My Annie ; by ForEverdeen88
. . . . . The hot sand underneath my bare legs kept me cozy as the cool breeze picked at my rusty brown hair. I couldn't help but smile, staring out beyond the shimmering waters that were dancing in the moonlight. The small warm body of my closest friend, just over half my size, pressed against mine as we cuddled together in the dark. The waves were quiet that night, but you could hear them crashing down on the sand just below our feet, close enough to feel the spray. I held her close in hope of never letting go. My best friend, my Annie, a childhood friend that I had cherished ever since I was young. I was lucky to even know her. She had bright orange messy hair and emerald green eyes, tiny like a child, but wise like an elder. She was awkward, she always had been, but no doubt the most beautiful girl I've ever known. Its too bad I never had the guts to tell her that. Daughter of the local net-makers, we taught each other many things in our years together. I taught her how to swim, she taught me how to tie any kind of knot you can imagine. She was more precious to me than anything in the world, and if I could have tell her how much I loved her in that moment, I would have. Ever since we turned old enough to be entered in the reaping, I started to hold her even closer in the nights that we laid alone in the starlight. I never knew when it would be our last day together, and I prayed every day that the last would never come… Not in this way, at least… Not like this. I've always been afraid that I would lose her, or that she would lose me because of the cruelty of our nation. If that ever happens, I swear I'll go mad. I can't even imagine living without her, or leaving her behind... She's too fragile, too innocent… The world would eat her up without me here to protect her.
. . . . . The reaping of my sixteenth year was coming too quickly at us, and the winter seemed to go by in just milliseconds. I ached for the warmer weather to come back, but at the same time, I was clinging onto the cold for dear life. Every year, the warm weather signaled that our whole district would be in mourning all over again not long from then. When a tribute from our district would die, Annie would cry. I wouldn't know what to do really, so I would just sit there and let her cry as we watched the games proceed on the huge projection screen in the square. I wouldn't kiss her, or tell her it would be okay… Frankly, I didn't know how to comfort her, when I couldn't even comfort myself.
. . . . . I visited her on the morning of the reaping. We sat in front of the netting shop, staring at the gray gloomy sky, wrapped in each other's arms for comfort. I wanted to cry, but I felt as if I had to act strong for my Annie. The poor thing was shaking like a baby's rattle, and as usual, all I did was sit there and say nothing. I suppose a part of me was too afraid to say something that day. I had a pit in my stomach like I always did before the tribute's names were drawn, but it was different this year. I wasn't any more afraid than usual, but it felt different somehow. It's as if I could have known what was going to happen that afternoon. "Finnick Odair" was the name that had been called at the reaping. I could hear Annie burst into tears on the other side of the square, and it took every bit of strength not to run to her and hold her so that she wouldn't be afraid for me. Saying goodbye to her was like a kick in the gut, and I dreaded leaving her. If I died, I knew that she wouldn't survive. A young girl without a voice in the world, she needed me… I needed her.
. . . . . The games were just as frightening as I had imagined them to be, and every time I found myself slipping into a state of rest, I'd awake screaming and crying from nightmares that haunted me. I didn't have allies in the games. I didn't want any. I wanted to be left alone, with my memories of Annie. But it was hard to think about positive times, when I was doing nothing but searching for ways to survive in reality. By the time I made it out of the arena, I had killed three innocent souls with the blades of a trident. I was crowned the victor, but even to this day, I have never felt as if I had won. Nobody wins the games. I returned home to my Annie, and she was overjoyed that I had made it through; But when she hugged me for the first time, she cried, not because she was happy, but because she saw how broken I was. She was hurt that I was hurt. Our nights on the beach were never truly the same, because I would wake up screaming, and feel as if I was trapped inside a prison that the games had put me in. Even though Annie was there, I would push her away. I would lock her out, and she would ask me what was wrong with me. It was as if I was a completely different person, and I couldn't change back. Late at night, without even truly being able to appreciate it, she would kiss me and tell me how much she loved me. Not as a friend, but as something more. I was getting what I had always wanted, but I was so lost that I never got to enjoy it.
. . . . . A year had passed when Annie was selected for the games. I visited her in the Justice Building before she left, and she kissed me so many times, that I thought I would pass out. She told me she loved me. She hugged me, and cried until her eyes were dried up. I didn't say a word. I just sat there, and let her be sad. I was losing her, but I didn't say a word. She left, but not after tying a netting bracelet around my wrist. She had worn it since she was little, and she had said that it would help me to remember her. I would wake up screaming in the dead of night while she was gone, and hug the bracelet to my chest for comfort. It finally set in when my Annie's games were on their last league, that I needed to open up again... If she was ever going to return, she was going to need me.
. . . . . "She isn't the same, Finnick." The woman had told me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "The games take a toll on everyone who ever makes it out. For most, it includes nightmares, and hallucinations... But for Annie... Well, she'll..." The woman spoke as if she had known my Annie, a voice filled with pain. But I know she hadn't. "She'll never be the same... I'm sorry." Then the woman left without another word. Annie sat there on the steps of the Justice Building, staring off into space as if her soul had been locked away in a different place. I said hello to her, and asked her if she was okay. She didn't answer me. I told her that I had missed her. She didn't answer. She wasn't fazed by my words, and she wouldn't even look at me. For the first time in years, tears had begun jerking at the corners of my eyes. I took her and held her in my arms, crying, and saying her name over and over again as if she would answer me. I prayed for hours that she would. I felt selfish now, for ignoring her all that time in between my games and hers. I realized that I had never gotten to kiss her back, or tell her that I loved her too. I was so wrapped up in feeling sorry for myself, that I didn't pay attention to her. My Annie was suffering now, and I felt as if it was my fault. Her world had collapsed around her, and I hadn't done anything to hold it up. I could have held it up. I could have protected her.
. . . . . She was sitting silently on the beach, staring off into the horizon, when I showed up one evening. I put a blanket over her bare shoulders, and lit a bonfire like old times. I sat down next to her, snuggling my way underneath the sheet with her, and wrapping her in my arms. I was shivering from the cold, but her body sat motionless, even though her skin felt like ice. I would bury my face in her hair, and listen to her heart beating in her chest, just to make sure she was still there one last time. She was in there somewhere, and I knew it. I just needed to reach her somehow... I had to reach her. I did the same thing every single night, just waiting for the day that she would finally say something, or even look at me with her beautiful green eyes. I would speak to her, even though I knew she wasn't listening. I would give her flowers, even though I knew she wouldn't take them. I would tell her that I loved her, even though I knew she would never answer. I was losing hope, and deep down inside, I knew that she would never come back. Annie and I were both victors, but neither of us had won. We were both dead inside because of the games. Although, perhaps living in Panem has never truly been living.