son, Rodney didn't know. All he knew was that he needed to get out of there and get an adult.

Then again, could that women be considered an adult or a mother after she childishly disowned her son for something that wasn't his fault?

Rodney got up and started to run back to the house. He was only able to make it a few yards before the ground beneath him trembled, and he was thrown into a mud puddle.

Moaning, Rodney got back up and continued to make his way through the woods. Branches lashed out at his face and limbs and poison ivy tickled his ankles. Just when Rodney spotted the cottage in the not-too-far distance, a big figure blocked his past.

Matted brown fur that was the same color as his own hair covered The Beast from head to paw. Ripped pieces of Remus' clothes clung onto it and claws swiped at the air around Rodney's head. Ducking, Rodney stared into the great beast's eyes. Eyes that were Remus' yet as the same time weren't.

Rodney turned on his heels and ran faster than he every thought possible. Fear and adrenaline ran through his veins as he jumped over logs while The Beast merely smashed them. Rodney soon approached a great oak. One part of his brain was screaming at him to keep running. Another part was telling him to give up and that it was a miracle that he out ran the werewolf for this long. Another part of his brain was saying that if he kept running he'll never find his way home, which of course made the other two parts of his brain scream at the 3rd part because not getting lost was definitely not his biggest priority right now. Staying alive was #1 plus if he ran home, he'll just be leading The Beast to the guest.

So Rodney did the next best thing. Quickly, the active boy started to climb the tree, something he had a lot of experience with. The bark dug into his palms, making them bleed but Rodney kept climbing. He didn't stop at the lowest branch but figured it would be too dangerous to go to the top so he sat in the middle. The branch he sat on was thick and quite wide, allowing Rodney to get as comfortable as possible.

Rodney watched with wide eyes as The Beast started to sniff around the tree. He tried to control his panting, cupping his hand over his mouth as he tried not to make too much noise. Rodney could only pray that The Beast didn't smell the sweat that made his clothes, jacket, and hair stick to him like a second and third skin. Quickly but quietly, Rodney peeled of his jacket. The cool March air made his hot skin flush with goosebumps but Rodney preferred that to passing out from the heat of his winter jacket.

Meanwhile, The Beast that used to be Remus Lupin was sniffling and eyeing the blood that caked the trunk of the tree. Rodney hoped it didn't have enough sense to look up and if it did, that it couldn't climb trees. Remus was never athletic like his brother so hopefully, that limited The Beast's abilities as well.

Rodney knew that he was trapped until the full moon disappeared. He couldn't climb down before being attacked and since his socks and shoes were still at the riverbank, his feet were a bloody mess so running was no longer an option. Just as Rodney attempted to get comfortable enough to catch a few minutes of sleep, the tree started to shake violently.

Rodney looked down to see The Beast head-butting the tree in an attempt to knock his prey out of it. Rodney latched onto the hard bark of the tree with his already scratched up hands but eventually, The Beast won. Apparently, The Beast was stronger than Rodney had thought for the Great oak that was once the largest tree in the woods was knocked out of the ground.

A childish instinct made Rodney want to shout "TIMBER!" as the tree plummeted towards the ground but instead, Rodney jumped out the tree, landing uncomfortably in a thorny blueberry bush. A shock of pain burst in Rodney's left ankle as it twisted in an unnatural way. Screaming in agony, Rodney pulled himself out of the bush. A snarl was heard behind him.

Rodney stared fearfully at The Beast as it slowly approached, a snarl on its "lips." His glasses were broken and some shards of glass were missing, making The Beast look blurry and like it had 3 heads.

"Re-Remus. I know you're in there!" Rodney shouted as he started to crawl backwards on his butt. The Beast just howled in reply.

"I know this isn't you, and that you would never hurt me. I know you're scared of yourself but don't forget that I love you!" The Beast tilted it's fuzzy head at that. "I love you, mum loves you, and father does too! They're just too afraid to show it! I - we - know that you can beat this Lycanthropy!" The Beast swiped at the 9 year old but he simply ducked and continued talking.

"I know that you think this will hold you back but it won't! Not if you don't let it! No matter what happens I'll never leave your side! You can count on me forever and we'll get through this together!" The Beast swiped again.

"Please! Remus I know you're in there! I want my brother back! Please don't do this! I know deep down inside your still the same!" For a second Rodney saw the spark of his brother in The Beast's eyes. It was like the darkness that covered Remus' pure heart was starting to retreat but the full moon shined brightly overhead and the darkness took control once more. Like a shield, the Lycanthropy blocked any love and compassion the boy turned beast had for 9 year old with the twisted ankle.

"I'm your brother! I believe in you!" Rodney screamed, still clinging onto some hope that this was not the end. But he knew it was a loss cause. He was Remus' twin brother. Not The Beast's. So with that thought, he said his last words.

"Remus this is not your fault!"

In the corner of his eye, The Beast saw a stag, a dog, and a rat. He also saw a two does hanging in the background. Part of him wanted to attack all 5 of the unsuspecting creatures but then he saw Rodney, who was obviously weaker, and decided against it. He had stupidly spent hours chasing the little twerp instead of going after something much easier to catch and now that he had him cornered, he wasn't going to let the little thing escape that easily.

So with a mighty roar, a scream from Rodney, and a final glance at the full moon, The Beast attacked.

~Present Day~

Remus sobbed silently as he thought back to his 9th birthday, the worst day of his life. Then again, the night he lost all his friends at once was equally terrible.

No.

His 9th birthday was definitely worst because Remus had nothing to do with James', Lily's, and Peter's death and Sirius' betrayal. He was the one to kill Rodney, now he had to suffer the guilt.

To this day, Remus never understood why he could remember the hunt and murder of his brother so perfectly clearly yet never remember all the other things that happened when he turned into The Beast. Perhaps it was Mother Nature's way of punishing him for what he's done.

Perhaps it's because being isolated for the next 2 years of his life, having his parents call him a monster, being the outcast at school and getting bullied, and having 100% of the blame for Rodney's death burdened on his small shoulders at the mere age of 9 was not punishment enough. No, he needed to remember exactly what happened despite the fact that he couldn't stop himself. He needed to feel the shame of remembering the desire for his brother's blood in his mouth, he needed to remember the taste of his brother's flesh as he mauled up his tiny body, he needed to be tortured by the pain he knew he caused his brother.

He needed to feel like the monster he truly was.

Despite what Rodney's last words were, his parents never let him forget that he was the one to take away their only normal son. They made it very clear that if muggles knew of magic, they would've called the cops on him. Actually, they did call the aurors on him but luckily, they didn't arrest Remus cause he was only 9.

Yeah, a 9 year old that ruthlessly murdered his 9 year brother.

So here Remus Lupin was, on his 22nd birthday. James', Lily's, Peter's, and Rodney's graves laid out before him yet he only focused on Rodney's. He cried for his brother though he knew he had no right to.

Murders weren't allow to cry for their victims.

Some might say that Remus should be out celebrating his birthday. After all, he was still young. But being young and having so many burdens on your frail shoulders made celebrating anything almost impossible.

After all, how could Remus celebrate his birthday knowing that it was his twin brother's death-day.

A death-day that he caused.

And so, with a deep breath, Remus turned around and walked away. Cause he didn't feel like he had a right to look at his brother's grave.

As Remus left the graveyard, the rain still falling, the tears still coming, Remus munched on a chocolate bar. Chocolate was his favorite treat.

Why?

Because chocolate is poisonous for dogs. So maybe, just maybe, if he ate enough, he could kill the beast that lived inside of him. The beast that made him kill his brother.