Original List by DN-Lover.
After weeks of idiocy, confusion, and plain randomness, the Fuhrer King Bradley has issued these 150 rules for all commanding officers and soldiers to follow. Failure to will result in serious injury, and/or something WAY worse (24 hours in the solidation hole, anyone? The DirectTV Start Up Channel is the only fun thing down there!). Now, some may ask, WHY were these rules made up anyways? Well, these are the stories of how 150 random events caused this list to be made.
Rule 1: I am not allowed to alchemically change physical form to impersonate an officer.
It was a typical training day at Central Military Headquarters. All of the Majors were in and accounted for, and doing the paperwork they longed to get rid of.
Well, except for one.
"Where is she?" Ed burst into the office, his face red and his eyes dark. "Where is Audrina Carter [1]?"
The green eyed, dark brown wavy haired officer shot up from her desk innocently. "What is it, Edward?"
"Don't be all innocent now! You know what you-"
Just then, Colonel Roy Mustang burst out his office. "Both of you, in my office, NOW."
They both sulked along, Alphonse shaking his metal head in shame as he waited outside the office.
"Now, what is the problem?" Roy asked calmly.
"She-" Ed paused to point and glare at his fellow Major. "-changed into me and went shopping for clothing like dresses and shit, and THEN went into a strip club. For GAYS!"
Roy stiffled a laugh, "Is that true?"
"No," Audrina said innocently.
"She says she didn't do it." Roy shrugged.
"I have proof!" Ed pulled out pictures, "Some tourist guy gave me these this morning!"
There were 3 pictures: One of Audrina mid-transmutation, one of "ED" shopping, and one of him at the gay bar, enjoying himself.
Audrina laughed, "So. Funny."
"NOT FUNNY!" Ed yelled.
"It was!" Audrina kept laughing, "Man, those guys are weirdos, but they sure know how to party."
"SHE JUST ADMITTED IT!" Ed jumped up from his seat.
Audrina's eyes widened. "Whoops."
"Why did you do that, Major Carter?"
She sighed, "See, it was kinda a bet with my friend, who kinda sorted said I had to be Ed for a day, but I was really bored so I just wanted to have a little fun! It's not my fault at all! Blame my friend!"
"Who is..." Roy asked.
"I kinda can't say." She shrugged, getting up. "But nice chatting with you guys. Oh, and Ed, you've got a date with some guy named Peter later."
"WHAT? GET BACK HERE!"
Rule 2: I cannot use the bathrooms as a place to meet 'playmates'
Rule 3: I may not do the same for office closets
"He's been in there an awfully long time."
Hawkeye, Edward, Audrina, Ruby [2], and Alphonse all waited impatiently for Roy to come out of the bathroom [3]. For some reason, it was locked, and it was the only one on that floor.
"I really gotta go!" The bright red haired Ruby crossed her legs and slid to the wall.
"We all do, Ruby." Hawkeye looked serious but in slight pain.
"Not me!" Alphonse chirped.
"Can it, Al!" The teen blonde was bouncing up and down. "No one asked you!"
"Oh, yes."
The sensual sound made all 5 people jump in surprise.
"Was that...Roy?" Audrina was shocked.
"I hope not." Hawkeye's eyes narrowed evily.
Ed had enough. "MUSTANG, GET OUT HERE!"
There were some shuffling noises before the door clicked open. A petite woman with long blonde hair wearing a bunny suit gave a nervous smle to each of them before running off, followed by a blushing Mustang. Edward, Audrina, and Ruby gave him a look of disgust before going in the bathroom, while Hawkeye gave Mustang a look of pure, unadult-rated hate.
"A playmate, huh?" She questioned.
"Well, um, you know..." He took of in a sprint, "BYE!"
She ran after him, gun in her hand and firing away, "I'll kill you, Mustang!
"I'M TOO SEXY TO DIE!"
Meanwhile, at a closet, several officers banged on the door, waiting for Havoc to come out so they cause get paper.
Rule 4: I may not call the fuhror "patchy"
Ruby walked by the Fuhror. "Hi, Patchy."
"WHA?" He sweatdropped.
Rule 5: I may not start food fights in the mess hall
"Ugh, lunch is so crappy." Edward sulked, sitting at his usual table with Ruby Brown, Audrina Carter, Alphonse Elric, and Nolan Waters [4]. "I hate it."
"You know, they had shrimps over there." Nolan pointed to the other line of people, "Or maybe you didn't want to eat your friends..."
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE SWIMS WITH THE SHRIMP?"
"Uh, you." Nolan laughed.
Ed glared, raising his tray. "THIS IS WAR: FOOD FIGHT!"
Ed threw his entire tray at Nolan, who narrowly dodged it, making it spatter on Ruby and Audrina. The two girls glared, throwing food at anyone around, which happened to be Riza Hawkeye, who then through her gun at them but it hit Havoc in the head, who get mad and through his food at Roy, who decided to throw a tray at Ed.
Thus began World War III: The Food Fight of the Century.
That's it for today, folks.
[1] Audrina Carter, Ed's age and about 2 inches taller than him. Has waist length wavy brown hair which is sometimes dyed a random color on the ends. Best friends with Ruby and likes messing with Ed and Roy. Hangs out with Envy and Wrath when not at work. My O/C for this story.
[2] Ruby Brown, Al's age, and about 2 inches shorter than Ed. Has shoulder length straight bright red (like almost pink) hair. Best friends with Audrina and likes hanging with Ed and Al; usually can turn a problem into a bigger one. My friend's O/C for this story.
[3] For some reason, I decided this bathroom is a unisex bathroom that holds up to 6 people.
[4] Nolan Waters. IDK why he's in here, but I guess Ed needed a guy friend. He hangs around the girls WAY too often. Um, so he's a brunette. Has blue eyes. Likes chicken and messing with Ed. Yeah, that'll work.
Okay, enough footnotes. I hope everyone liked this! The list was made by DN-Lover who gave me permission to write why each rule is a rule. I know these are short, and they're supposed to be, but not this short. I'll try and make them longer and funnier next time. Each one will have 5 RULES. So yup, I bet you can't wait for the next one! Tell me what you think in a review, if you'd like! Thanks!