A/N: This three part story was inspired by auroralynne and her beautiful picture of Meelan and Morap Bendar. Auroralynne is an amazing artist and a great person! Please go and check out her blog!

So…. here goes…

Blown Fuse

Part I

How the winds are laughing

They laugh with all their might

They had not been allowed to return home when the news had reached them. At least not right away. Morap knew exactly why that was. It would send the wrong message. He sat there in one of the countless corridors on one of the hard benches staring down at the highly polished dark grey floor. The droid responsible for cleaning had passed him some time ago. He was almost certainly out of bounds. He should be in bed by now, but he couldn't bring himself to get up and join the other boys in his dormitory. The looks they had thrown at him as he and Meelan had been told to come to the front during Assembly and the entire rest of the day were all he could take.

It barely ever happened that anyone was told to come to the front. Everyone knew what awaited those who broke the rules and no one was keen on suffering the consequences for a serious offence. In Morap Bendar's memory it had only ever happened twice that one of their number was called out during Assembly, which took place each and every morning of the week before breakfast. Morap felt his heart pounding in his chest as he stepped forward and left the security of the other seventh years' cover. He felt cold sweat running down his neck and tried to remember what he, and most of all his brother Meelan could have done to make General Brendol Hux, Chancellor of the First Order's Academy, demand the brothers to join him on the stage.

Morap saw Meelan approach the aisle dividing the two sections of students. They met but didn't dare look at each other. Quietly, hands behind their backs, they walked towards the podium. Morap didn't understand any of this. Why, if he had done something against the rules, was Meelan asked to report to Hux as well? He kept his head held high and his face as impassive as possible as he got closer to Hux and the teachers assembled behind him. When they reached the stairs he let Meelan go first. His older brother only met his eyes for a second and Morap saw immediately that the older one was just as worried as he was.

Morap wanted to do nothing more than wipe his sweaty hands on his pants but that was out of the question. Everyone would see. Everyone would know that he was scared out of his wits. He had seen the punishment one of his classmates had had to endure for trying to sneak off the Academy's property one night to meet with one of the girls from the other building and the mere memory was enough to trigger his vivid imagination. Would they whip him in front of his entire year as well? Would he scream like that other boy? Would he be expelled? And Meelan? What about him?

One moment's hesitation before climbing the stairs himself was enough to earn him a stern look from Hux. He wanted to drop his gaze but knew that he wasn't allowed to do so. So he stood next to Meelan who wasn't much taller than him. despite being two years older, and faced the rows of students. They were divided into three sections. The Juniors were standing on the far right of the assembly hall. Students aged between nine and twelve could be seen standing rigid and facing straight ahead. In the centre section, which Morap had come from, he could see his own classmates in the classes including boys from ages thirteen to sixteen and Meelan's section, consisting of students from seventeen to twenty one, on the left side of the hall. All their faces were apparently impassive but Morap could feel their jeering and their silent laughter and he knew that his cheeks were glowing with embarrassment.

"Lieutenant Morap Bendar, Captain Meelan Bendar?" Hux' deep voice echoed eerily through the high ceilinged hall.

"Yes, Sir!", they shouted in unison. Morap took every effort to stand as perfectly upright as his brother, his back straight and his shoulders stiff, but he knew that he was making a horrible impression with his cheeks burning and the lose button on his uniform jacket. He hadn't had time to have that fixed and now he regretted not even trying to make the effort.

Hux surveyed them with a stern gaze and his eyes lingered for a moment on Morap's lose button. Then he turned around to face the other students. "Two days ago," Hux began and Morap had to fight the urge to look at his classmates for support which he wouldn't find there. What was going on here? Morap saw from the corner of his eye that Meelan at his right held his chin up high at exactly the right angle. Meelan was the perfect officer. That was why he occupied the rank of Captain in his class and why Morap had not once made it past Lieutenant in any year at the Academy. Morap had to force himself to listen to what Hux was saying. What had happened two days ago?Nothing out of the ordinary had happened... "The First Order received intelligence of a traitor in our ranks."

Morap felt his hands shaking. What had any of this to do with him or Meelan? He knew that the teachers standing behind him could see that his fingers were trembling and held on tight.

"We soon discovered that an officer in the Corps of Engineers, who has been working for the First Order since the very beginning, was planning on smuggling battleship blueprints to the Resistance!" Hux paused for a moment. Giving the students and of course the Bendar brothers time to fully comprehend what Hux had said. A traitor in their midst. Someone they had thought they could trust! Someone they knew! An ally had changed sides. And suddenly Morap understood why he was here. Why Meelan was here. He shot his brother a look and regretted it immediately. His brother was still staring straight ahead, his face vacant of any emotion. Just as Morap's should be at this very moment! Morap turned his head back forwards immediately, and realized too late that his lips were slightly parted. He quickly closed his mouth. But Hux had seen it. Of course he had. Morap tried to brace himself for what was sure to come next and knew that he'd never be able to look as nonchalant about all of this as his brother.

"Commander Aarkis Bendar," Hux said and with an icy shudder Morap had to force himself to breathe normally, even though his chest was aching from keeping back the screams of frustration and protest at what Hux was about to say. "was found guilty of treason and executed this morning."

Executed... executed!? Morap felt like he had missed a step while walking down a flight of stairs. His knees would surely give way any moment but he couldn't allow them to! He just couldn't. Not right now. He blinked violently to get rid of the tears shooting to his eyes. Dead... his father was dead. Just like that. Trying very hard to keep his breathing as steady as possible he finally managed to stand up straight. He knew why Hux had ordered him and Meelan to stand here. To make an example of them and even if Morap felt like curling up on the floor here and there, trying to hide from the prying eyes of his classmates, he knew that he was not allowed to do that. He wasn't even allowed to flinch, to allow his mouth to twitch. This could mean the difference between life and death for him and his brother.

Morap could still feel the pounding in his chest. The urge to scream out at the universe. To ask why he was feeling so numb. So detached from the world around him and at the same time like he was bleeding to death internally from the pain of it. When he closed his eyes he saw his father's face. The boyish features and the red hair with its grey streaks. He could even hear his voice and that was probably the worst of it: to know that he would never hear that voice again. To know that the big warm hands would never again pat his shoulders. That those light brown eyes would never look at his mother with twinkle in mischief in them. He felt like the lump in his throat was suffocating him but he knew that he couldn't let himself go like this. He wasn't supposed to cry. Wasn't supposed to grieve for his father. His father was a traitor. A villain... only that it didn't feel like it.

Of course the accusations must have been justified, he told himself. Of course they would never have accused his father without proof. But all of this felt wrong. Morap felt like he was drowning in an ocean of uncertainty and heartache, all of which was inexcusable. His father had betrayed the First Order and deserved what he got. But still... Aarkis Bendar hadn't been an evil person and it just felt wrong that he would never see him again. They had parted only a couple of weeks ago when the school holidays had ended.

Had his father already planned on turning against the Order then? Had he known that he might not see his sons again? Morap did not know and there were too many questions and not enough answers.

Morap spotted a miniscule crack in the floor beneath his feet. And finally, after an entire day spent in the company of his classmates pretending that nothing had happened whatsoever, after pledging his allegiance to the Order along with the other students in the morning, after standing in front of all of them reciting what had to be recited, he felt hot tears running down his cheeks and a dry sob fought its way out of his throat. His father was dead and he wasn't supposed to feel miserable. Not about this. Not about anything. He only wished he had gotten the chance to say goodbye and most of all, and he was ashamed to admit it, he wished Hux hadn't made an example of him and his brother in front of the entire school. He wasn't allowed to grieve, he wasn't allowed to be alone with his agony. His doubts.

He pressed his lips tightly together, tasting his own tears, trying to hold in the sobs and moans that shook his entire body. He couldn't move. Couldn't feel anything but the stabbing pain deep inside his chest. And he couldn't stop. Couldn't stop the shaking, or the sobs or the tears. Not even when he heard footsteps approach. He'd get into trouble for this but even the idea of expulsion couldn't get him to move. There was nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide. The patrol units consisting of older students were in charge of the corridors during night time. This one would surely send him straight into the detention block.

"Cadet, what are you-"

Four black, shiny boots had entered his field of vision. He didn't look up. He knew he should. He knew he should stand up straight, but he was unable to even wipe his face.

"Morap..." A familiar voice. His brother's voice... but there was someone else there so Morap kept his stinging eyes fixed on his own boots. "Could you give us a minute?" One pair of boots went away and after a few moments Morap managed to lift his head.

So Meelan and one of his classmates were on patrol duty tonight. That was a lucky break for a change... or was it? Meelan looked down at him with a stern expression on his face. He grabbed Morap by the collar and pulled him up. "What are you doing here?" Meelan hissed and Morap freed himself with a jerk.

"I-", he began but he couldn't go on. He just couldn't make his trembling lips do anything but keep the sobs in.

"Sh..." Meelan put his hand gently on Morap's shoulder and when Morap looked up at his brother he saw something there he hadn't seen since Meelan left for the Academy two years before he himself had been sent here seven years ago. Worry and something like fear. But it was only there for a moment and after another minute Meelan let go of him. "Let me take you back to your dormitory." It wasn't an order exactly and Morap knew immediately that he would not get punished by Meelan or his other classmate who was obviously Meelan's junior, but was also fully aware that his trespass had not gone unnoticed and that his superior might very well put him in detention or something far worse. But still... it seemed like a small price to pay for this short moment with his brother.

"And wipe your face." Meelan reached into his uniform's chest pocket, pulled out a standard issue handkerchief and pressed it into Morap's trembling hand. "Come on, we don't have all night."