A/N: This is an idea for a new story. Tell me what you think of it. Okay, so this story has also gone through a title change three times before I found 'Nobody's Home' by Avril Lavigne on my iPod and, well…now it's a story inspired by the song.

Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush, or anything affiliated. I only own the plot and any OCs that are in the story.

WARNING: May be triggering.

Alana's life had never been perfect. Although many people would die to enjoy the comfortable life she had at the Palm Woods. She never felt like she belonged. Ever since she could remember, she wanted to be n actress. At thirteen she'd even managed to persuade her mother to agree to move out to LA, just to achieve her dream. She had wasted her time in LA trying to make it. She'd appeared in several adverts, had a minor role in several TV shows, and a couple of cameo roles in various music videos. Now at seventeen nearly everyone else at the Palm Woods had achieved more than herself, even those who had arrived long after her.

She felt like giving up more often than not, but she stayed in LA so she wouldn't lose her closest friends, the boys of BTR. Especially after her best friend Christina had taken up a movie offer in New York and had been filming for the past 2 months. She felt blessed to have such good friends who looked beyond her flaws. She knew she wasn't perfect, she had always felt far from it. Sometimes when she was alone she would cry to herself, she felt it was the only way to express her feelings.

She desperately wanted to talk to someone about how she felt, but after being rejected so many times since the age of thirteen she was afraid to tell anyone. She had learnt to deal with rejection from perfect strangers, but being rejected by her friends and family utterly terrified her. She felt that no one would want to listen to her problems, but whenever she was around them she felt like telling them everything.

Her recent emotions weren't just and failure, but love. She was in love with one of her best friends Logan Mitchell. He was everything she'd ever wanted. He was funny, trustworthy, smart, romantic, considerate and extremely handsome. Whenever she'd been having a terrible day she would spend her time with him, and then she'd feel a tiny bit stronger. He was her rock, he kept her holding on, and she felt that if she ever left him, she would die.

She felt like a failure, she was in love with her best friend, and she hardly had anything to show for her time in LA. She didn't even feel herself anymore. She would shy away from spending time with anyone but the boys, and would sometimes even refuse to spend a day with them when she was feeling especially bad. She knew she was depressed, but she just didn't want to admit it. Her years before LA seemed like a dream to her, like it never truly existed. The consistent pressure to be perfect had changed into someone she didn't recognize.

"You have just got to relax," came the soothing, calm voice of Christina Lawrence from the speakers of the laptop that sat on her bed. "You know…I could get my agent to call someone for you."

"I really appreciate but, I want to get the roles because I deserve them, and because the directors, producers, casting agents and all those other stupid people recognize that I am the best person for the role!" Alana let out a huff of air in indignation.

Christina smiled. "Rejection?"

Alana sighed dejectedly. "As usual. My mom probably won't let me stay in LA for much longer. Then what will I do? I need to get my big break and prove to my mom that moving out here was the right decision."

Understanding, Christina nodded with support. "Well, it is a tough business. Don't worry too much though, this movie is my big break, and I arrived at the Palm Woods not long after you. Plus I'm sure that you'll nail your next audition, you've got to. You're an amazing actress." Alana couldn't help but smile back at her friend's encouraging words. I've already said them to myself at least a thousand times.

"Thanks, Christina, you're the best."

"I try." Christina looked over her shoulder and nodded at something Alana couldn't see. "Hey, my break is about to end, so I've got to get back to set," she said sadly.

"You have fun. Do great, movie star." Christina smiled and waved before the screen went blank. Alana sighed and shut the laptop with a snap.

"I'm home." Alana's mother called a greeting from the door.

"Hey, Mom." Alana called out.

"Did you get a call back from that audition?" she asked, putting her head through Alana's bedroom door.

She felt herself flush. "No, Mom," she admitted. "But I've got another audition next week."

"I'm sorry, honey, I know how much you wanted the role."

"Like all the others I didn't get." She pushed pass and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl on the counter. She turned it over and over in her hands, staring at it instead of her mother. "Plus, if that doesn't work out, pilot filming season is just around the corner…"

"Honey, you know how much I support you trying to become an actress…but you haven't been getting any roles lately. You spend so much time on practicing for auditions, rather than studying for school. I don't want your grades to go down. Luckily they're all 'As' at the moment."

"I always get great grades, Mom," Alana objected, a little insulted. "That's not even the problem!"

"I know, I know," her mom conceded. "I just don't want you to miss out on anything in life because you've been chasing after a career, rather than going to school like a normal teenager. It wouldn't be fair on you if this ends up not working out, and you miss out on important things in life."

"I know, Mom," Alana sighed.

"I want you to do well Alana, but you need to land a role soon, not a cameo, music video or an advert. Otherwise you will have to go back and complete high school in an actual school, and then go to college. You can try and achieve you dream during college but, as long as you stay focused on your school work."

"But Mom, that's not fair," Alana objected, "Sometimes it can take years to become successful in this industry, at the moment I'm in my prime—"

"You told me this when you were thirteen and convinced me to relocate out here. At the time, it was probably the best decision. We both needed to get out of Chicago…" she trailed off. "But now it's different," she continued. "You're grown up. I don't think being friends with celebrities is what you need."

"What do you mean?" Alana questioned. "What's wrong with my friends?"

"Alana, your best friend is in New York filming a teen movie, your other friends are in a boy band, and that girl Lucy isn't quite ideal. You spend your time lying by a pool, going to several concerts and whenever you go out with your friends you're constantly getting your picture taken by paparazzi, and not because it's you that's famous. Alana, I brought you out here to be an actress."

Alana was shocked. "But that's what I want to be! I always have, you know that! I want to be known as an actress, and not the best friend of Christina Lawrence."

"Honey, I'm giving you one more year to prove to me that I made the right decision. I don't to have to regret this one day." her mother sighed. "Focus on your career, try and land a main role this time. Try to get your big break; you deserve it after several years." She smiled and headed to her bedroom, ending the conversation. Alana stood there for a moment, annoyed, and then quickly moved herself to her bedroom where she could be angry by herself.

She paced back and forth in front of her bed quickly for a few seconds before she went out on to her balcony for some fresh air. The sun was just going down. She looked out over the railing down at the pool. Guitar Dude was by one of the fire pits with a few of his friends, and then the Jennifers were immediately beneath her, gossiping about something or other. Resting her elbows on the edge of the railing, Alana tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and sighed.

"Have you seen the pictures of Big Time Rush in the latest edition of Parade?" Alana's ears perked up at the sound of Big Time Rush. She looked down and saw that it was Curly-haired Jennifer, talking to her fellows. The other two nodded enthusiastically.

I shouldn't eavesdrop, I shouldn't eavesdrop…Alana repeated in her mind, trying to convince herself that listening to their conversation was wrong. She tried to ignore them, but with them right below her, talking loudly, it was proving difficult.

Blonde Jennifer giggled and fanned herself with the magazine she was holding. "Those boys are seriously fine. Now that they're famous, I might just let them ask me out on a date."

"Well not Logan," Curly-haired Jennifer reminded her, sounding annoyed. "He's always hanging out with Alana, it's like they're going out or something."

Brunette Jennifer snorted. "Unlikely. She sure does like him though, have you seen the way she looks at him? Like a love sick puppy."

Blonde Jennifer laughed. "You're probably right. I've hardly ever seen him without her, especially after Christina left."

"Why does she even bother?" Brunette Jennifer mused, taking a sip of water that she had by her side. "I mean, she's got next to no talent, as shown by her lack of roles, and she's…well…"

"Go on, say it!" Curly-haired Jennifer encouraged, while Blonde Jennifer giggled knowingly.

"Well she's not the skinniest girl around, is she?" Brunette Jennifer finally said, with a sly smile on her face. Alana felt her mouth open slowly in shock and her cheeks heated up as they turned bright red.

"I'll say," Blonde Jennifer agreed. "Did you see her in that episode of New Town High? Her thighs look horrible, not to mention her arms! We should call her Fat-lana instead." The three spiteful girls laughed hysterically as Alana slowly backed away from the railing. She reached behind her and opened the door.

"Well, as soon as she finally gets over Logan, I'll be waiting for him," was the last thing she heard before she shut the door. She turned and faced the inside of her room, pressing her back against the door and sliding down it.

"Really?" She whispered to herself. She straightened out her legs and stretched her arms out in front her herself, and looked closely at them. Despite all of her other insecurities, she had never before even remotely thought about whether or not she was fat. But now, looking at herself, it was practically all she could see. Fat dripping from every surface.

No wonder I haven't been getting any roles…she realized. No one wants to hire the fat girl. Well, except to play a fat girl. Alana shook her head violently, her hair swinging back and forth. I won't play a fat girl. I won't do it. There's no way I can go to an audition looking like this. A fat blob, ugh, not acceptable. Nobody will see my arm flab. Mark my words. Alana was positive that none of her weight was muscle, as she didn't do any sports. That meant I was all fat, complete and total fat. How had I even been able to live with myself?

"Who would ever want to waste their time on you?"A small, spiteful voice questioned.

No one, I'm too disgusting.

"That's right, no one wants to hire a fat, disgusting girl like you."

She could feel tears stinging in her eyes, and angrily brushed them away. She took one look at the apple in her hand and threw it away from her, making it into the waste basket by her bed. It fell in with a loud thud.

Do you like it? I hope so. :) The romance will appear a little later on, but for the moment I'm focusing on her developing eating disorder. Reviews are much appreciated. :)

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