Yin and Yang
ShinSeiFuji
Disclaimer: Nothing is ever mine.
This fic was inspired by the doujin Trance, the game Kingdom Hearts, and the manga Full Moon wo Sagashite
Pairing: NaruSasu
POV: Sasuke
Thud, thud. Thud, thud.
How wonderful it is to wake up to the steady rhythm of your heart.
I never had peace in sleeping. Somehow, fear manages to creep its way even in my slumber that I drown even more in my darkness. It's funny though, how everything subsides when I wake up hearing your heart beating.
Thud, thud. Thud, thud.
Everything seems to be so perfect. I want to be forever framed in this cold September afternoon – the rain drizzling with a sad hymn outside your slightly opened window, the cold breeze silently whistling through it, the cotton sheets covering our bare souls, and amidst all, you. How I love to be engulfed in your warm embrace. God, Naruto, please don't let me go.
I wanted to listen to your song forever. But perhaps I've pressed my ears too hard against your chest that you woke up from your own slumber. I wonder, was I ever part of your dreams? Sigh, why do I always have to be the first one to wake up?
"Mm… Sasuke? You alright?"
I should be used to you asking me that, but every time you say those words, somehow, someway, they're always saving me somewhere inside.
"Un,"(1) I simply said. I knew what you were going to say next.
"You were gripping me too tightly." You grinned. Just who wouldn't love that silly smile across your face?
"Sorry for waking you up," I murmured as you made your way to the door. I've always admired the way you could walk so freely while being naked in the light.
"Aa," you turned your head towards me as you replied, but I looked away. Sometimes you shine too brightly that it hurts my eyes. I'm really sorry if I prefer the shadows of your bed.
It took a while before I heard you close the door. Were you surveying me with your eyes again?
I'm so stupid. I shouldn't be wasting time enjoying the comforts you give me. I can't help but be selfish; it's human instinct after all. But I'll tell you. I have to. After all, everything has an end. I don't want ours to be ugly though. So I'll do it in the only way I know.
Clank! As expected, you came back with a tray of two bowls of ramen in your hands. That silly smile is still on your face. I wonder, is it just the rainy afternoon that makes you radiate even more? You're too bright, it makes me lose my focus. Sigh. Don't be so cruel, Naruto. Don't melt away my strength just when I've gathered it.
"Here you go," you said as you handed me the ramen. "It's really good in this kind of weather."
I quickly sipped the soup in my hands. It's strange drinking the last of your warmth, it's as if it drenches my heart in grief.
But I shouldn't think about stuff like these. Such distractions shouldn't be entertained. I have to do it. And the best time is now.
So finally, I put the small bowl down and tried to take your attention, "Naruto," it seemed forever before I could utter the four words that followed, "We need to talk."
"Go on," you simply said. I could feel your eyes looking at me, but I focused mine on my trembling hands instead.
"I… I want nothing to do with you anymore. This thing… whatever this is… this can't continue anymore. This is stupid. Worthless. A waste of time. It's just… whatever, it's not good anymore. So let's end this."
It was hard getting it out at first, but once I started, I couldn't stop. Lie after lie, I built my wall to protect myself from you, no matter how much, in truth, I really need you. But I've built it. You can't come in now. It's too late to turn back. It's too late.
Then I had to say it, it probably hurt you but, the words just stumbled out of my lips. "Maybe all this time we thought we were in love, we were just afraid to be alone."
I could hear the drizzle outside turning into a downpour. Somewhere inside, the locked-up Sasuke wanted to break free and settle in your arms again. I wanted to hear that peaceful sound one more time. I wonder, just how does your heartbeat sound right now? Or have I caused it to stop beating?
"Does it hurt you?"
"What?" You surprised me with your reply that I had to look at you. God, why do those eyes have to be so sincere?
"Does it hurt you to be with me?" you asked. What the hell are you saying anyway? I wanted to laugh at our situation, but fear crept in me again when I couldn't find the moron in you. Your light… it's too blinding.
"Sasuke," you said softly as you enveloped me in your arms. How could I be so careless? Just like that and my self-built wall was destroyed by you. I couldn't move, so I sat still.
What should I do? I just can't embrace you back, I have to end this. But I can't push you away either… Just one more time I suppose, I want to succumb to your warmth.
But I have to end this. I can't endure it anymore. I'm just too selfish.
"Why, why can't you just leave me alone?" I said under my breath as I pushed you away. I had to do it forcefully. I stood up, went by the window sill, where outside, the skies were crying for me.
"Can't you see? I can't stand being with you! I hate it when I'm with you. You expose all my wounds, all my scars, every dark fiber of my being. Stop making me so damn vulnerable! You can't pull me in your light, Naruto. I'm forever embedded in darkness. I don't want you so just leave me alone! I don't want you… I can't be with you…"
The last two utterances were more of a whimper. When have I become so pathetic?
You were silent after my outburst. I felt like I suddenly became the moron between the two of us. But slowly you stood up from your bed, your eyes directed at me, a soft shimmer of sadness in them.
"Light and darkness, you say…" You motioned towards me. "I've always wondered if it was true, but, someone once told me that, the closer you come to the light, the greater your shadow becomes."
You stopped right in front of me. How I wish we'd end with this. How I wish you'd just shake my hand and bid me goodbye.
But you're cruel, and I'm just too stupid, so I let your finger slowly trace my lips. Ah, your warmth, why do I feel like I can't live without it?
I gasped as you removed your finger from my lips. No. put it back. I want it the way it was. And as if understanding everything from my reaction, you gently replaced your finger with a soft kiss, erasing every doubt, every lie, every fear. At least, for now, in this unending moment.
Outside, the rain seemed to have subsided. The sad hymn was still audible and in your slightly opened window, the cool breeze was still whistling through. But all these don't seem to matter as I was locked in your embrace, with you softly saying in my ears, "It's okay. Devour me with your darkness, and I'll embrace you with my light."
Thud, thud. Thud, thud.
I can hear it again, that peaceful sound. No matter what nightmares I may have, I can endure them, as long as I can return to the sweet song of you soul.
Thud, thud. Thud, thud.
How wonderful it is to wake up to the steady rhythm of your heart.
(1) Un - vernacular way of saying yes
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