I do not own Stargate Atlantis or any of its characters. They belong to someone else.
Any and all reviews are appreciated, whether they are positive, negative or indifferent.
Spoilers…not that I know of really. Maybe for "McKay and Mrs. Miller."
Has not been run through its paces by a beta, so all typos, errors, omissions and boo boos are mine and mine alone.
Thanks to Canadian Crow for the summary. I suck at writing them and he doesn't. Thanks for your great suggestions, CC.
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Dr. Rodney McKay was awake, though for the life of him he couldn't open his eyes. He had regained consciousness several times since the incident, but this time he seemed able to fight off the drowsiness a little better.
He hadn't seen the hit that put him in this eerie situation, but he could still remember the blast hitting him in the upper back, right between the shoulder blades. That memory worried him for a moment. He couldn't feel any pain and he was awake, but he couldn't open his eyes. "Great, I'm dead. Am I dead?" he thought. "No, I'm not dead…at least not yet." He was still lying on his left side, both of his arms in front of him and from the snippets of conversations he had heard earlier and the all too familiar constantly beeping noises, he knew he was in the Infirmary of Atlantis.
Again.
No, he never saw the blast hit him, it was his back that got hit after all (and despite some of the grumbling of his staff he did not have eyes in the back of his head.) He did, however, know it was coming…he saw the attacker aim the weapon and he saw the telltale muzzle flash. In fact, he stepped in front of it intentionally. And in the eternity between making the snap decision to do it and the blast actually hitting him, McKay had tried to disseminate the reasoning behind his perilous course of action.
His upbringing? In some miniscule way, perhaps.
His Canadian inferiority complex? Perhaps it was that classic and often misunderstood 'complex' that forced him to jump in front of someone and take a plasma blast to the back, trying to prove something. Maybe a little bit, but not the primary source for his action.
Chivalry? Perhaps, partly at least. A part of him thought that perhaps he would have done it if the person he had saved were a male instead of a female, but it simply wasn't true, though there were perhaps a few males he would take a bullet for. Sheppard naturally, he was perhaps the best friend he ever had (not that he would admit it to him though). Carson maybe, who had also become a good friend. Einstein and Newton of course, for obvious reasons.
His scientist nature maybe? One of the reasons he became a scientist, besides his extraordinarily enormous IQ, was to do and create things to help people. That was the whole aim of being a scientist wasn't it, to help mankind?
Those things, along with the very short conversation they had in the gate room before they left for the mission may have contributed to his actions, but he knew the truth of the matter. The truth, he realized as the charge hit his back, was that he couldn't stand to see the woman he had shielded get hurt. It didn't matter that she had shared his body for a while, or that she had an unnerving penchant for driving him nuts…nope, didn't matter at all.
He cared for her, though he never admitted it to anyone except Sheppard. Maybe it was the familiarity brought on by their shared body experience, or the fact that she so easily put up his constant snide and rude remarks. Maybe it was the fact that she gave him a run for his money in that department. Anyway, he cared for her, a lot, and he wanted to see her happy and safe. He was almost disappointed when her relationship with Carson didn't work out. Carson's a good man.
Then again, ever since she decided to stay on Atlantis he couldn't stop thinking about her, especially considering the fact that she seemed to be working in the control room whenever he was there. He was royally confused by their continual banter. One minute he would be on the verge wanting to do nothing except be around her and be with her and…do things with and to her, while in the next minute he would want nothing more but to strangle her. He was pretty sure it was the same for her.
Okay…he was pretty sure she wanted to strangle him more than be with him.
Oh well, chalk it up to the drugs.
He had been visited by each of his coworkers and team mates…his friends…and for that he was genuinely touched, despite the fact that to him their visits and their over positive demeanors indicated that perhaps he was in serious trouble. None of them said anything to indicate just how serious his condition was, but he could tell that they were trying hard to sound upbeat. If it weren't serious they wouldn't be trying so hard to sound so positive. Would they?
Carson had been in of course…he was the doctor, but he took several minutes (at least he thought it was minutes) to talk to him as a friend and not a doctor. Elizabeth, Sheppard, Teyla, Ronon and Zelenka had all stopped by, their visiting times varying from what he considered considerable to minute. The longest time spent award was shared between Elizabeth and Sheppard with the shortest time going to Ronon. That was what he expected. Ronon was less of a touchy feely type of guy than he was.
The gravity of his situation became apparent when Carson told his gathered friends about his condition. Rodney was too tired to listen to the whole Scottish accented and overly technical prognosis. The part he paid attention to was that Carson believed that it was up to him…to Rodney…to pull out of this. Rodney needed to fight and get better. McKay's first thought to that was what a crock! Rodney was a scientist, and as such he placed little faith in the theory that his will had the power to heal him. Science would fix him…medicine and medical procedures.
Or he could just chalk it up to the drugs.
He heard Carson tell the nurse that he was going to his quarters for the night and that she was to call him immediately if Rodney's condition changed at all. "So it's late", thought Rodney. "Oh well, maybe a little beauty rest would be good for me…"
He heard footsteps, presumably Carson's, fade away. The room became silent and Rodney was just about to let himself drift off to sleep when a noise brought him back to his senses, dulled as they were. He could have sworn that he heard someone brush the curtain, but he listened and listened but couldn't hear anything else.
Chalk it up to the drugs.
He was just about to once again surrender to the need for sleep when his mind was again startled back to life…this time by a touch. Someone slipped his or her hand underneath his right hand. He could feel this person's hand close gently around his own, and he realized that the hand was smaller than his own, making it a woman's hand most likely. "Hah…deductive faculties still in working order, hmn?"
For a split second a bolt of fear shot into his chest, but it quickly dissipated. He was in the Infirmary, safe and sound. The woman's hand held his, and strangely enough the more he felt this person's warm touch the safer he felt. He could sense through the physical contact that this person would not harm him. He could feel that this person was his friend and that she cared for him. He knew that touch and he hoped, prayed that he was right. A moment later his prayers were answered when her identity was revealed by her voice.
"Hello Rodney." Laura Cadman's voice was terribly quiet, and its being void of sarcasm momentarily threw him for a loop. He could also tell that she was trying very hard to keep her voice strong…to keep it from faltering. "Carson says that you'll be back to your annoying self in no time."
"Liar, liar pants on fire", recited Rodney to himself, amused at the levity in his inner voice.
Something else to chalk up to the drugs.
He felt her hand tighten around his and he felt a surge of warmth travel from his fingertips, up his arm and into his body. "Why did you do it, Rodney?" Her voice faltered despite her efforts and he could, as strange as it sounded, hear the tears in her voice. "Why did you step in front of me?" He heard her sniffle and he realized she was crying.
This wasn't good.
"It was my job to protect you, not the other way around. How could you screw that up? How could you possibly think that it was your job to protect me?" Her hand squeezed his again and her voice had an angry tinge in it. "How, with that supposedly superior intellect, did you come to the loopy conclusion that I am more important to Atlantis than you are?"
That thought never occurred to him actually, which was a little frightening considering he believed himself to be absolutely essential to the proper functioning of the city. Still, it was Cadman. Perhaps, he admitted to himself, that he considered her safety more important than his and that she was at least as important to him as Atlantis was…and is loopy even a word? Yes it is…and a funny sounding one at that.
"I can't wait for you to get out of here so I can kick your ass." She was beginning to sound a little pissed at him. That was hardly surprising…why should today be any different than any other day? Life threatening wounds shouldn't alter that should it?
"Damn it, Rodney…look at me when I'm yelling at you!" Her voice fell to a whisper as she added a single word, one that he couldn't remember hearing from her before, and if he had it certainly wasn't as genuine as it was right now. "Please."
The snide and what some would call childish part of his brain balked at the idea until a couple of thoughts occurred to him. One, he wasn't mad at her for any reason, other than her being so incredibly adept at getting under his skin. She never asked him to do anything that would result in an extended stay as Carson's guinea pig, that much was certain. Two, he literally couldn't open his eyes, and it was then that he realized that despite his pretense at not wanting to see her, he had been trying very hard since she took his hand to do just that…look at her.
He wanted to open his eyes so that she could see that he was fine, so that she wouldn't worry (she sounded very concerned after all) and so she would know that he harbored no ill will towards her at all. And maybe, just maybe, she would see something in his eyes that he hadn't been able to say with his usually over active mouth, or even admit to himself quite yet.
He felt her lips as they ever so softly touched his forehead. He never thought something so gentle as a kiss could send shockwaves through him from his forehead to his toes, which he now realized were uncovered for some reason and bordering on being frostbitten. He put it out of his mind.
Her lips brushed lightly against his forehead as she spoke to him. "Rodney, do you remember our conversation in the gate room?"
He did indeed, and he remembered talking to Sheppard…
----------------------------------
He walked towards the gate and saw her. "Cadman", he said in the slightly surprised and annoyed tone he reserved exclusively for her. "What are you doing here?"
Lt. Laura Cadman winced inwardly and hoped that it didn't show on the outside, not that the doofus would notice it anyway. She checked the sights on her P90 by aiming the weapon at the floor, made sure the safety was on before she decided risk a court-martial by doing something stupid to McKay and replied as though she were stating the obvious, which of course was what she was doing. It always irritated him. "I'm getting ready to go through the gate, Rodney."
Rodney rolled his eyes and then looked at her with something akin to forced tolerance. "Yes, I can see that, Cadman. What I mean is why are you going through the gate?" His head turned to the left and right rapidly as he looked around and asked, "Where's Ronon?"
Cadman sighed…loudly. "I have no idea, Rodney. All I know is that Col. Sheppard told me Ronon couldn't go on this mission and he asked if I could go along." She looked at him with a mischievous smile and added, "Said something about most of the other soldiers already wanting to shoot you as it is." She walked past him to go and ask Sheppard something, giving him her patented 'I know I drive you insane' stare.
He was about to chase after her to argue the point when Zelenka marched up to him with a strangely curious look on his face, muttering something in Czech. He didn't say an intelligible word as he handed Rodney a PDA and for the third time in two hours, he explained to his colleague exactly what it was he wanted done.
Rodney finished with Zelenka and turned to release some of his pent up frustration on Cadman. She was still talking to Sheppard, probably making a last ditch effort to get out of going on the mission, or thanking the Colonel for yet another opportunity to drive him bonkers. Sheppard had a mean streak in him for sure. He took a step towards her and she did the damnedest thing he had ever seen: she looked over to him and smiled. He brought up solid when he saw it. It wasn't her usual teasing smile, or the oft used 'get over yourself' smile. It wasn't even her 'you're an idiot' smile. It was a happy, even warm smile apparently zeroed in on him.
He resisted the urge to turn around to see who behind him was the real target of her apparent affection. It looked good on her, and for whatever reason it was agreeable to have her smiling at him in that fashion. Before he knew it he was feeling the unfamiliar and slightly tingly feeling of a genuine smile on his own face.
She finished with Sheppard and walked slowly over to him, her eyes lowered to the floor. When she reached him, she looked up and said quietly, "Rodney, I…I'd like to talk to you when we come back. There's a question I have a question to ask you."
If he didn't know better he would have said that she was nervous as hell. "I'll try to fit you into my busy schedule, Cadman. Let's see…maybe between Carson practicing his voodoo on me, checking to see what kind of disaster Zelenka has made of my perfectly detailed experiment and the thousand other things I have to do. No problem."
She never looked away from him, ignoring the sarcasm and the biting nature of his tone without so much as flinching.
It was then that he saw the seriousness in her beautiful hazel eyes. "When did her eyes become beautiful?", he asked himself. She opened her mouth twice without saying anything.
Then, as the gate started to dial, she stepped closer to him so she didn't have to shout over the noise for him to hear her. "Rodney, I'll give you advanced warning of my question, give you a little while to think about it." She looked him squarely in the eyes and asked, "How do you feel about me?"
"Seriously Cadman, I'm not sure I'm going to have the time to…what?" He didn't mean for his eyes to open wider than saucers, nor did he mean for that last word to come out as a squeak. He certainly didn't mean for his mouth to open and close several times without saying a word. The question caught him completely off guard. "Cadman…how do I…well, I…"
The gate came to life with the familiar explosion and then the normal shimmer of the event horizon.
Cadman smiled nervously, brought up her weapon and walked past him whispering, "Think about it, Rodney."
He watched her step through the event horizon and commanded his feet to move…a command which they disobeyed, sending the message back to his brain that the command had been complete and utter gibberish.
He vaguely noted Sheppard approach the Stargate and stop just short of stepping through. It wasn't until Sheppard's slightly annoyed voice broke through the shock-induced fog that he snapped himself out of it.
"You coming, Rodney, or are you going to catch the next wormhole?"
Rodney shook his head and rushed up to the Stargate, nearly jumping through it to make up for the seconds that he already lost.
An hour later Sheppard walked up to him with a little half smile on his lips.
"Rodney, I'm pretty sure that that particular rock has zero potential on the power source-o-meter." His voice held more than a little amusement in it.
Rodney looked up at Sheppard then back to the scanner he had in his hand. "What? Sorry, Colonel. I was checking…that is I thought I had a reading…", he looked up to Sheppard again, "…sorry."
Sheppard narrowed his eyes and gave the smartest man he had ever met a once over. Rodney was a little more pale than usual, which by itself wasn't telling. What was telling was that he was pale and he wasn't complaining about it. Rodney looked distracted and unsure of himself, two things Rodney very seldom was when they were looking for power readings. Then of course he had apologized twice in a matter of twenty seconds, odd to say the least. It was then that John saw the clincher: the scanner Rodney had in his hand was upside down.
He cleared his throat to keep from laughing. "You are seriously distracted, Rodney. What's on your mind?"
"Nothing. I'm fine." McKay stood up quickly and when he spoke again his voice was a little higher than usual. "Besides, what makes you think I'm distracted, hmnn?"
Sheppard grinned, reached over, took the scanner from Rodney's hand, turned it right side up and gave it back to him.
Rodney's eyes darted from Sheppard to the scanner in his hand, to the ruins, back to Sheppard and so on for almost a minute.
Sheppard couldn't remember the last time he saw Rodney in such a way. He put his left hand on the scientist's shoulder to try to calm him down. Luckily it had the desired effect and Rodney looked at him.
Whatever was bothering Rodney was most likely either embarrassing or personal, so when John asked again what the problem was his voice was soft. "It's okay, Rodney. What's the trouble?"
Rodney opened his mouth to protest that there was in fact nothing wrong with him, but Sheppard narrowed his eyes at him forestalling the attempted dodge.
Rodney's shoulders slumped and his eyes looked down towards Sheppard's boots.
Sheppard looked around to make sure that no one was around, but saw that there were a couple of people that could easily wander within earshot. He lowered his hand from Rodney's shoulder down to his bicep, then turned and gently pushed him away from the others. He fell into step beside Rodney as he kept walking, and when they were far enough away from the group, Rodney turned to his team leader and friend.
Rodney wasn't sure if Sheppard was the right person to talk to about this, but that thought was quickly vanquished. John Sheppard was as close to his best friend as it got. Besides, who else was there? Kavanagh?
Yeah right!
"It's Cadman", Rodney said with a hint of desperation.
John laughed and breathed an audible sigh of relief. "Cadman? Is that all? Damn Rodney, you had me worried there for a minute. I thought it was something seri…" His thought was cut off by Rodney's insistent head shaking.
"No", he whispered loudly and increasing the torque on the grip he had on the scanner. He took a quick look around to make sure they were alone. "You know she and Carson aren't seeing each other anymore right?" When John nodded Rodney went on. "Well, she asked me before we left how I feel about her."
John had a small smile on his face and he opened his eyes a little as he said, "And this has you freaked out because…?"
Rodney closed his eyes and moaned in agonizing frustration. "I think she might want to, you know, get together or something."
John's smile widened as he repeated, "And this has you freaked out because…?"
"Colonel!"
Sheppard put his hand back on Rodney's shoulder. "Look Rodney. It's a simple question she's asking you. How do you feel about her?"
Rodney shrugged his shoulders and sighed. "I don't know. I've been analyzing…"
Sheppard held up his hand. "Whoa, whoa, whoa there big guy", said John with obvious amusement in his voice. "You can't analyze that, Rodney. You can't study charts, look in a book or experiment with your feelings. You can't run computer simulations to see how everything will pan out or what the probabilities are. This, Dr. Meredith Rodney McKay, is a question that can only be answered by your heart…not your head." Sheppard, imminently satisfied that he made his point, folded his arms across his chest, though he never took his hand off his P90.
Rodney opened his mouth, but for one of the very few times in his adult life he didn't know what to say.
Sheppard just looked at Rodney and waited. He was enjoying this. Not so much that his friend was suffering through what for him was apparently a very trying time, but seeing Rodney so bent out of shape over it was just a tad hilarious, especially when it affected him so much that it never even fizzed on him that he called him 'Meredith'. "Let me ask you this. Does she irritate the hell out of you?"
Rodney gave Sheppard a funny look, the type of look that said that he just told Rodney that the sun was hot. "You have got to be kidding. You know she does."
"Yes, but is it in a good way or bad way? Is it she irritates you to the point where you want to drop her off the North tower or is it she irritates you to the point where you look forward to when she does it?"
Rodney looked over to Cadman off in the distance then back to Sheppard. "The latter."
"Do you think about her, even when she's not around?"
Rodney simply nodded.
"Do you touch her every chance you get, even if it's just to gently move her out of your way and she's not really in your way?"
Rodney simply nodded again.
"Would you miss her if something happened to her or she left?"
Rodney's eyes opened wide in fear as the thought of Cadman being gone or hurt entered his mind. Again though, he simply nodded.
John was surprised by Rodney's reaction. "I'll be damned", thought the Colonel, "there's hope for you yet, Rodney. Oh well, chalk up to the full moon." He looked up towards the sky and added, "Or is it moons around here?" He looked back to his friend.
"Do you care about her, Rodney?"
Again with the nodding.
"Rodney, do you ever wonder what it would be like to kiss her?"
Rodney's eyes shot to Sheppard's, but he still only nodded.
Sheppard decided to jump off the cliff with the next one. "Last one, Rodney, but it's the big one, and I'm going to need more than a nod. Do you like her?"
Rodney turned his head enough to be able to see Cadman again. She was talking to Teyla not far from where his conversation with Sheppard began. "Yes…yes I do. I mean…yes."
"So tell her", said John as though he just ran a marathon that he didn't have to, and really didn't want to.
"But what about Carson?", squeaked Rodney. He cleared his throat and elaborated. "When Carson and Cadman got together I was happy for them…"
That didn't sound like Rodney to Sheppard.
"…well I wasn't really happy for them. I never really paid them much attention at first..."
That sounded more like Rodney to Sheppard.
"…but the more I saw them together and the more she started to drive me nuts the more I started to…think about her." He looked to Sheppard with a look that was somewhere between a 'deer caught in the headlight' look and the look you'd find on a child after being caught with their hands in the cookie jar. "Isn't that wrong somehow? Carson is my friend, Sheppard."
"Look Rodney. Beckett and Cadman broke up, for whatever reason. Does it really matter? She's a great soldier, a wonderful person and, might I add, a very beautiful woman." As an after thought he added, "And rumor has it she's quite the card shark." Rodney didn't seem amused so he went on before the scientist could lambaste him. "She's asked you how you feel about her right?" Sheppard tapped Rodney's chest with the back of his right hand. "She's asking for a reason, so tell her how you feel. I guarantee you will not regret it."
Rodney looked like he had his leg caught in a bear trap. "I'm really not used to this sort…"
An explosion in the distance interrupted what he was saying, along with everything else.
Sheppard pointed towards the gate. "Get back to the gate. Now!" Then he headed towards the explosion at a run.
Rodney scrambled to get going, pausing five seconds to grab his gear. A minute later he was by the gate with Teyla and Cadman, both of whom had their weapons raised scanning the distance looking for any signs of hostile threats.
"What's going on?", demanded Rodney.
It was Teyla that answered the obvious. "We are under attack."
"Attack", repeated Rodney. "Who?"
"We don't know", responded Cadman as she flashed him a quick look.
Gunfire and some sort of other noise that they assumed was also weapons fire could be heard off beyond the ruins they had been investigating, compelling Cadman and Teyla to point their weapons in that direction.
Sheppard's voice came over their earpieces. 'All units fall back to the gate! Teyla. What's your position?'
Teyla spoke clearly into her comm. Clarity was most definitely required in such a situation. "I am by the Stargate, Colonel. The engineering team, Lt. Cadman and Dr. McKay are here as well." Before he could ask she added, "There are no signs of any attackers here…yet."
'Dial the gate and tell Elizabeth the situation and that we're coming in hot. Send Rodney the engineers through and prepare to lay down some cover fire. The rest of us will be there in less than a minute. Sheppard out.'
Rodney was already dialing the gate, and after the wormhole stabilized the engineers went through and Teyla reported the situation to the control room.
True to his word, Sheppard and the rest of the team ran towards the gate half a minute later. The two geologists and their security escorts ran on through followed by Teyla after getting the nod from Sheppard. Cadman and Sheppard took up defensive positions on either side of the gate. Sheppard vaguely noted with interest that Rodney hovered closer to Cadman's side.
"You're next, McKay!", shouted Sheppard as he scanned the distance for any hostiles.
Rodney was about to step through the gate when he saw a man out by the ruins. He was raising a weapon of some sort and pointing it at Cadman. He saw the muzzle flash and stepped in front of her, turning as he did so that he faced Cadman. The charge hit him and he fell forward into Cadman, who threw her arms around him to keep him upright. She had the most mortified expression on her face he had ever seen.
He could hear Sheppard yelling at her to get him through the gate, and a moment later he felt the familiar dematerialization and rematerialization sequence. The last thing he remembered before passing out was seeing the tears in Cadman's eyes as she lowered him to the deck on Atlantis and thinking, "Wow…she is very beautiful…"
Tbc…eventually