REVELATIONS

Harry sat on his broomstick humming when suddenly he was swallowed by a time warp. He landed in the year 1980. He could tell because everyone had ugly hair.

"Gee, where am I?" he asked aloud.

"At Hogwarts!" cried a blonde girl.

Harry's tongue fell out. She was just so, so hot.

"Hey!" he said.

The gorgeous blonde chick was so flattered that they made passionate love before the time warp swallowed Harry again.

And suddenly... There was a blonde woman glaring at him! She was old now.

"Hello, Harry Potter," said the blonde woman. "Remember me? You fell back into a time warp and had sex with me."

"Yuh huh," replied of Harry.

"Well I got pregnant and had a baby. Draco Malfoy's your son."

"!!" cried Harry.

"Indeed," said the gorgeous blonde woman and left.

"Now I must establish a relationship with my son," Harry said. He was sad that he'd treated his son like dirt all these years.

"Hey, Draco!" he shouted. "You're my son!"

Draco looked away from Crab and Goyle. "Where've you been all these years, Dad?" He said 'Dad' in a voice which denoted his dislike for his dad. His dad being Harry.

"Well I thought Lucius was your Dad," Harry explained apologetically.

"That's okay. Maybe you can come watch one of my Quidditch games?" Draco asked.

"Yup that would be awesome, son!" Harry replied.

And so they began to love each other as father and son should.

Hermione came upon them hugging one day.

"Ohh Hermione it's not how it looks!" they exclaimed at once.

"I know," she said with a smile. "You guys are father and son."

"!!!" they cried. "How did you know?"

"I figured it out on our third day at Hogwarts," she said, smiling merrily. "I was wondering just how long it would take you guys to figure it out."

"God you're so smart," Draco said appreciatively.

Harry felt uncomfortable that both he and his son were ogling the same woman.

It was weird to introduce his son to the Dursleys. They never liked him, so he imagined they wouldn't like his son. But the Dursleys were supportive.

"See, Harry," the Dursleys said, "We acted mean to you all these years because we knew Voldemort might catch on if we were nice. But now that you have a son we can drop the pretense and be nice."

So Harry had Draco move into an extra bedroom and they were all buddies and family.

Umbridge had been re-hired to teach Transfiguration and History of Magic, and now that she knew Harry was related to her favorite student, Draco, she was cool with him.

"I'm sorry I was so mean to you last year," she told Harry.

"It's okay, Umbridge," Harry said.

"Since we're friends now, you can call me Dee Dee, from my name—Delores."

"Okay, Dee Dee," Harry said happily.

"Can I teach you some curses that'll kill Voldemort?"

"Ok".

So Umbridge taught him Jelly legs and some other cool curses Harry could hurt Death Eaters with.

But Harry had another big surprise waiting. So many surprises he feared he'd need heart medication.

One day Snape came. He said: "Harry.

"Yes, Snape?" said Harry.

Snape smiled a beautiful smile. "I got a letter from your late mother. Apparently I am your second cousin."

"OMG!" Dumbledore shrieked from behind them.

"I always wanted a relative," Harry whispered, tears of joy filling his eyes. "Now I got 2."

"I love you, Harry!" Snape cried.

"I love you, Snape!" Harry yelled back, throwing himself into Snape's arms.

Draco ran up to hug them also.

Harry had never been so happy. He had family at last.

Snape hugged him joyfully. Neither could remember being so happy. Ever.

And Draco was glad too.